“Sungminnie, what do you think of these earrings?” I held up a pair of dangling blue beauties to Lee Sungmin. We were taking his day off to explore a local market together. My arm was looped with his as we wandered around the streets.

                “They’re really pretty,” he took one in his larger hand, “but I find them really distracting on a girl.” I set them down back on the stand and Sungmin led me over to another vendor. He smiled brightly as he picked up a cute pink bow. He stuck it on my head and laughed. It was the most beautiful sound I ever heard. His laugh was like silver bells chiming. It was something that even angels dreamed of having.

                I watched his face light up. Such a beautiful smile. His lips were perfectly pink and soft and I longed to kiss them. I longed to hold him close and call him mine.        

                But I couldn’t. And I never will.

                He was not mine. He was my Sungminnie, and yet he was not. I dropped hints for him. When he visited me after long days of practice, I would give him back massages. When he couldn't take the presence of the other members, I was there. When the tabloids followed him, I gave him shelter away from the public eye. I went to every concert I possibly could. Even his band mates realized I was head over heels for him. I would do anything for that man, for he was my world.

                “Hey!” I snapped out of my thoughts to see Sungmin staring right back at me.

                “Yes?” I quirked a brow. I hope I didn't get caught staring at him.

                “I need help finding a gift for someone,” he blushed.

                I was interested by his reaction, “and who is this person?”

                “I can’t say,” he grinned with a clouded look over his eyes, “but she’s really special to me and I want to give her something before I ask her out.”

                My whole world came crashing down on me in one fell swoop. The misty look in his eyes told me that he was in love, and it was not with me. I prayed to the gods in those swift moments that he was joking, that he had not just said that, that it was all a lie.

                “O-oh,” I stuttered, looking the other way so he won’t see my glassy eyes. But I don't even think I could cry right now. I was far too shocked.

                Sungmin was the one man that made me feel different. When he wrapped his arms around me everytime we meet up, it felt so right, like we were meant to be together. But I had to stop dreaming. I had to stop thinking we could ever be a thing.

                “I think she’ll like something really cute,” he suggested. I just nodded along. It took me all of my will power not to shatter into a million little pieces. I had to be strong for him and that unnamed girl who stole the love of my life away from me.

                I made a grab for a pink polka dotted scarf. I didn’t really want to help Sungmin find something for that girl. I just wanted to untangle my arm from his. I held it up to him and I almost started crying on the spot when his eyes lit with happiness.

                “That’s perfect!” he exclaimed, taking the scarf out of my arms. He bought from the vendor and turned to me. “Thanks for that! You have good taste!” I smiled and nodded. He suggested we go to one of the little bakeries along the way and I had no choice but to follow.

                We ordered a couple of desserts and sat by the back where he wouldn’t be noticed by passerbys through the window.

                “Are you still not going to tell me who this girl is?” I asked, stirring my coffee. This setting is what you’d expect to see in a romantic drama. I sat across from Sungmin in a two person table. This is a place I imagined one of our dates would be. And here I was, eating cake and having coffee with Lee Sungmin, just not in the scenario I saw in my dreams.

                “Nope, it’s a secret. She doesn’t even know I like her. I haven’t asked her out or anything,” Sungmin said. I had that fleeting hope in my chest that he was simply referring to me and he’s just trying to be secretive. But that was a fool’s wish.

                "Oh?" I breathed.

                "Yeah but I know she'll say yes," he said. Who wouldn't? The man was so perfect. "You'll love her. She's beautiful and talented and she's really funny!"

                I didn't have to answer him. Our cakes arrived and we ate them with content. I tried to push away any thoughts of the unnamed woman and cherished my time with Sungmin before he left me for good. We laughed and told each other funny stories and Sungmin sang me a ballad he had written himself. I was entranced by his voice and the passion in his lyrics. He finished and I clapped.

                “That was beautiful,” I said.

                He grinned, “You think so? I’m going to sing it to the girl when I ask her to be mine.” I ceased my clapping and just stared. He looked at me expectantly. I had to say something.

                “I’m sure she’d fall head over heels for you,” I finally spoke. His grin became wider.

                “I hope so. I’ve been watching her for so long,” he sighed dreamily. I plastered that same fake smile I’ve been using all day.

                We arrived at my apartment in the late evening. Sungmin decided that he wanted to walk me home because “a lady shouldn’t be walking home alone at night”. To be honest, if I got jumped and beaten right now, the pain wouldn't even compare to what I had been feeling the whole day.

                “Thanks for today Sungminnie, I had fun,” I took his hand. This is something you would say after a date right? Only it wasn’t a date, just a friendly outing.

                “No, I should thank you. You’re one of my very good friends and I’ve been keeping you in the dark. I’m sorry for not telling you earlier about that girl,” he gripped my hand. “You even helped me pick out the perfect present for her.”

                “It’s okay Sungminnie, really,” I gave him an encouraging smile. “I hope she makes you happy.”

                “She does,” Sungmin said. He nodded, determined, “I’m going to ask her out now. Thank you for that.” He let go and turned his back to me.

                “Sungmin,” I called. He looked at me.

                “Yes?”

                “If it doesn’t go well, you can always come back here,” I said. He paused for a moment before he embraced me.

                “Thank you, I’ll keep you in mind,” he kissed me on the cheek and left.

                I went back into my apartment and sat on my couch. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to curse the heavens for doing this to me. I wanted to run into the streets and shout his name, hoping he’d hear me and return to my arms. I wanted to wail and shriek and rip my heart out. My heart that couldn't take the pain of not having him. I wanted it to shrivel up and die because I didn't want this pain anymore. But I couldn’t. All I did was sit, broken. I sat on my couch with glassy eyes in my cold, dark apartment and told myself it was a lie. It was all a lie. He would come back and I knew it. He was mine and not hers. And as many times I told myself this, I knew that I was the one that was lying, because Sungmin would never love me like I loved him. I looked out the window and saw a shooting star pass by. I wished hard for something that wasn't mine. I wished for him to enter through my apartment door and take me into his strong arms.

                And I waited.

                And waited.

                And waited.

                I waited for my heart to return.

                But he never came back. And he never will.