Random& af flashback drabble that's almost 1k.

Myungsoo was in love once.

( When he comes back to the library of his memories, wandering around the shelves filled with emotions most different, he thinks that his gaze comes across something so bitterly perfect it can only resemble love. The true love that the happy endings do not teach you – Myungsoo was in love once and he tasted it on his tongue, lingering acrimony slowly overpowering any other flavour until he was left with nothing but a nauseous feeling crawling up his throat, begging to escape, elope his body, leave him and never come back. )

Sunggyu was gentleness encased by the roughness so particular, a character that managed to paint Myungsoo in both perplexity and a comely shade of pink that would be splashed upon his cheeks. They met over a missed heartbeat, a skipped beat, onyx canvas of Myungsoo’s orbs contradicting with the umber skies starless. Contradiction, he assumes after the time passed, was what brought them together.

Sunggyu’s beautiful, elegant hand taking Myungsoo’s rough, calloused fingers that gave away his passion for playing guitar, the sharp line of older’s eyes, almost disappearing yet transmitting emotion perfectly and Myungsoo’s dark spheres that shone, illuminated by the small stars. Sunggyu’s soft voice being like a gentle ripple that rode above the depth of Myungsoo’s timbre, complimenting it and rendering Myungsoo’s whole existence complete.

Perfection. Every smallest flaw they had found another and like the puzzles creating the big, perfect picture, their relationship blossomed. And never had Myungsoo been this happy, never had his smile stretched this broad, never had he held anyone’s hand this tight. Myungsoo clung to Sunggyu, anchoring himself on the other man, claiming his permanent residence and every time he tried to notice stars in these eyes, only to fail, he told himself that one day he’d decorate Sunggyu like he had decorated the younger.

( Now, when he casts a longing glance at the picture they took together, Myungsoo knows. He knows that some skies were meant to be dark, without the faintest scintillas, a monochromatic territory he had no right and power to alter. )

It started with missed calls, messages left carelessly not to be ever answered. Not that it had any great value – he told himself – Sunggyu had to move because of work. They could manage it. Manage their love despite the distance. But just like a flower that withered as the snow approached, Myungsoo’s petals of love were becoming less vibrant, weakness and anxiety instilling every possible cell, vision rendered vitreous, blurred messages becoming more clear only when he blinked, a hot, salty tear rolling down his cheek slowly, accompanied by every tick of a clock that indicated time in which Sunggyu hadn’t replied. Separation progressed ever so languidly, the older man planted the thorns in his chest with such care that Myungsoo didn’t notice them until they experienced their efflorescence and pierced his heart, peeking through the fragile flesh and flawing it infinitely.

He disappeared suddenly, vanished in the moment almost as fleeting as the one in which Myungsoo fell for him. Read messages piled but Myungsoo had never received any reply. Blank stare regarded the small screen, soulless, hollow eyes losing their shine ( and after a while he now wonders whether Sunggyu didn’t voluntarily steal his glint, whether Sunggyu’s eyes glimmered without Myungsoo ) until he pressed the last “send” veiled with a letter of a heart so pure, so innocent yet so tarnished, thoughtlessly robbed.

( Myungsoo later meets Woohyun who happens to know Sunggyu as well, who tells Myungsoo about the boyfriend Sunggyu met when he moved. )

( And suddenly, all the love songs were right, all the pain was inevitable and the strong voice carried the lyrics, breath drenched with alcohol, eyes red from the tears, fingers shaking from the tremor of anxiety, depression, reality. )

( Myungsoo still doesn’t know if his letter has ever arrived, maybe he still waits for an answer, a confirmation of the end that he created. Maybe he still caresses the same stationery paper with the tips of his fingers, just as if he touched the smooth surface of Sunggyu’s skin. Just as if he existed in a daydream and he would wake up with a familiar face next to him. )

The sensation in his heart was overwhelming, a scorching heat of effervescent, minuscule needles resurfacing – thorns hurting the same rose they were supposed to protect. Sombre thoughts crawled towards Myungsoo, whispering words of utter doom, the dulcet voice which fed him meaningless words and vows.

( The corner of his eye flickers to the charm meant to be their couple rings and he still, after all this time, doesn’t have heart to throw it away. )

( Yet his love was. Stepped on and thrown away. Crushed until it became dust. )

( When Myungsoo comes back to the library of his memories, wandering around the shelves filled with emotions most different, he thinks that his gaze comes across something so bitterly perfect it can only resemble love. The first ever romantical experience he was taught harshly yet given to experience. )

Myungsoo was in love once.

Sunggyu just wasn’t.