I saw you through the window, happily chatting with her on the phone.

I smiled bitterly, she's really the one who can make you smile like that.

Just before I could walk away from the window, the smile wiped off.

There was a frown on your face, a deep crease craved on your forehead, your lips clamped in the straight line.

you must be in quarrel again with her, don't you?

Another quarrel with me involved in it.

How I wished I can wipe that frown off of your face. A face that doesn't deserve all of it. 

You don't deserve this kind of pain.

Just because of our parents dream to be a family.

Was bestfriend not enough for them?

I have no regret with this arrangement, but if this decision hurt you. I prefer to decline it at the first place.

Even if I love you. So much. As long as I remember. 

Even before you knew her.

I swallow all the bitterness when you came to me and said you're in love.

I clenched my jaws when you angrily refuse the plan. Quietly wiped the tears that fall and patted your back to calm you down.

I held back my tears everytime you went out to meet her. Smiling with my inside turned upside down from the pain my heart caused.

FLASHBACK

"what crossed their mind?" You said angrily, threw the vas towards the wall. I watched it broke into pieces, along with my heart.

Slowly turned my back to you, "It's not going to be that bad. Your fiancee is me. You should be thankful it's not some random girl you barely know."

"I will be more thankful if it's her."

My tears fell down freely. I glad I have my back on you, so you wouldn't see me breaking down. If you know, you would ask me why and I didn't know what to answered.

I couldn't say that I love you. This would only worsen everything.

Right?

"Maybe you're right.. It's not like you will forbid me to see her eh?" I sensed you walked up to me, so I quickly wiped all the tears.

I hummed cause I couldn't trust me voice not to shook. 

You sighed just behind my back and circled your arms around my waist. Before you could tightened the grip. I broke into run to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Leaving you in confusion.

END OF FLASHBACK

"If our parents made their decision, I made mine too." A sob escaped my throat as I choked with my own tears. 

This was for the best. For you. 

For your own happiness.

Your happiness was in her hands, with her. And with this, you would be able to be with her.

Without me stand on the way.

Please understand that I did this because I love you. And if I leaving everything and everyone could be enough for you to be happy. Then so be it.

You're the only thing that matter. 

If I could be honest, I’m tired of all of this. Pretended to be happy everytime you told me about her.

Helping you chose the gift and prepared events to make her happy.

Asking me how to apologized to her and made her forgive you. Even you’re not the one in fault.

I already swallowed all the pain for you, then this last pain would be for you too. 

No, this gonna end my pain as well.

This last pain.. was going to be our last pain.

I knew you’d understand right?

I walked to our bed. Sitting beside the bedside table.

I took our picture and remembered the time we took the picture.

Bestfriend was the only way for me to be close to you, even when we already have the same ring with each other names engraved inside. We still a bestfriend.

And I’m grateful. I could be the one you share everything with.

I carresed your face and wiped off the tear that stained the frame.

Hugged the frame close to my chest, I let out the horrible sobs and giant tears. My eyes would be swollen by now. my face must be bloated up.

But who care?

No one would give my face a glance after this over. They would be busy crying themselves. Or maybe not.

Bitter laugh escaped my lips at my own silliness. Even at time like this, I still found the guts to laugh as if noting going to happen.

 I laid down on the bed. Curled my body up like a fetus.

“Will you shed a tear for me? Even a single one before you can’t see me anymore?” I whispered to the air.

Reaching up from my position, i held my head as it spinning from too much crying. It will end soon.

I will give him, my first and only love, his happiness and his freedom.

With my shaking hand, I held up the knife.

Lifting the knife up, till it reflected the light. Made the knife shone.

“This beautiful thing will end everything.”

I lifted my other hand up and put the sharp part of the knife above my wrist. Ready to cut my pulse.

The pain would end. The pain would end. The pain would end.

I pulled the knife across my wrist and watched as blood from my pulse oozing out.

My head spinned. I felt light-headed.

Taking the frame with our picture in it. My body sprawled on the bed with my blood stained the sheets and my white summer dress.

Low sound of steps entered my head.

“You come to say goodbye?” I smiled.

I know you would understand me. I’m sorry if this would make you feel guilty, but you happiness was the only thing matters to me.

“I won’t stand in the way.” I whispered before the door opened. A gasp heard.

Through my blurry vision and my half opened eyes, the last thing I saw is your worried, hurt, and all expressions I wanted to wipe off.

I smiled.

Then everything turned black. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

awww! don't think it's good enough hehehe...

enjoy :)

and tell me what do you think. 

should I make this into a multi-shot fiction? 

LOVE YOU you