When you live longer and get older, so many things happens in your life. Sometimes you remembered, sometimes not. Sometimes you remembered certain things but get replaced by another certain things. But, there must be a few things you can't forget.

For me, one of them is meeting you.

That time at the coffee shop. Rain was pouring so heavily. Sky was as dark as my mind. I was lost in my own thought, my own thought that as black and bitter as my favorite americano. Ah, even my favorite americano can't help to ease me.

I don't even care about my surrounding. The crowded coffee shop, full of people that just wanted to enjoy a drink or needed a shelter from the heavy rain.

Then you came, asking permition to sit in the chair in front of me. I nodded my head allowing you to sit. Honestly, i don't care wheter someone wanted to sit right there or not. I didn't have time to started a conversation as i still so lost in my own thought.

"This coffee shop architecture is beyond words. The architect did a really great job."

Your sudden thought take me back from my own world.

Tch. Why should i hear that word? That damn A word. I scoffed internally.

"Have you ever thought? How lucky they are. The architect. They could major architecture in collage, buying all those ridiculously expensive things that used for drawing."

She stopped for a second, i could hear she sight heavely.

"I am indeed jealous of them. Especially them, who just enter architecture major without thinking about money they should spend on those equiptments, because their family buy it for them."

I was taken a back by her words. She isn't talking about me, is she?

"Lucky them. They don't have to work their off. Do they ever wondered there are people aren't as well of as them? That should work their off for the shake to enter collage and majoring whatever they want. Even they could buy an expensive drink without much thinking."

I can see her reflection from the mirror next to the table where we sit as she said her thought out loud.

I felt like i look into myself when i saw her eyes.She looked as lost as i was.

From that time, i didn’t lost in my own thought. I lost on her eyes.

"Thank you for listening to my worries." She said it as she stand up from her chair. Taking me again, saving me from her lost eyes.

I didn’t budged, i still watched her reflection.

"Eventhougt i'm not sure wether you listen to me or not." She said it so softly but i still can hear it.

"I wish whatever it is on your mind, you can solve it asap." I could see her genuine smile through her reflection. And then she left.

I haven't left my place. I sit here longer, now staring at the chair she used to sit.

I just now realize, she had the cheapest drink here.

Her words keep running in my head.

I am one of that lucky person she said.

My family is well off. My father is an architect, he ordered me to be one. To his liking, my love for football is too strong. I was so against his idea. And in my age--third grade high schooler, i was still confused what is good for my future. For me now, becoming a soccer player is what always in my mind.

But i think, because of that random girl, i might change my mind.

Rain has stopped, sun has come to see the world again. Day has become brighter. That day i didn't realized, neither the sun nor your yellow blouse that shine the most, but you, yourself.

.....

Today is the second week of me being a collage students. At the end, i obligated my father to be like him. I am soon to be an architect.

I have to live my own because the university i entered is so far from my house.

This week the lecturer started to give us tasks, individual and group.

In my life i was never believed that thing called fate. Fate was just too cheesy for my liking. But that girl, that girl make me changes my mind.

I don't know that i would meet her again. Moreover having same class and being in one group with her. How come i never seen her in the first week? We have exactly the same schedule for classes this semester. She seems to recognized me as well.

Whatever, this is too fast to be called fate. We have to focus on the tasks that the lecturere gave us. I have no idea about what this task is. My groupmate seems to understand it, they tried to teach me. Escpecially that girl. I can see she loves architect so much.She teaches me a lot. From the basic. She is so patient. Thank God, i was fast learner. I don't have to be embrassed because i can understand everything she teach me. I don't understand too, why should i feel embrassed from the start?

Time passed by, we become closer as we spend a lot of time. She teaches me on every courses i don't understand. Basically all courses because i don't understand all of those. Unconsiously, we build this strong bond between us. Unbreakable bond. Friendship can't even compare.

I was so focus learning about anything related with the major i take. I almost lost my mind.

She is the one that make me on my mind. She keeps telling me to do soccer as she know soccer is my favorite and stress reliever. She also become one, my stress reliever.

I also become her shoulder to lean on, i am someone that she can rely on. She have a hard life. Her mother is a single parent with three childern as she is being the elder. Her father died when she was 13. Her two siblings are 5 and 8 years younger than her. Her mother salary just enough for them to eat once a day and a place to stay. She used to work her asses off to get schoolarship to study and doing part time job at the same time so her little siblings could study too.

She entered university because of schoolarship just like she got schoolarship on her junior and high school. She still doing part time job and sending the salary to her house.

Sometimes i take her to eat whatever she wants, at least that's all i could do for her.

I will never understand her struggle. I am an only child and my parents are well off. I could help by sending money to her family, but she won't let me. She never lets me. She said it's better to have this much as long as that is something she works herself rather than having so much but given by others as a pity. I don't pity her, she deserved it.

"You know why i want to be an architect?" You asked me suddenly that time we were chilling in soccer field after i finished my game. I'm just staring at you, signing you to continue whatever you wanted to say.

"I want to design and build a house for my family. We never have a real house. We just have that small place where we sleep, eat, and doing whatever we want. Even the bathrooms is outdoor and we should share it with others." She looked at the skies, her face as calm as the weather but i can see the bitterness.

"I want my family to have their own room. That was my first intention, but now that i grow more mature, i fall in love with architecture more than i excpected. I want to design others dream house, building, places, whatever it is as well. How about you? Do you finally find your intention except to follow your father path?" She asked as she was looking at me.

I give her a shrug, "I think until now that was my only intention."

I lied.

If only you know, you are now my other intention.

I want to design build our house together, because one time you said "If i have to married, then i want my future husband design our house together with me. That house isn't just me that will stay, my husband will stay as well. So that's why, we should design it together."

"So you want your future husband an architect? Who? Me?" I asked jokingly. I never expected your answer can left a deep meaning to myself.

"Maybe. If that so, let's design our future house from now on." You said it with genuine smileyour oh-so-breathaking smile.

I never realize you have breathaking smile

I also will never forget that time in my life. Because that time, i felt something. I think i have build another feelings for you.

.....

You know that stupid girl/guy who fall in love with their bestfriend and afraid to confess because losing their dear one is more hurt than seeing them with someone else?

No. In my case, that's different. I never confessed because i know, that time relationship wasn't important for you. You have big responsibility. You are too focused on your future, dream house for your family is more important than those romance thingy most people experienced in their youth.

I know i am the only guy within your reach. I am so sure we will end up together. At least that time i truly believe that is the only possibility that would happen for us.

I never knew, that cruel fate that make us meet again, is the things that separated us.

You get job in another country after our graduation. You will get paid a lot. You can design and build house for your family soon. You will soon achieve your dream. You deserved it.

I hate myself to be so sure about my bad feeling. I feel like i will lose you once i let you go. I hate myself for having a feeling like that, so i just brush it off and said, "Remember, whenever you need someone, on your most random, hardest, saddest, or happiest, i'm always on call."

Then i let you go.

A few months my feeling has not been proven. We both are still on call.

A year passed by. You never come to see me even once since you left.

Our phone call, chat, e-mail lessen litte by little. It's not me who is busy, it is you. That suddenly get so busy. My phone always go straight to mailbox, my chat and e-mail never been read or replied.

I am waiting for your call. Where are you? You agreed to be always on call.

Another years passed yet i never receive news from you.

I never forget about you. How can i? For me architecture is you. I am now architect. Tell me how can i forget about you while my job always remind me of you.

....

"Han, for God shake pick up your phone! I want to sleep just a bit! Our deadline is getting closer!" My co-worker scream waking me up. We were stay up for 3 days straight because of this big project. Now we have time to sleep for some hour, my phone can't keep quite? Who's calling anyway?

"Hello?" I greet with a horse voice.

"Han. It's me."

That voice. I never felt awake for the past 5 years like now. Yeah, it's been 5 years. 5 years without you.

I was so overwhelemed by the fact she called me. I can't say anything.

So, she never forget i always on call.

"How have you been?"

How have i been? I should've been the one that asked that question.

"Same as old, nothing change." I lied. So many things has change.

Even the little things. I'm back drinking americano without syrup. You used to put syrup in my americano. You said we have to feel another feeling aside from bitterness. Sweetness is one of them. But i think, that sweetness come from you, because when i put syrup to my americano myself without you, it still tastes bitter.

We have good talk for God's know how long, catching up what had happened in our life. From that, i know it’s not just me that has change, i can feel her too.

"Han..." I hate her tone. I know something good for her yet bad for me may happen in any time.

"I design and build my dream house for my family. They move one year after i leave our country. Thank you for always by my side."

Ah, that was the time when you stopped calling me.

I chuckled, "Congratulation! You deserved it! Hey, if only one of us should be thankful, it would be me. Without you maybe now... i don’t know, i don’t even want to think about it." Should i say it now? My other intention? The one that i keep to myself all this time. Should i confess now?

No, i feel she has another things that she wanted to say. For so long i never felt this way, hatred feeling towards my own feelings. I wish this feeling that i feel now is false.

I was too lost in my thought she already spoke,"Han...I found someone that will design mine and his house. Our house."

That damn feeling. Why all my bad feelings about her always happened?

"What a great news! So, when will the date?" I tried to sound as cheerful as i could. But, this bitterness won't let it.

"I'm sorry i call you late, the date will be next month." She sound so guilty.

I feel like i can't take this any longer. I clucthed my left chest where my heart is, hoping the pain will be better. I know, it's dumb. The pain still there, realer than ever.

"I will sent you the invitation, i will give you the ticket, hotel, everything!" This time her voice sounds so happy. How could i am not happy like her?

"I'll wait!" Once again i tried my best to sound as happy as her.

Did i drink my americano too much? The bitterness won’t faded.

"Han, your promise, that you are always on call, still available right?" She asked hesitately.

"Of course." I tried to chuckeld. It sounds so bitter.

"Great! I'll call you often! See you, Han!"

"See you." Then just like that she ended the phone call.

But i have not yet take my phone down from my ear.

"I'm sorry. I think that promises is no longer available. Now, you have someone that will always on call for you." I wishpered to my phone, i know she can't hear it. At least let me say it. I can't keep it to myself alone anymore.

I have another bad feelings. Once that phone call ended, i will never hear or see her again. And that phone call has ended.

This is as cheesy as believing in fate, but, i have something to say.

For you the girl that can changes my mind.

That made me believe in fate, liking it and then hating it.

You, who was always right on my side.

You, who always there on my most random, hardest, saddest, and happiest time.

You, who used to coloring my rainbow.

You, who used to fill my life.

Thank you and good bye.

I am no longer always on call.










 

Author's note:

Yeay, finally this work is done!

This is inspired from Lu Han new song "On call"

The song out on his birthday

Happy birhday Lu Ge!

I, as exo-l and fans for you, Kris, and Tao, will always support you three.

I am sorry if i have a wrong grammer and typos!

English is not my first language. Correct me if i'm wrong.

But i hope you still enjoy it!