Taemin´s POV.

I was about to break down this one time, back stage in during first Tokyo live, but she found me. The newly hired manager assistant saw that I was on the ground and picked me up when I thought no one even noticed I was down in the first place. Noona found me when no one else was looking and I´m still wondering how she knew. I still wonder how she saw right through me even though we were complete strangers.

I was cautious at first, because a this voice in my head told me that she could be just like those fans that seem innocent at first but would do anything to get to know you only to brag about it (I´ve met this kind before, trust me). But she didn´t approach me after the trip to Tokyo even though we lived at the same hotel and took the same flight back. She did her work well as an assistant manager; she worked hard and made sure that all background dancers were feeling well and had fun during the flight. She was next to Manager hyung the whole time as well. He seemed to teach her about a lot of things and she listened with curious eyes. I noticed a lot about her at the flight home but I don´t know when I started to follow her with my eyes in the first place.

It bothered me that in the end, I became the one to approach her.

We became friends quickly and I learned that she wants to become a manager in the future so she´s here to gain more experience. She´s considered to be one of the youngest to enter this industry with the goal to manage an idol group but it didn´t worry her.

She´s the same age as Key and Minho, but that´s still two years older than me.

Even though she´s older than me she still treats me like we´re at the same age. Noona always takes time to listen to my worries even though it seems as if she´s busy with work. She´s always close when I need a shoulder to cry on just as if she can sense when I need to let my emotions out. There have been countless of times when she arrives at our dorm using my skinniness as an excuse to give me sweets or food just to cheer me up. Noona is like a caring mother at times. She´d always find excuses and ways to make me happy even though it´s not one of her task as an assistant manager. She´s always there andnever asks for anything in return from me. She has, unlike the other Noonas, not asked for me to sign her CDs or to take a photo together with her. She doesn´t brag about her work at SM nor about her friendships with the idols even though she seems to get along with almost everyone.

She´s different. This made me want to get to know her even more so I asked her if she wanted to hang out after work one day. Just eat with SHINee before returning home. She declined with a slightly bothered smile. That smile made me very uneasy.

I felt as if we were really getting along but she made me believe I was wrong. I tried to get even closer to her but it felt like there´s this wall between us. A wall she put up to keep people out or to keep herself safe. It seems like she could do everything for a friend but she won´t let anyone do that for her. She won´t let anyone worry or care for her. It´s like she´s afraid of becoming a burden.

I´m not used to be rejected like that since I usually have no problems to get close to people; to make new good friends. They always welcomed me with open arms. I started to wonder if she only saw our relationship as purely professional and that´s why she won´t hang out with me after work. But that theory changed quickly as I saw how she interacted with other people at SM.

I saw how some trainees, probably some years older than her, showed a great interest in her. It bothered me for some reason. It seemed like she´s really close with them. Maybe even closer than she is with me. Maybe Noona likes to be around people her age? I remember how this irritation came over me when I first thought about it. Did she reject my invitation because I´m younger than her?

This strange feeling, this new kind of anxiety, grows inside of my heart. I´d usually not care if a person did that to me, because I´m well aware that not all people likes me, but I can´t forget about it this time. It bothers me so much. Am I not enough? A deep sigh leaves my slightly parted lips.

I notice that Noona is not here today. It´s a bit strange though since she hasn´t been away from work one day since her internship started.  Manager might be so happy over her work so he gave her a day off?

“Taemin, why are you spacing out?” Jonghyun scolds me.

He, and the rest of SHINee, are waiting for me outside the dancing studio. They´re waiting for me with slightly surprised expressions on their faces. I´m usually the first one to enter the dance studio but I was lost in my thoughts as I noticed that Noona wasn´t sitting by her table. I shake my head.

“Sorry hyung!” I apologize with a smile. “Let´s start practice now.”

They enter before me as I linger in the corridor, letting my gaze move to the table once again. I´m uneasy about her absence as I join the others at the dance floor. I´ve been spoiled by her for so long now and I don´t know how to act when she´s not here.

Noona just stopped showing up at work I can´t help but worry that something bad happened to her. My stomach turns ice-cold as one dreadful thought enter my mind: what if she quit her job? I don´t know what happened but I suddenly bumps into Key on the dance floor.

“Taemin-ah, you made a mistake!” Key nags.

“Sorry!”

I bend over and stare at the ground with wide eyes. Sweat is falling to the ground as I take several deep breaths. It´s like I can´t focus without her around. I can feel how my focus is slipping through my fingers. I need her. My heart is beating madly in my chest and I know it´s not because I just danced Lucifer a dozen times just now. Onew regards me with a serious expression on his usually goofy face, I can feel it, but he stays silent. I can literally feel their stares at me. They only react when I run out of the dance studio out of frustration.

I find myself sitting by the table she often use, where she sits during the early hours, drinking coffee to wake up. I can smell the scent of the bitter beverage. I close my eyes and I see her smiling face as she tells me I should start drinking coffee. I always felt so childish saying that I dislike it and rather drink fruit flavored milk. I can hear her sweet laugh in my head, telling me that it´s ok. She always made me feel at ease but now, I´m so upset because of her. I run my fingers through my hair as I stare at my feet. No one has ever made me feel this helpless and worried.

I think I love her. My own thoughts surprises me but I calm down as I realize how stupid I´ve been for not noticing this before. The comfort, calm, trust, warmth, happiness, irritation, pain, frustration… is all because I care about her. What if she quit her job after realizing that I like her? What if she noticed this before I did? I look up when I hear how someone is approaching me. There´s hope in my eyes as I look around: hoping to see my Noona there. The hope fades from his face as I see Key.

“Taemin, what´s wrong?” Key finally dares to ask me. “Why the disappointed expression? Did you expect someone else to run after you when you snapped?” It sounds as if he knows about my feelings.

Yes, she always…did run after me.  I swallow the pain. What if she won´t ever return?

“She didn´t come today either.” I tell him as I assume he already guessed what´s wrong with me.

Key is silent for the longest time before he answers.

“The assistant?” Key wonders. “I heard she called in sick again. Onew said she called our manager this morning too, saying that she couldn´t get out of bed because of a fever and a bad cold.”

My eyes widen at his words. She didn´t quit! I´m relived over this but I start to worry if she´s alright. She is the type to go to work even though she has a cold so she must be really sick now. It s seems as if I’m making some kind of grimace of worry because Key touches my shoulder gently. I look at him and see him smiling weakly.

 “Why don´t you call her if you´re that worried about her?” Key smiles weakly.

Noona´s (your) POV.

The sound of the door bell echoes in your small apartment and the sound wake you up from your nap. You didn´t remember that you fell asleep at all. A low groan leaves your lips as you wipe your sleepy tears away. The throbbing of your head, the aching of your throat and your stuffed nose makes you feel really pathetic right now. You don´t really want to open the door at all.  You force yourself up from the sofa slowly: you wrap a blanket around yourself, since you´re dressed in your PJ, before you head towards the door like a zombie. You can´t really guess who´s on the other side of the door because you seldom get any visitors. You open the door slowly and eyes widen as you realizes who´s standing there. Now it´s not only the fever that makes your face turn bright red: you´re blushing like mad as well.

”Noona?” His eyes widen slightly in surprise as he looks at you through the door chink. You´re using the door to shield yourself from his view, since you don´t really want him to see you like this. It´s too embarrassing.

”Taemin-ah…” You murmur in surprise as you glance at him from behind the door. ”Why are you here?”

He frowns a bit as he once tries to get a good look on you but he´s on able to due to your great ninja skills to hide. A sigh leaves his lips.

“I…got worried. It seemed as if you were about to die on the phone.” Taemin looks at you curiously but the worry can be seen in his dark brown eyes.

“Mmm.” You nod as you recall how he called you earlier the same day. “My nose is stuffed so… my voice sounds funny.”

Taemin nods and makes an “Aha!” sound at your explanation. His eyes are sparkling with amusement but still, he looks a bit concerned.

The reason why you know Lee Taemin, the popular KPOP idol and a member of SHINee, is because you recently became a SM staff member. You don´t have an important task though: it is to assist idols in between the breaks at a performance or show. You usually bring them towels, drinks and something to eat or other simple tasks that needs to be done. However, being an assistant is not your dream. The dream is to become a manager of an idol group one day. You´d would do anything in your might to make sure that they´re healthy and reach the stars. You met Taemin during a job as an assistant during their first concert in Tokyo, and the two of you became friends. You remember how you found him sitting back stage with a worried face when you were in the midst of giving the dancers water bottles. You could not ignore him, even though you hadn´t talked before, so you gathered the courage and spoke to him. You told Taemin that he was doing a great performance out there and that the fans looked really happy. Taemin has turned to you in times of trouble ever since.

You don´t know why, but the two-year-younger man seems to look up to you. You became his Noona both in age and in terms of being a role model/someone to ask for advice and support. You remember how Onew once thanked you for being Taemin´s “personal shrink”. The SHINee leader also contacts you whenever he thinks Taemin is down but it´s often not necessary since Taemin is constantly texting you about his worries. You like the way he relies on you: it makes you feel grown up and that you´re actually doing something to make the idol´s life better. You care about Taemin, maybe a little more than you let show, and seeing him hurt or depressed makes your heart ache.

Taemin makes another attempt to take a better look at you but you defend yourself by stepping back and almost closing the door in his face. His eyes widen at your defensive actions.

“No, don´t come closer! I don´t want you to catch my cold.” You warn him through the narrow door chink.

“Don´t worry Noona, I seldom get sick.” He smiles as he takes a hold of the door handle and literally let himself into your apartment.

You stare at him wide-eyed but you quickly regain your composure. You´ve never seen him do anything that pushy before. He´s usually very considerate of peoples´ feelings and you assumed he´d leave when he noticed you didn´t want to let him in. Surprise. You shut the door.

You mutter: “Don´t blame me if you´re sick tomorrow…”

He laughs but the lovely sounds fades as he turns around to look at you. You avert your gaze shyly as you cover yourself with the blanket as much as possible. It´s not fun when a handsome idol like him, who always looks good, walks into your apartment when you´re sick and looks really scabby. You, and your apartment, probably smell like old garbage too. There´s a mountain of old dishes in the sink, used clothes on the floor, an empty package of ice-cream on the living room table and the sound of the TV can be heard. It´s obvious that you just woke up from a nap after falling asleep in front of the TV after eating a whole package of ice-cream by yourself. This makes you just want to disappear from the surface of earth. Your shyness turns into embarrassment and even into shame. It´s not very lady-like to look like this or live in a dirty apartment. You didn´t want Taemin to see this less professional side of you, not your weak and shameful side.

You´re pulled out of your own personal world of thoughts as you notice how Taemin looks at you. He´s quiet and the bubbly/happy personality of his is gone. It´s like he´s serious all of a sudden. You seldom see this part of him offstage. This seriousness aimed at you makes you a bit uncomfortable.

“Noona, you should lay down…” Taemin breaks the silence in a low worried voice.

The fact that he seems to be worried about you makes your chest feel warm all of a sudden. You´ve always made sure that you´re the responsible Noona and looks after Taemin but this is the first time he shows that kind of support towards you. This makes you even more embarrassed.

“I was lying down, until a certain someone woke me up.” You mutter with a blush on your face.  One could almost believe that the reason why Taemin came here was to check up on you. You doubt it but can´t avoid the temptation to ask. “You came all the way here…, is there anything you need?”

You thought he´d laugh at your sarcasm like he usually does but he doesn´t. Taemin´s eyes rests calmly on you. You can´t see any hint of amusement in his eyes but there´s something in his gaze that makes your heart skip a beat. He looks more mature all of a sudden.  Your eyes widen at the sight. It seems like Taemin won´t answer your question so you let it slide. You decide to do as he asked and lay down. The sofa is really inviting and you sink into it and cover yourself with the blanket.  A pair of curious eyes glance at Taemin. The young man starts to walk around in your apartment: cleaning. It surprises you greatly.

“Taemin-ah, what are you doing?” You ask him from under your blanket.

“Sleep. I´ll take care of the rest.” He tells you. It´s not a suggestion but an order.

“But, you´ve schedule tomorrow, right? You don´t have time for this…” You try to act as his Noona but he won´t let you.

“I have time.” He tells you firmly.

Your eyes widen as you realize that your positions are swapped; he acts like an Oppa all of a sudden. There´s something about realization that makes you unable to complain anymore. He does care, he´s not here to mess around. He came here for my sake. Your heart starts beating loudly in your chest, so loud you wonder if he would hear it.Taemin gives you a small content smile before he returns to tidying up your oh-so-messy place after making sure that you´re resting properly. A pair of tired eyes follows his movements as he starts doing the dishes. A gentle humming sound reaches your ears and it has the effect of a lullaby. It´s the voice of an angel. You want to stay awake to listen to that soft melody but you´re getting sleepy. Your eyes get heavy and you drift into a world where you don´t feel so sick: a world of dreams.

You don´t know for how long you´ve been sleeping when something wakes you up for a second time that day. You still feel a bit sleepy and sick so you don´t open your eyes just yet. You know the feeling when your body is asleep but your mind is wide awake? That´s the state you´re in now. It´s nice to just lay there and be lazy while listening to the sound of steps. It seems that Taemin hasn´t left yet. The apartment turns silent all of a sudden. You listen for sounds to tell what Taemin is doing but you can´t hear anything. Maybe the cold messed up your hearing as well. Maybe you just imagined him coming earlier. A hand touches your forehead gently but that simple touch is almost enough to make you flinch by surprise. What? You tense a bit but manage to stay still. Fingers touch your cheek, chin, nose and eyebrows gently.Taemin is? You´re mentally panicking and it shows through a blush. Ok, act as if you´re asleep! You tell yourself. It´d be embarrassing if he knew you´re awake right now.

“The fever got worse…” He murmurs to himself. “What should I do?”

He´s so sweet!Your blush intensifies. It´s not the fever; it´s a blush!

This side of Taemin is new to you.

You´ve always seen him as the youngest member of SHINee, the one the other four members love to spoil; the guy that always smiled sweetly but meant nothing more with it. You thought he took but gave nothing in return. You were so wrong. He´s not spoiled: he´s simply loved because of his great personality and skill at what he does. He would even come to his sick Noona´s place to take care of her. You dislike yourself for thinking that way about but you´re aware of the reason why you didn´t let yourself see Taemin´s good sides. When you got the job to work for a company full of handsome and popular idols you decided not to get too close to them or fall in love to avoid getting hurt. You´d stay professional. You know what happens to those who fall for idols: they get hated by their fans and that´s a scary thing. A shiver runs down your spine. Idols can get anyone they want whenever they want: you´ve seen it happen with your own eyes. You don´t want to become like that. Never. You remember how Taemin started to cross that line some weeks ago: you panicked.

Taemin seems to take your temperature once again by touching your forehead. His hand feels really nice and cool against your hot skin. It makes you wish he would touch your forehead forever. A low whimper of complaint leaves your lips as he withdraws his hand.

“Noona…” He murmurs softly.”I made soup for you…”

He did what?You pretend that his voice woke you up as you slowly open your tired and swollen eyes. Taemin is sitting on the floor just by the sofa. His eyes are on you just as if he has been watching you for a while. He looks adorable with those warm eyes, friendly smile and chocolate brown curly hair of his.

“…Morning…” You murmur at him breathlessly.

“Good morning.” He replies and his smile widens. “How are you feeling?”

“Mm… better...” You yawn. You still feel very sick and tired even though you slept. Your head is throbbing, your throat aches, eyes are swollen and nose is stuffed. This is a bad cold but you don´t want him to feel sorry for you… “You made soup?”

Taemin literally jumps up from the floor and into the kitchen to get a two bowls with soup. That´s when you notice that your apartment is a lot cleaner than it was when you fell asleep. The floor is sparkly, there are no dishes in the sink and the traces of old food have been cleaned away. Taemin puts down the soup on the table and you dig in.

“Thank you. I really appreciate this. I wish I could taste since you made it for me but my cold…” You smile at him warmly. “I bet it would taste really delicious.”

My eyes widen as Taemin laughs shyly. He covers his mouth as he realize that his laugh doesn´t sound as he wanted it to. You can see how his cheeks turn slightly red. It surprises you. You are aware of that he´s a little shy at times but you didn´t expect him to react that strongly to a compliment. It makes you blush a little as well.

“I feel like a bad Noona now, when you´ve been cleaning and cooking for me.” I comment. This comment makes something in Taemin´s eyes change.

The curls frame his pale face nicely as Taemin shakes his head with a weak smile on his lips. He´s really good-looking. The thought surprises you a bit.  His curly fluffy hair, porcelain white skin, he´s tall and thin but what you notice the most is his pair of very inevitable lips. You are attracted to him; you probably have been for a long time. The question is if it´s only attraction or something deeper. You´ve been ignoring the fact that Taemin´s pretense has affected you more than it should lately. He makes you feel embarrassed, shy, self-conscious and you´re blushing constantly. At times, when you´re not as mentally strong as you usually are, you´ve thought that it would have been nice to be something more than friends with him. You tried to stay away from him but he always came bouncing back. The way he has taken care of you today only feeds that idiotic desire. It scares you. You swallow the sudden pain that bubbles up in your chest as you once again swallow your feelings to lock them away somewhere deep inside you. A sigh leaves your lips. You´re very lucky to have him as a friend and it would be greedy to expect anything different from him.

“Are you ok?” Taemin asks. He seems concerned.

His worry and good intentions make you feel like an even worse Noona.

“It´s the cold.” You tell him with a weak smile

It´s not like you can talk with him about this since it´d probably ruin your friendship. You´d probably get fired as well if your days off hasn´t gotten you in bad terms with the manager already. It´s better to just forget these emotions. It´s for both you and his best. But it´s so hard to keep this hidden when Taemin is this sweet to you. So caring and gentle: so Oppa-like. It bothers you a bit. You want to know why Taemin acts like this all of a sudden. He didn´t answer why he came when you asked earlier but you let it slide. You want your answer now even though you might regret asking him. It seems like something has been bothering him as well, his tired eyes tells a long story of sleepless nights. You want him to return to the dorm and get some sleep. He shouldn´t be wasting his time here.

You take a deep breath. “Taemin-ah, is it really ok for you to be here?”

He looks at you for a moment in silence.

“You want me to leave?” He answers your question with another question. He looks surprised and a bit hurt.

“No, …no.” You answer. Taemin looks even more confused. “What I mean is: why are you here? I know that you have schedule early to--”

“I cancelled it.” He interrupts you boldly. His expression turns nervous. He takes a deep breath.“ The reason why I´m here right now, with you, is that….I was really worried. I heard from Key that you were sick and I, just found myself standing outside your door even though you… clearly told me not to come…”

You want to ignore the how your heart beat turns irregular. This proves your theory that he came for your sake: to check up on you.  It makes your whole body feel hotter than a fever could. Taemin avert his gaze a bit before he looks up at you again.

“Seeing you so sick and sleeping in a messy place… made me realize that I wanted to take care of you. You always listen to my problems and give me reasons to keep on moving. So this was the least I could do.”

“Aha…” So this was all about repaying some kind of debt.

Taemin seems to realize what you´re thinking and he´s quick to explain himself. “Sorry, I lied… “

Your eyes widen. Taemin is full of surprises today. You´re so sick it´s hard to keep up with him.

“I actually used your cold as an excuse to come over. You didn´t show up for work and I felt lonely. I´m sorry.”

What did he just say? First, he said that he was here to repay a dept and now he says that he used your cold as an excuse to come here since he was lonely? So he doesn´t care about you at all? You frown at him feeling a bit hurt.  You regret that you asked him in the first place. You resent yourself for hoping that he´d say that he was here because he cares.

“Taemin, please go home and slee—“

“No, that´s not what I mean.. I…” Taemin Interrupts you as he sees your hurt expression. “My words won´t come out right…”

This is confusing and your brain doesn´t work as it should. Your heart is about to burst with emotions as you see how Taemin blushes as he seems to try to gather his courage. You subconsciously know what´ll come next but you can´t believe it until you actually hear it. You hate yourself for letting yourself get these expectations… when you promised yourself you wouldn´t be like those other girls…

He looks at you straight in the eye. “What I was trying to say is that I…..I like you, Noona…”

Did he just say he likes you? You stare at him as if you believe someone will jump out from a corner and tell you it´s a prank. However, it doesn´t happen. You thought you were prepared to hear these words, that you wouldn´t feel anything, but you can´t help but blush like a madman. You can´t believe yourself. This reaction makes Taemin smile. His happy expression makes it all worse.

 “W-w-why?” You stutter.

His smiles fades and is replaced by worry of being rejected.

“I said: I like you.” He repeats nervously.

“Why?” You repeat.

“Do I need a reason??” Taemin is about to panic.

Taemin looks so flustered, so nervous and regretful and it makes you relax. He´s not lying about his emotions. He glances at you shyly.

“Yes!” You chuckle at his reaction.

Your laugher makes Taemin relax a bit as he understands that you won´t give an answer that easily. He feared that you´d reject him quickly and that he´d lose you just like that. Taemin makes a sound as he seems to think about it really carefully.

“You´re not the easy kind of girl.” Is the first thing he says, then he continues by saying: “You´re kind, caring, hardworking and… cute. You always know when I need you the most.”

“You, didn´t really see my cute side today though…” You look away in embarrassment.

He laughs.  “I like you.” He repeats again. “And who would find the motivation to dress and clean when they´re sick?”

His answer makes you smile.

“Thank you for liking me.” You tell him gently.

Taemin is eerily silent for a while. You can see that he´s struggling to keep his cool in front of you.

“But…?” He finally dares to urge me to give him a proper answer. “I know that, girls rather… want to be with older men and I´ve seen you be with that trainee but… I promise you that I can just as good to you as an Oppa would!”

Your chest starts to hurt a lot. Taemin looks at you with a pair of steady, unwavering eyes but you can easily spot the fear of rejection there. He´s prepared to get rejected. It seems that he´s worried that you´d reject him because you rather want a boyfriend that´s older. You´ve never even thought about that. You´ve always been worried about falling for someone unreachable…

“I´m afraid.” You tell him honestly. “I´m afraid of letting myself fall for you. I´ve feelings for you, I do…”

“Why are you afraid?” He asks me.

“Because we´re so different.” You tell him as if it´s obvious. “You´re such a skilled dancer and singer loved by tons of people spread out all over the world. You´re a star. I´m no one and I can´t keep you to myself. People wouldn´t accept it. I guess what I´m trying to say is that… I´m afraid that if I let myself love you…. “

“So it´s not about the age difference?” He seems relived and a bit happy.

His happiness surprises you. Was he really that worried that you´d turn him down due to the fact that he´s two years younger than you?

“No? I don´t think age matters when it comes to love.” You laugh.

Taemin seems relived by hearing this.

“If you pick me I´ll make sure that there´s no need to feel afraid.” He tells me with a smile.  “I´ll protect you, Noona. I´ll only look at you…”

You blush like mad at this and you can´t hide it. Taemin blushes as well as he notice your embarrassment and realize what he just said. He starts laughing and you can´t help but join him. You smile at him warmly. You suspect that Taemin waited for a proper reason to show how much he really care. He used your cold as an excuse to come and be close to you. He has made you feel safe and loved all day and it´s not like he could do that when they meet during work. Maybe it´s time you let go of the fear of getting hurt and let someone into your heart?

You look at him with uncertainty in your eyes. He smiles nervously. His smile gives you the courage to give it a honest try.

“Taemin, I think I like you too and I want to… well…be with you.”

Taemin looks at you wide-eyed before his whole being radiates happiness. You´re pulled into a tight embrace suddenly. It feels nice to be held like that by him: it makes you feel as if you´re the most treasured person in the world. He´s not even complaining about your messy hair or how your snotty nose comes in contact with his shirt. You sigh as you relax into the hug. You can hear his heartbeat through his clothes: it´s beating a little quicker than it should be. You want to stay in his embrace forever.

“Noona…” He whispers softly.

You look up at him to see what he wants. Taemin starts to lean closer to you suddenly and the realization hits you like a punch in the face. “No, you can´t… you´ll…”

You lose the ability to complain when you feel his breath on your face. His lips touch yours. The touch is feathery light and it makes you wonder if it really happened or if your fever made you imagine it. Your eyes widen. Taemin looks at you with a warm and tender smile on his lips. Those lips… you stare at them in a daze.

You shake your head. “You can´t blame me if you get sick!”

“It´s worth it.” He murmurs as he gives your forehead a kiss.

“Yah!” You complain. “Don´t make me blush….”

I can´t help but smile at my girl as I arrive to the studio and I see her sitting by the table, drinking coffee. My eyes widen as the need to sneeze over comes me. She looks at me with surprised eyes before she shakes her head, mimicking the words “I told you so” with her lips.