missing you
Different Dimension
missing you
"Yah, what are you doing right now?" The guy who likes to boss around knock my head hardly with no mercy as I drop one of the outlet in front of the customer. After all, he is the leader of the team.
I've been called by the leader-like guy to the back of the counter when he saw me make a mistake in front of the customer. I know what hardship I might face after been so careless.
The routine of my daily lives are never change. First thing that must happen to me is being scold. That is a MUST thing. Never did I complete my day without been scolded.
Everyday.
Non-stop.
No mercy.
Unknowingly, I begin to fidget the end of my shirt. This is going to be another horrible day for me. I keep my eyes to the floor, didn't dared to look at him. This is . Realizing that I don't make an eye contact with him, the leader guy quickly throw the outlet on my face. The one that he hold since we've arrived at the back of the counter.
I startled as I jump a bit to the back. Life is unfair. Still, I can't look into his eyes. His face is red with anger, his eyes flash in fury and his hair seems to has bushed out with rage. I take a deep breath as I close my eyes, holding the tears that threaten to fall.
"Yah, Yoo Jisu, you know that you're bloody dumb and ugly as hell." That was the first words I heard from him. I know the words that might come out from his mouth after this will be more extreme.
It's a lie to say that his words won't effect my life. It does. Every time he spits those ing words out, my heart crack into pieces. Its kinda let my self-esteem down and its hurt. So much. I don't know what should I do as a reflect. I'm not nodding nor shook my head.
"ing hell! I will fired you if I have a power to do so." He push my temple with his forefinger but somehow, his nail scratch my temple. I swear my temple is bleeding right now.
But, surprisingly, I can't feel the pain because of my shattered heart. I've been hurt enough that physically pain won't hurt me right now. As much as I want to cry right now, I hold it to myself. I can't show it to him. This is not right.
"Are you mute or dumb? Why you didn't answer my questions. Or you want to show your anger?" He grab my hair hardly that I feel like my head will burst any moment. I let out a shriek as the pain hit me. Physically do hurt me too right now.
"No sir. I'm sorry." My voice is almost a whisper yet audible.
"As a punishment to your silly act, you will leave the work at midnight. Don't ever think to run away or I cut your paid." With that, he exit the back of the counter after giving me a warning and of course, a punch on my arm.
As soon as the leader left, one of my colleague approach me as she laugh hysterically at me.
"Serve your right, freak." She yells at me as she push my forehead. I clench my teeth, trying not to say anything. Then she called out for her friends and all of them push me on the floor. I can never beat them.
This is how normally I've been treated in my part time work.
24/7
365
I can't take it anymore. If I am a little brave, I will try to fight back him. If I still have even a seed of confidence, I will not be treated like this. Even I am angry with myself. I'm too timid that everyone can easily step on me. I'm too weak to even defend myself. I'm too shy if someone approach me.
With a bead of tears rolling onto my cheek, I throw the cap that they give me for the job sake onto the floor. I clench my fist as I kick the cap as far as I could. Why am I standing here alone? Why is only my world stopping? I am walking too but why are they getting farther apart?
I don't want to live anymore.
I don't have anyone to listen to my story. I don't have anyone to said that I'm doing just fine. To ask how about my day. To pat my back, to comforting me.
What's the point to have this miserably life if you, yourself can't even handle it. The whole world treated you like a . No one even different. Life is just unfair. The more you struggle, the more scars you own to yourself.
I quit.
I don't want this life anymore.
I give up.
There is no one to accompany the broken Jisu. No, not even the wind as its howls slowly. Not even the moon as the moon is hiding behind the thick dark cloud.
I knew the moment I started to cry, I was alone. I cried slowly, with tears dripping down my temples and the soft hum of my own voice echoing throughout the room. I know I exist and breathe. It was as simple and beautiful as the strumming of a guitar. Yet, I meant nothing to anyone. I was alone, sinking deeper and deeper within my own music.
I take out a gift my grandpa gave me as a birthday present.
The keychain.
But not the usual keychain. It has my name on it. Grandpa said someone gave to him when he was a little. I can't remember the next stories about the keychain but who's cares right now. Its not like the keychain could give me a lucky charm. It was a myth. I sigh.
I had lost myself.
I had lost myself in an endless blue ocean.
"I wish I could disappear." With that, I fall asleep with some help of my own tears.
As soon as Jisu fall asleep, the wind howls wildly through her window, making the curtains fly freely. The clouds move slowly due to strong wind and reveals the alloy-silver of an orb moon. The moon was a wraith-silver disc hanging in the lonely sky. Lasers of moonlight, as bright as diamond-flame, lit through Jisu' room and straight to her bed.
The moonlight is just so comforting yet it can't hide the sadness.
Perhaps, everything will be different from now on.
I blink my eyes twice and said nothing. What was that? I swear I feel like under someone gaze. I rub my sleepy eyes while run my finger through my hair. Perhaps, its just a nightmare. I've been so down yesterday until it appear in my dream. Looking out through the window, I put my arm on it while resting my head on my arm.
Dawn sent shimmering rays over the placid ocean, bestowing a golden path from the shore to the horizon. I blink towards the sun. A new day with same routine. I jump out from the bed and ready to face another challenges in my life. I stretch my arm to the air and somehow, I feel relaxed.
Never do I feel this pleasant before this. The air seems different from yesterday. So do the atmosphere. Weirdly, I feel lively.
"What should I do right now? I already quit my previous job." I sigh as I look at the mirror in my room. This is so frustrating. Turning to the window of the room, I let my eyes wander at the view outside the room.
There is something wrong with the view. Its seems like an unfamiliar sight. I never see those view before. My head turns back to the mirror in front of me and my eyes widen as I see the mirror become old. There's a crack on the side of mirror.
My heart beat like crazy after I realized that this is not my house. No, this is totally a different place. I wonder why don't I realized this sooner. I'm not at my own place.
I quickly run to the living room and stop there when I saw a calendar that hang nicely on the wall. To my surprises, the calendar look kinda worn and the content inside the calendar make my jaw drop.
1240
What was that?
Is this kind of prank?
Why the calendar has 1240 as the year. Its suppose to be 2017.
"Calm down, Jisu." Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes tightly. "What is this?" I clench my fist as I still unable to open my eyes.
The tears escapes from my eyes even I still didn't open my eyes yet. My heart suddenly feel so heavy that I clutch onto my shirt and slip down to the cold floor.
This is a sick prank. Someone just trying to play prank on you, Yoo Jisu. Nothing bad will happen.
"Who are you?" A stranger voice can be heard behind me. I quickly open my eyes and turn to the owner of the voice. Its sound calming yet scary.
"Who are you?" Ignoring his question, I question him back with the same question
I don't remember seeing this person in my life. At all. There's a lot of questions in my mind and I need the answers.
"I'm Jimin. Park Jimin. And you are?" He simply said as he looks at me, puzzled.
I just keep silent. Our eyes meet and he saw my teary eyes. He seems a little surprised but remain composed as he handed me a white clothes, kinda like a tissue. At first, I decide to ignore his kindness by doing nothing.
But then, he crotch down to me. Perhaps, he thinks that I'm pathetic with an ugly sobbing on the cold and dirty floor.
He just stay there without saying much. Then, his sudden action make me startled as he wipes the tears that flow on my cheek. We just stay there for a while. And he still there, beside me. And that time, I feel like falling into him.
"Why are you here? And where am I?" Without answering him, I ask another questions.
"This is an empty house. My grandfather told me to clean this up since there a new movers that will buy this house. And why are you in here? I already lock this house before left it yesterday." He explains. Still puzzled.
"I don't know." I said, almost inaudible.
Perhaps....
I look at him back and rush to the door. Turning the knob, I open the door and reveal the view outside. Weird. There's no building or mall or cars or.....
It can't be...
The only thing that I could see is a river, a tree, no, a lot of tree, children playing outside as if they own this world, without thinking about the kidnapper. Where am I?
"Are you okay? Are you lost?" Jimin come to me as he looks at me with those kind of worried-expression.
"Where am I?" I said as I can't believe my eyes. The sight of this environment is unacceptable. I never been in this kind of situation.
"What?" Jimin said as he can't hear my shaky voice.
"1240? What's that mean?" I turn to him as I shook his arm, somehow, I don't feel really good with those number.
"Are you serious right now? It was the year. This year. 1240." Jimin said, a bit surprise as I keep asking about 1240.
I let his arm go as I shook my head slowly. No. I don't understand. This year? 1240? What a bull.
"No, you are joking right? Why me? Are you happy when I'm suffering?" I glare at him, my heart broke. What is this actually. Is he trying to take a revenge on me? Did the leader of my work place asked him to do this to me, so that I become crazy thinking and figuring what kind of atmosphere is this?
"Yah yah, stop there. Why did I enjoy your suffered when I don't even know who you are? And I'm not joking or in the mood of joking right now." Jimin said, his voice sound annoyed.
He seems serious. If he's not joking right now, what kind of situation am I facing. Something strange happen to me. As I'm in my deep thought, I heard another unfamiliar voice.
"Ah, Jimin-ah, I ask you to check out this house and clean it, right? Why don't you do it?" An old man with a stick approach us and talk to Jimin. I assume that the old man was his grandfather. The old man then looks at me as he shows his best smile to me.
That was first.
First time that someone smiles at me with sincerity. I can feel it. My eyes widen due to the shock he gave me.
"Hello dear, who are you? Are you lost?" The grandpa asks as he looks at me.
"She's weird." Jimin whispers to his grandpa, make sure that I can't heard him when I can clearly listen to his words but said nothing.
"Jimin, don't said like that. I never teach you to badmouth other people." His grandpa knocks his head and turn back to me.
"You must be lost. Let's go. You could stay in our house for a while. It just me and my Jimin. Its cold here. Lets warm ourselves with a hot green tea." The grandpa said as he asked me to his house.
Perhaps, my questions will be answer.
"Really?" I faked a smile. This is true. How can I turn back the time to where I'm suppose to be at my home. My real home.
"Yes, and we're having a festive night today. You should go to the event. Maybe you could remember something. Since you can't remember anything, Jimin will accompany you." The grandpa said as he pass me a cup of warm green tea.
I've been lying to Jimin's grandpa, saying that I lost my memories and ended up in the old house. How could I told them that I'm from future. Saying like a psycho, as if I'm traveling the time.
"Yes, the night festive is fantastic. I can accompany you." Jimin smiles.
It's been the second time.
The second time that someone smiles at me.
It somehow, gives me an energy.
As his promises, Jimin takes me to the night festive. We walk side by side and I really want to talk to him more.
"Wanna hear a secret?" I said as I tie my hair up into a ponytail.
"What?" Jimin asks, seems interested.
"I'm not from here actually. I'm from future." I smiles. And I surprise of myself, that was the first time after a long time, I smile at someone.
"Really? That's awesome!" Jimin believes in me in just one try.
Once again, I smile. What is this feeling. I love this place. I love all the people around here. They're kind. And I'm not acting like a loser anymore. This world is different.
"Is it okay for you to reveal such a big secret to me?" He asks.
"Of course its okay." We walk side by side through the bright path that leads us to the night festive.
"Why?" He wonders.
"Because...." I stop for a while. Our eyes meet under the moon. The children that running pass us cheerfully lighten up the mood.
"You're different." And that was the true. There's no doubt in it.
There's a lot of people here and every one of them seems to enjoy the night. The are wearing all beautiful and sparkling clothes in this special events. I can feel the festival feeling as we walk around. On my right and left, there's a lot of stall such as food stall, accessories, dolls, games etc.
Jimin looks at me struggle through a lot of people so he decides to hold my hand. The moment our hand touch, my heart beat faster than usual. Its pump up my adrenaline. And that was the very moment I feel secure.
"Let's get you a doll." He said as he pull me gently to the toy stall. If only my heart could smile, it will by this time. I nod happily and follow his pace.
As we reach the toy stall, Jimin let my hand go as he picks up the handmade rifle. I stay beside him as I scan the toy. Its so cute. It was the keychain toy.
"Okay, I'll get you one."
In one tried, Jimin got the keychain. He grins as he takes the toy from the owner and pass it to me.
"Woahh, you're the best." I flash a smile as I take the small present from him.
"Of course. You should keep it with you." He said as he beam lightly. Thank you.
After we spend so much time at the festival, Jimin leads me somewhere. He said he has a last gift for me. So, we walk there and all I can see is a view of the village. We're in the top of the hill. It was a very long day, but we passed through some of the country's most beautiful scenery and landscapes.
I swear that was the most stunning view ever in my life.
"The reason I brought you here is...." As soon as Jimin stop his words, the explosive sounds surprise me as my heart almost thumping outside of the ribcage.
The fireworks cut through the black like they're super imposed on the night, like the stars behind are only a backdrop brought in for the occasion. The vivid colors to ignite the otherwise black sky, fiery blooms among the stars.
They light up her face just as her smiles, like a perfect real life photograph.
"Wow, I never see something so beautiful like this." I chirp as my eyes sparkling along with the fireworks.
"You like it?" Jimin asks. There's nervous hidden in his voice.
"No, I love it. I really really really love it." I chuckle as I hold his hand and shake like a kid.
"Really? I'm so relieved that you like it." Jimin said as he's blushing. Good thing is no one could see it because of the dimmer light.
"Um..Park Jimin, thank you." I stare at him. He smiles.
Ever since I reach here, he reminds me the beauty of everything that I almost forget. He helps me going through the hardship I faced when I'm at my real world. He took my hand when I almost drown in the deepest blue ocean where there's no ending. His smiles that's not ridiculing me. Its find me again from disappearing.
"You know what, I always been treated like someone useless. That day, everything's going wrong. I've been scolded by my boss and everyone is against me." I smile sadly as I remember those hurtful moments.
"So, you should wake up from those nightmare. Just stand proudly as if you're the most important person in this world. You can't give up. The world just teasing you. Prove that you're not that easy. Prove you're strong." Jimin advices.
Nightmare. Yeah, I've been living in a nightmare all this time.
"But.."
"I believe in you." Those words that came out from his lips build a little hope in me.
The fireflies flew above us like they were carried in unfelt currents. Just to look at them gave the camp ground a buzz of excitement, as if these tiny glimmers of light had electrified the summer night.
The clouds move slowly due to strong wind and reveals the alloy-silver of an orb moon. It was the same moon that appear when Jisu asleep that night but she has no idea about it.
"Look! The moon is so mesmerizing." Jisu said while pointing at the orb moon.
As soon as Jimin saw the moon, his eyes landed on the girl as he seals his lips. He was surprised to see Jisu's figure become more and more invisible. He brush his eyes with both of his palm, disbelieve with the sudden view in front of him. The girl that he fall to, almost disappear. That time, he does believe that the girl was from the future.
He saw the a bead of tears at the corner of her eyes but both of them didn't utter a word. Jisu know what's happening right now as she saw her figure almost vanish but said nothing. Then something hit her mind. If she leave right now, Jimin will die. Soon, there will be a big war based on the history.
"No! I can't leave you here. Come with me. To the future." I try to hold his hand but failed. I'm almost vanish. Jimin just keep quiet.
"There will be a big war here. You should come with me, please.." I beg, tears well up.
Jimin seems surprise with my sudden confession but he remains calm. Then, he smiles at me. How can he still smiles.
"I can't. I can't change the future." Jimin said as he chuckles.
As much as I tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from my throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of water started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping. The muffled sobs wracked against my chest.
"Don't cry." Jimin smiles as he wipes my tears. I just nod. My throat is too hurt to talk right now. I don't want him to hear my crack voice. I don't want to break his heart.
The sky is so white, I had to take ahold of my heart. Now with my last voice, I'll say my last goodbye.
"Goodbye, Park Jimin. Please be safe." Finally, I look at him. Only him.
"My name is Yoo Jisu."
With that, the girl completely vanish along with the mist. Jimin just stare into the missing figure of her. Just 5 minutes ago, they are chatting happily, laughing, enjoy the night and crying. But then, the girl left him with no traces. He wants to cry but he holds it. Its suppose to be a good memories. He wants to remember her as someone precious, not as someone hateful. In those not-so-long-time, they shared many moments together.
"Goodbye, Yoo Jisu."
As he was about to go, something shiny on the grass caught his attention. He crotch down to has a better look and a smile escapes his lips.
The keychain.
He takes out a pen from his pocket and wrote her name down. Yoo Jisu.
I'm back. I'm back in reality. Those moments feel real. The clock is leaning already. I'm somewhere in between a dream and reality.
But...
My heart is already with yours.
1 month later
I decide to walk to my new work place. I've got a new job after I quit the old job. Jimin was right. I need to end this nightmare. No one could help me except myself. As I walk through the old path, I saw a hill in front of me.
It's still the same. I've definitely become a bit more adult, I think.
Still, your name comes to my mind. My tears well up as I remember your smiling face.
That was the first time..
If I close my eyes, I still can see you. Even if everything changes, you're still in the same place, with the same appearance. Goodbyes keep making me cry.
I take out the keychain that my grandpa gave me when I was little. Now, I remember all of it.
When grandpa was a kid, there's a war occurred at his hometown. At that time, grandpa was so scared because he has been separate from his parent in the chaos. Then, an older boy came and brought grandpa to the safe place. He told grandpa, don't be afraid. Then he gave him a keychain with my name on it.
He said, this is a lucky charm. Someone left it for me. Now, I'll give it to you so that you can use it on future.
The wind whisper to my hair as I hold the keychain tightly in my grip.
I love you, Park Jimin.
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