Summary:

Hoseok doesn't know how to live without his sunshine

Notes:

My attempt at writing angst. And just writing in general. I love Vhope and Rain so this is how this came about. Sorry for this.

Work Text:

"why am I standing here? I don’t know if I have a lot of thoughts or no thoughts at all"
~~~~~

Hoseok stands in front of his mirror. He doesn't look good--hasn't looked like himself in months. What used to be a face filled with happiness, love, and smiles, was now a face that had bags under the eyes, and what seemed to be permanent tear tracks.

Tear tracks that left bitter patterns on his skin. That left sad and angry memories of the past few months of his life. Each tear a memory of what he once had and what he could've had.

His reason to smile had gone. His reason to live had died. The only thing left to mock him was placed on the counter next to him. The way it shone in the sunlight mocked him everyday, but he couldn't find it in himself to get rid of it. It was the only tie he had to the last time he saw his precious Taehyung.
***

"the thick color of a rainy day in seoul"
~~~~~

Despite the dreary weather outside Hoseok is excited. He's practically jumping with excitement while the black velvet box is sitting heavy in his pocket. Although it's raining so much outside he's refusing to let anything ruin this day. 

Today makes three years that him and Taehyung have been together. He had met Taehyung when he was a sophomore in college. Both boys were a bit like sunshine, so it was only right that they were attracted to each other. Together they could make any room light up. Hoseok had thought he was happy before, but he didn't know true happiness and love until he had met his Tae. 

He is waiting at their favorite cafe. Everyday Taehyung would meet him there and everyday like clockwork Hoseok would have picked out a new, interesting drink or food for them to try out. Today he had picked the last final food on the menu. It was a strawberry cheesecake. Sweet, and simple yet you could never get enough of it, kind of like Taehyung. 

Hoseok stands with the nicely wrapped pastry box in his hands as he sees Taehyung approaching him. He looks down to make sure everything is in order and in that split second his world comes to a crash.

When he looks up the world around him fades and all he can see is Taehyung. He's lying on the floor, blood surrounding him, and Hoseok is so sure people are screaming and the taxi driver has already gotten out of the car and is panicking. But Hoseok doesn't hear any of that. He can only hear his heart thumping wildly, and that's enough to have him running to Taehyung.

He drops down on his knees and let's out a bloodcurdling scream. He starts crying and trying to get Taehyung to hold on. Taehyung is looking at him through half-lidded eyes. He feels so cold, and he looks so ghost like. At this point Hoseok is sobbing uncontrollably. He can hear Taehyung trying to stutter something out. Trying to calm himself down so he can hear his darling, he takes deep breaths. 

"I love you." Taehyung says, voice barely above a whisper. 

"I love you more!" Hoseok sobs out. 

With his final breath Taehyung says, "No remember?" He tries to smile but it comes out more as a grimace. "I love you most." And with that he takes his last breath. Taking with him a part of Hoseok's heart and soul. 

Hoseok starts screaming,

"Please! Please don't leave me! What am I going to do without you! We promised we would never leave each other! We- we- said we would be together forever! You promised me Tae!" 

Hoseok doesn't remember much after that. Everything is a blur. He only leaves their--his--home for the funeral.
***

"it hits my heart, with my sore shoulders, I look at my phone and see a text, “How are you these days?”
~~~~~

One missed text.

That's all Hoseok has. Which is understandable since he completely shut down after Taehyung. He barely leaves the house, only to go to work. He's an empty shell of the person he used to be. 

He lived for Taehyung, and now that he's gone he doesn't know what he lives for. Rain is still falling outside, but he has nowhere to go. Still he takes his umbrella and walks outside without a plan. He unconsciously walks towards Taehyung's grave. Before he can make it any further he realizes it has stopped raining. He's like the rain he comes and goes. He can see his reflection in a puddle. He looks more miserable day by day. 

If this is what life is like without Taehyung then life isn't worth living.
***

1st Person P.O.V
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I get up and I feel sore. I look out the window and as if it can tell what I'm feeling, the rain is falling down hard. The rain drops are welling up in the window, I can feel tears welling up in my eyes and flowing down my heart. 

With a strange feeling, I look outside and it looks like my current situation. The rain falls like a melody makes everything seem moderately slow. I get ready and I leave, opening the umbrella that was as wrinkled as my face since he's been gone. As I walk down the lonely streets of Seoul, the cars racing pass me, I wonder who the rain is falling for. For what I lost, or is it falling for me? There's a sound that hits. It's all very sudden and soon everything slows down. I can't tell any difference even as the rain stops and even when the clouds go away. I'm here, just the same, but maybe not. 

I look at the world around me, colored in shades of blue and gray and I see myself. I see a broken version of myself. But then suddenly I see the world in gorgeous shades of orange, red, pink, green, blue, and purple. I step into the sun and finally, finally I can feel warmth.