Counting down to 18th April 2017, will things get better for us...?
XXXXing in this lie.

5 April 2017 (Wednesday):
Baek Hyun takes out a pill bottle from the kitchen cabinet.
Pouring a few tablets on his hand, he grabbed a glass of water and gulped them down.

He takes off another bottle and did the same routine three more times.
Each for his different conditions.

He doesn't even remember what those pills are for, all he knew was that he has to take them all 2 times a day. If not for Tae Yeon, he probably would not even bother stepping foot into the kitchen to take his pills.

After swallowing them, he dragged his thin body that ironically feels heavy, to the couch, curling himself up, he closed his eyes.

It was just another day, another useless day, without her.

[Ring ring ring]

Baek Hyun flipped his eyes open.

It was his house phone.
And there was only one person who would contact him through this traditional way.

"Hello Dr Lay."
"I'm calling to remind you of your appointment tomorrow."
"Thanks, I've taken note of it."
"Alright, please take your pills on time. I'll hang up now."

Baek Hyun turns to the ticking clock beside the house phone after putting it down from his psychiatrist.
An hour before she comes home.

He smiled, time to make dinner for her.
Baek Hyun gets off the couch and heads for the kitchen.

The only person who could make him get off his couch and remember that time exists was her, his beloved girlfriend, Kim Tae Yeon.

 

"Ahh, thank you so much!'

Baek Hyun smiled on the other side of the dining table, her delighted smile was always enchanting, uplifting all his reasons to move his abled hands and legs.

Tae Yeon smiled at him when her phone rang.

"Can you help me get it? I'm so tired today." Tae Yeon asked.

Her boyfriend, of course sprang up into action and heads for her bag on the couch, fishing out her phone.

The caller ID says 'Yoona'.
Yoona is her best friend. The both of them grew up together and are very close.
Still being caring about her, Baek Hyun feels thankful for Yoona.

He passes the phone happily to her.

"Ahh, it's changed to this Saturday? Hm...hold on." Tae Yeon puts down her phone and looked at Baek Hyun. "Are we going out this Saturday?"

Baek Hyun thinks for a while, and shook his head.

"Yoona yah. My boyfriend doesn't have plans for us." She looked at Baek Hyun and beamed. "Alright. No problem."

Baek Hyun lifted his fork twisting his spaghetti, there was a period where Tae Yeon called Yoona, Nana.
Perhaps she grew out of that nickname?

--------------------------------------------------------

8 April 2017 (Saturday):
On Saturday, Tae Yeon comes out to the bar to meet with a tall lady in long hazel hair at a hospital's cafe. She wore a white doctor's coat and ordered coffee for the both of them.

"Do you remember what next Thursday is?" Yoona started.

Tae Yeon looked into the cup of brown coffee, her reflection misty. "Yes."

"Then, are you going to visit her?"

She looked at her best friend in a curious look. "You know I would."

Yoona nods her head. Putting the cup down.
"Next Thursday, other than that, I hope you don't forget, it's also Baek Hyun's anniversary with..." She points at Tae Yeon's engagement ring on her ring finger.

Tae Yeon looked at it and back at her. "Then, what about you? You are going to visit her too right?"

"Of course. Anyway, I hope you plan your schedule well too. Tae Tae."

--------------------------------------------------------
12 April 2017 (Wednesday):
Baek Hyun opens the cupboard and takes out his pills again.
Just the appointment that other day, Dr Lay had prescribed him another medicine after consultation.

What is the point of changing medicine every time he meets his psychiatrist?
None of them were going to answer why he was always in the mood to die whenever Tae Yeon is not home.

Pouring out water into the glass, he takes a huge usual heavy breath.

The many times he had wondered for the sake of trying, there was not one cause he could think up of that could possibly explain his depressive condition.

How did he survive before Tae Yeon entered his life?
How did he enter society before meeting her?
What was his life about when he was single?

With his condition, Baek Hyun guessed he would have wanted to die.

His father left them for another lady which made his mother mentally unstable, always crying and sobbing over it that Baek Hyun wounded witnessing her entering the living room one day when Baek Hyun was watching television. She took a stool and tied a noose on the ceiling and tells little Baek Hyun,
"Sorry Baek Hyun. I'm too sick to live without him."

So that was how it felt when the person you love isn't around anymore.

You feel like tying a noose on the ceiling, then pull a stool, stand on it and put your head in the circle of no return.

For a good full day, little Baek Hyun watched his mother swing back and forth in front of him.

Then later getting put under the care of his grandmother who was his sole hope to live until university as a loner throughout, when he comes home to witness their home messy and robbed, his grandmother's hard work of working as a janitor and home cleaner at her age all the years, were gone.
The second time in his life that he knelts down and watches a dead corpse in front of him, a knife stabbed deep into her stomach. Her blood crept towards his knees and soon out of the room.

Ahh, so this is how it feels to have your hope taken away from you.

You feel like taking the knife and stab your own stomach too.

That was until you have a nurse who took care of you and made you feel important for the first time...

[CLANG!!!]

Baek Hyun snapped out of his thoughts, looking at his feet that was bleeding profusely.

Strangely, it did not feel painful.

He bends down and picks up the shattered glass, throwing them bits by bits into the bin, cuts and cuts against his hand that he did not seem to notice at all.

Red, and red oozed out.

Baek Hyun goes back to his train of thoughts.

Were the two important ladies in his life the source of his misery? Even if he has Tae Yeon now?

Will she leave him like they did?
What if she did?
What if one day she doesn't come back home anymore?
What if Tae Yeon...

"Baek Hyun!" Tae Yeon runs towards him, bending down and holding his cold hands that was filled with cuts. "Are you alright?! Are you okay?"

Baek Hyun watches her big eyes, filled with eye liner and that small nose, little cute pink lips.
Ignoring his bleeding hand, he lounges himself towards her, smashing his lips against hers.

Just as his beastly dominating side awoke for the night.

 

"You what?!" Yoona shouted across the phone.

Tae Yeon closed , buttoning up her shirt after she came out from the shower, seeing Baek Hyun asleep.
"I had no choice, he kissed my lips, and was going to... on me."

"Even if he goes mad and does that, you know it's forbidden to inject him!!! He is your patient! Not your lover and you know that well!"

"It doesn't matter what he is to me Yoona. You know the reason why I live with him even though he's like that more than anyone."

Yoona rubbed her head in frustration. If she was a guy, she would punch the wall till it cracks. She could not retaliate at all. "Argh! I'm getting crazy because of you two! Arrrrrrgh!!"

Tae Yeon sighed calmly. "Don't worry Yoona, I've check his condition. I didn't inject the wrong part of his veins."

"You could have!"

"But I did not." Tae Yeon smiled. "It's okay Yoona. I will not do that again."

"YOU BETTER NOT!"

--------------------------------------------------------
13 April 2017 (Thursday):
Baek Hyun opened his eyes, his body feeling lighter than usual. Getting up, he shook his head, trying to feel fresher.

What happened yesterday night?

He tried recalling but there were no images in his mind appearing to answer him.

"Urgh, whatever."

He walked out of the room, seeing his breakfast ready on the table, Tae Yeon no where in sight.
He looked at the clock that reads 1pm.

That's rather late.

Strolling towards the dining table, he comes across the calendar. It was already April...
Exactly a year since he was jobless.

Though, even if he wanted to find, Tae Yeon just would not let him.
"It's better once you've recovered from your depression. I will stay by your side till then."

Baek Hyun smiled before he checks the date again.
Their anniversary is next week.

He takes out his phone and decided to ask her out on a surprise date.

[Tae Yeon: Ah, I have a few patients to take care of. Will it be alright if we change it to evening?]

Of course. Why not.

--------------------------------------------------------
18 April 2017 (Tuesday):
It was supposed to be their anniversary and Baek Hyun should be preparing for it. However, the excitement was rushing in his veins, he had not felt so alive since then. The first thing he did was to get out of the house and head for the florist.

The first thing he saw when he entered were fresh lillies. They resembled purity and reminded him of his grandmother who loved them.

His grandmother...huh.

He checks his watch, there was a few more hours before he meets Tae Yeon for dinner.

"Can I get a bouquet of lillies?"

 

Baek Hyun paced down the windy cemetary and slowly towards his grandmother's tomb.

"Sorry, I've came to see you again."

His heart felt heavy. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to visit on the day of his anniversary when he should be happy. Perhaps he felt better this morning, even if it was a little bit, he managed to come by to see her.

Looking at the portrait on the tomb, Baek Hyun could not help but feel exhausted and hopeless. If only she could come back to life, and witness his marriage...

Baek Hyun lingered a while in deep silence until he decides to leave to prepare for his dinner. He stopped when he saw a familiar male figure.

 

"Dr Park?" Baek Hyun came over towards him. He was the doctor that was in charge of him and Tae Yeon is under of when he was in the hospital after stabbing himself.

The tall man turned around, his pupils for a second dilated.

Baek Hyun sees again, now it's gone back to normal.

"Erm, are you visiting someone too?"

Baek Hyun nods. "My grandmother."

"Ohh." Dr Park nods. "Right."

Baek Hyun watches over who he was visiting. "Park Yoo Ra..." He called unconsciously. "Ah, sorry!"

Dr Park turns to the tomb then shook his head. "It's alright. She is my older sister."

"May I ask what happened to her?"

The doctor bent down and smiled. "She..." He looked up at Baek Hyun again for a brief moment.

Baek Hyun felt a little unease.

"She...lost someone she truly loved to an accident on drunk driving. The person she knocked out was her boyfriend, because of that, she was traumatised and...forgotten about the incident." He reached for the tombstone. "It is better sometimes not to remember things. There is a reason why your mind chose to forget certain incidents because they can't take the motional impact. My sister, once she remembered, committed suicide."

Baek Hyun did not know how to react.
Is it good to really forget? Could he forget about how his mother and gramother passed away too?
"Sorry, I made you remember about it."

"It's alright. You are living with our nurse, Tae Yeon right?"

Baek Hyun beamed. "Yes! Thank you for taking of her in the hospital."

The doctor smiled, there was a hint of sadness in them.

"You really love her don't you?"

"Yes. I do."

The doctor nods. "Are you going anywhere after this? I'll drive you back."

 

Baek Hyun thought about what Dr Park said. Somehow, he did not seem as relax as he normally looked like in the ward from the last impression he had of him.
"It is better sometimes not to remember things. There is a reason why your mind chose to forget certain incidents because they can't take the emotional impact..."

Standing at the traffic light, he pondered about it.

The green man lit but Baek Hyun continued to sink those words.

Why do those words sound...strangely familiar...?

He takes a few steps, slowly making his way across the road.
The bouquet of roses he held on his hand bloomed a beautiful red but Baek Hyun could not look at it with happiness at all.

It was like...he was talking to him...

The green man switched to red, but Baek Hyun only barely made it to the other side.

Come to think of it, he did feel like he forgot something. Something...very important...something about...

Baek Hyun stopped.

In the middle of the road when the traffic light turned red for walkers, but turned green for vehicles.

Something about...

He turned to the side of the road.

...cars, and...

Baek Hyun lifted the bouquet of roses.

...this.

[BEEEEP BEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEP]

And headlights too...

Baek Hyun ran, his face a pale white sheet.

He shook his head is denial, NO WAY! NO NO NO!!! It can't be!

"Tae Yeon is not dead! SHE'S NOT DEAD!!!" He dashed across the street, bumping into other people but his mind was not in the real world anymore. "NOOOO!!!"

18 April 2017, it was today's date.

18 April 2016, it was that day's date.
The day of their 3rd anniversary.
The day of their engagement.
The day of their promise.
And the day, of her death...

The third time Baek Hyun witnessed a dead corpse, it actually happened.
When Tae Yeon heads for the road and a car sped across her, right in front of his eyes, her blood splattered against his face.

The car accident, the hospital trip, the sheet over her face, the funeral held, the tombstone and the lesson he learnt from his mother and he did as per that lesson:
So that was how it felt when the person you love isn't around anymore.

But no!

NONE OF THEM IS REAL! 18 APRIL 2016 WAS NOT A PERIL AT ALL! IT'S NOT REAL, THE SMELL OF HER, THE BREAKFAST, THE ENGAGEMENT RING SHE WORE ALL THE TIME! AND YOONA'S CALL! THEY WERE ALL HER! HERRRRR!!!

For this whole 1 year, he had been living with Tae Yeon. Her face, her hands, her body. They are all real, what is that crazy absurd memory!?

Baek Hyun dashed faster, his body pushing all limits after months of being inactive.

He had arranged to meet her tonight, at that spot. Baek Hyun laguhed. It will definitely be her, right?! It will be Kim Tae Yeon, she will be alive and tell her he just mixed up a dream and reality right? Hahahaa...haa..ha...Right? Right? RIGHT!

 

When he reached, his eyes bulged, peering slowly on the other side of the tree.

His heart beating at alarming speed, his hands cold and numb, trembling uncontrollably...

It must be her right? He was just dreaming, and mixing up what isn't real with reality right? Must be it! Of course!

Their engagement ring, on the ring finger, and long flowy blonde hair, the blue dress she likes to wear and the white handbag she loves.

Baek Hyun dashes towards her and hugged her, trembling in sorrow.

"Thank god it isn't real!" He huffed, tears almost choking his voice. "Don't leave me, Tae Yeon. Don't leave me..."

Tae Yeon pats his back gently. Yes, that gentleness, it was Tae Yeon. It was all a dream. Of course, how could it be real. The trauma from that car that halted on time just now must have sent his mind wiring all over the place.

"What are you talking about? I'm right here all the time."

That voice, hahahaha...it's Tae Yeon alright.

"Calm down Baek Hyun, what happened to you?"

--------------------------------------------------------

[Yoona: 2 new message]

Tae Yeon comes out of the room again, making sure Baek Hyun is asleep.

She heads for the couch and rests her head on it.

Picking up her phone from the coffee table, she opens the message.

[Yoona: I just think you should know.]
[Yoona: -photo-]

Tae Yeon downloads it and zooms the photo. It was a picture of Baek Hyun and a driver coming towards him at a road that evening.

[No wonder he became like that suddenly.]

[Yoona: Suddenly? What happened?]

[He was calling out to Tae Yeon's name, and went into a mental breakdown just now when we met for the anniversary date. Must have remembered about it. I will add more of that medicine later.]

[Yoona: ...]
[Yoona: Can I call you?]

 

Tae Yeon heads out of the house, down at the block below.

"I went to her grave today." Yoona said over the phone. "I don't know what to say about what we are doing now."

"There's nothing much we can say now. I think we all went to visit someone today. He visited his grandmother."

"I visited Tae Yeon, and you...your sister. Lay told me his condition is getting worse." Yoona stopped and continued. "All farewells are painful Chan Yeol, even you should learn to let go."

Tae Yeon looked at her hand, and took out the ring. "As long as I'm wearing this, he will see me as her. And as long as he doesn't remember, then I can make up for my sister's presence."

"By giving him that kind of pill that makes him forget? You are a doctor, Chan Yeol. You should know that facing the truth is always better than covering up with your fantasies."

"A doctor is also a human, what his patient's can feel, he can too. I will do anything and everything to stop him from remembering. At least for Tae Yeon, and for him. One person has to live and shoulder the pain, they can't go off together."

Yoona stays silent for a while, on the other side, she was trying to hold back her tears. What has it all became?

From her best friend's death, now two people are being dragged into a world that is made up of their logic. Maybe even herself.

She puts down the phone and looked at the photo frame of her and Tae Yeon...and Chan Yeol in high school.
Tears welling up in her eyes as her sobs filled the entire house.

She opens her contacts and tapped for Lay's number.
"I don't think I can't hold on to this anymore. I need to see you, please."

Things can never go back the same way as before, ever since Tae Yeon's death, and the lie that sparked because of it, nobody could come out of this unscathed.

Not herself, not Chan Yeol, and definitely not Baek Hyun.

 

It has been exactly a year.
Counting down to 18 April 2018, will things get better for us?
Looping in this lie.

-The end-