"We have to stop this. Dude, you have a ing engagement ring on your left drawer where you keep your " I rolled my eyes as I picked up my underwear from the carpeted floor. 

 

" I know, I know. I'm thinking of when I should even ask. Then and again, I don't even know if I wanna go through with it" He sighed as he rubbed his face in frustration. Heaving out a heavy sigh, he draped his arm across his eyes and became silent. Being the person who has known him for years, I knew what he was thinking about.

 

Strapping on my watch, I walked over to his side of the bed and sat down. I don't even know how or why we got into this tangled mess. What's even more impressing was that, it’s a reoccurring mess of 3 years and counting.

 

"Jjong-ah, I can't do this. Neither can you. It's been 3 years and this after- talk has been a cycle we go through every morning. Heck, it's like a permanent breakfast for the both of us" I took his arm and moved it away from his half covered face so that I could read his expression better. He looked at me in the eyes, almost searching for something that is deep within me. I hated it when he did that.

 

"Okay then, answer me this. 3 years ago, why did you contact me" He sat up and looked at me.

 

"You know why"

 

"Yeah but out of the blue? Apologising to me after you stopped talking to me. After you stopped showing your care and concern for me. I was finally happy with her. I finally felt sane and proud to look at her in the eye"

 

"That's not fair! You can’t pin this all on me. I wasn't the one who started the kiss. I was not the one who continued to communicate and started the conversation. I was not the one who started all of this"

 

"Well you did enjoy every single ing moment now didn't you?!"

 

"Kim Jonghyun!"

 

I felt disgusted. I felt used. I felt my heart bruising more and more when I look at him. We were both standing up, fuming with agitation and confusion. I felt moisture on my cheeks. When did I cry?

 

Jonghyun's eyes soften up when he saw the hurt in my eyes. The river that was flowing out of it. He knew he has gone too far, and he knew I wasn't the sole reason for this mess. He stepped closer but I moved back, wrapping my arms around me.

 

"I have to go. I'm working in the afternoon" I croaked as I turned to pick up my things and stuffed it in my backpack.

 

"Sasha, I didn't mean what I said. Please, I know your schedule. You have an off day today, let’s talk it through" Jonghyun started to beg.

 

I felt my heart soften but I was through with this. 3 years was more than enough. I cannot keep ing this guy who has made future plans with his girlfriend. I have to stop being the 3rd party. I have to stop being disgusting. Karma is going to come for me.

 

Silently, I decided to walk out of his room, out of his apartment and finally out of his life.

 

It wasn't worth feeling like you've filled that void in your heart with the same person who left it there. It wasn't worth it to throw your morale out of the window just to feel satisfied. It wasn't worth it to destroy another person's life and trust just because you got him first. I wasn't worth her tears and he wasn't worth ours.