Ever since breakfast that day, Chanyeol hadn't addressed our relationship. Or our fall out. He made no outright moves to flirt either but the topic had settled down like a weight, waiting to be broached. Our conversations had become exceedingly formal and due to our busy schedules, we didn't even have to interact much. I refused to take rent from him so instead, Chanyeol decided he'd pay me back by doing all the household chores.

My refrigerator was now packed with fresh vegetables, bread, meat and eggs and I had a home cooked meal at least twice a day. I could also sleep in on the few days that I had off because Chanyeol took care of all the cleaning. Even the bathrooms! He had changed the curtains one day, and replaced my old blue ones with new white and green ones that he had bought. He did all the laundry, made sure my books were all in place and had put three flower pots in the balcony that he made sure to water everyday. 

"You're like my cleaning lady," I had told him one day. "I should pay you." 

"You are paying me," he said. "In a way." 

"How?" 

"You pay me money," he explained. "I give it to you as rest. You give that to the landlord. Only there's no actual exchange of notes between the two of us." 

"That made no sense." 

"Whatever. You don't have to pay me." 

A part of me wanted him to depend on me. That same part of me wanted to make him regret leaving me all those years ago in the first place. I knew it was childish but I couldn't help it. 
-
-
"Hyung, why is that woman smiling at you so much?" Taehyung said and I looked up from the record book where I was entering a patient's details to see that very patient staring at me from across the lobby. She waved when she caught my eye and I smiled back. 

"She's a patient," I said and went back to the record book. "Lee Ye Rin." 

"Do all of your patients look at you like that?"

"Yes, actually. All of my patients are females, and they simply cannot resist my charm," I grinned and put my pen down. "I have a break right now. Are you free?"

"Yeah. Let's go out."

"Are you guys going out for lunch?" Seohyun said as she walked up to us, Heechul trailing behind her. "Can we join you? There's this really nice place near Misizzim's but it is so expensive! It'll be cheaper if we go together though!"

"Won't the bill be more if we order for four people?" Taehyung said.

"Yeah, but less tax," Seohyun rolled her eyes. "Let's go."

We took Heechul's car to get there and since it was mid-afternoon, the place wasn't very crowded. We were ushered to a table and a waiter handed us the menu cards. I cracked it open, flipping through the pages when I heard a familiar voice. 

"May I have your drink orders?" 

It was Chanyeol. So this is where he worked. I stared at him for a moment but he was obviously avoiding my gaze. 

"A mojito," Seohyun said and continued flipping the menu card. 

"Lemon tea," said Heechul.

"Same," Taehyung piped. 

I hadn't really decided on one so I blurted out, "Yeah, me too." 

Chanyeol nodded and walked away briskly. I watched his retreating form before Taehyung snapped my attention to him.

"Hyung, buy this for me." He said, pointing to a dish and carefully hiding the price with his finger. 

I threw him an exasperated look, "Why should I?" 

"Because you're the hyung!"

"Heechul's the eldest here," I said.

"I thought we were splitting!" Heechul said, evidently alarmed.

That meal had to be one of the most awkward ones I had ever had. Every time Chanyeol came up to our table, be it to take our meal orders or place down our drinks, I stiffened up. I wondered if I should say something but he was gone before I could open my mouth. He was talking politely to the three of them but outright ignoring me. If I were in his position, I would have done the same, but that didn't mean I had to like it. 

After a while, I gave up on trying to catch his eye. He wanted to pretend like he didn't know me? Fine. I was totally okay with that. I started up a conversation with Taehyung, making sure to smile at every comment and laugh at every little joke. It's pathetic, I know. 

I was engrossed in a conversation with Heechul, munching on my chicken salad when Seohyun groaned, "Ugh, where is that stupid waiter? Excuse me!" 

We turned to look between her and the waiter- Chanyeol who was quickly scurrying to our side. 

"Yes, ma'am?" 

"What was my order?" Seohyun said, haughtily.

"Um- steak?" Chanyeol looked at his little pad. "Well done." 

"I asked for a medium rare!" Seohyun said, a tad bit louder than she should have. I distinctly remembered her asking for a medium rare because honestly, who the hell orders well done? But causing a scene like this is not something I appreciated very much. 

"Seohyun-"

"Can I speak to the manager?" 

"Ma'am, I'll have it changed for you quickly," Chanyeol said, trying to keep his calm but I knew he was nervous now.

"Is that what I said?" Seohyun was clearly irritated. "Call the manager-"

"Seohyun, it's okay. It's just steak," I interrupted. She threw me an affronted look. "Yeah, okay I get it but do you have so much time to waste? I'm pretty sure your shift starts in fifteen minutes." 

Seohyun looked torn. She glanced at the steak and then at her wrist watch. "I'll let it pass but do not expect a tip. Ugh!" 

Chanyeol was completely red in the face now. He gave me a grateful look and was off. Finally, he acknowledges me. Once we had paid the bill and the rest of them had got up, I sneaked in a hefty tip for Chanyeol.
-
-
Baekhyuuuuuuuun!!!! 

It was the first time that Chanyeol had sent me a text. Like ever. We didn't have hand phones back in high school. I had just come out of a meeting and my phone to see multiple texts from Chanyeol. Instead of reading them, I called him back glancing at the watch in the hallway.

20:27

Chanyeol picked up on the fourth ring and I knew right away that something was up. 

"Baek, are you busy?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Didn't you see my texts?"

"I just got out of a meeting. Sorry. What happened?" 

"It's Seojun." 

Crap. "What- is he okay? Is he-"

"He's fine. He's still at Kyungsoo's. I was wondering if you'd go get him." 

"What do you mean?" I frowned as I reached the locker room. Balancing the phone between my ear and shoulder, I shrugged off my coat. "Doesn't your work get over at seven or something?"

"Normally, yes. But-" I heard the sound of utensils clanging in the background. "Because of your friend- apparently the manager found out about it- I got stuck with overtime and ugh- kitchen duty. I don't think I'll get off until ten or eleven maybe." 

"Are you serious?" I said. "I'm sorry about her."

"No, it was my mistake. Anyway, can you go? Kyungsoo's pissed right now." 

"Right, sure. On my way." I dumped my stuff in my locker and took out my bag and my car keys. 

"Thanks, Baekhyun. I'll make it up to you." 

"Don't worry about it." 

I hung up and rushed down to the parking lot. I maneuvered through the traffic as fast as I could, glancing at my watch every few minutes. But no matter how fast I changed lanes or rounded corners, it was nine by the time I got there. 

Most of the lights were off and Seojun was the sole child waiting in the lobby and a very annoyed Kyungsoo behind the counter along with a woman that I knew what his wife. We hadn't been formally introduced but I had seen her pictures before. It felt weird all of a sudden, seeing her. Most of my friends by now were married and a lot of them even had kids. Then there was me. For some reason, I was living with my ex boyfriend who had cheated on me, along with his kid. I was doing favours after favours for him that I normally wouldn't have done for even a friend. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I'm a masochist. But it was Chanyeol! I couldn't leave him to struggle like that no matter what he had done or what Ga Young had done. I mean I did hate him for it but that was in the past. I had to get over it sometime, right? If I could make things right between us, maybe I'd be able to move on.

Kyungsoo frowned when he saw me. I was getting ready for the lecture I would get from him when he said, "Jongin took Bona hours ago. Why are you here?" 

I gestured to Seojun who was looking at a picture book and hadn't yet seen me enter. 

"Roommate's kid." 

"Chanyeol is your roommate?" Kyungsoo's frown deepened. "Oh, well, that's fine but he didn't tell me you would be coming to get Seojun and you aren't a registered guardian either, so..."

He trailed off and the implications of what he had said hit me. "So? Oh, right- I'll call Chanyeol." 

I took out my phone and dialled his number but he didn't pick up. Weird. 

"Uh, Seojun knows me, though," I said. "Seojun!" The kid looked up and beamed at me. He got down from his chair and made his way up to me. "Can I take him if he says we live together?" 

Kyungsoo and his wife exchanged glances and Kyungsoo muttered, "I guess. Seojun, do you know this man?"

Seojun nodded, "Doctor Baekhyun!" 

"You live with him?" 

Seojun nodded again and Kyungsoo said, "I guess you can take him." 

"I can't believe you think I'd kidnap him. Let's go, Seojun."

This time however, Seojun shook his head. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Appa told me not to go anywhere with people who aren't Appa." Seojun recited. I was pretty sure he had been told this line several times. "You aren't Appa." 

"Yes, but your Appa told me to come pick you," I said and mentally sighed. This could take long. 

Seojun shook his head. "Only go home with Appa." With that he stalked back to his seat and resumed looking at his picture book. I gaped at Kyungsoo who just shrugged. 

"I don't mind you taking him Baekhyun," he explained. "But some parents here nag too much. What if Chanyeol comes up to me tomorrow and says I let anyone go home with his kid? Puts me in an odd spot, I hope you understand." 

I did. I had to authorization to take Seojun home. Even if Kyungsoo believed me, I doubted Seojun would budge. I went and sat down beside him and tried calling Chanyeol again. And again. He was probably busy somewhere else and didn't have his phone with him. Kyungsoo's wife left sometime around nine thirty while Kyungsoo waited with me in the lobby. He too tried Chanyeol's number and I tried to convince Seojun to go with me. 

"I'm your Appa's chingu, Seojunah," I said. "We live in the same apartment, don't we? We even played tag the other day, remember? It's okay if you go with me." 

"Appa will scold," Seojun mumbled.

"If he scolds you, tell me. I'll scold him too, okay?" 

But he wasn't convinced. At around ten, Chanyeol finally picked up and he sounded exhausted. 

"Did you guys get home okay?" He said.

"We're still at KSoo's."

"What? Why?" 

I sighed. "Seojun won't leave without his Appa."

"What?" 

"He said you've told him not to leave with anyone who's not you." 

"I meant strangers- ugh, give him the phone." 

"I'm putting you on speaker. So that Kyungsoo can listen." 

I tapped the screen and said, "Seojun, your Appa wants to talk to you." 

Seojun looked up, and I knew he was extremely sleepy by now. 

"Appa?"

"Yeah, Seojun. It's Appa. I need you to go home with Doctor Baekhyun, okay?" 

"But you said-"

"I know, but you live with Doctor Baekhyun, right?" Chanyeol said. "And you live with your Appa. So that means Doctor Baekhyun is your Appa too." 

"He is?" Seojun sounded sceptic and really, Chanyeol's logic had major holes in it. I didn't point it out.

"Of course. So you can go home with him." 

"Yes. He's my Appa." He gave me a wide smile and hopped down. "Let's go, Appa!" 

I felt a weird tickling sensation but brushed it off. "Kyungsoo, we'll get going then. Sorry to keep you waiting." 

"It's fine." Kyungsoo smiled. "Just treat me somewhere nice later on." 

I nodded and turned off the speaker. "Are you done with your work?" 

"Yeah, I'm heading home. I'm sorry, Baek." He said. "I forgot to call Kyungsoo and I wasted so much of your time." 

"It's okay. Since I'm already out should I come pick you?" 

"No, it's fine. I'm at the bus stop now." 

"Okay. See you in a while." 

I hung up and looked down at Seojun who was tugging at my arm. 

"Appa, ice cream!" 

"It's late, Seojunah. Let's go home and sleep." 

"Okay. Tomorrow?" 

"Sure. Tomorrow we'll go out for ice cream." 

And honestly the smile he gave me after that was worth waiting for an hour at KSoo's. 

"Thank you, Appa." 

My heart lurched at the word Appa.

So worth it. 
-
-
"Hyuuuung!" Taehyung said in a sing song voice as he entered the coffee room, dragging a disgruntled Jungkook behind him. "Do you have a boyfriend?" 

I looked up from a patient file and glanced at the two of them. Slowly, I said, "No. Why?" 

"Great!" 

"He could be married, you idiot!" Jungkook whispered but I heard him just fine. 

"He's not married. We'd know if he was," Taehyung whispered back.

"How are you so sure?" 

"Because-"

"I'm not married, you guys," I interrupted and both of them blushed as if they were surprised I had heard them talking.

"We were just-" Taehyung stuttered. "I mean.."

"Yeah?" 

The two exchanged nervous glances and Jungkook nudged him forward. 

"What do you think about Jungkook?" 

"What?" 

"How does he look?" He whispered to Jungkook, "Twirl." Then continued. "Nice body? Huh, tall too. Handsome face. Total boyfriend material, huh?" 

"What?" I so knew what he was trying to do but I had zero energy to  deal with it. 

"Maybe you two should go out on a date or you know," he wiggled his eyebrows and Jungkook smiled at me.

"Know what?" I said.

Taehyung only wiggle his eyebrows. "You know." 

I shook my head. "Get out." 

Jungkook looked visibly upset and stalked out of the room. 

"You're so mean," Taehyung said.

"Didn't he have a boyfriend?" I said. "One of the patients?" 

"Yeah, yeah. It was-" Taehyung looked around and leaned closer. "A sort of a set up. Jimin has been very sad lately. Broke up with Jungkook when his chemo started. He thinks that Jungkook should go out with someone better and that being with him as in being with Jimin is only going to hurt him." 

"And?"

"And Jungkook was pretty upset about it so I said that he should try to make Jimin jealous. You know, show him what he's missing." Taehyung grinned. 

"Are you kidding me?" 

"Come on, hyung. Only once. You just have to walk outside Jimin's ward while holding Jungkook's hand." 

"Why don't you do it?" 

"Me? What- no way! You're way hotter than me. More effective." 

"I'm flattered, but-" 

"Please, please." Taehyung pouted and after an intense round of "No" and "Please" I gave up. I agreed. He went and called Jungkook who was sitting outside. 

"When are we doing this?" I asked. 

"Now if you want." Jungkook said. "Jimin's probably in his room right now so.. If you're free.." 

"Okay, sure." I shrugged and got up. 

"I'll cheer you guys on," Taehyung said and we made our way to the elevator. The two of us got on. Taehyung was supporting us from the second floor apparently. We got off on the fourth floor and Jungkook grabbed my hand.

"I'm glad you agreed to this," he said. "I hope this works." 

I nodded. "Try talking to him if it doesn't." 

But as soon as I had said those words, I realized how difficult it actually was. To talk. I wondered if things would have been different between Chanyeol and me if we had talked all those years ago in high school. I shook the thought out of my head. No use regretting about it now. 

Jungkook lead me down the corridor and we stopped in front of ward no. 4012. The door was closed and Jungkook was frowning at it. We exchanged a look and I said, "We could go in. Just ask him how he's doing." 

Jungkook shook his head and took a step back. 

"Wait here for a second," I said and dashed down the corridor before he could say anything. 

I rushed downstairs to my locker. I swear I had one...

When I got back to the fourth floor, Jungkook was dutifully waiting for me outside. 

"What's that for?" He gestured at the book in my hand, but I shook my head. 

"Let's just go in." 

I knocked and heard a feeble "Come in" so I pushed the door open. The guy, Jimin was the sole occupant of the room. He was sprawled on his bed, with the TV but he was looking out of the window. His eyes widened when he saw Jungkook with me. Jungkook grabbed my hand and Jimin noticed. He looked from our intertwined fingers to our faces and then back out of the window. 

"Go away, Jungkook." He whispered. 

"Oh. No. I wanted to see you, Jimin." I said. 

"Why?" He turned to me and tried to sit up. 

"Let me help you," Jungkook said and took a step forward. 

"No," Jimin said but Jungkook helped him anyway. 

"Why did you want to see me, Doctor?" 

"I heard you're from SNU?" He nodded. "Me too. I-"

"Most of the doctors here are from SNU." He said. 

"I- yeah, you're right, but I don't know, I felt like since you're my hoobae I should come see you," I tried to grin but I knew Jimin could see right through it. "Anyway, I came to give you this. You probably don't have a lot to do so you could read this if you feel like it." 

I stepped forward and placed the book at the foot of his bed. He eyed it warily and then nodded. 

"One of my seniors gave a book to me once." I said. "I have to say it helped me a lot. I don't have that book with me right now but this is a good one as well." 

It was in English and one of my favourites. It wasn't a thick novel. It was one of those simple short ones that you could finish in a sitting or two. With my busy schedule, I really liked that I could sit down and finish this so quickly. It was the first book that I had bought after I'd come to Seoul so it was a battered copy but I didn't feel sad giving it away. 

"Thanks, Doctor," Jimin muttered and picked up the book. He flipped through the pages and held the book up to his face. "Smells good." 

I grinned. "I hope you'll like it." He gave me a small, tired smile and I hesitated before I said what I did, "Jimin, I'm not sure if your doctor has told you but... you have a very high survival rate, okay? You'll pull through this if you're strong enough." Jimin looked like he wanted to argue but I continued, "I know it's not my place to say this but, don't let him go." I gestured to Jungkook who was staring at me with wide eyes. "Because he loves you and he won't ever give up on you." I couldn't bare to look at the two of them so I stared at my shoelaces. "I know you feel like it's hard right now but you don't know what the future holds. You never know where you'll end up but you can choose who you end up with." I looked up and for a second I wondered if I was still talking about the two of them. "So don't give up... on your love. Don't let him go." 

Don't let me go. 

That's what I should have told Chanyeol all those years ago. I should have talked to him. I should have done something. Anything other than run away. 

Without another word, I turned around and walked out of the room. Jungkook didn't follow me out and I was glad. I didn't want him to see me and I was happy since he would probably talk to Jimin now. I walked aimlessly down the corridor and the stairwell, exiting at a random door when I found myself in the ED.

I was snapped back to reality when I saw.. Seojun?

What was he doing at the hospital? He was sitting on a small chair next to a bed. Dr. Zhang was attending to the patient and Seojun looked almost bored as he swung his legs back and forth. Confused, I walked up and called out to him.

"Seojunah?" 

He looked up immediately and hopped down in that cute way of his, wriggling his and then jumping. 

"Appa!" He ran towards me and wrapped his arms around my legs when he was close enough. I didn't have to get him from Kyungsoo's again but he had stuck to calling me Appa.

"Hey, kid." I knelt down next to me and Dr. Zhang was giving me a funny look. "What's up? What are you doing here." 

"Appa is sick." He said in a tone that I would have used to say something like 'The grass is green'. 

"Chanyeol? What happened?" I stood up and holding his hand I lead him back to the bed to see a very pale Chanyeol lying on it. He smiled feebly when he saw me. 

"You know him, Doctor Byun?" Dr. Zhang said to me with the hint of a smile. 

I nodded, "Yeah. We're flatmates. What happened?" I looked between the two of them.

"No need to be worried." Dr. Zhang explained. "He passed out on his way home-" 

"What?" 

"Due to low blood pressure." Dr. Zhang continued as if I hadn't just interrupted him with my loud squeak. Chanyeol looked at me sheepishly. "It's nothing serious but could be so I advise you take some rest and your medicines." 

"Low blood pressure," I muttered. Of course. The way Chanyeol had been working and hardly getting any rest and God knows if he managed to eat during lunch breaks or not.

"I'm fine, Baekhyun," Chanyeol said in a low voice and the only thing it did was worry me more. 

"You passed out? Doctor Zhang, could I have a minute?" 

He nodded and we stepped away from Chanyeol and Seojun, both of whom were gaping at us. 

"He'll be okay, right?" I asked him even though I myself had passed out at least four times during medical school due to the same reason. 

"Yes, Doctor Byun," he smiled at me. "He said it's the first time something like this has happened so if he takes his medicines properly and tries not to overwork himself, then he'll be fine." 

I nodded. "I'll pay his bills but don't tell him. Just say this was too small to charge." 

"He'll know the medicines aren't free." 

"Right. But still, don't tell him."

"Okay, but I'll have to ask you to do me a favour." He grinned at me. "Two actually." 

"Sure." 

"First one's not really a favour but you have to answer this question." I waited for him to continue. "Are you two in a live in relationship?"

"What? No, no." 

"The kid called you Appa." 

"It's a long story, but we're not together," I finished but I was sure my ears were red by now. I looked away and he laughed at me. 

"Right second favour," he gave me a cheeky smile before walking away. "Finish his report for me, will you?" 

I frowned. Even though such cases weren't my department and completing reports was total junior resident stuff, Dr. Zhang made me do it a lot. He liked my handwriting apparently. 

I walked back to the father son duo who were both looking at me apprehensively. I smiled at Seojun and glared at Chanyeol. 

"What happened?" I said to no one in particular. 

"Appa and I were on the bus," Seojun said, and I raised my eyebrows. I turned to Chanyeol but he looked away. "Then Appa fell asleep."

"Asleep?"

"I fainted. There were no empty seats on the bus," Chanyeol said. "I was standing and holding Seojun when I got dizzy. Next thing I know I'm at the hospital." 

"Oh," I said even though I wanted to hit him. "You need to rest for now. I'll finish up your report and then we can get your medicines and leave." 

"But the bill-"

"Now, Seojunah, would you like to wait here and take care of Appa?" Seojun nodded and I told him, "Sit over here and wait for me, okay?" 

The car ride home was quiet. Too quiet. I didn't look at Chanyeol at all and he didn't say a word either. It was nearing midnight so I was pretty sure Seojun was sleeping in the back seat. I made a mental note to install a baby car seat for him.

It was only when we were in the living room that I opened my mouth. 

"Do you have any clue how lucky you are, Chanyeol?" I said. "That the people on the bus got you and Seojun to the hospital safely? Do you have any idea what could have happened to Seojun while you were passed out?" 

Chanyeol threw me an irritated look, "You're saying that as if I fainted on purpose." 

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying." My voice came out louder than I had intended and I saw Chanyeol flinch slightly. "Why are you putting him through so much crap? Kid's up till twelve more days than I can count. All because his father is irresponsible and can't even take care of himself. How are you going to look after Seojun then? If you can't deal with things here then why don't you ing go back to Yanggu?" 

Chanyeol stared at me evenly and said, "Seojun, go to your room." I saw him cowering behind the armchair, eyes darting from me to Chanyeol nervously. I don't think he had heard either of us shout before. "Seojun, room. Now." 

Seojun crawled out of his hiding place and quietly went inside. Once he heard the door click shut, Chanyeol said, "I can't go back to Yanggu. I can't stay there. It's too much for me to handle, okay? Everywhere I go, all I get are sympathetic smiles. They think they know how I feel but all they did was smother me. I couldn't breathe, Baekhyun. I couldn't forget what had happened to Ga Young. They wouldn't let me. They kept reminding me that she was dead, over and over and I couldn't stay there." Chanyeol was breathing heavily now and his voice was thick with emotion. 

"Well, boo hoo, Chanyeol. I know it was tough for you. I get why you had to leave," I said. "But why can't you take my help? Or anyone else's? You're a father. You have to think about Seojun more than your own ego!" 

"Why," he shouted. "would I take your help? Why do even want to help me, huh? After all these years- after you left me-"

"I left you?" I scoffed. "Is that what you just said? I left you?" 

"Yes, Baekhyun. Senior year when we were dating- you started avoiding me all of a sudden! You stopped talking to me and then you ran away to Seoul." 

"I stopped talking to you after you made out with Ga Young in front of the entire ing school!" 

"You stopped talking to me before that." He pointed an accusatory finger at me. "You used me for and you threw me away."

"I- what?" I hissed. "Are you even listening to yourself? Do you think I would do something like that?" 

"No, Baekhyun. But you did." 

" you, Chanyeol." By now, both of us were shouting so bad that I was pretty sure Seojun could hear every single word and maybe even the neighbours could. "You're the one who trash talked about me in front of your football team. What was it you said? Yeah, that you wouldn't me even if I was a . And you said that the day after we did have . Did you expect me to stay with you after that?"

"I-"

"You said my music hurt your ears!" I leaned against the armchair and took a deep breath. "Everytime I thought about it, I would find excuses for why you had said that. Everytime, Chanyeol, every ing time, I came up empty handed and it broke me to the point that I stopped playing the piano. I stopped hanging out with you because I knew it was affecting your reputation!"

"Baekhyun, why didn't you just talk to me?" Chanyeol was so pale by now, and his eyes so wide, I worried for a moment that he would pass out again.

"I was scared! I was scared that you'd say you never loved me." I felt my throat tighten and for a second, I struggled to breathe as I blinked back the tears. " And then Ga Young came along and you were the normal, happy couple of Yanggu. How could I have stayed and come between the two of you?"
 Chanyeol took a step towards me and then stopped. "Baekhyun, there was nothing between us back then. That kiss.. was a dare. I thought you knew. It was after you left! Years after that. I thought you'd abandoned me and gone off to Seoul. I waited for years but you never came back and Ga Young was there-"

"Did you even love her?"

"Yes, I did." Chanyeol raked a hand through his hair. "She was easier to love than you."

I felt as if someone had punched me.

"So, it's about convenience. You were with Ga Young because she was there. Now, you're here because she isn't. You know what, Chanyeol? You're a ing coward! Easier to love, huh? You think it was any easier for me? Did you see me kissing girls, or I don't know- marrying girls to save face? Do you think my parents threw me a party when I told them I liked men? Do you think no one ever judged me?" I took in another deep breath. "It was just as hard for me, Chanyeol, but I thought that as long as I had you, it would be worth it."

I looked away and heard Chanyeol mutter, "I'm sorry."

" you," I said. "Tell me, Chanyeol. Why did you say all of that?"

"Because I am a coward." I heard Chanyeol sniff and when I turned to look him, tears were streaming down his face. He looked completely exhausted and I remembered with a pang that he was supposed to be resting. "Just like you said. I was stupid and I didn't treasure you properly and I realised it too late." His voice was quivering so badly, I was a second away from breaking down myself. "I did fall in love with Ga Young but I fell out of love with her. I never could get over you, though."

"Liar," I said.

"I'm not lying," Chanyeol said. His voice, now was oddly calm. The tears had stopped. "I really wanted us to happen, Baekhyun, but I couldn't see how."

I couldn't bear to stand there and listen anymore. I grabbed my keys and moved towards the door. I heard Chanyeol follow me and a moment later, his hand wrapped around my wrist. 

"Baekhyun, don't go," he whispered. 

I pried his fingers away and walked out of the door.

I ended up going to a pojangmacha. Even at late hours, you'll always find one in Seoul to drink away your worries. I didn't drink.

A lot.

Maybe two bottles. Or three. I'm not sure. I ate a lot though. Then I wandered around for a bit and sometime around four in the morning, I made my way back home. I wasn't drunk. Just happily buzzed. And I was on a mission.

A mission to get Chanyeol a permanent and well paying job so that he could afford his own place, and at the same time look for a cheap but inhabitable flat.

I was done. I wanted him to leave.

As soon as I got home, Chanyeol emerged from his room. He looked like he hadn't slept and cast a worried glance towards me. He opened his mouth but I held up a finger.

"Show me your CV." I said and went inside my room. I took out my laptop and the little notebook of contacts that I had. It had a lot of business cards jammed in between the pages and was actually more organised than my mobile's phonebook. I went back to the dining area and my laptop.

Chanyeol returned with his file and pulled up a chair next to me. 

"Where were you?" He said. "Have you- are you drunk?" 

"No. Show it to me." 

He handed over the file to me and I flipped through the pages. Everything seemed fine. Actually it was too ordinary. 

"You have a lot of sports achievements so," I said. "You should look for jobs in schools. You have experience there." I shut it and handed the file back to him. "I'll fix this for you and send out a few applications. You have to go to every single one of the interviews. I don't care when they are or if it's in the middle of a job or something. You have college credentials as well so it won't be hard." 

"Baekhyun.." 

"Did you take your medicines?" I said and turned to my laptop, clicking on the Google Chrome icon. 

"Yes, but listen to me.." 

"What is it, Chanyeol?" I said in a tone that clearly translated to 'You're annoying me'. 

He was wasn't discouraged by it though. "We need to talk." 

"About what?" 

"About us." 

"There's nothing to talk about." 

"Baekhyun." He was doing that thing again. Conveying whole sentences into one word. And the weird part? This time I knew what he meant. 

"I don't want to talk." 

"I want to." And before I could say anything, his hand was on mine. "Just listen to me, then. You don't have to say anything." I nodded and he continued. "Thank you for doing so much. You don't have to-" 

"I'm not doing this for you." 

I saw him smile out of the corner of my eyes. "I know. You're the most wonderful person I've ever met. I know why you're doing this." I turned to look at him and he was staring at me like... like he did back in high school. "And I'm sorry." He paused. "I was stupid. I loved you, Baekhyun. I really did. I loved you so, so much, it scared me. When you stopped talking to me, I- I didn't know what to do. When you left for college without telling me, I felt like you'd given up. That you too thought we couldn't be together." 

"I never did. I believed in us. More than anything." My voice came out hoarse. 

"I was scared, Baek." His grip on my hand tightened. "Homophobic, actually. I wasn't brave like you. I couldn't accept myself back then." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered. "We could have worked it out." 

"You ran away." 

"I went back," I said. 

"When I was getting married," he chuckled.

"You could have called it off." I mumbled. I never would have said that out loud. It was the soju talking. "You lead Ga Young on. You didn't love her. You love Seojun, right? I love Seojun, too. So you have to as well." 

"Of course I love him," Chanyeol smiled as he watched me ramble. "You're drunk, so I am going to take advantage of the situation." My eyes widened and I pulled my hand away. Chanyeol laughed at my reaction and said, "Nothing like that. I want to ask you something which I'm sure you'll hit me for saying if you were sober."

"I am sober!" 

"No, you're not. You wouldn't have let me talk so long." 

"Fine. What do you want to ask?" 

"Can we start over?" Chanyeol said. "Can we be friends?" 

I stared at him for a long time. He stared back with that small shy smile on his face. 

I wanted to say no. I wanted him to suffer like I had. But hadn't he? He had misunderstood. I had, too. He had waited for me. Though for a relatively less time than I had, but... would things be different this time around?

"Sure." I said.
-
-
"Jongin, I am an adult. I am ready to forget what happened in the past," I told him in between sips of my coffee. He had found out from Kyungsoo that Chanyeol and I were living together. Needless to say, he was absolutely livid and wanted to talk to me. "Look past his mistakes. Our mistakes. And I'm just doing him a favour. As a friend would do." 

"For the last three months?" He growled. He hadn't touched his cup and was looking at me like I was the stupidest person in the world. Which I probably was. 

"He got a job." I told him. "At a school. He's a P.E teacher but he told me that they let him substitute teachers on leave sometimes. Anyway, it pays well. He's already found a new place and as a matter of fact, he is moving out tomorrow."

Ever since our super huge argument that day, things between Chanyeol and me had been surprisingly normal. I mean you'd expect me to have thrown him out or he would have left himself or we would have started ignoring each other or something. But no. We were normal. I mean whatever was normal with us. There was no awkwardness or any of the hurt feelings lingering between us. We were normal friends who shared a flat.  

Jongin nodded. "If he's moving out then that's cool. But Baekhyun, why did you let him stay with you in the first place?" 

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I don't know. It's very confusing." 

"You are so naïve, Baek," Jongin shook his head and turned away. 

"What?" 

"You still like him." 

"No, I don't." 

"Yes. You do, and you're only gonna get hurt, Baek. He has a child." Jongin said and I felt my heart drop to my stomach. "He's not coming back to you." 

"I don't-" 

I was saved from having to reply to him by a text from the hospital. I was on a break right now so I had stepped out to a café nearby to talk to Jongin. But apparently, there was an emergency and I was required back. 

"I gotta go," I said and got up. "It's a patient." 

"Come on, I'll drop you," Jongin peered out of the window. "Still raining." 

"Finish your coffee. I have my umbrella." I reached for my wallet but Jongin shook his hand. 

"I'll pay. You go!" 

I dashed out of the café and ran over to the hospital. My shoes got wet so I quickly went and put on my spare dry ones and then shrugged on my lab coat. 

I met Dr. Jun on the second floor and she was looking at the patient files. Nurses were filing in and out of the OT and I quickly joined the rest of the doctors for a briefing. 

"It's Lee Ye Rin." The look on Dr. Jun's face was enough to make my blood run cold. Ye Rin's expected date was still a month away. "She got into an accident. She's not very injured but she's gone into early labour." 

My eyes widened. Accident and early labour weren't terms you wanted to hear in the same sentence. Dr. Jun was quick with her commands and in a few minutes, everything was set. 

Dr. Jun had put it nicely. Ye Rin was injured pretty bad. I had a feeling this wouldn't turn out well. 

A normal delivery had two doctors at most and three nurses to assist. Ye Rin had five doctors, including me, milling around her and I lost track of the nurses. 

She was unconscious at the moment and our priority right now was to make sure the baby was okay. 

Usually during operations, I tried to keep my cool, but an hour into this one had me panicking. We had to stop her bleeding, fix the internal injuries, and not harm the baby. There were a lot of drugs we couldn't use as a result and it was only prolonging our task. 

It was four in the morning when Dr. Jun announced, "C-section." 

As if she had ordered an army, all of us got to our jobs. After that, I worked on autopilot. I was doing things mechanically. Everytime we encountered a problem, I had a solution. 

My entire focus was on the child, who was thankfully unharmed. I breathed a sigh of relief when Dr. Jun announced the time of birth. 

5: 17 a.m.

It was a boy. 

But before anyone could rejoice, the heart rate monitor began beeping and fluctuating like crazy. 

The nurses were quick to take the baby and the rest of us were back at Ye Rin's side. 

After that, I worked mechanically. Taking and carrying out orders like a damned robot. The panic in me was rising again. My hands shook so badly and I had to remind myself to breathe every once in a while.

"Baekhyun, out." Dr. Jun said after a while. I was ready to argue but she cut me off. "Out."

I stepped back and there was another doctor ready to replace me. But the minute I turned my back on her, I heard it. 

"No," I whispered at the same time Dr. Jun said, "CPR."

I stood there, tranfixed. Unable to leave. Unable to do anything. 

The line on the monitor lay flat. 

"Time of death, 5:59 a.m"
-
-
I heard people around me talk but I barely registered what they said. Ye Rin was my patient. She was dead, because I was having a panic attack.

Because I couldn't stop thinking that she was Ga Young.

Because I couldn't imagine how hurt Chanyeol- no.

This wasn't Ga Young. This was Ye Rin. 

I felt Dr. Jun's hand against my shoulder and she gave me a tired smile.

"You did everything you could."

"I panicked." My voice sounded foreign to me.

"It was a lost cause," she frowned. "We were all panicking. I know it's difficult to see patients die, Baekhyun, but you were brilliant with the baby. You did all you could. Remember that."

I was in a daze. I knew I had done all I could. But that hadn't been enough. 

One of the other doctors, Tao, a junior resident, was curled in a corner and crying. This was his very first operation. Seeing him like that... I felt something inside me snap. 

I made my way out of the OT and saw him. 

The husband. 

The look on his face as Dr. Jun talked to him. How he too, like Chanyeol two years ago, wasn't looking at his child. 

Crap.

I rushed to the restroom and bent over the toilet seat, only to dry heave. I felt tears burn my eyes and I collapsed against the wall. Everything was silent, except for my ragged breathing. 

It was an hour before I found the courage to leave the stall. When I made my way down to Dr. Jun's office, she just told me to go home and sleep it off. 

I didn't trust myself to drive so I took the bus home. The rain had stopped and the clouds were clearing up.

All of that meant nothing to me. 

I stumbled into the flat and leaned back against the door. I took a breath and then another. 

Then I heard footsteps and my eyes flew open.

Chanyeol was standing in front of me. A huge grin on his face. 

He's okay. 

That's the only thought that went through my mind. 

I saw Seojun peek from behind him and my heart skipped a beat. Seojun was okay, too. 

"Appa, surprise!" 

I turned to Chanyeol but he didn't answer. Just grabbed my hand and lead me to his room. 

"Okay, close your eyes."

"What's going on, Chanyeol?"

"Pia-"

"Seojunah!" Chanyeol cut him off. "It's a surprise, remember?"

"Yes!" Seojun said and then bounced up and down. 

Chanyeol gave me another smile and then pushed the door open. 

"Ta da!"

It was a black upright piano.

A piano.

"Where did you get that?" I said looking from him to the piano to Seojun who was randomly pressing the keys. "They're expensive."

"One of the teachers at school was throwing hers away. I said I'll buy it. She gave it to me for free. Not sure why. So I went and got it tuned and brought it over last night." He took in a breath. "It's a thank you gift."

"Wow, I-" 

No. No. Please, don't cry, Baekhyun. Please, hold it in,

But I couldn't. 

"Can you play- Baekhyun, what's wrong?"

I dropped down to my knees and shook as the tears left me. I felt Chanyeol wrap his arms around me and I buried my face in his shirt.

"I'm sorry," I cried.

"What? Why are you sorry?"

"I'm so sorry, Chanyeol." 

"Appa, uljima!" I heard Seojun say quietly but that only made me cry more. 

"Seojun, go out and wait for me in the living room." Chanyeol said and tightened his hold on me.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm sorry, too." Chanyeol murmured.

"It's okay?"

"Yeah, Baek. It's okay." 
-
-
Chanyeol was supposed to leave at nine along with Seojun. He had taken over the rest of his stuff to the new place a couple of days ago. The new place wasn't very far. A few block from KSoo's and one from the school that Chanyeol taught at. 

Chanyeol didn't want to go but I forced him.

"Your landlord's expecting you." I told him. "You don't want to make a bad impression, do you?"

He still refused to leave me but I pushed him out of the door. 

"Go! I'll see you later today." I gave him a feeble smile. "I'm free so maybe I'll stop by your place." 

Pouting and huffing, he had left and without him and Seojun, the house felt empty. 

So quiet. 

I was completely okay with living alone but it's always hard when you get used to company and then they leave. 

I had actually cried a bit when Jongin had left. 

Now, I felt empty. 

I couldn't get Ye Rin's smiling face out of my mind. I couldn't get Ga Young's face out of my mind either. And then I would remember what Jongin had said. That I was naïve for still liking Chanyeol. 

Like I could help it. 

He had hurt me. I had hated him for that. 

I had been hating someone I loved for the last 12 years or so. I couldn't any longer. What was so naïve about it if I forgave him? Can't I forgive him? 

I wanted to.

But would it change anything?

I spent the next two hours shuffling from one room to another, flipping through the channels on the TV and checking the refrigerator for food every fifteen minutes. It was still stocked with vegetables and last night's dishes. 

I felt tears prickle my eyes again. 

Chanyeol won't ever cook for me again. 

I plopped down on the couch and was about to lie down on it when the bell rang. I sighed. 

I was in no mood to entertain any guests right now but I couldn't just leave them standing outside. 

Maybe I could.

I quietly peeked out of the peep hole and saw that it was Chanyeol and Seojun. Chanyeol had a huge bag with Misizzim's printed on it along with a smaller bag.

"Open up, Baekhyun!" he called. "I know you're in there."

Frowning, I opened the door and Seojun rushed in, followed by Chanyeol who was grinning so wide. He hugged me and said, "I missed you so I came back."

"You've been gone for two hours." I said and pulled away, but his smile was infectious. 

"Yeah, I know." Chanyeol said. "But I can't leave you alone when you're this distraught. And Seojunah was worried. Weren't you?"

"Yes, Appa!" 

The kid was now on the couch and giggling like crazy. 

"Chanyeol, I-"

"I got food! Come on. I know you haven't had breakfast."

He dragged me to the dining table and pushed me down on a chair. Then he ruffled around in the bag and took out three boxes. Then he emptied the contents of the other bag and ten different kinds of chocolates fell out of it.

"Now that you have money, you're showing off?" I said.

He nodded and grinned toothily. 

He made sure I ate properly and then pulled me to the couch. Seojun was curled up on it, fast asleep. 

"He can sleep on my bed right now."

Chanyeol nodded and carried Seojun to my bedroom. He was back a moment later and he sat down on the couch, leaving plently of space between us. 

We watched a movie for a while and midway through it, it began to rain. It was light at first but then it really started pouring down. It grew to such a crescendo that we could barely hear what the actors were saying now. 

A particularly loud rumble made Chanyeol jump and I chuckled at his reaction. 

A moment later, Chanyeol said, "Hey, Baek. You scared of the storm?"

"No. You?" I answered.

"Me neither."

"Liar." I smiled. After a really long pause, I whispered. "Come here."
 

-

-

A/N- Oh God! I don't know what I word vomited just now. I'm sorry if you guys were expecting something else or I don't know something nice. The story sounded really nice in my head but now that I've written it down, it feels like eugh, total crap. This story took turns that are a bit unrealistic but I just wanted Chanyeol and Baekhyun to get back on good terms. That was the whole point of the sequel. It's okay if you guys don't like it. I mean I don't like it. I guess Baekhyun just had a soft spot for Chanyeol. Yes, that's my only explanation.

Anyway, comment what you think about this. I wrote almost 8000 words of rubbish but let me know if you like it, hate it or think it's meh. 

xoxo