075. Mirror – Doojoon/Doojoon

Rating: PG-13 (language, thoughts of suicide, depression)

Person: First

Word Count: 440

I never understood how it happened to me. One day I’m at home, enjoying life as a regular human being and the next I’m in some type of psychiatric ward alone. Nobody even told me that I was going to this place. I just woke up in a small, white bed to find that I was in a place that wasn’t in my recollection.

I think so far I’ve been here two days total. The only way I would’ve known where I was is because a nurse lady came in to speak to me. She let me know where I was and gave me this meal that tasted like cardboard. I was told to come out for meals from that point on but I’m in no mood to eat. Seclusion probably isn’t the best thing for me now but I can’t help it. I don’t really want to face anyone else at the moment.

For now, I’ll stay in my room in wait. There isn’t anyone outside that I want to see. I have to say that being alone gives me time to think. It gives me time to think of how I ed up my life. I can kind of see why I ended up in a place like this. I stopped eating when I was around seventeen; I went from eating three meals away to one if someone could convince to have something. That’s when the depression started. I didn’t feel happy. I thought it was because of other reasons than my friends and family did. They blamed it on my new eating habit, that is, if you can call not eating an eating habit at all.

What came next wasn’t too pretty. My family is in the pharmaceutical business. It made acquiring drugs to take twice as easy compared to the usual addict. I’m not promoting like this. It turned my life upside down and wham, you’re stuck in a place for crazy people like me. I only have one thing to blame for making me stop eating in the first place: the mirror.

The mirror showed me someone who I didn’t like. It didn’t show me the good things about myself like the way I smiled at people or the way I was respectful to my elders. It showed how I wasn’t as muscular as my friend Kikwang or baby faced like Yoseob. I came to comparing myself to even the mankae of the group of friends I was in, who was probably stronger than me.

I only have one piece of advice. Don’t be like me and you won’t hurt yourself like I did.