040. Same Old Thing – Hyunseung/Hyunseung

Rating: PG-13 (theme of depression)

Person: First

Word Count: 286

I can’t tell you how many times I watched the static on my TV. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat on my couch and have done nothing. There have been endless days where all I do is gorge myself on food. It’s the same old things that I do in life every day all day. I get tired of it but I can’t do anything else. Beast is no more and Jang Hyunseung is a thing of the past.

I turn off the TV, bored watching something that can’t hold my amusement for more than a second. I can’t afford for cable after spending most of my earnings from my Beast days on a big house that I live alone in. I’m alone. I don’t like it. I miss the days when I had to wake up early and fulfill a whole day of endless tasks until I feel like I’m about to pass out. At least that gave me something to do that made me interact with people.

Now I’m sitting on battered couch pitying myself for being boring, drowning in my own pointless life. I hate the feeling of getting up whenever I want—which is typically late in the afternoon—just to shuffle out of bed and eat in a big, empty kitchen. After eating I usually just go into the living room and watch nothing. I used to at least surf the Internet; check out some stuff, like the band’s old fan websites and such. Most of that is shut down now that Beast is a thing of the past.

Now, now I’m nobody of importance or want, just a nothing. I’m stuck just doing the same old thing.