Taeyeon realized she loved her five years ago. Among their close-knit group of nine, Taeyeon’s body, mind, and soul had set their sights on her.
 

Everything would have been perfect; their friends would most likely approve, except for the tragic fact that she didn’t feel the same way. Not even close.
 

But Taeyeon had tried. God, how she’d tried. Months and months of wooing had gotten her nowhere, and her friends urged her to tone it down a notch, worried that Taeyeon’s persistence would cause the entire group to fall apart. What the others didn’t expect, however, was that someone within the group would intervene: Tiffany.
 

Tiffany, who messed everything up further by confessing her feelings for Taeyeon. The six others tore their hair out in frustration at what they had dubbed “The Love Triangle of Stupidity.”
 

Taeyeon wasn’t blind. She knew Tiffany was fond of her. Her other friends paled in comparison to how Tiffany cared for her, warmer and more passionate than Taeyeon was used to, with her bright eyes and bright smiles. Tiffany was always there for her, neither constricting nor suffocating. Just...there.
 

She was there during Taeyeon’s 27^th attempt in asking her to give them a chance. Tiffany held Taeyeon’s hand when she had walked away once again, the gentle yet persistent rejection still hanging in the air. Tiffany led Taeyeon to an ice cream parlor nearby, making her laugh so hard she forgot about her, even if just for a moment.
 

Tiffany was always there for her, which was why Taeyeon had just stared dumbly at her after the former confessed. Taeyeon didn’t want to hurt the person who had always been there for her, but she didn’t want to give her hope either. Taeyeon knew, after all, that she would always be the one.
 

Her silence was apparently enough of an answer for Tiffany, who had been expecting it. Expected it, but was nevertheless hopeful. Tiffany’s hope died a little that day, yet never really fully dwindled.
 

Tiffany accepted her rejection, and even though it hurt terribly, she still remained a permanent fixture in Taeyeon’s life. Taeyeon knew she should push her away, let her go, because even if she didn’t say yes, she never really said no, either. And she knew, understood on an uncomfortably intimate level, how big of a hope can be. But Taeyeon was selfish. And hurt. And she reasoned with herself that if she couldn’t have her love, then maybe she deserved to at least have someone else’s.
 

Her selfish and stupid reasons were what brought her to Tiffany’s place that night. What made her capture Tiffany’s lips in a desperate kiss once the younger girl had opened the door for her, drowsiness evident in her half-lidded eyes that were filled with surprise and curiosity, and maybe even a little bit of that called hope.
 

Taeyeon knew that she shouldn’t have done that. They both knew it. But Tiffany was so tightly wrapped around Taeyeon’s finger that she would never have been able to turn her down. Not when desperate kisses became desperate hands, when feverish whimpers became feverish moans. Taeyeon was too selfish at that time to even care about how she was just going to hurt Tiffany more and more.
 

“I could make you happy,” Tiffany had told her that night as Taeyeon looked for her shirt within the scatter of clothes that made up Tiffany’s floor. Taeyeon's selfishness had toned down, allowing for fear and guilt to seep in. She couldn’t spare a glance at the and still-flushed girl that was sitting on the bed, blanket pooled at her waist, watching her fumble around the room. If she did, she would have seen the pain and longing in her eyes, and that would have made her stay. And she knew that she shouldn’t, because that night should never have happened.
 

She didn’t even realize that she never gave Tiffany a reply until she was back in her own room, in her own bed. That was when she realized that selfishness was a horrible thing, albeit an addicting one.
 

Nights like those happened more times than they could count. With Taeyeon always leaving right after, and Tiffany’s heart tearing open again after being mended by Taeyeon’s warmth and lips and body. Tiffany could be selfish too, marking Taeyeon’s body as hers, because maybe if she couldn’t have her heart, then that was the next best thing.
 

Their friends knew that there was something going on between them, of course; it was impossible for them not to. But they didn’t exactly know what it was. And Taeyeon and Tiffany somehow had a silent agreement that they wouldn’t tell them because they knew an intervention was going to happen, and both were too selfish to let go of such nights.
 

As time flew by, the nights between them changed.
 

Taeyeon eventually ended up staying most of the time, cuddling against Tiffany’s warmth, because she now equated Tiffany with comfort. They would talk about everything and nothing during those nights, because they were, after all, still friends - at least they wanted to stupidly believe so. Taeyeon was still selfish, maybe even more so now because she was giving Tiffany something that she shouldn’t be giving: more hope.
 

Some nights, Taeyeon would immediately burst into tears immediately after, and Tiffany would hold her as close as possible, acting as her pillar, her support. Such incidents regularly occurred three years ago, when she was with him. He, who was everything she wanted, at least that was what she said every time she gushed about him during their hang outs. Hang outs wherein Taeyeon was remarkably absent. The details of such hang outs she got from Tiffany. Forced out of Tiffany. Because she needed to know every sound and word and gesture she made, just in case maybe, just maybe, Taeyeon could finally see a crack through her barrier and finally be able to worm her way into her heart.
 

Tiffany hated those moments. She hated all moments with Taeyeon. Hated how she couldn’t stop them. How Taeyeon was her oxygen. How she felt like she would die without her. She hated those moments, but she loved them too. She hated Taeyeon, but she loved her too. She hated hope, but she loved it too.
 

The occurred when a wedding invitation was delivered to them. Personally.
 

The moment Tiffany took it from her hands, she asked her whom else she had already given one to. Once she heard Taeyeon’s name leave her lips, Tiffany wasted no time going to the older girl’s apartment.
 

All that can be heard from Taeyeon’s apartment that night were choked sobs and low murmurs of comfort.
 

After that day, a shift in their dynamic happened again.
 

They didn’t hang out at night merely to just have anymore. It even took Taeyeon a while before she was able to bring herself to brush her lips against Tiffany’s. Most nights – and now even days – spent together were for meals, movies, and laughter, although it took Tiffany a while before she could even got a chuckle out of the blonde.
 

Everything about it honestly felt domestic. And with this domesticity, hope, once again, began to bloom.
 

Hope was seducing Tiffany, making her dream. Dream of a possible future wherein Taeyeon would finally love her back. Where Taeyeon would think of her and say her name instead of hers when her hurtled through her.
 

It was this stupid hope that made her confess to Yuri about everything happening between her and Taeyeon. Everything that had happened in the last four years.
 

Yuri was a good friend; she never interrupted Tiffany’s story, never judged. The knowing look in her eyes made Tiffany realize that their friends probably knew a bit more about her and Taeyeon than they let on.
 

Once Tiffany finished talking, Yuri began to. She began to tell Tiffany things that burned through the flickering candle of hope Tiffany’s heart had held due to the last few months. How Taeyeon and Tiffany couldn’t – shouldn’t – do what they were doing because it wasn’t going to end well for either of them. Taeyeon was never going to move on because she now associated Tiffany with her, and Tiffany was never going to be truly happy if she allowed Taeyeon to take her love for granted.
 

Tiffany didn’t want to believe Yuri. But she was smart, and she could be rational. But it still took Tiffany a long time to accept it. It was during another night spent with Taeyeon, as she looked at the smaller girl’s sleeping form, when she truly realized that what Yuri said was right. And with that, the hope that had flickered in her heart was all finally snuffed out.
 

“Do you mind if we walk around first?” Tiffany asked Taeyeon after dinner one night. Taeyeon nodded at her, smiling, and they stepped out of the restaurant and breathed in the chilly but fresh night air.
 

Taeyeon followed Tiffany, unconsciously letting the latter lead her, even though they were walking side by side. Their hands bumped against each other once, twice, thrice.
 

Tiffany would usually grasp Taeyeon’s hand in hers after the second or third bump, but this time, Tiffany placed her hands in the pocket of her gray hoodie instead.
 

A mellow tension hung in the air between them, and Taeyeon discreetly glanced at the surprisingly quiet girl beside her. Tiffany would usually be talking nonstop right about now, just telling Taeyeon about her day and asking about hers in return. Now that she realized it, the brunette barely talked during dinner, too.
 

Tiffany suddenly came to a stop. They were standing on a tall bridge overlooking the Han River, the light of the stars bouncing off its clear waters. Tiffany looked past the railings of the bridge, her expression passive, but her eyes were heavy with emotions that Taeyeon couldn’t place.
 

Tiffany opened and confessed to Taeyeon once again, but this time, it wasn’t about love. She confessed about telling Yuri, not wanting to keep such things from Taeyeon. Taeyeon didn’t feel angry, just resigned. She knew it was inevitable that their friends would find out. It was kind of surprising that they didn’t know already, what with them being scarily perceptive about these kind of things.
 

What took Taeyeon by surprise was Tiffany’s next statement.
 

“I can’t…do this. You…us…anymore.”
 

Tiffany didn’t look at her as she spilled her feelings, choosing to stare at the crescent moon and the stars lighting up the sky. If she looked at Taeyeon, she would falter. And she would stay.
 

She told Taeyeon about her love. Her never fleeting but rather growing love. Her fears. About how that love would drown her and burn her and render her an empty husk when Taeyeon eventually left her. Because it was inevitable that someday, Taeyeon would leave her. Because Taeyeon didn’t feel the same way. And once Taeyeon finally got over her completely, she would find someone better. Someone deserving of her love. Tiffany didn’t want to watch that happen while she was left on her own, her love for Taeyeon consuming her.
 

Taeyeon didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to refute. She wanted to, but she was still confused. Confused about everything. About her. She was especially confused about Tiffany, who made her feel things. Things that she had never felt before, not even for her. She felt it when Tiffany looked at her like she was pink, Tiffany’s favorite color. Like she was her favorite something. She felt it when Tiffany leaned her head against her shoulder while they were watching TV or a movie, like she equated Taeyeon to comfort as well. She felt it when Tiffany looked at her like she was all she could see, brown eyes darkened with desire as she hovered over her in bed, their breaths mingling and bodies feverishly pressed against each other. She never had the time nor did she ever choose to sort these feelings out, because she never thought that this night would happen, never thought that Tiffany would finally let her go.
 

“I’m sorry,” was all she could say. Because she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to reason with Tiffany, how to make her stay. Because she knew that she shouldn’t. And with this, Taeyeon knew that her selfishness four years ago had decreased. Her desire to be loved was still there, but her desire to never want to see Tiffany hurt, ever, overpowered it. Because Tiffany Hwang was amazing, and beautiful, and she deserved the world. She deserved someone who could love her just as ardently as she had loved Taeyeon.
 

Hearing her apology, Tiffany finally turned to look at her. The brunette stepped towards her, brows furrowed. “Never apologize for not being able to love me, Taeyeon. It’s not your fault…and I’ll never apologize for giving my heart to you, either.”
 

After a few more moments of silence, Tiffany suggested that they walk back home, since it was getting late.
 

Tiffany cherished the few minutes it took for them to reach Taeyeon’s apartment building. How their steps always seemed to be in sync as they walked together. Once they were in front of the building, Tiffany took a deep breath and finally focused her gaze on the shorter girl beside her. She didn’t know if she was supposed to say goodbye with finality, because they were bound to meet sometime soon, seeing as they were in the same circle of friends. All she was saying goodbye to was the time they spent alone together.
 

So she settled with a simple “Good night,” attempting a smile that she was sure didn’t quite reach her eyes, especially with how hard she was clenching her jaw, balling her hands into fists so she wouldn’t hold the blonde and beg her to love her.
 

Taeyeon only looked at her in response, staring intensely at her, and she didn’t know what it meant. The wick in her heart was unraveling once again, but she didn’t want it to. Didn’t want Taeyeon to say something that would light the wick up and burn her once again.
 

“You always walk me home. I’ve never even offered to do the same for you.”
 

The wick was cut by Taeyeon’s words, and it scrambled back to safety in Tiffany’s heart once again. Tiffany chuckled at the girl across from her, whose eyebrows were furrowed, guilt tinting her cheeks a light pink.
 

“Your apartment was always nearer than mine, anyway.”
 

Taeyeon attempted to tell her that this time, she’d walk Tiffany back home, but the latter immediately turned down her offer, telling her how irrational it was since they were already in front of her building.
 

And with that, Taeyeon finally started walking into her building as Tiffany watched her, the latter's hands still shoved inside her pockets. She smiled at the back of the small girl who could hold so much of her heart in her palms. Her smile faded as she remembered what had just transpired that night. A break-up? No, they were never even together in the first place.
 

Her thoughts were interrupted when the subject of her gaze looked back at her, flooring Tiffany. Taeyeon never looked back when they said their good nights. It might be a small thing, but it still surprised Tiffany. She realized that she wasn’t smiling anymore, and remedied that by lifting up, pretending everything was alright.
 

Her attempt at a smile disappeared when she watched Taeyeon briskly walk back in front of her, eyes more intense than before, gaze looking like she wanted to swallow Tiffany whole.
 

One word.
 

“No.”
 

Tiffany didn’t know what to make of that. What did Taeyeon mean?
 

“D-don’t let me go just yet. Give me a chance.”
 

Taeyeon gave her an explanation, albeit a stuttering one, which was oddly kind of cute. Taeyeon never seemed to stutter in front of her. Oh, she was always stuttering in front of her, but never Tiffany. Tiffany was her comfort zone.
 

Apparently not anymore.
 

“I-I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m feeling for you right now, Tiffany, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t know tomorrow. Or the next day. Give me a chance. Please. Let me try.”
 

Try.
 

It hurt. She didn’t have to try to love Taeyeon. No one should have to try to love anyone or anything. But Taeyeon was saying please. Begging, practically. And hope, being the little that she was, made Tiffany soft. Vulnerable.
 

But what if Taeyeon tries, and fails? What then?
 

Such doubts were silenced once Tiffany looked into Taeyeon’s eyes, which were filled with so much sincerity, and a little bit of confusion. And Tiffany understood. If she never gave Taeyeon a chance, even after her 27^th attempt, then Tiffany was going to give in to Taeyeon on her first.
 

So she did.
 

Things between them were a little awkward at first, but gradually became more comfortable. It was a different kind of comfortable from the one Taeyeon had felt with Tiffany when the former was only seeking companionship that could help her through her ordeals. This comfort wasn’t hindered by her. This comfort had potential, much like a budding rose.
 

Taeyeon did her best to unravel this potential. Although unlike the wooing and serenading she did with her, Taeyeon’s actions towards Tiffany were more subtle. Their relationship before that was already understated to begin with, almost at an equilibrium between being lovers and friends. But this time, their actions toward each other were less doubtful, and more loving.
 

Taeyeon was now the one who usually initiated contact first. When their hands would bump once, then twice, Taeyeon would entwine their fingers together and caress the back of Tiffany’s hand with her thumb. She would call and text first, allowing them to keep in touch throughout the day, especially during days when they weren’t able to meet with each other. Taeyeon and Tiffany would now take turns walking each other to their respective apartments, even if Tiffany’s home was farther. They would also spend time in both, unlike before when Taeyeon typically bulldozed her way into Tiffany’s unannounced, although never unwelcome.
 

It was subtle, it was gradual, but it was something. And for Tiffany, it was beautiful.
 

Taeyeon was excited, unconsciously smiling and eyes twinkling as she reached the floor of Tiffany’s apartment. It was the weekend, and she couldn't wait to spend time with her.
 

As she let herself in with the blue-tinted key Tiffany had given her two weeks ago (“So that you won’t have to wake me up with your banging, you annoying early bird.”), she immediately noticed the unusual silence that greeted her.
 

It was already eight in the evening, and Tiffany was always the first one to arrive during Fridays, some catchy pop music flowing through the speakers with dinner already delivered to the apartment since Tiffany couldn’t cook to save her life.
 

She quickly walked forward to check the bedroom, and all the other rooms, just in case.
 

Anxious thoughts swam through Taeyeon’s mind, first fearing for Tiffany’s safety, then for their relationship. Because although they were together, doubts would still always filter through Taeyeon. She was, after all, still a little bit traumatized with her first love. It’s not that she doubted Tiffany’s love for her, God no; Tiffany’s love was her saving grace. But the power of it alone made Taeyeon wonder if she was worth it all. What did she do to deserve that love? When, for four years, all she gave back was a little bit of her body, and a whole lot of pain. She was trying to remedy that. She wanted to give Tiffany the love she deserved. The love she deserved to mirror her own.
 

Maybe Tiffany found someone else that was worth her time and beauty and eye-smiles…maybe —
 

A pink post-it note on the floor a few feet away from the apartment door caught Taeyeon’s eye. She picked it up, and the note eased all her worries.
 

‘Tae,
 

I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you this right away. The CEO used me as his proxy for a 5-day business conference in Tokyo. I had to leave by noon. My phone died, so I wasn’t able to contact you. But I will text once I get it powered. Sorry it had to fall on the weekend. I know you love cuddling with me on Sundays. ;)
 

See you on Wednesday, love.
 

Fany’
 

Taeyeon smiled at the note, caressing the words inked on it until she realized that she probably looked like a lovesick fool.
 

She decided to stick around Tiffany’s apartment, eating her dinner there and using Tiffany’s desktop as she waited for the brunette to contact her.
 

Tiffany did, at about 10 PM, apologizing once again. Taeyeon shushed her, reminding her that it was wrong to apologize for things that were beyond her control.
 

Taeyeon eventually decided to stay the night and sleep in Tiffany’s bed. Mostly because it smelled soothingly like Tiffany, and it made Taeyeon feel like the brunette was there with her.
 

Taeyeon ended up sleeping in Tiffany’s apartment for the next five days. She didn’t think too much about her reasons as she packed a duffel bag of her work clothes and underwear. She didn’t bother packing sleepwear and toiletries, knowing she could borrow Tiffany’s anyway, although she never really had permission, since she hadn’t informed the brunette of her nightly sleepovers. She didn’t want to have to tell Tiffany that she missed her scent like a whiny little wolf or something.
 

The door to Tiffany’s apartment opened at 1 AM, Wednesday. It was Tiffany, pulling her luggage along, tired from the red-eye flight she had just taken from Japan.
 

Her steps halted as she noticed a dark blue blazer slung across the back of her sofa. Taeyeon?
 

She took a more observant look around her apartment and noticed other things, like Taeyeon’s watch and purse on her coffee table, and the pile of trash in her garbage can of what looked like chips and takeout boxes. The tired grimace on Tiffany’s face transformed into a bright grin at the thought of Taeyeon staying over in her apartment…but since when? Tiffany would love it if Taeyeon had stayed over the entire five days.
 

Tiffany abandoned her luggage in the living room and purposefully walked towards her bedroom, quietly opening the door. She saw a small figure turned away from her, a pink comforter wrapped snugly up to her neck. The smile filled with wonder never left Tiffany’s face as she walked towards the other side of the bed and the sleeping Taeyeon. She crouched low until her face was level with the blonde’s.
 

She carefully brushed away the hair covering Taeyeon’s face, and she was now able to see the latter’s peacefully sleeping expression due to the moonlight filtering through the windows. She chuckled softly at Taeyeon’s slightly agape mouth and soft snores, and couldn’t resist stealing a peck, which turned into a lingering kiss on Taeyeon’s mouth.
 

The smaller girl shifted at the pressure, finally blinking blearily into consciousness as Tiffany pulled away.
 

“Fany?”
 

“Mmhmm…” Tiffany hummed, giving Taeyeon another kiss, which the other girl finally reciprocated, winding her arms around Tiffany’s neck so that Tiffany fell onto the bed and on Taeyeon.
 

Their kisses turned heated, tongues rubbing and winding around each other, muffling moans and words that they both wanted to say, like “I missed you.”
 

Tiffany moved further down to trail kisses against Taeyeon’s jaw and neck, nibbling and lightly, fully waking up the other girl with her ministrations.
 

“Have you been staying here while I was away?” She asked against Taeyeon’s ear, which she now paid attention to, teeth grazing it lightly, just how Taeyeon liked it.
 

“Yes…” Taeyeon replied, along with a moan. She tangled her fingers in Tiffany’s hair, nails grazing her scalp, further urging the brunette on.
 

“Hmm…why?” Tiffany’s fingers began to Taeyeon’s sleepshirt. Tiffany grinned when she realized that she was ing a shirt that she owned. She raised her eyebrow, halting her fingers at the fourth button when all she heard from Taeyeon was an incoherent reply. “What?”
 

Taeyeon sighed in defeat, then grasped Tiffany’s face in her hands and brought her close, their noses brushing against each other. “Because your scent isn’t as strong in my apartment. …We…umm…we need to remedy that.”
 

Tiffany blinked at Taeyeon’s reply for a few seconds, and then the former suddenly broke out into a huge smile. A smile that even though Taeyeon could barely see it, was still able to take her breath away. Because she knew that smile. Could picture it anytime, because picturing it helped ease her nerves and worries when she wasn’t with Tiffany. Had to picture it a lot during the last five days.
 

She didn’t know when it happened, but Taeyeon’s dependence on Tiffany had grown exponentially over time. She thought that maybe it started after that night when she asked Tiffany for a chance to love her, but her heart knew that it happened way before that. Tiffany was her comfort, her rock. She just didn’t realize it right away because she was an idiot. An idiot who barely even gave Tiffany a chance because she was so blinded by Jessica. Didn’t even think that Tiffany deserved a real chance to prove herself, and instead used Tiffany and her feelings to her advantage.
 

As she stared at the girl who gave her a chance even though she never deserved it, she realized that it was stupid of her to say that that she would “try” to love her. Where was the need to try, when she already did?
 

Tiffany’s smile began to slip as Taeyeon continued to stare at her, barely moving nor breathing. “Tae—“
 

Taeyeon pulled her in and crashed her lips against hers, trying to pour out all her feelings, trying to apologize to this beautiful girl that she barely deserved. But wanted to. And someday, she promises she will.
 

As they broke apart for air, Tiffany looked down at her with glazed eyes. “Wh-what was that?” She asked, breathing heavily.
 

Taeyeon brushed the back of her fingers on Tiffany’s cheek lightly. “That was an I love you. And an I’m sorry for taking way too long to say it.”
 

Tiffany’s eyes shone with unshed tears at Taeyeon’s confession, and she dove back in to feel the blonde’s lips on hers again, whispering an “I love you, too” against .
 

Maybe hope wasn’t such a little after all.

FIN.

A/N:

#1 Is it obvious that i kind of hate writing conversations/dialogue...sigh...I'll improve, I swear.

#2 I wasn't supposed to give a name to her to allow you guys to imagine whomever you want it to be within SoShi, but I thought that Tae revealing her name would have a big impact, so yeah.

#3 I apologize for the sudden shifts in perspectives. It made it kinda messy...but it taeny is messy ok

I hope you enjoyed reading! :)