Theme song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruyxE9s94eo

*Listen to the song while read.....^^

                I look at him from afar… he is doing perfectly fine, smiling and moving on, as if nothing gone wrong. I probably should feel happy to see you being happy with your friends, hanging out and have a good time, you deserve it.

                ‘Oppa, I miss you…’ I whisper. I can feel hot tears are dripping on my face.

                 I never thought I could see him in this circumstance. I never thought that meeting him could make my heart twitching in pain. I thought I was perfectly fine, and if I meet him anywhere by chance, I could just walk pass him like there’s nothing wrong. I want to show him that I was perfectly fine without him. I want him to see that I had already moved on, just like he did.

               But here I am, hiding in the corner, crying to myself, regretting it. I wish I didn’t lie to you. I wish i didn’t left you. I wish I didn’t get affected with what the people say. I wish I didn’t get confused and doubt my own feeling back then… oh, how I wish I could turn back time. I wish that I didn’t hurt you that badly back then, at least, by now, I can face you with no regrets. But that was just what I wish. What are said and done will just won’t be erased; at it had wounds you badly. I’m sorry.

               Five months ago, I am such a stupid girl, for doubting the feeling I had on you. I should’ve hold on to you, no matter what. It was all started when you were busy doing oversea promotion, you started to abandon me. You rarely call me, rarely see me, you make me feel so left out. I feel the sparks had gone, I give up on you because I feel that my longing for you were not being returned. I was confused, do you still love me or it was just me who is clinging onto a dying love. I told you before, to not abandon me, because it makes me feel insecure.

             Then, during some occasion, we appear to be at the same place. You didn’t know about it but I saw you. You were being so nice to everybody, very nice towards all those beautiful girls around you. This is not the first time I saw you being nice to other people, and I know you are a very nice person, but sometimes, that’s what killing me. You attentiveness towards the other made me feel insecure, because you appear to be treating them just the way you treat me. What’s the different between me and them if they way you treat us is the same? It makes me feel jealous, feel sorry to myself, and feel so insecure, adding to the fact that we rarely be with each other, are we still loving each other, oppa?

               I was so confuse with myself, with you, and on our relationship. Is you attentiveness towards me is the same as your attentiveness to others, or is it because you truly love me? I couldn’t ask you directly too, because I know, you would definitely tell that you love me. So, whenever we go out for a date, I would request for you to bring me to our favorite place, the places that we had visited when we first dated each other and such. But the feeling is not the same anymore. I don’t feel the same as in the past; you seem to be a different man that I date. The place doesn’t seem to bring back the sweet scent of love that we had in the past, I wonder what had happened to us. Then the break up took place. And the rest is history.

                 I cried in my sleep every day since the break up. Bommie keep asking me, what’s wrong with me? But I only keep it to myself. I fake a smile everyday just to assure that nobody knows what had happened to me. I thought that life could be easier considering the fact that I had experienced being abandoned by you. I thought I would not be missing you that badly, but I was wrong. Every minute, I look at my cell phone, forgetting the fact that you wouldn’t be texting or calling me anymore. This time, it was harder, since I know that you will never contacting me anymore, compare to the past, where you will at times, calling me, even if it’s not that often. At times, whenever I heard the door bell rings, I also mistakenly thought that it would be you. I keep on forgetting that it’s over between us. And the sight of you kneeling and crying haunts me every night. I can’t sleep at night just thinking about you. I don’t know, is it love or is it guilt, I am not sure myself, but I know, I keep thinking of you all the time.

                Siwon oppa, how are you lately? Did you eat well? Are you doing fine? I hope you didn’t end up like me. I am not fine at all. I keep myself busy with work, work and work. I didn’t even remember when was the last proper meal that I had. I can’t cook my own meal anymore, because every time I step in the kitchen, my thoughts of you will appear. You were always there to help me to wash the vegetables whenever I want to prepare the meal. And you were always there, surprising me by giving me a back hug and kisses when I was busy cooking. I would pretend to be angry, but the fact is, I totally enjoy it.

                I couldn’t even sit at the dining table anymore, cause the moment I sit; I would imagine you sitting opposite of me, smiling satisfactory looking at the dish we prepare together. You would compliment every dish that I prepared. Then you would pray before starting the meal, you used to pray that we will cook the meal together for our children, and if we live long enough, for our little grandchildren. How could you create such memory for me, oppa? It’s hurt so much to even to take a bite of rice.

               If you were a hacker, you probably found this out. I actually started to be like a stalker. I miss you so much that I could only use the internet to look at you. I secretly open a twitter account to follow you. I want to know what you are doing, but I couldn’t directly ask you, that’s the only way. I am so desperate over you. I really hate this but I can’t do anything about it. When there are news about Super Junior, I made sure that I read it, to catch a glimpse of your life. For your information, the post that I always post on my Me2day account were all fake, I appear to be happy and cheerful just to make you feel assure that I am perfectly fine by myself. I don’t want you to worry about me.

               I miss you, but I couldn’t expect to meet you backstage of any music show except by chance, if we are promoting during the same period, which is never occur. And now, we are meeting, I just keep avoiding you, because I am afraid that I can’t control myself, running to you and hug you. What will happen then? I’m sure you are going to push me away without hesitant, and the news is going to spread all over the web, people will start to dig out our past relationship. It will be harder.

               Here I am, stood in the corner, watching you get further away. I have to accept that you’re not mine anymore. Are we really over? Oppa, am I no longer in your heart now? Should I feel relieve or hurt? Because the last words I told you is for you to move on and find someone’s better. When I think about it, I feel like dying. It’s really hurt oppa.