Can you miss someone you can't even remember? Can you talk about love, without any memories of this person? Could you say that you love this person? Questions which I haven’t asked myself before. But now since I don't own many memories and have lost my past, I started asking myself these questions.

If I started with these questions, we would be at the end. We would be at this end where the happy end says goodbye without knowing how it happened. Now I could start with the depths of the ocean but it would be a mistake to start with the depths of the ocean. By the depths which should have taken all of me, but didn't. Because if I started with them, I would have to talk about the boy with the mint green hair, the boy who saved my life without the permission to do this. But that wouldn't have a context and that's the reason why I have to start with the past. Yes, I think this would be the best beginning... In this past now in which my body was a cold, empty, soulless shell. In the past now where I had everything but still nothing. In the long ago "now" where he, he with his beautiful smile, was broken and ruined... more ruined than I was and this only by the sight of myself which I showed him in that time. And I didn't want to bear and see this anymore. I didn't want the memories of him and the ocean anymore. The memories of how he was talking, with a lot of fascination, about the ocean in this summer, just how he also used to do in the last summers. How he always took me to the ocean with its sky blue water and there, at the end of the dock, which ended with a Pavillion, on which an old black piano was and which he was often playing. On this piano, he was always playing different compositions from classic to modern and just like on the very last day, I was listening with a lot of enthusiasm. But I didn't only listen to him I was also watching him while he was playing on an afternoon like this and every time when he smiled, my heart broke again. And by the time he found out about this, he stopped smiling. But he had such a beautiful smile. A smile which made a day beautiful again. A smile which I have never seen again after this day because he started to hate it. And this kind of hate brought the ultimate desperation. He wanted to but he wasn't able to hold the most important thing in his life anymore... yes, he has known it for long, deep inside... he noticed that I already slipped away. And exactly this awareness ... On that day this awareness stopped his piano playing and a natural silence appeared with the sound of the ocean. Meanwhile, in this silence he elevated his head and looked at the ocean, searching for words, but that couldn't help him. "So beautiful and at the same time so dangerous", were his words with which he wanted to break the silence...nothing more and nothing less.

But this plan failed with these simple words and why should an empty shell answer him... Yes, I didn't talk with him anymore... This last day I was keeping silence because I didn't want to hear his words which tried to save me. Because I thought I didn't deserve this kind of words.

But he didn't understand this... No, he couldn't know this, because I was hiding all my sorrows and problems. I hid them until the day I finally decided to give up on everything and to forget all of it. To be one with the water, which fascinated him so much. Because back then, on this last beautiful summer day I really wanted to die and to let him...let him Min Yoongi go forever.