--

She’s always been the best friend and that has always been enough.

--

“She’s beautiful,” Seulgi whispers to her while they’re in a middle of a lecture class that nobody is paying attention to because everyone is too busy staring at the new student who transferred mid-semester. She’s pretty, Joohyun admits, with dark eyes and pale skin that nearly blends with the oversized white sweater she’s wearing.

“She’s alright,” she replies, “Not my type, though.”

Seulgi snorts at her then smiles innocently at the professor who turns around at the noise. Joohyun rolls her eyes at her friend before focusing back on the lecture and she feels Seulgi do the same beside her.

“She looks like the type who likes singing; maybe I should invite her to join the music club?” Seulgi asks her, a few minutes later, once the coast is clear.

She looks at Seulgi, sporting what is probably an extremely bewildered expression, “How did you even come up with that conclusion?”

Seulgi winks at her before leaning in and whispering conspiratorially, “She has the soprano look, you know what I’m talking about?”

Joohyun, in fact, doesn’t know what she’s talking about so she doesn’t respond in favor of actually listening to the professor, expecting Seulgi to do the same.

Later, though, when she turns to look at Seulgi, she finds her staring at the new girl.

--

She learns her name, Seungwan, along with a million other things about her after class; like how she’s from Canada, she can play the guitar, saxophone, piano, and flute. She spends her free time playing golf and soccer, her birthday is on February 21, she has an older sister, and she loves baking.

“How did you even find out about all this,” she interrupts while Seulgi is in the middle of explaining how Seungwan is, indeed, a soprano in her school choir back in Canada because, seriously, is it normal for people to know this much about a random exchange student when they haven't even talked yet?

Seulgi immediately shuts and starts turning pink in the face so Joohyun raises a brow at her, “Did you talk to her when I wasn’t looking?”

Seulgi shakes her head, face getting even redder, “I might have… checked her social media accounts.”

Joohyun stares for a beat before actually laughing out loud because there’s no way Seulgi found all that by just ‘checking’, “You totally stalked her, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t stalk her!” Seulgi says indignantly and Joohyun raises her brow again, “I just… I was curious.”

“Okay, get away from me. Our sleepover is cancelled, I don’t want to be associated with an actual stalker,” she jokes before running ahead to the car where her driver is waiting and slams the door on Seulgi who starts pounding on it.

“Aish, Joohyun, open this door! I’m not a stalker, you cabbage!”

She laughs and opens it only for Seulgi to jump inside the car and start tickling her relentlessly, crying in mock-outrage on how her reputation is forever ruined because of Joohyun.

She gasps and tries to push Seulgi away, all while trying to stop herself from sounding like a strangled banshee from all her laughter and shrieking. She squeaks for her driver to help her but Seulgi completely takes over and covers .

Her traitorous driver, though clearly hearing her breathless cries, just chuckles at them and starts driving so they both continue struggling against each other in the backseat and all Joohyun thinks is how childish this all is.

But Seulgi's arms are wrapped around her and what she's really wishing is for things to stay like this forever.

--

It doesn’t.

--

“You’re staring again,” she tells Seulgi, months later, when Seungwan stops being the outsider and starts being a constant in their lives. Well, Seulgi’s life, mostly, since Seungwan agreed to join the music club and Joohyun’s not really a member though she spends half her time hanging out in their clubroom anyway. She's allowed because Seulgi threatened to quit if they made Joohyun leave and she thinks the president hates her guts but he agrees because they can't afford to lose a voice like Seulgi's.

Seulgi glares at her but doesn’t respond from her seat by the window. Outside, Seungwan’s eating lunch with friends and Joohyun has to admit that she really does paint a very pretty picture like this, with a brilliant smile bathed in sunlight and a gentle breeze blowing against her hair.

She kind of understands Seulgi’s fascination, because in an alternate world where she’s not in love with her best friend, maybe she’ll be the one to fall for Seungwan instead.

--

ASDFGHJKL, Joohyun groans into her pillow after reading the message and thinks of a hundred different ways to kill Seulgi. She replies anyway because while she knows that Seulgi has a tendency to speak nonsense, it’s not to the extent of sending ten undecipherable messages in succession during ungodly hours of the morning.

You have one chance to explain why you’re waking me up at 3am or I'm ignoring you for the rest of our lives.

Remember the jazz concert that your dad’s company is sponsoring? Seulgi’s reply comes fast and Joohyun furrows her brows in confusion.

The one I told you about weeks ago and you said you’re not really interested in?

Joohyun-ah, she can almost hear Seulgi’s desperate voice in her head and she kind of knows where this is going already, Please please please help me! I just talked to Seungwan and she said she really really loves Jazz music and that she’s sad because she couldn’t get a ticket for that concert since it got sold out way too quickly and this is a chance for me to go out and do something alone with her!!!

Joohyun frowns, tosses her phone in the nightstand, and tries not to think about the fact that Seulgi and Seungwan are up at three in the morning discussing about their favorite jazz bands and music concerts. She turns away and pointedly ignores the incessant dinging of her phone just to prove that she can, she can already imagine the contents of the messages anyway.

Joohyuuuuun

Pleaseeeee

I’m begging youuuuu

She's strong. She can say no. Because, really, why would she agree to bother her extremely busy dad for days just to get two extra tickets for a sold out concert that she isn’t even going to?

She’ll say no, just this once.

(She doesn’t even last three minutes.)

--

Later, as she stares at a picture of Seulgi and Seungwan hugging each other captioned -Awesome concert with the best company one could ask for- that Seulgi posted online, she wonders, briefly, if she’s a masochist because she keeps on doing things that are breaking her own heart.

--

“She really is gorgeous,” Seulgi tells her again when they’re sprawled around Joohyun’s bed doing math homework, well, Joohyun’s doing the homework while Seulgi’s busy doodling on her notebook and Joohyun waits until the familiar pangs of jealousy subside before hitting her best friend lightly in the forehead.

“Stop daydreaming and do you work.”

Seulgi completely ignores her and starts talking excitedly, “I can’t believe Yoonjae songsaenim made us duet partners! I’m so excited for the festival and all the rehearsals that we have to do together."

Ah, the rehearsals that Joohyun can't attend because the performances are supposed to be a surprise and, no matter how much time she spends in their room, she's still not a member of the music club. Seulgi must be really happy; she'll get to talk to Seungwan all the time now without Joohyun taking up half her attention.

"I don't even need to make excuses to spend time together now,” Seulgi beams.

Joohyun ignores her and focuses on the problems so that someone can actually finish the work, though she's really just thinking of all the times Seulgi mentions talking to Seungwan until late at night and she asks herself, does Seulgi make excuses for those too?

--

Joohyun walks along the campus alone after her meeting with her professor ran late, she's supposed to meet Seulgi thirty minutes ago to go home together but she doesn't bother walking faster because Seulgi mentioned seeing Seungwan on her last text message and she doesn’t want to run to meet someone that probably isn’t even waiting for her anymore.

"What took you so long?" Seulgi's voice shakes her out of her thoughts and she hates that, when she looks up, the first thing she notices is that Seungwan isn't there.

"Where's Seungwan?" she blurts out, surprised that Seulgi hadn't taken advantage of her tardiness to grab some alone time with the girl.

"I told her to go on ahead already, why didn't you reply to my message? I thought you left me already," Seulgi pouts at her as they walk together towards the campus exit.

"I thought you would've left with her already," she tries to tease but it sounds hollow even to her own ears, she hopes Seulgi won't notice.

"Why would I leave with her?" Seulgi gives her a confused look as if the idea of leaving Joohyun never crossed her mind, "Didn't I tell you that I'll go see that poetry exhibition with you?"

Joohyun raises her brows in surprise because she really didn't think that Seulgi would remember. She told her about that event two months ago and she assumes, with all the chaos the upcoming festival is causing, that it'd slip Seulgi's mind.

"You thought I wouldn't remember?" Seulgi smiles and wriggles her eyebrows mischievously at her.

"You always forget things, can you blame me?" she mutters and Seulgi lets out a very inelegant snort.

"I don't forget my dates with you! Besides, I heard there's a new chocolate shop right beside the exhibition, let's check it out after okay? It's my treat," Seulgi grins while interlocking their arms together and she laughs because, of course, Seulgi wants to go to the chocolate shop.

Everything about this feels familiar and if Joohyun closes her eyes, she can almost pretend that it's like the old days where it's just Seulgi and her.

(She knows it's not, though, but it's always been easier for Joohyun to pretend.)

--

They're sitting in the cafeteria when she decides that she’s not going to the damn festival and suffer through two songs of Seulgi and Seungwan looking and singing to each other about love.

Seulgi successfully invites Seungwan to join them for lunch and inadvertently ignores Joohyun for the rest of the meal as they talk excitedly about notes and octaves and everything else that Joohyun can't relate with and, for a second, she wishes she can talk to her ten year old self who chose literature over piano lessons and say Hyun-ah, don't give up the piano because someday you'll meet someone who loves music and maybe she'll actually see you, if you fall in love with music too.

She instantly regrets even thinking about that because she loves Seulgi. God, she loves Seulgi so much that it almost hurts but she's not going to regret a choice that made her the person she is today. She thinks of all the writing awards back at home and repeats to herself, I made the right decision.

 “So will Joohyun-ssi come too?” she hears Seungwan ask Seulgi and she wonders if she’s that intimidating that the girl doesn’t ask her directly instead.

“Of course!” Seulgi says, almost indignantly, and looks at Joohyun with a smile that doesn't contain a hint of doubt.

Joohyun wonders if Seulgi knows that she'll do anything for her, all she needs to do is ask.

“You’ll come, right?”

Ah, she thinks to herself, I must really be a masochist.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

--

The festival arrives and Joohyun comes up with one conclusion.

They really do sound beautiful together.

--

 “I can't take this anymore,” Seulgi tells her, days later, when they're eating at Joohyun's favorite cake shop. Seulgi doesn't say anything specific but she thinks she knows exactly what she's referring to.

“A chocolate cake that you can't finish? That's new,” Joohyun smirks and tries to joke around but Seulgi remains serious so the atmosphere changes and she suddenly feels like her insides are made of ice.

“I’m telling her,” Seulgi says softly and Joohyun tries to keep a straight face, “I don’t think I can hold it in anymore.”

She turns her attention back to the cake that suddenly looks so unappetizing and wonders if this is how it feels to be heartbroken.

Not that her heart has been whole all this time. It hasn’t been whole in a while, she thinks, not since she met Seulgi.

Seulgi probably mistakes her silence as encouragement because she suddenly talks about all her plans on how she’ll tell Seungwan how she feels.

Perhaps this is a good thing, to just get this over with and have them date each other. Maybe then she'll actually get to move on.

--

She’s expecting a lot of things. She expects Seulgi to cancel half their plans from now on because she’ll be busy hanging out with Seungwan instead. She expects Seungwan to be present in every single lunch in their table from now on because Seulgi likes it when they eat together. She certainly expects the call that comes to her twenty minutes after she arrives home because that’s probably Seulgi telling her about her new girlfriend.

She expected a lot of things.

She didn’t expect Seungwan to say no.

--

“Who needs girlfriends anyway,” she watches Seulgi converse with the bottle of vodka from her position by the bar. This was the only thing she could think of when Seulgi comes knocking on her door looking completely lost and miserable but when Seulgi downs her fifteenth shot of the night and proceeds to sway uneasily on top of her chair, Joohyun starts to think that this was a really bad idea. She takes out her phone and messages her driver to come pick them up when she sees Seulgi stand, sway, then basically flings herself bodily against Joohyun.

“Girlfriends,” Seulgi croaks, “are overrated, right?”

She can’t bring herself to respond because Seulgi suddenly buries her face in Joohyun’s neck and whispers, “I don’t need girlfriends, all I need is Joohyun.”

--

 “You’ll meet other people, you know,” she says the next day, when Seulgi's head is buried in her pillows, while filling an empty glass of water by the nightstand. The girl woke up with a raging headache and refused to leave the bed even when it's already past noon. It's a good thing that they don't have classes today so she just tells the housekeeper to leave the food in the microwave.

“Maybe,” Seulgi responds, voice muffled by the bed, though she doesn’t sound convinced.

"Seulgi, you need to eat something or your headache will just get worse," she tugs at her friend but Seulgi just groans and buries her head further agains the pillows and Joohyun sighs.

It's really quite exhausting, she thinks, loving someone who's in love with someone else. Especially if none of the feelings are reciprocated.

--

“Hey,” Seungwan greets them as she passes by, two months later, giving a small awkward smile as if she’s testing the waters.

“Hey,” Seulgi says back and gives a smile that is just as awkward. Then there’s a ten second moment where nobody says anything and Joohyun thinks that it’s better to just outright avoid each other instead of having these weird interactions that makes her want to cringe and dig a hole to hide in. But then again, Joohyun thinks, those two are both too nice and respectful to do that.

Briefly, she wonders again, why they didn't work out. Why Seungwan said no.

She never really got to ask.

“So, are you going to the club meeting now? It's the last one before the break,” Seungwan inquires, looking directly at Seulgi.

“Ah, no I’m not going today,” Seulgi says back, not quite meeting Seungwan’s eyes, “I’m going with Joohyun to this story writing contest registration, I already told Yoonjae songsaenim so I won’t get yelled at for ditching.”

“Oh, I see,” Seungwan replies, nodding, then there’s another beat of silence and Joohyun uses all of her self control trying to prevent herself from groaning out loud.

“Well, we’ll be going,” Seulgi clears stiffly before taking Joohyun’s arm in a death grip and starts tugging her towards the exit.

Seungwan nods and waves at them and Joohyun nods in response but she notices that Seulgi doesn’t look back, not even once.

--

The break starts and Seulgi decides that she'll be spending half of it on Joohyun's house because, Come on, Joohyun! This house is way too big for you to live alone in and if I leave you here, I'll feel guilty all day knowing you might never get out of your room all break. Which is probably true but she thinks Seulgi needs the company as much as she does.

She lets Seulgi lounge around while she writes short stories on her laptop and things are quite peaceful though Seulgi does get bored sometimes.

"Joohyun, do you know how to make smoothies?"

So they make smoothies and Seulgi nearly destroys the blender by putting an entire piece of orange and banana in it when Joohyun wasn’t looking and their first try tasted like hell because Joohyun accidentally put salt instead of sugar and they both fight for the lone glass of water beside them to wash away the horrible taste.

Seulgi outright refuses to touch the second one because Joohyun dumped a, in Seulgi's words, 'disgusting amount' of spinach in it so she has to store it in the fridge so she can drink it tomorrow. By the third try, she’s pretty sure that her housekeeper is going to have a nightmare when cleaning the kitchen with the mess they made but they do manage to make an appetizing looking red one made up of strawberries and milk and they decide to drink them while watching a movie in Joohyun’s living room.

She knows that Seulgi is probably doing her best to stay cheerful and there are times where she will suddenly go quiet but Joohyun takes it upon herself to keep the atmosphere high. It may not be easy but she tries hard. She tries even if they're basically stuck in the same never-ending case of one-sided love that looks like it's been pulled straight out of those badly written dramas that Seulgi forces her to watch together.

She tries because she can see that Seulgi is trying too.

--

Sometimes she has to fight to keep Seulgi from sneakily reading her unfinished drafts from her laptop. There's one time where her laptop nearly goes flying when Seulgi manages to silently creep behind her shoulder while she’s typing and actually scaring her half to death.

“But I love reading your stories,” Seulgi pouts but obediently stays put when Joohyun banishes her to the couch until she finishes her work for the day.

“You’re being biased," she scoffs and rolls her eyes at Seulgi but the latter just smiles and looks at Joohyun with a gaze that makes her heartbeat uneven and she has to look away. She hates when Seulgi does that, hates that Seulgi doesn't know how much she affects Joohyun. Hates that she didn't tell Seulgi in the first place, and now she's lost her chance.

--

She's sitting on her dining table, typing away, when Seulgi enters her house with an oddly contented expression on her face, looking weightless for the first time in a while.

"I talked to her," Seulgi tells her.

"To Seungwan?" she asks in surprise because that's the last thing she expects to hear.

"Yep," Seulgi grins, sitting beside her and dropping a tub of ice cream on the table, "She messaged me last night asking if we could meet up and I agreed. I'm glad that I did, now I can put this behind me and move on."

She has so many questions that she wants to ask, "What did you talk about?", "What happened back then?", "Why did Seungwan say no in the first place?", and most importantly, "Do you still love her?"

She doesn’t ask. Of course she doesn’t. It’s not her place, anyway.

Instead, she closes her laptop, stands, takes two spoons from the kitchen, and drags Seulgi to the living room where they stay up late watching those ridiculous dramas that Seulgi loves so much.

Seulgi falls asleep on her shoulder with a slight smile and Joohyun just feels contented that Seulgi's not carrying all that pain anymore.

--

She ends up winning the short story writing competition and Seulgi bugs her for the entire day to come over to celebrate until she finally relents. She arrives at Seulgi's house and Seulgi's mother welcomes her with a big hug while Seulgi's father smiles and gives her a nod.

"Joohyun! My goodness, it's been so long since you last dropped by. Look at you, you've gotten so thin! Come, have a seat so we can eat," Seulgi's mom gently taps her cheeks before motioning for her to follow towards the dining table where Seulgi and her oppa are already seated, "Seulgi says you won another writing competition, congratulation, dear! This kid should've told me earlier so I could've made more food."

"Omma!" Seulgi whines and Joohyun smiles at the homey atmosphere, something that she never gets to experience in her empty house that only gets an occasional visit from the housekeeper.

"Aish, this kid," Seulgi's mom knocks Seulgi on the head but smiles encouragingly at Joohyun, "Go on and eat now, dear."

"Yes, thank you, ommo-nim," she says before taking a bite and it's the best tasting food she's had in a long time. Even better than the expensive take outs that her father sends her every evening, especially when Seulgi’s mother puts more food on her plate every now and then with an Eat more, young lady, you’re not leaving this table until I see your stomach bulging! followed by another whine from Seulgi who demands to be given food too.

Seulgi’s house is smaller than hers, the dining table shorter than she’s used to, one of the cabinet walls still has a dent from that one time Joohyun stayed over and Seulgi’s oppa accidentally hit it with a basketball that was initially aimed at Seulgi’s head because they were laughing at him and his new girlfriend. The frames of the paintings are lopsided, there are random posters of rock bands in weird places, probably courtesy of Seulgi’s oppa, and she’s pretty sure she saw a dart stuck on the corner of the ceiling when she first came in. Really, it’s quite an eccentric household.

Joohyun thinks it’s perfect.

--

Her dad wants her to babysit a freshman.

Okay, not really babysit, but she has to help the girl with her writing. Apparently, the girl’s dad is a huge shareholder of one of her dad’s potential project investors and this is all part of some sort of plan to get on their good side. She kind of understands the point, doesn’t make her hate it any less though.

"Your dad’s an ," Seulgi tells her right after Joohyun ends the call with her father, not even bothering to hide that she’s been eavesdropping on the conversation, “Sounds like he didn’t even congratulate you at all.”

"He's just busy, and it’s not like he’ll bother congratulating me on such a small little thing," she laughs weakly before sitting on Seulgi’s bed. Seulgi’s mom outright refused to let her go home once she found out that her driver had an emergency and couldn’t come to pick her up, “Besides, I’m used to it already.”

“Exactly why he’s an ,” Seulgi frowns, glaring at her, “No one should ever be used to something like that. Why don’t you just live here and officially be part of the family, my mom is half in love with you already anyway.”

Joohyun laughs at the statement and Seulgi just tugs her closer in response, allowing her to lean against her shoulder. Seulgi doesn’t say anything but she gets the message all the same.

I’m here, I’ve got you.

"That gave you tickets to a sold out concert, you know," she says after a while, in an attempt to lighten up the mood but she freezes when she realizes what just came out of but Seulgi laughs at her.

"Hey, relax; you don't have to walk on eggshells around me anymore. I'm over Seungwan," Seulgi grins, arms tightening around her, and Joohyun actually believes her because it's been so long since Seulgi's managed to say the name without wincing.

“Yeah?” she replies.

“Yeah. She told me she has someone waiting for her in Canada anyway and I understand,” it’s the first time for Seulgi to actually open up about whatever happened with Seungwan all those months ago and she hums in response because, even if she’s still curious, she doesn’t really feel the need to find out exactly what happened anymore.

So she doesn’t push, she never does.

--

It’s the start of the new semester and it’s the first time that they don’t have nearly all their classes together. They’re hanging around after class because she’s supposed to meet the business-partner-girl today, fifteen minutes ago, to be exact.

“Where is she? When you set up a meeting with a virtual stranger, isn’t it polite to actually show up on time?” Seulgi frowns at her while tapping her foot on the ground impatiently.

“Cut her some slack, she’s a freshman and it’s her first day,” she consoles but Seulgi just pouts and pointedly looks away, “Why are you so irritated anyway? Are you pouting because I can’t go with you to the premiere of that musical?”

Seulgi doesn’t respond and Joohyun knows she hit the nail on the head, “Aw, Seul, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that I had to meet her today.”

“Your dad is such an ,” Seulgi mutters and Joohyun laughs.

“I hope you’re not talking about me,” a voice interrupts them and she turns around to find a girl taller than both of them sporting a slightly devilish smirk that’s making Joohyun nervous.

“Are you Park Sooyoung?” Seulgi asks in a tone that suggests that she isn’t impressed at all.

“The one and only,” Sooyoung drawls smirking wider at Seulgi before turning and smiling at her, “And you must be Joohyun unni, it’s nice to meet you! Wow, you’re really pretty! You don’t mind me calling you unni right? Let’s just skip all the formalities.”

“Ah-”

“Great! So where do we start this? Do you want to go to a café? I heard the ones around this campus are good,” Sooyoung looks at her expectantly and she can practically feel Seulgi’s glare at the back of her head so she clears and tries to sound like an authoritative sunbae.

“Maybe the library would be better; we will be doing academic work after all,” she suggests and Sooyoung groans and shakes her head.

“That’s boring, unni” Sooyoung pouts while taking her arm and starts tugging her towards the exit, “Come on, just this once, since it’s our first time.”

She glances back at Seulgi who’s looking at them with a bewildered expression before looking straight at her with an arched brow; she shrugs in response and calls out, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“I’ll call you later,” Seulgi replies, turning her back against them while waving her hand.

They’re nearly in the parking lot when Sooyoung lets go of her hand and starts laughing like a maniac and Joohyun’s seriously starting to think that this girl is not quite right in the head, “Is there something wrong?”

Sooyoung doesn’t respond for another minute and Joohyun just wants to go home already, business be damned, “So, how long have you guys been dating?”

She looks at Sooyoung in alarm and accidentally knocks her arm against an innocent car’s side mirror, “What are… I mean we’re not… She’s my best friend.”

She stutters and Sooyoung just laughs at her again and she’s seriously getting annoyed but Sooyoung straightens up and pats her head, “You’re cute, unni.”

“I’m serious, we’re not dating,” she grumps, and Sooyoung chuckles at her.

“I know,” Sooyoung grins at her in a patronizing way and Joohyun feels a little bit insulted.

“I don’t think I like you.”

Sooyoung laughs again while dragging her to the nearest café.

“It’ll be my treat this time, unni. Take it as a welcome gift.”

--

So they go to the café where they do absolutely nothing academic related because Sooyoung just keeps on staring at her as if she’s a very interesting specimen all while asking weird questions about her life, Seulgi in particular.

“Wow, so you guys have known each other for nearly ten years now,” Sooyoung nods as if that statement holds the answer to the universe, “How long have you been in love with her?”

“That- I told you! It’s not like that, we’re best friends,” she answers, she can already feel a headache coming and she seriously wants to call her dad right now to confirm if this girl is really a daughter of some big shot company CEO and not just some evil spawn of Satan.

“But that’s not what I asked,” Sooyoung grins innocently, “I know you’re not dating, it’s pretty obvious that you like her though.”

“That’s-”

“Let me guess, two years?”

“What? No! I told you-”

“Ah, three years then?”

“No! Look-”

“Woah, don’t tell me, as soon as you met her?”

“Five!” she ends up yelling exasperatedly and she wants to bury herself as Sooyoung smirks triumphantly.

“That’s crazy, unni, what made you fall in love with her? Five years is a long time,” Sooyoung comments, looking genuinely curious.

“She spends every single one of my birthdays with me,” she answers simply, already done with this conversation and having no intentions to elaborate any further but when she looks up, Sooyoung is giving her a sad smile that suggests that she understands and it suddenly clicks in Joohyun’s mind.

Maybe this girl’s not a spawn of Satan after all, but just another rich girl who doesn’t get to spend her birthdays with her family.

The poignant moment ends, however, when Seulgi calls and Sooyoung starts wiggling her eyebrows at her and making silly faces.

(She decides that the spawn of Satan connection is still in discussion.)

--

“You sure stare at her a lot, I’m surprised she hasn’t noticed yet,” Sooyoung tells her, weeks later, when they can actually be considered as friends already and not some weird business relationship. They’re in the cafeteria eating together because Sooyoung insists and Seulgi has to go eat with the music club for an emergency meeting anyway. She can see her seated across Seungwan, the two of them chatting comfortably together before Seulgi turns back and catches her gaze. She blinks as Seulgi casually waves at her before turning back her attention to her club.

That’s the thing, for some reason, Seulgi almost always catches her staring these days.

She thinks she’s starting to get bad at this game. It’s either that or Seulgi’s suddenly hyperaware of her surroundings because she’s pretty sure she’s never been caught this much before. She discusses this with Sooyoung who just hums in response, sporting that patronizing look that Joohyun hates so much.

“I really hate it when you do that, if you have something to say, just say it already,” she grumps and Sooyoung just laughs.

“Unni, you’re really cute.”

She ignores Sooyoung and looks back at Seulgi, who’s surprisingly already looking at her with an unreadable look on her face. They stare at each other for a beat before Seulgi looks away when someone calls her attention.

This is really weird, she thinks, she’s never been caught this much before.

--       

“What about this?” Seulgi asks her, the next day, and she surveys the black and white t-shirt that the girl is holding up. They’re shopping for a gift because it’s Seulgi’s oppa’s birthday party later and Joohyun’s attendance is mandatory, as it always is. She already bought a snapback earlier and is now accompanying Seulgi to find her gift.

“I’m surprised you’re not giving him something useless this time,” she comments, remembering last year where Seulgi bought her oppa a paperweight shaped like a poop, or the year before that where Seulgi gave him an album filled with nursery rhymes, or the year before that where Seulgi bought a tennis ball, which isn’t really useless at first glance except her oppa doesn’t even play tennis. Needless to say, Seulgi’s oppa often look forward to Joohyun’s gifts instead of his own sister’s.

“I’m drawing on the shirt, that’s why I’m finding a white one,” Seulgi winks at her and she rolls her eyes and nearly pities Seulgi’s oppa until she remembers that he bought Seulgi a single piece of sock on her birthday.

Maybe he does deserve it.

They’re roaming around in an art shop for a while looking for paint when her phone rings noisily.

“Hello?” she answers while Seulgi squeals when she finds the perfect colors she needs.

“Unni!” Sooyoung greets from the other side, “My dad wants to meet you, do you think you can come over for tea right now?”

“What? Right now?” she exclaims and Seulgi’s attention snaps back to her, “Today is a bit..”

Sooyoung starts whining on her ear while Seulgi approaches her, “Is there something wrong? Is that Sooyoung?”

“Yeah,” she answers, covering the microphone, “She wants me to have tea with her father right now.”

Seulgi furrows her brow and frowns for a split second before smiling and poking her cheek, “Well, if it’s not gonna take long, you should go. I’m sure your dad will want you to go as well.”

She’s right, her dad will want her to go she just wishes that Seulgi won't but here she is, telling Joohyun to leave. She turns her attention back to the phone where Sooyoung is now groaning at her, accusing Joohyun of ignoring her.

“Alright, alright, I’ll be there,” she interrupts and Sooyoung stops fake-crying to cheer loudly, “I need to leave before dinner though, I have an appointment.”

“That’s fine, I’m sorry for the short notice,” she hears Sooyoung say, “Do you need someone to pick you up? I can send a car.”

"No need, my driver’s here anyway,” she replies and Sooyoung cheers again and makes kissy noises at her before hanging up. Seulgi’s already gathering up her paint to the cashier when she turns around, “Seul, I’m really really sorry about this.”

“It’s okay, I understand,” Seulgi gives her a small smile before turning her attention back to the counter, “Just make sure to catch up later or my mom is going to hunt you down.”

Joohyun laughs, “Okay, I’ll see you later.”

“..Yeah.”

--

She arrives twenty minutes late into dinner because Sooyoung’s father loves to drone on and on about business proposals and future contracts. She suspects Sooyoung only invited her so that she can have someone who can suffer with her.

 Seulgi’s mom immediately pushes her to the table and piles food on her plate as soon as she arrives all while scolding her for arriving late and starving herself, Seriously, Joohyun, you get thinner everytime you visit. That’s why I’m telling that daughter of mine to just make you live here already. Seulgi’s oppa greets her with an expectant grin and whoops at her when she gives him his present, Wow! This design is limited edition! Thanks Joohyun, you’re the best! At least someone around here gives me decent gifts, while Seulgi’s dad passes her and gives her a kind smile, Seulgi’s out in the playground, if you need her.

She sets out for the playground around the corner after nearly an hour because Seulgi’s mom insists that she eat three helpings of the food. She finds Seulgi sitting on one of the swings made for two people, lazily moving back and forth while staring at the night sky.

“Hey,” she greets and Seulgi jumps slightly in surprise.

“Joohyun! You’re here! I thought..” Seulgi trails off, looking away from her.

“I told you I’ll come,” she grins, nudging Seulgi until she scoots over so she can share the swing.

Seulgi hums in agreement and a comfortable silence envelops them for a few minutes, occasionally punctuated by the creaks of the swing.

Seulgi breaks it when she leans against Joohyun’s shoulder, “I’m glad you came.”

Joohyun wonders if Seulgi can hear her beating heart.

Probably not, she thinks, she hasn’t heard it for the past five years after all.

--

“What I’m saying,” Sooyoung tells her during a break from one of their library study sessions, “is that you’re stuck in that situation because you’ve never made an effort to actually get out of it.”

“It’s because I don’t know where to start,” she knows she sounds like she’s making excuses but she genuinely doesn’t know because she’s been in love with Seulgi for so long that she doesn’t know how to not be in love with Seulgi.

“I think I can help you with that.”

Sooyoung has that grin that she always does whenever she's thinking of something evil and Joohyun raises her eyebrows warily, “How?”

“Go out with me after school, and by going out, I mean a date,” Sooyoung says simply and Joohyun nearly chokes on her own saliva because that is not what she was expecting Sooyoung to say.

“I don’t think-”

“Oh, come on, unni,” Sooyoung interrupts her, eyes rolling, “Live a little! It’s not anything serious; we’ll just go have dinner and maybe hangout somewhere afterwards. It’ll be fun.”

She just stares because she doesn’t know what to think and this is all happening way too fast and she’s not even sure if she wants things to change in the first place. Sooyoung, in typical Sooyoung fashion, disregards her silence and makes the decision for her.

“Okay! That’s decided then,” Sooyoung grins and gathers up her notes, “I’ll see you after class!”

--

“Joohyun!” she’s waiting for Sooyoung’s class to be over when Seulgi catches up to her along the maze of campus corridors, “Are you going home now? I just downloaded the movie that I’ve been telling you about so let’s watch it together later, yeah? I already told my mom that I’ll be sleeping over.”

“Actually,” she winces as she remembers that she forgot to tell Seulgi, “I can’t later.”

“Eh? Are you going somewhere?” Seulgi furrows her brow in confusion before brightening up, “If you need to go somewhere, I can go with you. I have this record store that I want to check out anyway, maybe we can pass by after you do your thing?”

It’ll be so easy to agree, just like she did a million times before, because Seulgi’s looking at her hopefully with that same grin that never fails to make her heart skip a beat.

“I can’t, Seulgi, I have a… date,” she replies as she reminds herself that Seulgi is not in love with her and Seulgi will never be in love with her and all this hopeless pining and wishing needs to stop. The words sound foreign even to her own ears and she can feel her heart pumping way faster than it’s supposed to and her face is probably already as red as her shirt.

“A date?” Seulgi blinks as if Joohyun is speaking in an alien language, “A date date?”

“Y-yeah, Sooyoung asked me out, we’re going out for dinner and maybe hangout somewhere afterwards,” she parrots what Sooyoung told her earlier and she doesn’t even know why she’s telling Seulgi all this.

“Oh,” she can’t read anything from Seulgi’s expression and she hates that she’s expecting something again and she needs to stop expecting because she’s not in love with you, Joohyun.

“Yeah..” she replies awkwardly because she doesn’t have anything else to say and it’s clearly the end of the conversation but neither of them are looking away. The atmosphere is already weirder than usual so she’s never been more relieved when Sooyoung rounds the corner calling her name.

“Joohyun unni! I’m sorry for being late, the lecture got extended. Are you ready?” Sooyoung beams as she reaches her and she smiles back in return.

“Yeah, let me just-” but when she turns back to say goodbye, Seulgi’s already gone.

--

The date went quite well, in Joohyun’s opinion.

She’s always had the nagging suspicion that Sooyoung is half-crazy and it kind of got proven when the girl nearly got them kicked out of the restaurant when she started dancing wildly when they were eating their desserts. After that almost-disaster, everything continued on to be quite normal, by Sooyoung standards, which included taking the long way home which involves driving past five different doughnut shops to satisfy the younger girl’s craving.

They hang out in the girl’s penthouse by watching a horror movie, which Joohyun expects to be a terrifying experience but she ends up spending the entire time listening to Sooyoung rant about half the scenes being way too unrealistic and how she would’ve done the scene differently if she was calling the shots. Sooyoung’s quite passionate about movies, she notices, but she doesn’t ask why she’s taking a business course like Joohyun, it’s probably the same reason why she’s taking business too.

The date ends when Sooyoung walks her to her car and kisses her on the cheek, whispering quietly with that usual patronizing look, like she knows something Joohyun doesn’t.

“This should do the trick, you’ll thank me later, unni.”

She chalks it up to Sooyoung always speaking in half riddles anyway, so she ignores it.

--

She doesn’t expect Seulgi to be there waiting for her when she gets home.

“What are you doing here? Are you drunk?” she asks worriedly after smelling the hint of alcohol from the girl, whose eyes look bloodshot as if she’s been crying for hours.

“Jesus, Seulgi, how long have you waited outside? Why didn’t you message me?” she scolds because Seulgi’s hands are freezing cold as she tugs her inside the house by hand. She immediately runs to her room to look for clothes for Seulgi because it’s past midnight and there’s no way she’ll make her go home at this hour.

“How was your date?” is the first thing that comes out of Seulgi’s mouth. She hasn’t moved since Joohyun left her.

“Come here, you need to drink a glass of water and then take a nice long bath,” she answers instead because she doesn’t want to have a discussion with Seulgi about Sooyoung and why does Seulgi even want to know how her date went?

“Are you guys dating now?” Seulgi asks again and Joohyun sighs.

“Seulgi, seriously, does it matter? Let’s not talk about this right now, you’re drunk and you need to drink some water or you’ll have a massive hangover tomorrow,” she turns her back from Seulgi and walks to the kitchen to rummage for a glass, she knows that Seulgi isn’t really that drunk but she needs something to distract her from Seulgi’s intense stare, “Do you think you’ve got a hold of yourself enough to take a shower?”

“I don’t want you to date her,” she hears Seulgi say and anger starts to build in her stomach but she freezes when she feels Seulgi’s arms slowly wrapping around her from behind and soft lips breathing against her neck, “Joohyun, please don’t date her.”

goes dry, anger vanishing within seconds, and her heart starts beating irregularly but she manages to croak, “Seulgi, you’re drunk. Maybe you should-“

“I don’t want you to date Sooyoung. Please tell me you’re not dating Sooyoung,” Seulgi sounds like she’s in pain and Joohyun needs to get a hold of herself because, here she is again, hoping and pining and wishing.

“Seulgi, you’re drunk,” she insists weakly.

“I’m not,” Seulgi’s arms tighten around her.

“You’re crazy,” she amends.

“Maybe I am,” Seulgi whispers, “For taking this long.”

“Seulgi-”

“I love you,” Seulgi interrupts, “I’m in love with you, Joohyun.”

Seulgi’s arms are freezing and she hasn’t had a chance to turn on the heater yet but Joohyun suddenly feels like she’s on fire.

“I think I’ve been in love with you for a while, but you know me, I’m a dummy,” she feels Seulgi letting out a shuddering breathe against her and she tries to turn around but Seulgi doesn’t let her, “I knew I hated it whenever you went on your study sessions with Sooyoung but I kept lying to myself that I was just being a jealous best friend who wants to monopolize your time but I know it's not."

"I think it’s because you’re always here. You’ve always been here and I didn’t realize that I always want you to be here. I didn’t realize how much I want you to stay until you're about to leave. Please, stay, Joohyun. Please tell me I’m not too late.”

“Seulgi-”

 “I know I’m being selfish and unfair and unreasonable, and I know that I'm being such a jerk right now,” Seulgi continues, interrupting her again, “And I know that I probably don’t deserve you because, look at you, you’re gorgeous and kind and perfect and I’m just… me.”

This time, when she tries to turn around, Seulgi lets her.

She opens to speak but Seulgi cuts her off again.

“Joohyun, please tell me I’m not too late. I’ll definitely-”

“Seulgi, will you please stop interrupting me?” she says and Seulgi immediately shuts and stares at her with a fearful look as if she's deathly afraid that Joohyun is going to say no. As if she can't bear it if Joohyun refuses. As if she's terrified that Joohyun will leave.

Joohyun wonders if Seulgi will be shocked if she tells her that Joohyun's heart was hers all along.

“I need to call Sooyoung," she says instead and Seulgi's face immediately falls and she would’ve found it funny if her heart isn’t currently threatening to burst out of her chest so she quickly clarifies, "I mean I need to call her to tell her that I have a girlfriend now so-"

She doesn't even get to finish her sentence because Seulgi is suddenly everywhere, kissing her with so much intensity that she’s half sure that it’ll leave a bruise afterwards, tugging her closer as if she's afraid of ever letting go.

She pulls away slightly after a while, ignoring the protesting sound that Seulgi makes while gasping for air, “I really wish you did this when you’re not fresh off drinking.”

“I’m not drunk,” Seulgi breathes against her and she huffs in disbelief, “No, really, I’m not. I spilled oppa’s beer when I was moping around while you were enjoying yourself on your date.”

“What did you just say?” she asks indignantly but Seulgi responds with another open mouthed kiss, hands buried in her hair, that leaves her knees weak and her toes curling. It’s a lot slower and lasts a lot longer, as if they have all the time in the world.

(She'll tell her later, when they're snuggled in her couch listening to each other's heartbeat, that she has no intention of leaving, ever.)

--

She tells Sooyoung, who just smiles enigmatically at her saying Don’t worry, unni, I have someone who spends my birthdays with me too, before answering a call from her phone with a Yerim? Is your class finally done? I’ll be there in ten minutes; I have so much to tell you! Our plan totally worked- and disappearing faster than Joohyun can say goodbye.

For some reason, she’s not really surprised at all.

--

They don’t change that much, she thinks, they still do everything like they did before, since they’re already always together anyway.

Except, these days, Seulgi intertwines their hands whenever they walk along the hallways and they steal kisses from each other whenever they get the chance and Joohyun thinks that she can get used to this.

--

“Why did we take so long to get here,” Seulgi mumbles against her neck, a few weeks later.

They’re snuggling on her bed with Seulgi’s current favorite drama playing in the background from somewhere on the floor where Seulgi accidentally kicked her laptop earlier. They stopped paying attention fifteen minutes ago when she gets bored while watching because none of the characters are making sense so she starts planting kisses against Seulgi’s neck instead. Seulgi responds readily, enthusiastically kissing back and pushing her down.

It takes her a few moments to realize that Seulgi is actually waiting for a response, so she shrugs, “Does it matter?”

“I guess it doesn’t,” Seulgi agrees and she thinks it’s the end of the conversation but then Seulgi perks up again, “But when did you fall in love with me, anyway?”

Since that day five years ago when you ditched your getting-into-college celebratory party with your friends because you found out I’ll be spending mine alone.

“Who says I’m in love with you,” she says instead which earns her an indignant “Hey!” from Seulgi so she amends, “A while, I’ve loved you for a while. Even before you did.”

Seulgi goes quiet for a minute before giving her a peck, “I guess it’s my fault because it took me so long to catch up.”

She grins in response and tugs Seulgi down to continue their previous activity but then her phone rings and they both groan in response at the unwanted interruption. It might be something important, though, so she disentangles her hands from Seulgi’s hair, who lets out a childish whine before burying her face against Joohyun’s neck, and picks up the phone from her nightstand without glancing at the caller, “Hello?”

“Unni!” Sooyoung’s voice chirps from the other side, “Where are you? Didn’t you say you’ll treat me to that cake shop if I get at least an A- on my paper? Well guess who got an A+.”

“Ah, Sooyoung,” she says in surprise and realizes her mistake a second too late when she feels Seulgi freeze on top of her. Seulgi lets out a quiet harrumph before promptly biting her neck consequently making her yelp out loud in surprise.

“Unni? What happened? Was that you?” she hears Sooyoung ask but she doesn’t get to respond because Seulgi snatches her phone from her hand and leans away when Joohyun tries to make a grab for it.

“Yah, you brat, we’re busy,” Seulgi says simply before tossing the phone somewhere in the foot of the bed and diving back to reclaim Joohyun’s lips.

She’ll probably have to apologize to Sooyoung later, maybe even get bullied into treating the younger girl even more expensive food, but when Seulgi nips at her bottom lip, she realizes that she doesn’t really care.

It took her five years to have this, she reasons, anything else can wait.

--

fin.

--

A/N: Idek what this is lol, probably my attempt at squishing a ten-chapter fic into a oneshot. This is what happens when I listen to Body Talk too much. To those who survived reading until the end, I commend you and I thank you all! I hope you guys enjoyed :)