It happens when he’s out for a coffee run with some of his fellow officers. The weather that day was particularly cold, so he and some of the guys decided to surprise the rest of their squad with piping hot Americano.

As they’re walking back, coffee in hand, he catches a ghost of a smile that is familiar to him, but...

It can’t be…

Unconsciously, he moves a bit closer to the apparition when the figure suddenly turns a bit in his direction, making her identity known to him.

Jessica.

Her name echoes in his mind, shock rooting him to the spot, nearly making him drop his coffee.

Impulsively, he hands the coffee over to one of his squad members, saying he’ll meet them at the police station. He frantically pushes through the crowded sidewalk, muttering apologies every so often as he bumps into people, eyes only on her.

As he nears her, she suddenly turns around to face him as if sensing his presence.

“…Donghae.” his name falls from her lips in shock, eyes wide.

The sound of her voice pierces his very being, shaking him to the core, rendering him speechless. Mentally, he berates himself for being so reckless.

“Donghae?” she repeats, this time in a questioning tone, an uncertain expression on her face.

“Jessica.” he calls her name breathlessly, lost in how surreal the situation is.

“It really is you.” she says, a smile on her face that sets his heart racing. “It’s been a long time… How have you been?”

“I’m on active duty right now.” he replies slowly, gesturing to his uniform. “…and you?”

“Things have been hectic, to say the least.” she says, her smile faltering slightly. “But my brand has really been taking off, and I released a new album recently.”

“I heard.” he immediately blurts. She giggles at his response, causing his cheeks to flush slightly. “The guys back at the station are all your fans. They really love Fly.” he hesitates before he continues. “But I…I really liked Falling Crazy in Love.”

Her smile widens, cheeks rosy as her eyes meet his.

“Me, too.” she says softly, an indescribable emotion reflected in her eyes.

And just like that, Donghae feels a sense of déjà vu pass over him, filling his head with images of the past and what almost was.

High on the feeling, a boost of confidence rushes through him.

“Do you want to get a cup coffee?”

She appears taken aback by his question, and his heart immediately sinks.

Stupid.

Just as he is about to take back his offer and salvage what little pride he has left, Jessica speaks up.

“I’d like that.” she says, a timid smile on her face.

Donghae’s heart soars.

“Great. Come on , I know this café just a couple of blocks from here.” he replies, a boyish grin on his face as he playfully sticks out his arm for her to hold on to as if he was her .

At this, her face grows pink once more. Nonetheless, she lightly grips his arm and Donghae can’t get over just how right it feels.

Silently, Donghae hopes that he is able to make her heart soar, too.

They settle down in a quaint café, away from prying eyes. The waiter sets their coffee on their table, and Jessica watches with interest as their waiter and Donghae greet each other with familiarity.

“I take it you come here often?” she asks once the two are left alone.

“Yeah, I’ve been frequenting this place ever since I started my military service.”

“Speaking of your military service, shouldn’t you be at the police station right now?”

“The guys are always bugging me to go out more, anyway.” he admits sheepishly. “And I don’t think they’d mind if they knew I was out with you.”

At this, a curious expression crosses her face. “Really?”

“Like I said, my squad is full of your fans.”

Her eyes light up with mischief at his statement. “Including you?”

“Uh... well, I – “

“In that case, let’s take a picture.”

“Mwoh?” he blurts, flustered.

“So you have proof and won’t get in trouble. Since you’re all such big fans of mine.” she says, a teasing lilt to her voice.

“Oh, uh… “ he clears his throat awkwardly. “Y-yeah, alright.”

He takes out his phone as Jessica goes over to sit down next to him. Shakily, he takes a few selcas with her. As he opens up the gallery to check the pictures, she leans in a bit closer to him to get a better look, and his heart feels like it’s about to burst. Jessica, none the wiser, scrolls through the pictures and wrinkles her face in distaste.

“Ugh, my forehead looks big in these.” she complains.

“You look great.” he automatically replies, blushing once he realizes what he said.

“…So do you.” she whispers back.

He turns to look at her, the words on his lips dying as he becomes painfully aware of their close proximity. And just when he thought his heart couldn’t take anymore, she turns to face him as well. He watches as her eyes flicker over his face, similar to how his own eyes flicker over her lips and back to her eyes. As if in a trance, the two lean in closer to one another, faces only inches apart –

Deo dangdanghage neon!
Mr. Mr. (Nal bwa)
Mr. Mr. (Geurae baro neo neo neo)

The two quickly back away from one another, eyes wide and faces flushed.

“Excuse me.” she mumbles, reaching across the table to grab her bag. She digs around in her bag a bit before fishing out her phone, eyes flashing with a mix of emotions that Donghae can’t quite pinpoint when she sees the contact on the screen.

“Hello? Sorry, I lost track of time.” she speaks in English. She mouths an apology to Donghae as she stands up and walks away from their table for some privacy, speaking in English way too rapidly for Donghae to keep up, let alone understand.

Idiot, why did you do that? He berates himself.

His eyes linger on Jessica as she talks animatedly with the person on the other line.

But then again… she didn’t stop herself either.

Soon after, Jessica returns to their table with a guilty expression on her face, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Sorry, that was my ride. I need to get going.”

“I’ll wait with you.” the words tumble of his mouth before he can stop himself.

“Oh no, you don’t have to.” she immediately replies, waving her hands in front of her due to her embarrassment. “I shouldn’t be imposing on you.”

He steels his resolve, choosing to go through with his impulsive offer. “It’s no trouble at all; I insist.”

“No, really. It’s okay; I’m a big girl now. I have my own solo album and everything.” she says jokingly, although the lightness of her joke doesn’t quite reflect in her eyes. She clears a bit awkwardly before continuing.  “Besides, you should probably be getting back to the police station.”

“It’s fine, really. What kind of police officer would I be if I didn’t make sure you get back safely?” he retorts, a puppy-dog expression on his face, trying to persuade her.

“Alright, alright.” she says, waving her hand at him dismissively. “Just stop it with that aegyo. You know how much I hate it when people do that.”

He immediately perks up, grinning triumphantly.

The two quickly finish their coffee, and a thought strikes her as they stand up.

“At least let me pay for the bill.”

“Already taken care of.” he says, glibly waving his hand at her.

Her cheeks puff out in her frustration. “Oppa!” she whines.

The two freeze.

“…It’s been awhile since I’ve heard you call me that.” he breaks the silence, a cheeky grin on his face.

She huffs and walks past him; he follows after her gleefully.

They find a bench in front of the café to sit down on, a careful distance in between them, quietly basking in each other’s presence. His eyes slowly slide over from the cars passing by to the woman beside him, and he notices her blowing on her hands and rubbing them together.

“Cold?”

She immediately halts her actions, embarrassed at being caught.

“I’m fine.”

He shifts a bit closer to her warily so as to not startle her.

“Jessica.”

She turns to him, eyebrow raised in question.

“You’re shivering.”

True to her title of ice princess, she glares at him briefly before turning away from him.

Stubborn as always. he thinks, sighing to himself.

“Come here.” he says, patting the space right next to him.

She gives him a cold stare but reluctantly complies after the cold winter wind starts to pick up.

“Better?”

“…Yeah.”

And suddenly, she does something he’d never expect her to do – at least not anymore. His heart immediately quickens at the feeling of her head leaning against his shoulder.

“I’ve missed quiet moments like this.” she says quietly after a few minutes, sounding a bit sleepy.

“…Me too.” he replies.

I’ve missed you.

Out of the corner of his eye he can see that she’s already dozed off, eyes closed. Silently, he observes her face. Her prettiness is still incomparable to anyone else he’s ever seen, even if marred with eye bags from sleepless nights.

You’ve been through so much…

Absentmindedly, he notes that her scent is still the same, familiar perfume. He takes another glance at her peaceful face and reflects on how he hasn’t felt such an inner sense of contentedness like this in a long time. Carefully, he brushes her hair away from her face.

I still miss you.

They stay like this as the minutes tick by until their silent atmosphere is abruptly cut into.

“Jessica?”

Jessica’s eyes immediately open. She separates herself from Donghae, sitting up straight, putting some space between them. He immediately finds himself missing her warmth.

“Tyler.” she says, standing up and going over to the man’s side, giving him a light hug.

“Donghae, this is Tyler Kwon, my…” she trails off, looking at Tyler.

“Business partner.” he finishes.

“Business partner.” she repeats with a nod. “Tyler, this is Lee Donghae of Super Junior. We go way back.”

Donghae takes this as his cue to stand up as well. He offers a hand out for a shake which Tyler accepts with a grin.

“Nice to meet you. I really admire your dedication to your company.” Tyler says in such a way that Donghae is positive is meant to imply sarcasm. He turns to Jessica. “We need to get going.”

“Oh!” Jessica’s eyes widen as she checks the time. “That’s right, we might be late.”

She waves goodbye to him, and the duo walk away. Donghae turns around, ready to head back, when he hears Jessica call out to him.

“Donghae, wait!” she yells, speed-walking back to him while Tyler hangs back, a somewhat irritated look on his face. “Give me your phone. I’ll be in the area for awhile, so maybe I’ll see you around?”

He nods his head dumbly, handing his phone over to her. She quickly inputs her number, takes a selfie for her contact picture, and gives him his phone back.

It doesn’t even occur to him to do the same for her.

Instead, he watches as she runs away from him and links arms with Tyler, a hollow feeling in his chest as she gets into their car. The two drive away, leaving him alone in the cold, deserted street.

A few seconds later, Donghae’s phone lights up with a text message from Jessica.

--

Donghae-ah! You forgot to give me your number. Hopefully your number is still the same, or else that means I’m texting a stranger. Keke. Thanks for today; I had a fun time^^ I’m sorry our time got cut short, but hopefully we’ll be able to meet up again soon.

--

He reads over the message, a smile on his face.

--

Yes, it’s me, Officer Lee Donghae of the Seoul Metropolitan Police.

 Keke. I had fun, too^^ See you around, Jessica. Stay healthy.

--

He opens up his contacts and stares at the selca that Jessica took, lightly tracing her smiling face with his thumb. He sighs, pocketing his phone, and turns around to walk back to the police station.

His steps are heavy, but his heart feels even heavier.

After his duty for the day he heads straight back to his apartment, declining his squad mates’ invitation to go out for some drinks.  He opens the door and switches the light, watching as they flicker on to fill his empty apartment. After setting his bags down on the floor, he walks into the bathroom and undresses himself, taking a quick shower, trying to avoid being consumed in deep thoughts. As soon as he finishes, he dries himself then wraps a towel around his waist and moves to his bedroom. He puts his clothes on quickly and strolls over to the couch then unceremoniously flops down onto it, exhausted from the day’s events. He grabs the remote for the TV and flips through the channels until he finally decides on a news channel.

As hard as he tries to focus on the news report, he eventually finds himself opening his phone gallery. Thoughtlessly, he taps on one of the selcas he and Jessica took together.

Her smile is still the same.

He continues to scroll through his phone and as the minutes tick by, he comes across some old photos of him and Jessica.

This was during the Seoul Music Awards…

He smiles fondly at the memory.

“Oppa!” she called out to him once she found him backstage. “What was with that handholding earlier?” she asks, a frustrated look on her face.

“Is that any way to greet your sunbae after he just won an award?” he asks teasingly.

“Congratulations on winning the Daeasng, Donghae oppa.” she says formally, then immediately attacks him again. “Now answer me! What was with that public skinship?”

“What, you didn’t like it?” he replies innocently.

“N-never mind about me not liking it.” she sputters, flustered. “Aren’t you worried we might cause a scandal? That old selca of ours was already leaked awhile ago!”

Donghae hums in thought, an amused look on his face. “Wanna cause more of a scandal?”

Her eyes widen with incredulity. “You babo bada! Didn’t you hear what I said? Just what is going through that head of yours?”

“Let’s take a selca.” he says, going over to stand next to her.

“Yah! Aren’t you listening? I said –“

“Smile!” he calls out.

She automatically smiles and flashes peace signs in response. He checks the picture and nods to himself, satisfied. Looking past Jessica, he sees that Leeteuk is motioning for him to come over.

“I’ll see you later, Sooyeon.” Donghae says with a wink, ruffling her hair affectionately, causing her cheeks to flush.

“Yah, Lee Donghae!” she yells at his back as he walks over to his leader.

He breaks out into a smile, laughing childishly at her frustrated shout.

Later that day, true to his promise about creating a bigger scandal, he tweets about their encounter.

Januray 20, 2012: Our cutiepie dongsaeng Jessica! Thanks for congratulating us for winning the Daesang yesterday^^ Congratulations for starting the filming of your first drama today^^ Everyone, please show your love and support!" 

And yet, we slowly grew apart. He thinks to himself.

Frowning, Donghae logs onto his Twitter account and deletes the picture from that night, ignoring the twinge of guilt he feels in his heart that the action causes. He sets the phone down on the coffee table, and walks into the kitchen to find a snack.

A few minutes pass by, and by the time he’s decided on a snack, his anxiousness gets the best of him. Sitting back down on the couch, he immediately grabs his phone and scrolls through its contents. Upon finding the picture of him and Jessica that he deleted off his Twitter still in his phone’s memory, he involuntarily lets out a sigh of relief.

It’s still here.

He lays his head back on the arm of his sofa, staring up at the blank ceiling.

I guess I’m not ready yet. I don’t want to erase you from my memories.

Impulsively, he opens up her contact page.

Should I call her…?

His thumb hovers over the call button for a few seconds before he finally sets his phone back down on the table.

Coward. He thinks, closing his eyes and laying his arm across them.

Eventually, he dozes off with thoughts of her.

He wakes up abruptly, sun shining into his eyes. Thoughtlessly, he grabs his phone and unlocks it, disappointed to see a lack of messages on the screen. He sighs and sits up, starting his routine of prepping for the day.

His eyes surreptitiously scan the streets, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. He asked his squad leader if he could be assigned to the area where he met up with Jessica for this very reason, but it bore no results as of yet. Hours pass by, and still, nothing happens. Sighing, he goes over to the café he normally frequents, grabs some coffee and a pastry to go, and sits down on the bench he and Jessica had rested on the previous afternoon. He eats his pastry quickly, and once it’s finished he sips his lukewarm coffee in silence. Before he can think better of it, he takes out his cell phone and opens her contact once more. Again, he is mesmerized by her picture.

Get a hold of yourself, Donghae. She’s already happy with someone else. He chides himself, locking his phone.

Suddenly, he swears he catches a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye, prompting him to look up. His heart immediately pounds at the sight of her sitting down in a restaurant across the street.

Go to her. His mind tells him.

And so, he does.

Before his mind can fully register his actions, he stands up from the bench and crosses the street, but stops himself a few blocks away from the restaurant once he sees her standing up, about to take her leave. Hurriedly, he backtracks and hides himself from her view. He takes out his phone and shoots her a text.

--

Good afternoon! This is Officer Lee Donghae checking in. Keke. How are you today?

--

He stares at her anxiously, waiting for her to reply. Her eyes light up as she receives his text, and he grins to himself victoriously as he receives her quick reply.

--

I’m doing fine, thanks for asking. Don’t mind me and get back to work, Officer Lee Donghae! This girl can take care of herself.

--

I have no doubts. Have a good day^^

--

You, too ~

--

She walks out of the restaurant and unknowingly passes by him, her eyes glued to her phone. Nonetheless, he is left breathless in her mere presence. He leans against the wall of the building, trying to calm his beating heart, but it seems he can’t even do that for ten minutes.

Jessica… what have you done to me?

The next day he sees her at a bookstore. The following day, he spots her walking around the streets. The day after that, he narrowly avoids bumping into her at the park.

Each and every time he sees her, he hangs back and merely sends her a text, trailing after her, but is careful to never reveal himself. He tries to convince himself that he’s satisfied with their communication through text, but he finds it harder with every time he sees her so close to him, yet so far. With exhausted shoulders he always tries to muster his courage and take a step closer to her, but instead finds himself two steps back. Instead, he becomes her shadow, having no choice but to look at her – to watch her from afar.

It’s better this way. His mind tells him.

You still miss her. His heart argues.

A week passes by and he finally feels he has the guts to meet up with her again. That morning, he spots her sitting down at his favorite café. He takes this as a good omen, and gets his hopes up. She seems to be looking around for someone, and he prays to the heavens that it’s him that she’s looking for. He takes a deep breath and shoots her a text.

--

Hey, I think I have a bit of free time today. How about you? I’m in the area where we saw each other last time.

--

He watches with bated breath as she checks her phone. A smile blooms on her face, fingers poised to tap out a reply when suddenly Tyler walks up to her table. She places her phone in her bag without a second thought, and she stands up to greet Tyler with a hug. As she sits back down Donghae sees a bright smile on Jessica’s face that used to be directed to him, and only him, once upon a time. His heart suddenly feels numb, and he barely registers the vibration of his phone a few minutes later, alerting him to her reply.

--

Really? Great coincidence! I’m actually at the café we were at last time.

--

He chuckles bitterly at her text and stares at the screen of his phone, unsure of how to reply. He chances another look at her and notices how it seems as if she’s in another world.

She looks so happy – what kind of person would I be to break the happiness that she tried so hard to regain?

--

Oh, wait. I’m so sorry, Jessica. I need to take a rain check. Something came up.

--

And with that, he turns around to leave.

Good job, Donghae. Leave it to yourself to break your own heart.

Seconds later, his phone chimes with her reply.

--

Aww, too bad. :( I’ll see you soon?

--

His heart skips a beat all the same, a bittersweet smile flashing on his face at her text.

After all this time…

He glances back at Jessica’s smiling face, watching how she practically glows with happiness as she converses with Tyler.

--

Yeah, I’ll see you around.

--

He turns his phone off and walks away from her with a heavy heart.

It’s still you…