Papers littered the small bedroom that didn’t have much more in it besides a full sized bed a small nightstand, a desk near the window with your laptop and lamp on it and a basket for laundry. Normally, your room would be full of clothes on the floor if you had let it get dirty in the first place but right now eyes glued to the white popcorn ceiling you laid amongst a new script you needed to memorize in a week. Your chest expanded and retracted, feeling heavier than you wanted it to but the thoughts and the flashes of colors of memories you didn’t want to see just kept coming.

 

One

 

After

 

The

 

Other.

 

It was like a roll of film that wouldn’t stop going, the person who manned the booth had apparently taken a coffee break and never came back. Where were the ending credits? Why wouldn’t it stop? How could you stop thinking about her?

 

She was so pretty, of course she was, she was a star actress, booking jobs left and right as if she wouldn’t be pretty. That smile of hers while she laughed at something you said was your favorite. It held all of the warmth you could get from a summer day and boy did you miss summer. It wasn’t cold and foreboding like winter was. Like your heart seemed to be.

 

Sometimes you really wondered how others could be so open and affectionate. It was too hard. It hurt too much. Love? That was just a facade. There was no such thing as love. Heartbreak. Well, that was certainly real. Depression, that was too. Sadness, you felt it every day. Letting your head fall to the side you saw the pages full of words you should have locked in your mind already. It was a mess. Feelings were always a mess. Especially yours, no matter how much you tried to control them. This is how it always ended. Cold, alone and a mess.

 

Lifting up your hand towards the ceiling your mind was at it again, imagining things you shouldn’t be imagining. If the air above you could materialize into what you were seeing, it would… well it would make you smile. Caressing her cheek, brushing her hair behind her ear…

 

A rather big sigh escaped your lips and you let your arm drop back down onto the paper littered floor. It had been five months since you last saw Shin Hye, there was absolutely no need to be feeling this way, to be even thinking of her. Certainly, you had pushed her away enough.

 

“Keep in touch, alright?”

 

“Sure.”

 

The brightest smile was beaming at you but all you could do was shift your eyes away guiltily. You hadn’t kept in touch like you had agreed to do. The two of you had gotten too close too quick and it was leading down a dangerous path. One you had been down before and didn’t want to venture ever again. Eventually, the calls stopped coming and you were okay. That was how it was supposed to be. That was how you wanted it.

 

Love.

 

It’s a farce.

 

Pushing yourself up from the floor, you slid all the papers you could reach over to you in a pile. Picked them up and placed them on your desk. Reorganizing them could be done later. For now you needed to get out of your small apartment. It wasn’t small because you couldn’t afford a bigger place. You had actually garnered more popularity in the entertainment world but you liked the comfort of your small place. It had everything that you needed.

 

Padding over to your front door, you grabbed your coat and scarf. Slipped on your snow boots, grabbed your keys from the ring they sit on and rushed out into the winter air that you dislike so much. For once it was a little refreshing. It helped numb you, the heaviness in your heart wasn’t as noticeable. Feeling the cold sink into your bones, you made your way down the streets of Seoul. There was small food stall not too far from your apartment. The further you got the more you realized that you weren’t wearing any gloves. Stuffing your hands as far as possible into your coat pockets you walked briskly. Warm food would take care of that. That’s what you kept telling yourself anyway.

 

The ahjusshi that worked there brightened as soon as you appeared and waved at you. You were quite the regular and more than once the two of you had exchanged stories and perhaps you’ve even listened to his troubles on quiet nights like tonight. There was only one other person sitting at a table with soju in their hand.

 

“Agasshi, what are you doing out so late, hm? It’s dangerous you know.” He shook a finger at you sternly but you couldn’t help but laugh and wave away his worry.

 

“Ahh, it’s not that late Ahjusshi.”

 

His eyes stayed stern for a few seconds longer and then he broke back into that smile. Even if he was trying to watch out for you it was clear he was still happy to see you.

 

“Sit, sit down. I’ll bring you your order in just a moment.”

 

“Ah, no, no I can wait right here for it. You don’t have to bring it to me.”

 

The man turned around and raised a brow, pinning you with a pointed expression. It spoke volumes.

 

“If you insist. I’ll go sit.” You smiled shyly at him before turning to find the closest table so he wouldn’t have to walk as far. He had a lower back problem and on really cold nights he was always complaining about his back but only when it was just the two of you. Never in front of other customers. You had been loyal for too long.

 

It didn’t take him long and steaming tteokbokki was placed in front of you with a glass of water. Holding two thumbs up you smiled as brightly as you could at him.

 

“Extra spicy right?”

 

“Aigoo, you still have to ask me that? Yes, yes, extra spicy.”

 

You chuckled and he followed suit before going back to his place behind the cart. It wasn’t a second later that you were already digging in. Your phone set on the table and scrolling through some social media. It was more to pass the time than anything else. Most of it you just looked at briefly before moving on. When you were about halfway finished you heard a chair scrape across the concrete. Lifting your eyes up they fell on the last person you had expected to see.

 

“Shin Hye-ssi,”

 

The words were barely a whisper but that warm smile of hers stared you in the face. You let your eyes rake over her appearance, she looked adorable in her purple hat with matching mittens and coat. Her cheeks were a bit rosy from the sting of the cold but that just made her look like she was wearing blush and enhanced her beauty. Oh and the tip of her nose was pink.

 

Cute.

 

Dropping your eyes back to your food, you tried to swallow the rice cake but suddenly you didn’t know how to work your mouth or anything. It took a few tries.

 

“Long time no see, Eun Mi-yah.”

 

The intimacy of informal speech made your stomach squirm. You had kept that barrier for a reason but here she was knocking it right back down. Nodding slowly, you pushed your plate over offering her some.

 

“Yeah…”

 

She didn’t need any prodding but reached over for the pick you were using, stabbed a rice cake and popped it in . Your eyes couldn’t help but watch every motion. Reaching for your water you missed grabbing it and almost knocked it over in the process. Grabbing it quickly with two hands, you hated how nervous you were acting but didn’t know how to stop it.

 

Her mitten clad hand reached out to yours, gripping your wrist.

 

“Eun Mi-yah, why don’t you have gloves or a hat? Aren’t you cold?” Immediately she took off her mittens and started placing them on your hands. Sitting there powerless you just watched as your body was frozen, staying still against your will. Next she took off her hat, leaning over the table she placed it on your head, fixing your hair and bangs so that they would lay appropriately with it one. Your eyes stared into hers until her landed on yours. She was still leaning over the table but both of you just gazed into