Changkyun pops another fry into his mouth, the salt off his fingers as he navigates the page with his right hand. He glances at the sheets, dusts off any salt or crumbs on the bed and whacks his pillows, just in case Kihyun sniffs them out and gives him an earful. He'd been binge watching No Mercy on his bed ever since breakfast ended, when some of the hyungs went out to Momo Cafe and Jooheon crawled into the bed under his. He fixes the earphones a little bit, pushes them back into his ears, and then clicks the next episode.

Episode Eight. Episode Doom. Episode Worst Day of My Life. The episode where he first appears and shatters everyone's hopes.

It plays.

The rapper cringes, shies away when he sees his face on screen. Back then, during the days where he was floating around after Nu'bility ended, Changkyun came across No Mercy and started following the show. Watching it- watching others in his position, trained for years, most of them longer than him, performing in front of actual celebrities and competing with their closest friends- it hit home. It reminded him of his lost senior high school days spent in the training room, dancing and rapping and eating and singing. It reminded him of performing on stage in the public, gathering a small bout of fans. It reminded him of heartbreak and crushed dreams when they were to leave the group. Yet, watching other trainees from a bigger company, competing for just one spot in the music industry- it gave him some form of hope. That maybe, he'll get a spot in the industry too.

But after his appearance on the show, Changkyun never again kept up watching No Mercy for mainly two things. One: his skin was pretty damn horrible, oily and pimply and yucky overall, so he looked gross (to which Jooheon would argue about) and two. It was like ripping off a bandage over a deep, painful wound. 

There he goes. The iconic moment where he stepped inside the restaurant and officially joined the show. He can still remember it all, remember the stares he received from the trainees, the goosebumps from the all-seeing cameras, the biting nature of Hoseok's first words to him. Changkyun, observing himself through another screen, feels the same emotions from that same day emerge. Hyungwon's icy gaze. Kihyun and Minhyuk's unshielded anger. Hyunwoo's coldness. 

It's been more than a year.

Changkyun munches on another fry, trying to focus on the salty flavour instead of the salty words s said about him as the screen switches from member to member. Seokwon, Gunhee, Hyunwoo, Kihyun. Like he was freeloading off our hard work, Kihyun told the cameras. 

I'm not going to talk to him, Minhyuk said. His face was set like stone, determined, immovable and angry. Changkyun snickers. That hyung is, by far, the most clingiest, touchiest and neediest hyung he ever came across, and he has the audacity to whine whenever Changkyun doesn't want to share his bed with him. 

It's been more than a year.

The video continues on to Changkyun's self introduction. Where he hesitates to meet everyone's eyes and mumbles his name, age and position. He makes eye contact, but he's not strong enough to hold it with anyone around the table. Changkyun almost coughs at himself. Look at that oily skin, he thinks. What kind of hairstyle was that? 

And then the video shows Jooheon. The rapper stops munching on his fries. This part is important. This is the only thing he came for, to be honest. Jooheon's first impression of him. After all, now they're dating- kind of? Yes, definitely- and Changkyun wants to know his boyfriend's first impression of him. Just. For fun, really.

He holds his breath as Jooheon appears on the screen. The elder has a beanie on, his mouth set into a grim line, eyes squinting at the cameras. He looks sleepy and soft, the same Jooheon that Changkyun bids goodnight to, every night. Though that Jooheon, the one on the screen, was definitely not the same Jooheon who pecks him on the cheek before they sleep, every night. 

What else can we do but hate right now? Jooheon told the camera. Changkyun's jaw drops. 

Just hating, and hating, and hating.

There's a few more hours left before the rest of the members said they'll return, so Jooheon and Changkyun decides to take it upon themselves and marathon movies while cuddling- a simple kind of bonding that their schedules forbid them to have. Opaque curtains drawn across the windows, prepped with two bottles of coke and some leftover popcorn Jooheon found at the back of the cupboard, the two boyfriends climb on the couch with socked feet and scoot close to each other. Changkyun's head finds a place between Jooheon's shoulder and neck the moment they're settled, his arms snaking their way around the elder's torso. He lets out a little sigh. When else can they find small moments like this?

When the movie starts playing, Jooheon wraps an arm around Changkyun's waist. He turns his face to peck him on the cheek. Changkyun snuggles deeper. 

As the movie plays, a thought hits him on the head. Wait. Wasn't he supposed to tell Jooheon something?

The maknae looks up at his boyfriend through his lashes. Jooheon has his eyes glued to the screen, brows slowly sliding down his forehead as he focuses on the characters onscreen, the dialogue whizzing past his ears. They're watching a movie Jooheon's been wanting to see for a while now- some sort of drama about a father and his blind son, guaranteed to be tear-jerking. Changkyun glances at the television, then back at his boyfriend, then back at the television. 

"Hyung," he starts. "I want to tell you something."

"Hmm?" Jooheon absentmindedly picks at Changkyun's shirt, eyes glued to the screen.

The maknae rummages around his brain for words. What can he say? 

He settles with a word. "You're a liar, you know." Changkyun leans into Jooheon's side.

"I'm a what?"

"A liar."

The fingers on his shoulder stop drumming. "A liar? What makes you say that?"

The maknae shrugs. "I don't know. Didn't you say you hated me before?" 

Jooheon snickers. "And when did I say that?"

"Oh, you know.  What else can we do but hate right now? Just hating, and hating, and hating." Changkyun quotes him word by word. "But look at us now. You lied." He ends it with a smirk. Maybe he's proud.

A pause. A few seconds of silence. The movie on the television continues to play, filling in the space between them.

Then Jooheon rolls his eyes. "Changkyun. Tell me, when did I say that?"

The maknae doesn't reply. He pretends to ignore his boyfriend's words, instead choosing to toss popcorn in his mouth.

"Changkyun. I'm asking you something here."

"Hmm?"

"When did I say that?"

Another few seconds of silence. Changkyun shrugs.

"I don't know. Some time ago, I suppose."

The movie on the screen stops playing. Changkyun yelps in protest, turning to Jooheon for the remote, but his boyfriend stops him and squishes his cheeks together, pulling their faces very, very close. 

"What are you-"

"Changkyun, we've talked about this, haven't we?" Jooheon's eyes pierce through him. They're unreadable, but Changkyun can detect exasperation in the gaze and his voice.

"Maybe."

"It's been more than a year, Kyunnie. Heck, it's been two years. A lot of things can happen in that time." 

Changkyun nods.

"Two years ago, we were rivals. Competitors. Fighting for the same dream. Now we're teammates and best friends and I'm yours and you're mine. Would you rather I continue hating you the way I did, or would you rather I love you and kiss you everyday and feed you my food and go out on midnight dates with you?"

Red rises to his cheeks, covers his neck, flushes the tips of his ears. "The- the second one," Changkyun replies.

Jooheon smiles. His grip on his boyfriend's cheeks loosens a little. "Good. Me too."  

And then he pulls Changkyun in and warm, soft lips are on his, practically melting against him, and everything tastes sweet and salty and he wraps an arm around Changkyun's waist to pull him closer, the younger crashing against him, when was the last time they kissed-

The door bangs open and the rest of the group tumble in. Kihyun holds up a few plastic bags, declaring "We bought you f- get off the couch!"

The boyfriends jump out of their skin and onto the floor. Hyungwon groans in disgust.

"Ugh, boyfriends."