I'm still alive! And yes, this story still exists! Enjoy reading the next chapter ;)

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When he was little, his parents let him choose whatever he liked as long as he worked hard for it. They even supported him when he wanted to apply for additional music courses. He worked hard to convince the ministry of education that he had the ability and in the end, they still sent him to the management department of Sonic Technologies.

He crumpled his diploma in his hand cursing his luck. Yongguk knew he was good enough for the music department. As a part of the school band he had had many chances to perform on school festivals, even produced most of the songs they have performed himself. Everyone was impressed by his work. He even got a request to write a song to be performed at an official gathering of the government. He still remembers the time he had spent cooped up in his room pouring all his feelings onto paper to achieve the best song he had ever written. He wanted to touch the people, he wanted them to think about what he wrote. He didn’t know what went wrong there. Many people have come up after the performance and congratulated him on his song. He had been ecstatic. He thought they saw the beauty in words. He thought they understood. But thinking back, he remembers their pinched faces, frozen in a smile, their eyes shining in pity and sadness. Their voices sounded as if they have given up on him the moment he opened his mouth and talked.

Later on that day as he had talked to his parents they had smiled proudly. They have praised him. But he had seen their concerned look. They had said he had a deep and fascinating understanding of the world and could reveal it in better words than any other could, but some words aren’t to be said to the society with their fixed views and made opinions, but to the ones who still search for their view of the world.

He looked up from the floor and promptly saw a teacher staring shocked at his diploma. With a flick of his hand he let it disappear in his bag and smiled at the teacher hoping that he wouldn’t inquire further. Slowly as not to acquire further attention he made his way out of the school premises where he started to run.

As if the weather wanted to underline his misery it started to rain the moment he turned the corner. Luckily, he didn’t have a long way. A few streets further down the monumental building of the state primary school rose out of the asphalt. The security guard at the door let him in upon recognising him. He smiled. He always smiled once he stepped out onto the streets. It was a soft lifting of the corners of his lips, never showing teeth. But as long as everybody around assumes you’re happy with your life nobody will ask a question. It is bad to be unhappy, because that means you’re unhappy with the all-powerful military. And nobody is unhappy about them. Or nobody should be unhappy about them.

Once he was out of sight his smile dropped again. It cost him to much energy to keep his façade up. Especially when he didn’t have a reason to be content at all. With sure steps, he made his way to the covered schoolyard where loads of screaming, chattering and joyous kids were running around, playing while the rain beat against the glass panels way above their heads. Keeping his face blank, he winded his way through the moving obstacles and steered into the general directions of the primary school teachers.

His parents saw him long before he reached them. Like a tall stick figure wading through grassland he stuck out between the children. They smiled and waved. They always smiled when they saw him. They always smiled in general. When he asked them why they always smiled they would answer: “It’s because we have such a wonderful son.” They would laugh and ruffle his hair. Then they would add: “And also were happy that we’re alive and can contribute to make this world a better place.” Those words they would say gravely with serious faces and then they would laugh and smile again, trapping him in a bone crushing hug. Like now.

Somehow, they read his mood and now his mother was hugging him as if her life depended on it.

“Sweetie, everything will be alright.”

He patted her back.

“Everything is alright. There is no problem.”

His mother smoothed his school uniform out with her hands a concerned frown adorning her face. His father stood to the side, seemingly disinterested while watching the children, but in truth listening attentively to his son’s words.

“Then why are you unhappy?”

Leave it to his mother to see his unhappiness on his neutral face. A soft smile broke out on his face. Not a fake one. Only the real ones for his family.

“It really is nothing. I got my diploma today and I will be transferred to the Management Department of Sonic Technologies.”

His mother sighed. “Sometimes it’s not bad to get a job where you’ll fit into this world. And not everything is set in stone. You can always find a way to achieve what you want. Some ways might be harder than other’s but then it only depends on your will to succeed.” She patted his head sadly. “But don’t go and do anything stupid. You’re precious to us and we can’t handle if you do something to hurt yourself.”

She knew her son. Even though it was her wish that he grew up safe she wouldn’t want him to stop going after his dreams. Her wish was for him to fit into this society and live a calm, carefree life but she knew that with their way of thinking they’ll never get what they want here on Mato Planet.

Yongguk’s father hit him on his shoulder nearly making him fall over. His long finger rested there and squeezed him hard. “We’re proud of you. Managing Department. Not everybody gets in.” It was always a mystery to the son how his father did his work while staying this taciturn.

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He got a few days of rest before he had to start his job at Sonic Technologies. It doesn’t take long for him to get accustomed to the work there and he starts to methodically get through his repetitive work. The days blur into each other as he works there. Weeks and months pass easily without much happening.

-

He gave the protocol a once over before returning it to Nahyun.

“It’s fine as it is. You can send it in.” He smiled and returned to his work not further paying attention to the girl who scuttled hurriedly out of the room. In a concentrated manner, he went over his own work, writing up different work plans, finishing and correcting portfolios before he sent them higher up the food chain. It was quite repetitive, boring paperwork. Well, for him it was. Maybe not for others. But then he always knew that he didn’t want to work behind a desk all day long. Him getting the job was quite his own fault, if you thought about it. He could have tweaked his own results. He could have written complete rubbish in his business management exams and compensated it with his ability in music production. But then again it would have made the examiners suspicious and also, he didn’t do half things. If he was able to do something then he would do it properly. It could be a pain to be a perfectionist. It cost him his dream and now it costs him many nights of sleep.

Every night when he returns home after working overtime to get his reports perfectly done, he sits down at his desks to write his music. It’s the only time he truly feels free. He can let his thoughts run free and the music sings in his mind.

Some nights he just stands on his balcony staring in the night thinking about his life, his desires and regrets. Inspiration searches for him then and he would run inside and with fast hands write down everything pouring out of his mind. His perfectionistic mind always kept him awake to refine his music resulting in him being always tired when returning to work the next morning.

But then again, he was also a perfectionist about everything he started doing. So, he would always finish his work for the company to the best of his abilities. His good work didn’t go unnoticed. The CEO was happy about the good judgement of the examiners giving him such a hard-working asset. After re-evaluating him he got promoted to the head of his own team, nearly doubling his workload. But he didn’t stop producing music. It was part of his life.

Thinking about his nightly work made Yongguk start tapping his pen on his desk while staring blankly at his computer screen. Music already took his mind away from work. Without realising he started to hum a soft melody to the sharp tapping.

“Nice melody.”

Those two words made Yongguk’s blood freeze in fear and he swivelled around. Before him stood a tall male scrutinising him with an indifferent expression. Yongguk frowned concerned.

“Just a melody I heard somewhere”, he said in the spur of the moment.

Somehow he didn’t want this guy to know that this was his own music. It didn’t feel right to tell him and Yongguk hoped that this man would believe his little lie.

Apparently the guy wasn’t satisfied with the answer he’s got.

“Really?”

The asking lilt in the man’s voice sent a cold shiver down Yongguk’s back. A voice in his mind screamed at him to run. The man looked rather harmless. However, the cold indifference and relaxed way the stranger leaned at the wall oozed danger. His dark eyes glinted intelligently hiding away more secrets than Yongguk cared to know. And he definitely didn’t want to be involved with him. He trusted his gut feeling. And his gut didn’t like that guy. Even less so, when he stepped closer, suddenly bringing the face right before Yongguk’s. A few moments passed before the man’s face broke out into a smile, startling Yongguk, for he didn’t expect such a warm and sincere smile from a stranger who just waltzed into someone’s office to casually start a conversation.

“Oh, I know you.”

Yongguk’s mind went blank for a moment, not knowing if it was a good or bad sign. Since it seemed that the man was also working at Sonic Tech it was quite possible that he already saw him at one of his project presentations. But then it could also mean something different. Did he really see him at Sonic Tech? Then again, he was never somewhere he shouldn’t be, so it shouldn’t be bad. Yongguk shook his head at his own overly suspicious thoughts.

“So?”

Inwardly he cringed. Why didn’t he just ask the guy from where he knew him? His answer was quite rude and defensive. He didn’t do anything wrong.

The man laughed. “Why so uptight? I don’t bite.” The man came around the desk and without much ceremony sat on the edge still looking at the manager. When Yongguk didn’t reply the stranger smiled.

“I once accompanied my dad to one of his government ceremonies once and you performed with your school band at the venue.”

The bad feeling intensified.

“Oh, don’t look so concerned. I liked your show. It was amazing. Why didn’t you go into the music industry?”

Yongguk felt as if someone poured ice into his veins. It was as if someone grabbed his heart holding it in a tight grip. How was he going to explain that you did want to join the music industry but the system hasn’t allowed it? How was he going to explain it to someone whose father was part of the government or at least an enforcer? How was he going to explain without showing his dissatisfaction?

“I got into Sonic Tech through my achievements in the evaluation exam. It is my duty and honour to serve here.”

The law is perfect. The law knows what is the best. No one questions it. He wasn’t fit for the music industry so he works here.

The stranger looked at Yongguk in thought. His facial expression gave nothing away. They sat there in silence while staring at each other. Yongguk was getting nervous. But he had learnt a long time ago not to show his emotions openly. Not in this world anyways.

“I see.”

The stranger finally broke the silence. Those two words hung in the air heavily. Yongguk felt like suffocating. The other’s presence was somehow oppressive in this small room where the light was dim because of the late hour. The weight lifted of the desk and the man turned around to leave the room.

His mouth reacted faster than his brain.

“Wait.”

Yongguk was surprised by his own words. He usually didn’t care much about the people at work.

The stranger stopped and looked back questioningly.

“What’s your name?”, Yongguk inquired.

The man smiled as he answered.

“Kim Sungwon.” He glanced at the name plate on the table.

“Nice to have met you, Bang Yongguk.”

With these words he turned around definitely and left, leaving just a slightly less ominous feeling.

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I already started the next chapter and I do hope that it's not going to take me as long as with this one to finally post it...