»Hoseok-ah? « Jin´s voice sounded through the door, but the younger ignored it like he had been doing ever since they returned. It had been four days and Hoseok hadn´t been himself since then. Sure, he had been the same bubbly ball of happiness whenever there were cameras or fans´ eyes directed at him, but as soon as schedules were over, he quickly retreated to his room, burying himself under his blanket. He hadn´t talked with Youjin since as the older hadn´t sent him any message and he hadn’t either. He had no idea what he was supposed to say, even more so as those deep, brown eyes and soft, warm lips kept hunting him even in his dreams. The moment he had felt those warm lips on his, it had all become clear to him. The excitement he felt whenever they were about to meet. The way the older´s soft voice always seemed to bring the comfort he needed or the way every touch sent tingles all over his body. His heart beating fast every time his phone notified him of a message from the other. It had all suddenly made sense. Without himself knowing, he had fallen for the older man. When it had happened - He didn´t know. It had probably been a while but until that stupid kiss, he had been able to ban that realization from his mind. He wished it had stayed that way! It wasn´t that he minded having fallen for a guy. He had known he was bi for years, but having realized his feelings meant having to deal with the consequences. It meant having to deal with useless hope and subsequently having to deal with the heart break. He had never felt lovesick before but he was sure the way he was feeling right now must be it. Sure, he had gone out with a few people but he had never been very interested in anything more serious. Now however, he practically yearned for a relationship with the older singer. He was already missing their conversations and the sound of the other´s voice. Yet, if he hadn´t already known before that Youjin was straight, the older´s reaction had made it clear that he had no interested in him. The simple thought cased pain to curse through is heart once again and he suddenly felt like eating the whole tube of chocolate ice cream from the freezer. He shouldn´t have kissed Youjin! Or had the older kissed him? No matter, how often Hoseok kept repeating the scene in his mind, he couldn´t figure out who had been the first one to move. And hadn´t it been Youjin´s hand on his cheek first? It all didn´t seem to fit and the rapper let out a load groan, burying his head into his pillow, as his mind returned to the circle of thoughts it had been on for the last 4 days.

Suddenly he heard the door to his room being opened and he immediately knew who it was. Jin had been asking for entrance constantly for the last days and Hoseok was surprised their oldest hadn´t just come in before.

»What do you want? « Hoseok huffed out, lifting his head to glare at his Hyung. He knew he was being rude right now, but he didn´t want to see anyone at the moment. At least not until he was able to put on his happy face for longer than a shooting or fan meeting.

»What´s wrong, Hobi? « Jin didn´t seem fazed by his reaction at all.

»Nothing! I am fine! « he tried to put on a bright smile but even to himself it felt all forced.

»You have been hiding in this room for days, so don´t try to tell me you´re fine. Now, scoot over! « the oldest voice had a demanding tone to it and Hoseok did as he was told, knowing he wasn´t going to get out of this anyways. Still, he wasn´t ready to face anyone yet, so he turned his back toward the older as he scooted closer to the wall. He could feel the bed dip beside him, before two arms wrapped around his middle immediately bringing at least some comfort to his troubled mind.

»Now, tell me, what´s wrong? It´s because of Youjin, isn´t it? «

»No…« the younger had no idea why he even made the afford to deny it. Jin probably already knew that he was right.

»Come on, I leave you two alone for two hours and when I come back he is gone and you are acting all weird ever since. And you want to make me believe your behavior has nothing to do with him? «

Silently cursing Jin´s ability to always see through them, Hoseok turned around to face the older. »I kissed him. Or he kissed me? God, I don´t even know! « Burying his face in the other´s chest, he let out another groan.

»Do you like him? « Jin asked carefully and the younger just nodded, his head buried into the other´s chest. He half expected the older to make some kind of stupid comment, but instead he was pulled just a little closer. It wasn´t the same as when Youjin had put his arm around him in the kitchen that day, but their oldest´s hugs always brought a special comfort with them. Silence stretched between them for a while until Hoseok finally felt his mind settling down slightly. »He…« his throat felt clogged and the younger had to swallow hard before he was able to continue. »He doesn´t feel the same though. «

»What makes you think that? «the surprise was so evident in Jin´s voice, that the rapper immediately pulled back to face the older who was staring at him with a raised eye brow.

»He doesn´t want to talk to me anymore…« his heart clenched and he couldn´t stop the single tear that escaped his eye. »He just jumped up and disappeared. I bet he is disgusted. « Hoseok let out a sigh of despair.

»I can´t believe that! « The agitation in his Hyung´s voice surprised Hoseok and he wasn´t sure if it was caused by disbelieve or anger. »Tell me exactly what happened! «

»I don´t really know « Hoseok admitted. »We were just watching TV and talking and then suddenly we were kissing and…« Closing his eyes, he tried his best to remember what had happened next. »Then I pulled back and…«

»You pulled back? « Jin interrupted, looking at him in a mixture of bewilderment and surprise.

»I was suddenly kissing a friend, I didn´t know I had feelings for till then. How do you expect me to have reacted to that? «

»Did you say anything? «

»No, I didn´t even get the chance. He just said he was sorry and disappeared. « the memory caused all the comfort the older had brought to disappear again and Hoseok was about to bury his head into the other´s chest again when Jin´s hand on his chin stopped him.

»Hoseok, could it be that he misunderstood your actions? « the oldest´s voice was dead serious as he stared at the rapper sternly.

»What do you mean? «

»Could it be that he thought you were uncomfortable and felt guilty for forcing himself on you? «

»Why would he? «

»Because he likes you! « It didn´t sound like a question and Hoseok stared at his Hyung in disbelieve whose face mirrored his own expression.

»Don´t tell me you didn´t know. Everyone knows that guy has a crush on you ever since we started meeting up. «

»What are you talking about? You must me mistaken! « He stared at the older as if the other had grown another head but at the same time he could feel the slightest hint of hope in the back of his mind.

»He likes you! Trust me on this one, Hope. « Jin sent him a confident smile before he continued, shaking his head slightly. »How come you haven´t noticed how much he cares about you? Just take the last time they came over. He was the only one to notice you had disappeared and even thought we were watching one of his favorite movies, he came to help you in the kitchen instead. «

»You mean…«

»I mean: You should talk to him! « Jin didn´t even let him finish. »I am sure you can work things out. At the moment you are not even talking to each other so it can only make things better hereafter. « The older sent him an encouraging smile, but before Hoseok was able to even think of an answer, the singer was already standing up and hurrying towards the door. »Think about it! «

As soon as the door closed behind the oldest, Hoseok let out a loud groan, before burying his head into the pillow once more. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, he suddenly felt hope blossom in his heart and his mind circled around what Jin had just told him. What if his Hyung was right? What if there was even the slightest chance of Youjin returning his feelings? His thoughts kept going back to all the times they had met up. All the times Youjin would come to greet him first before even paying attention to the other members. All the times, Youjin would secretly pass him some extra meat during their meals, sending him a conspiratorial smile. He thought of how the older always seemed to noticed when he wasn´t feeling well, always cracking a jokes or talking about random things to cheer him up. He thought of how Youjin always had a comforting touch for him, even though everyone knew how much the singer hated skin ship. Could it be that Jin had been saying the truth?

Sitting up on his bed abruptly, Hoseok shook his head in disbelieve. He normally prided himself in being perceptive of others feelings. How could he have missed all that? How could he have missed his own feelings for so long? Letting out another groan, he jumped up from the bed, grabbing his wallet on the way to the door. Jin was right! He needed to talk to Youjin and settle things now, or he was going to go crazy! Not caring that he was only wearing a pair of sweats and an old T-Shirt or for Jin who was calling after him, he rushed out of the dorm.

Not even half an hour later, Hoseok found himself in front of the KNK dorm, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He couldn´t remember ever being that nervous. What if he was just imagining things and was going to make a complete fool out of himself. His hand shook as he lifted it to knock, but he pulled back before he could do so. So far, he had always perceived the others´ dorm as warm and homey, but today it felt kind of intimidating. Maybe he should just go back home and send a message instead. They could mark a day and he´d have some time to think about what to say, first. Sure, he normally was more of the spontaneous type, but maybe he should give it some more though this time. They probably weren´t at home anyways, at this time of the day. Feeling his nervousness subside slightly at that thought, Hoseok was about to just leave when someone spoke up behind him, startling him.

»Hoseok? «

»Y…Youjin! « The nervousness was back at full force as he stared at the older as if he had seen a ghost.

»What are you doing here? « That was a good question to ask. What exactly was he doing here?

»Can we…Can we talk? « his voice sounded incredibly insecure and Hoseok hated it. In his whole life, he had never felt insecure before, but it seemed that, even without knowing, the older showed him things about himself, he didn´t know he had.

Opening the door in silence, Youjin just nodded before motioning for the younger to follow him inside. Following, Hoseok took some extra time to leave his shoes in the hallway as he tried to calm his racing mind, but it was to no avail. Finally stepping into the main room, Youjin had already shrugged off his jacket and was standing there in just a simple black T-Shirt. Immediately, Hoseok felt his heart accelerating its pace and hi gaze traveled along the other´s wide shoulders to his broad chest. How come he hadn´t noticed before just how y the older was? How come he had never noticed how much his heart started beating whenever they met or how much he wished to be held by those strong arms? He couldn´t believe how blind he had been. However, before he could wear himself down any further, a soft cough from the older interrupted his train f thoughts.

»You want some tea? « Youjin offered but the rapper just shook his head. He didn´t think he could wait until Youjin had fixed them some tea. He needed to get this over with now before even the last ounce of courage left him.

»So, about…« Hoseok´s voice trailed off as he had no idea what to say. How did one tell one´s friend that they actually enjoyed kissing them or that they were even wishing for more? From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Youjin motioning for him to take a seat on the sofa but he ignored it. He felt way too restless to even consider sitting down. However, it seemed that he wasn´t the only one as Youjin kept pacing up and down in front of him, fondling his finders in a nervous manner. The knowledge that the older didn´t seem completely unfazed by the current situation as well calmed Hoseok slightly and he swallowed hard before continuing, his face lowered to hide the blush on his cheeks. »…about the kiss…«

»Forget about it! « the other´s tone was harsh, causing the rapper to jump slightly and his heart to feel heavy in his chest. He obviously had been right from the beginning and Youjin didn´t feel that way towards him at all. Tears welled up in his eyes and he was about to agree when he remembered Jin´s words. Their oldest was right: He had nothing to lose anyways. Things were already awkward between them. However, it was the hint of sadness, he detected in the older´s voice that gave him the courage to say the next words.

»What if I don´t want to? «

»W…What do you mean? « Youjin stopped dead in his tracks and Hoseok could see the singer´s hands shaking ever so slightly.

»I mean: I don´t want to for it. I mean: …« he took a deep breath »…I liked it – a lot« his voice was nothing more than a whisper, but Youjin seemed to have heard him, still. With two long strides the older was standing in front of him, forcing his head up gently by catching his chin between his thump and pointer.

»Please, don´t play with me« Youjin pleaded and the way the older was looking at him told Hoseok everything he needed to know. It was clear as daylight in the other´s eyes and the rapper wondered how he could have missed the way Youjin looked at him like he mattered, like he was important.

»I am not. I meant it! I really liked it. «

»But you pulled back and looked at me so shocked and …« the older´s hand dropped from his face as the singer stared at him helplessly and Hoseok almost groaned at how much they seemingly had misunderstood each other´s behavior.

»I am sorry. It´s not that I didn´t like it. It´s just…« For a moment Hoseok hesitated if it was a good idea to confess everything, but the he decided it was all or nothing anyways. With a heavy sigh he continued. »Kissing you just made me realize how much I like you«

»You mean as a friend, right? « Youjin´s voice was filled with sadness but there was also a hint of hope in it that gave the younger the last bit of courage he needed.

»No! I mean: sure, I like you as a friend, but I like you more than that as well « holding his breath, he waited for Youjin to answer, but the singer just stared at him in silence. Just when he was about to apologize and get the hell out of there, the older suddenly stepped forwards, wrapping Hoseok into a tight hug. Immediately the shorter man felt warmth filling his heart before spreading through his whole body.

»So it´s ok if I do this? « A shiver ran down his back as Youjin´s warm breath tickled his ear and he let out a long sigh of contentment.

»God, yes! « Hoseok let out another happy sight as he snuggled into the older´s chest, wrapping his arms around the taller´s waist.

They stayed like that for a while, the complete silence of the room only interrupted by their heavy breathing. Suddenly Youjin´s hand was cupping his cheek and then they were kissing again, only this time Hoseok didn´t pull back. Instead, his arms wrapped around the older´s neck and he let out a soft moan when Youjin his bottom lip between his own. When they finally parted for air, the older let his forehead rest against Hoseok´s locking their gaze.

»It´s not gonna be easy with us having to worry about our image and with our busy schedules, but would you be my boyfriend, Hope? « there was the slightest hint of insecurity in the other´s voice and Hoseok had to admit that he found it kind of cute. However, the wide smile, that threatened to split his face apart, kept him from commenting on it. Instead, he just nodded before connecting their lips again. It started out slow, but quickly the kiss grew in intensity and as Youjin lifted him up from the ground, his legs wrapping around the older´s waist and one of the taller´s hand tangling into his hair, Hoseok came to the conclusion that maybe falling in love himself was even easier.