Flicking his mouse over to the shutdown button on the bottom left corner, he watched as the screen faded to black before shutting his laptop. Yoongi stretched his arms above his head and twisted, popping his shoulders and back before he scrambled into bed exhausted. Staring at the bright screen for hours in the dark was starting to take a toll on his eyes and he really needed to sleep before he went blind.

 

He rubbed at his eyes trying to relieve the burning behind his corneas and tried to drift off to sleep. Tomorrow was gonna be another day they perform and he really needed to stop stressing over what the fans thought about their new album. He knew it was perfect, every minute he spent on creating a newer better album was well spent but he still had nerves buzzing through his skull.

 

Looking over to where Jin was peacefully lying, he sighed. How did people fall asleep so easily after laying down? It was something his body just couldn’t do and he knew the fire behind his eyes wasn’t gonna let up anytime soon. Huffing and curling his body into a ball, he closed his eyes hoping God would take pity on him and knock him out early.

 

Today’s events swam in his head as he muffled his face into the pillow; Waking up at seven to load up, setting up and practicing, performing, assessing their skills afterwards, it was a tiring day but he was used to it. Used to the life of an idol. His body was still sore though. He made a mental note to ask Hoseok for his amazing muscle-relaxing massage tomorrow.

 

He had started to finally drift away when he heard the familiar creak of hardwood floors and the eerie slide of the front door. Of course someone chose the moment Yoongi was finally getting comfortable that they would make noise and furiously whisk away his attempts of getting a good night’s rest. Why did he have to be a light sleeper?

 

Yoongi looked at the clock before deciding to get up. It had been twenty minutes since he heard the shuffle of feet out the door, so Yoongi took it upon himself to find out who the culprit was and usher them back to bed. Taking one last glance at Jin, he quietly left his room.

 

He made his way through the dorm before stopping in front of the front door. It was slightly cracked open so he took the opportunity to peek through.

 

It took a second for his eyes to adjust to the dark but the natural lighting of the moon was enough to make out the hunched over figure on the concrete steps. Slipping through the door, he watched pink and silver hair bob up to meet his gaze.

 

“Hobi?”

 

“Uh? Oh yeah, It’s me.” Hoseok smiled weakly, following Yoongi’s gaze as he lowered himself to sit beside him. “Sorry did I wake you?”

 

“Well I would have to be asleep for that to happen. What are you doing up so late?”

 

Hoseok looked away, staring up at the night sky. “I just needed some fresh air.”

 

At one in the morning?

 

Suddenly, Yoongi noticed the drying moisture tracks down Hoseok’s face, the light from the moon making the tiny stream glisten on his skin. He had been crying before Yoongi came out here. Yoongi bit his cheek looking for the right words, he was always the worst when it came to sentimental subjects.

 

“Is something bothering you?” The older asked carefully. Homesickness was a common issue the members dealt with on occasion but Yoongi had a feeling that wasn’t it.

 

A few seconds passed by before Hoseok said anything. “I...I was just thinking,” His voice sounded hollow, like it was but a small echo from deep within his throat, “About how I ended up where I am, ya know? How I went from being just a kid daydreaming in class to an idol performing for millions of people worldwide.”

 

Hoseok sighed, his eyes catching Yoongi’s. “It’s just crazy.”

 

The older smiled, watching the steady glow of the moon in Hoseok’s glazed eyes. “It is pretty wild huh? It feels like just yesterday I was shaking in front of the audition room door about to give the most cringiest performance of my life.”

 

A soft chuckle left the younger’s mouth, his eyes crinkling and mouth forming into a smirk. “It wasn’t that bad, you got chosen didn’t you? You did something right.”

 

Yoongi nodded his head before letting his smile slowly fall from his face, “Yeah, I guess I did.”

 

 

The temperature of the cold concrete started to seep through Yoongi’s light pajama bottoms sending chills throughout his body but he refused to leave. Minutes ticked by as he waited for Hoseok to go back inside but he could still see the tense of muscle in his shoulders. Something was still keeping him from leaving.

 

The two sat there, taking in their surroundings. Watching, breathing, existing before Hoseok started up again in a shaky whisper.

 

“It’s just…” The younger stared at his hands resting on his lap, “It’s just that I think about all the things people have said to me. The people who have doubted me or made fun of my dreams. And how much I believed their words.” Hoseok clenched his fists tightly.

 

“I remember watching these idols on TV and thinking, ‘Would I ever be good enough? Should I really be pursuing such a far-fetched dream? Why do I even try?’ ya know?” Hoseok sent Yoongi a fleeting glance, something like pain painting his expression.

 

“And when I left my underground group to audition at Big Hit, all those questions plagued my mind. Their words, my insecurities, everything. But then I got that email saying I was accepted into Bangtan, and it was like…” Hoseok’s head flew up, words stumbling out with every shaky breath, “Like- like I could finally breath again. Like a weight was lifted off my chest.”

 

Yoongi watched carefully, nodding his head every once and awhile to make sure Hoseok knew he was listening.

 

“Then we practiced and practiced perfecting everything. Weeks and weeks of just training; writing songs, doing vocal warmups, learning choreography, and just surviving in our small apartment. It was grueling and so difficult to keep up with and some days-” Hoseok’s eyes started to well up, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. Yoongi took one of Hoseok’s clenched fists and unballed it, soothingly running his thumb over his knuckles. “Some days that heaviness in my chest would return. Those questions would run in my head nonstop. ’Is this what I should be doing? Would people even like me? Why was I working so hard on something that would never come true?’”

 

The tears that trailed down the younger’s face were silent but the sound of Yoongi’s heart breaking was ear shattering. He had a past of dark thoughts constantly plaguing his mind, and he could see himself in Hoseok’s eyes. He was all too familiar with the numbing cold that never left your bones.

 

But what really hurt was the strength Hoseok put into being the mood maker of the group since he too had struggled with where he was. It takes so much for someone to constantly be b with energy and happiness when you had foggy parts in your brain like that. Yoongi couldn’t think of a time when Hoseok wasn’t there for him. Making his grumpy demeanor fade away with a simple smile and jittery laugh. He really was a beacon of hope.

 

“And then we had our first performance and I just-” Hoseok sniffled loudly, stopping a trembling hand from wiping away his tears before a loud sob escaped from his lips. He held a hand over his eyes as the tears became more persistent, fat drops sinking to the concrete below. “It was only a small crowd but it was enough. There is always enough. I can still remember their faces. The expressions they had. Every single detail of that day. We were finally showing the world what we worked so hard for, slaved for.”

 

Yoongi squeezed Hoseok’s hand harder, his other hand coming around to rest on his back. He could feel the tremors coursing through the younger’s body as he started to rub small circles. “Just take deep breathes okay? In and out.” Yoongi whispered, continuing to sooth Hoseok’s back until his shaking lessened and his breathing returned to normal.  

 

“A-and that was the moment I thought it was worth it. It was worth all the struggle. It felt so...right standing with all of you, dancing, singing, living. Like this was where I was meant to be.” Hoseok slightly pulled his hand away to place it on top of Yoongi’s, giving him a returning squeeze. He rested back, looking at the stars with fondness.

 

Hoseok’s eyes shined impossibly bright, the moonlight glowing stronger as it reflected off the wet glaze that collected there. He held an entire solar system in his eyes, ever expanding with new possibilities. Yoongi tried to settle his rising heartbeat as he stared at the ethereal being beside him. His face was red from crying, eyes swollen and nose stuffy but he still looked amazing. He always looked amazing no matter what he did.

 

Hoseok continued, hands flying up to exaggerate his words, “And then we started growing, expanding, reaching new heights. Heights I couldn’t even fathom! Millions of people came to see us, we filled up entire stadiums! We reached people from all across the globe. From different walks of life, and they took the small time out of their day to show their support by actually listening to our music. By coming to our concerts and getting to know us personally. To like us enough to create art and other things. And I just-” Hoseok sighed heavily, a smile quickly covering up his overwhelmed expression.

 

”It’s amazing everything they do for us. What they do for seven guys who just wanted to perform and make people smile. For-” He stalled a bit before looking at Yoongi, a singular tear following the slightly dry tracks that had formed down his face. “For a boy who heard all his life that what he wanted to be wasn’t realistic. That he would never be good enough. That-...that what he was doing was just a waste of time.”

 

Yoongi drew closer, reaching up to catch Hoseok’s tear before it passed his lips. He pulled him into his chest, brushing his fingers through the soft locks of hair on the back of his head before replying, “We really are lucky to be where we are.”

 

Hoseok dug his fingers into the older’s sweater, clenching around the soft fabric. They stayed like that for a while, Yoongi petting Hoseok’s head until he found enough courage to speak again. He could tell the younger was probably drained by the way his body sloped, muscles weak from crying.

 

“Thanks Hyung...for listening,” Hoseok responded, sounding bashful “I probably look like a mess right now.” His laughter was muffled as he pressed harder into Yoongi’s chest.

 

“No you don’t.” Yoongi replied, lifting Hoseok’s head and rubbing his thumbs gently over the apple of his cheeks.“ Now come on, we have a busy day tomorrow and I’m sure Jin-hyung won’t mind sharing his room with an extra person tonight, Okay?”

 

Yoongi’s smile was met with an even bigger one.

 

“Okay.”

 

And that was how Yoongi finally fell asleep that night; both of them curling up in Yoongi’s one person bed, hands dried with freshly shed tears, and listening to the steady thump thump thump of each other’s heartbeats.