This one shoot is related to Taeyeon's song Fine, which i think were reflected many things about Taengsic relationship. So if you read this story, i recommend you to listen to Taeyeon's song first.

 

On a ripped piece of paper

i wrote down how i really feel

and it gets clear

somethin' bout you

I stared at my phone that was settled on the table, ringing continuously since earlier. There are so many notifications on my SNS to congratulate me on my comeback. I smile widely when i read every fans comments on my Instagram latest post and feel so grateful because they seems to like my new album. To replied their comments, i post about two or three insta story post and thanked them for liking my song. Then, i moved to my another SNS account to read my fellow members and some close friend messages.

"congrats for your comeback unnie!"

"Boo, you're totally killing the chart! congratulation!"

"I cried hearing your angelic voice, the lyrics caught me off guard, and your voice make it more perfect. I proud of you unnie!"

"Taeng, you must treat us some food for your comeback's party. By the way, congrats midget!"

"Unnie, i already watched your music video just now. You said you can't do acting stuff to me, are you kidding me? with this music video, you look like a great actress. How dare you to underestimate yourself? When you're crying scene played, i feel my heart broken. It felt so real. your acting's skill is so improved unnie. congratulation!"

My eyebrow furrowed when i read Yoona's message. Crying scene? What scene? I typed a reply and asked her which part of crying scene. I don’t remember that my music video contained crying scene.

"Did you forget it already? It's the one when you wear the blue dress and look like shooting some part of your music video. Its like behind the scene of the music video. Are you really crying there? your acting is beyond amazing."

My body limp and i knew what scene that Yoona intended to me.

"Unfortunately the scene was real Yoong." With a deep sigh i replied Yoona's text back and buried my face to the couch's pillow. Indeed, the scene on the music video was real. Somehow, the song is very familiar and kind of similar with my own miserably life. When i said to everyone that i lacked on acting skills that was true. i can do the music video well, because the song is reflected my own life in many ways. My poor life after an incident happened, an incident that my already sad life become more sad, an incident that make me said "it's not fine" from the bottom of my heart.

Ting!

I received a new messaged and thought it must be Yoona. without looking to the sender, i open the message and i feel my heart sank again and again, and this time it hurts so deeply.

"Congrats for ur new album - jsy"

***

Yeah, you and i are similar but different

Do you feel the same way?

I'm getting my hopes up

 

-Flashback-

"Mmmmhhmm"I stirred a litte when i feel someone poking my cheek.

"Taengoo, you must eat something."I heard she sigh faintly still poking my cheek, I opened my eyes slowly and smile when i found a certain blonde stare at me worriedly.

"Taengoo,"She whined, "You become thinner nowadays. i'm afraid you'll sick."She said with concerned. My smile gets wider and i decided to pull her to my arms. How i missed this warmth whenever we are apart.

"Five minutes.."I said tighting my grip on the latter. Oh god, i don't know if her scent so soothing.

"Are you tired hm?"She asked, tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I just nodded several times before snuggled up close to her, hid my face between her chin and shoulder. I gave her sloppy kisses on her neck here and there make her stiffened and grip me tighter.

"Taeyeon.."She called.

"Sooyeon.."I said mumbling while continue my activity on her neck.

"You should eat something."She said softly and trying to pulled out of my embraced. "You'll be sick if you don't eat anything."

"I know,"I cupped her face and leaning down for a kiss, "But i don't mind as long as you will take care of me when i got sick."I captured her upper lips and start nibbling on it. Jessica reciprocate the kiss  and hungirily my pink flesh. We hadn't seen each other for two weeks, and it makes the kiss become more desperate when my tounge slid across her lower lip, and soon meeting her own tounge. The heated lip locking last for a couple of minutes or so before pulling out because the lack of oxygen on our lungs.

"S-Sica.. I love you.."I said managed to say it between my panting breath, "I love you so much."

"I know, i love you too dork."She smiled sweetly to me, making my toes and hand curl up whenever she say it. "But i will not take care of you, if you don't take care of yourself as well."

"Sica.. I'm not hungry. I just want to cuddle with you and my energy will rising rapidly."I whined. She chuckled and pinch my cheek seconds later. "Ouch- why are you so rude?"

"Sica is sowwy baby,"She said, full of aegyo whilst kissing the spot she had pinch before. She is so cute.

"Cute, can i adopt you?"I said cheekily.

"Nah, i'm Taengoo's property not yours."Jessica said, shaking her head cutely.

"Who is Taengoo? Why she steals my girlfriend? Are you cheating on me ms. Jung?"I asked her sadly.

"No no, Sica's life is full with Taeyeon, so Sica is not cheating on Taeyeon. Its impossible."She winked and kissed me full on the lips.

"Sica, Taeyeon want to tell something to you,"I said softly, carressing her cheeks, "Taeyeon said she loves you. She loves every beat of you."

"Taeyeon?"She called me, "Tell her that i love her too and my life is not worthy anymore if she leave me."

 

***

When one day,

one month,

one year passes,

will we be living different lives?

 

I don't know how long i've been staring to my phone as a tons of memory flooding my brain for the nth times. i wiped a lone tear that rolled down on my cheeks while hitting my ache chest. i must be happy right now, but why she came and ruined everything? why my heart is so fragile toward her? 

Drrrtt.. Drrrt..

My phone rang and i don't know who's calling because of the unknown number appeared. Thinking it must be my manager or agency i picked it up and froze when i heard her voice. her nasally voice.

"Tae?"

"S-sica?"I said stuttering. This is the first time i heard her voice since that incident happened. She hates me now ofcourse.

"Did you read my message? Congratulation for your comeback."She said in low voice. i still heard her voice even though its just a whisper.

"Y-yea, thank you."

Silence engulfed between us for a while until i cleared my throat to ease the awkward atmosphere around us, "May i know why you called me? After two years and five moths?"I asked with trembling voice. You must controlled your emotion Kim!

"I'm not allowed to call you? Ok then, i'll hang up--"

"Wait!"I mentally scold my self for doing humiliate attitude towards her, "You can't just call me and then decided to hang up. isn't that rude?"

"Sorry."She said while taking a deep breath, "Am I disturbing you so much?”

“N-no off course. I.. I just a little bit shocked when I heard your voice after many years.”I said honestly.

I heard she giggled,“Do you miss me Taeyeon?”

Why she act like this out of a sudden? What happened to her? Isn’t she really mad at me and the others?

“E-eh? I d-do, really. I-I miss you sica..”

“T-taeyeon? Are you okay?”

“You know the answer Sica.”I paused to take a deep breath, “Like my song, it won’t be easy for me because its not fine.. Its never fine.”

“I think you’ve already move on,”She sighed, ”Can I ask you something?”

i just hummed as an answer and waiting for her question with pounding heart, its been a while for me to have kind of feeling like this.

“I.. I wonder if your title track song’s lyrics is about your own story? Or is it just a coincisdence that the song is so relatable with our..”

“Our what?”

“Our past relationship?”

That’s it! Finally, she realized it! “Do you really want to hear the answer?”

“Y-yea, I’m curious..”She said in a whisper tone.

 “Let’s meet up. And I tell you everything.”

“Wha—what?”

***

Not me

It won’t be easy for me

Still, you fill up my days

Not yet

I tell myself, like a fool

I can’t swallow the words that linger in my mouth

It’s not fine

 

Here am I, in a small café who had a lot of good and bad memories about us. Us, me and Jessica. I remember, about our last fight. A biggest fight might be called. It happened on the same day when the agency announced her departure from the group. And may be, it’s the last time I saw her before we lost contact. It hurt me so much just thinking about it, we were fine before, we cuddled the night before. I got a kissed that morning, and I hugged her tightly when she said she will go to agency.

-flashback-

“I d-don’t understand.. It’s not real isn’t it?”She said, wiping away her tears that kept flowing.

“Calm down baby.. I’m here.. I’m here for you..”I tried really hard to make her calm.

“How can I be calm now?! You don’t know what I feels right now! They kicked me out! Not you!”

“It must be some explanation behind this decision. You need to calm Sica.. Please baby..”

“Why did they ditch me out? What did I do wrong? Am I too lazy to dance? Is it because my voice that not too powerful like you? Please tell me, I can change. I can be a better person.”She said blabbering whilst punch my shoulder many times now. I’ve tried to hug her for the nth times but she refused it, instead she pushed me hard and intended to go away from me.

“Where are you going? People might see you.”I said as I grip her wrist and pulled her harshly, making her jerked backward and loss her balance. Quickly, I turned her body towards me so that I could hug her. She tried to break free but I managed to held her close and rubbed her back until she gave in. She hugged me tightly and let out all her emotions.

I know its hard, gosh I don’t know If I strong enough if i’m in her postion right now. I rubbed her back softly while whispering “I Love you” repeatedly to her. I know she would be a little calmer if I say those magic word.

“I love you baby, You know I love you so much right?”

She nodded, she seems to tighten her grip on me and I do vice verca to her, “Remember that I always stay beside you Sica. I’ll never leave you alone. You have me, and everything’s gonna be allright.”I said again.

“Its hurt Taengoo, its really hurt.”She said between her sob. “I.. I know that I’m quite busy with my new brand.. But, but why they asked me to leave?”

“Sica..”I called her as I wiped my tears away and tried to pacify her. I felt broken, my heart ache, I can’t keep my member, my family, my girlfriend, my love of my life and I couldn’t do anything for her.  

“Taeyeon..”She called me weakly, “Just promise me something,”

“What is that princess?”

“Promise me that you’ll stay by my side, always come to me whenever I need you the most, I know from this now on it must be a hard thing for our relationship.”

I sighed and kissed her forehead gently, it’s the only way I can do for her now, “Count on me love. We will go trough it together.”

Several months later, precisely at Christmas eve, we made an appointment at the same café. I know something big will happened, when I saw her message for me earlier she seems not in the good mood. We rarely meet up lately because of my hectic schedule and also her business trip that make us lacked of communications and quarrels become a common things.

I hate to say that but we drifted apart through this few months. She didn’t smile at me like before and I could see is her tired face between our agruments. I felt guilty, yes. But, I can’t afford much. We hardly meet each other and she’s always with that forehead guy. She said that he just one of her business partner but I know that he likes my girl. I told her many times to stay away from that guy but she said that I had a bad jealousy issues. She never tried to listen to me and it all ended with each other’s shout. I really love her, a lot. But what can I do if she push me away?

“Taeyeon.”

I snapped back from my thought as I see her sitting down opposite me. Dark aura surround her and I feel shiver through my body. I throw my sweet smile but she didn’t response at all, instead she handed me her phone and asked me to open it.

“What is it Sica?”I asked when I tried to opened her phone lock. My eyes grown wide when my photo appears on her phone. “What is this?”

“Don’t play dumb with me.”She said coldly, “How dare you to kissed her Kim Taeyeon?”

I understand now, that’s my photo with Tiffany at Tokyo Dome few weeks ago. I kissed her corner lips accidently when I intended to turn around to go back to main stage. She suddenly stand behind my back to surprise me when it happened. The fans must be capture it. .

“S-sica, its not what you think.”

She raised an eyebrow and glared at me after that, “Are you crazy? Ypou think that I edit this photo? It’s clear that you kissed her.”

“It was an accident baby. I swear, She wanted to surprise me when I turn around and accidently kissed her.”I retorted.

“Don’t baby me you cheater! Don’t make an excuse story. I know you like it.”She growl angryly.

“W—what? Cheater? Seriously? Is not you who supposed to called a cheater? With your lovely forehead guy, huh?”

“Don’t call him like that. His name is Tyler, he’s my precious partner Taeyeon!”

“Now, you defend him? How great cheater! Go back to him and take away his bank account and money. You like his money right? Chase him then.”I said sarcastically.

“Excuse me? W—what did you said? You said that I chase him for money?”She asked weakly, did I hurt her just now? “I tried my best to make you proud of me, to make you less worried because of my departure, but why did you think that i’m not much better than a trash? Is my afford not enough to deserve you as my love?”

Damn this jealousy thingy.

I really am outrageous now.

“Sica, i-I’m sorry. It’s not what I mean.”I said very guilty. I looked at her hurt expression and its make me broken. I’m not supposed to say that gosh.

“I understand. I know what you mean.”She sighed while wiped a lone tear on her porcelain cheeks. “I’m sorry that I’m jealous just now because of Tiff. She is my best friend also yours. I just.. I don’t know anymore. Let’s break up then.”

“N-no Sica. D-don’t you dare to said that! I’m sorry, I’m a jerk. Please forgive me Sica. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”I said ramblingly and try to reach her hand. But no avail because she retract her hand and put it on her lap.

“You know it well that we’re going back to square one. We drifted apart. There are so many barriers between us. I know you broke your promise but we can’t—“

“Please baby, Don’t say that. I love you so much. I truly love you. Please don’t give up on me. I’ll try to be a better person. Please Sica. Please..”I said as I knelt before her to asked for forgiveness. “Please Sica, give me one more chance.”

“I’m tired Taeyeon. I’m really tired. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. Take care Taeyeon.”She said as she take her purse and leave me alone.

“Sica.. I’m sorry..”

***

“Between the meaningless jokes, back-and-forth conversations. And all the people, I look like I’m fine. I pretend to be numb and I Try to smile. I try to turn around from your shadow.”I shocked when a familiar nasally sweet voice hit my ear. I lifted up my face and those captivated brown baby eyes caught me off guard. She’s here. In front of me with my favorite blue sweater and her brunette hair tied up in a bun. Eventhough her face covered with mask and hat I still remember how beautiful she is. “But I keep thinking about our lass moment. The words “take care” was it for our plain breakup.”

“J-Jessica?”I said Stuttered.

She smiled sweetly at me. A smile that I never forget and always craving for. I miss this. I miss you. I really miss you.

“Hi.”She said with that one hundred watt grin that makes my knees felt weak.

“H-hi.”Damn, you look stupid with your stuttered,

She giggled,“How are you Taeyeon?”

I gulped hearing my favorite giggle, “I-It’s not fine Sica. It’s npt fine since you left me.”I said honestly.

She smiled and squeezed my hand gently, “Same with me. I thought I’ll be fine without you by my side. But I think I was wrong.”

“W—what?”

“Taeyeon, would you go with me to my Wonderland?”

Wonderland? Where ever we goes as long as you stay by my side, I’m sure that I’ll be happy.

“Let’s make our journey with your kind of Wonderland Sica.”