"Jealousy is the fear of comparison."

Max Frisch

 

Taehyung laughed out loud about a joke Jimin had just made and when the other members joined in, Jungkook wished, he could simply go to bed without coming across like the killjoy Namjoon had stated he was today.

After finishing the last concert of their current tour two days ago, they had a few days to relax a little bit. Dance practise and TV shows were still on but their program wouldn't start before 12pm the next days and BTS had decided to use this opportunity to have a movie night.

On top of that they had invited some of Taehyung's friends over: Minho from the fellow boyband Shinee and Hyungsik from the band ZE:A. Taehyung had met both boys at the set of the TV series „Hwarang“ and since Jimin and J-Hope were equally high over heels for the two older boys as well, they had decided to invite them.

The evening had been fine so far with lots of snacks, laughter and good movies playing in the background but one thing did increasingly annoy the youngest of all the boys.

At first he tried to ignore it, tried to have fun with his friends or brush the feeling aside as something that didn't really got to him but he couldn't deny the feeling of jealousy any longer.

It was embarrassing, it was humiliating and it was stupid because Jungkook KNEW that he had no right to be jealous in the first place and that this was just the way Taehyung was: Touchy, even clingy, overly friendly and affectionate towards everyone he seemed to like somehow. Of course Taehyung liked many people.

Since they interacted with the same people almost every day for years already and everyone considered the other band members and the BigHit staff family, Jungkook was fine with Taehyung being close with them, it was their own little circle. He was even fine with Taehyung being touchy with fans since that was part of their job and the fans weren't close to him in a personal way anyway. But this was different.

Minho wasn't part of their BigHit family and Minho wasn't a fan. Instead Minho was a tall, extremely good looking and talented model, singer and actor. Not to mention that he was older than not only him, but Taehyung as well.

Jungkook didn't dislike Minho, he really didn't. He only disliked the way Taehyung hung on his lips with every word he spoke, how Taehyung laughed the loudest about every joke Minho made and especially how Taehyung couldn't seem to be close enough to the older male.

Looking over at Taehyung, Jungkook huffed, sinking back into the cushions of the couch he was sitting on. Jimin made his way back from the kitchen just then to see the look that crossed Jungkooks features and when he joined the youngest one on the couch in their living room, he could see the tension in every little muscle of said boy's body.

Following Jungkook's stare he sighed when Taehyung grabbed Minho's knee and looked up to his face in awe.

„Stop staring, everyone will notice,“ Jimin murmured only loud enough for Jungkook to hear.

Jungkook shut his eyes quickly before opening them again and looking over to Jimin.

„Sorry, I spaced out I think,“ he replied but Jimin only leaned his head on Jungkook's shoulder and sighed again.

„You know how he is … He's like that with everyone,“ he finally concluded but Jungkook decided to act innocent.

„Who do you mean?“

Now it was Jimin's turn to huff. „Taehyung of course! Do you think I don't know?“
Jungkook was silent for a moment, he felt the deep urge to hide.

„There is nothing to know,“ he finally said, avoiding to look over to Taehyung again and when he swallowed thickly he couldn't help but feel like crying.

Taehyung was so close but still so far away.

They could never be 'something' anyway and Taehyung was nice to everyone, maybe he had only made up the thought of him and the other having some kind of special connection.

„Maybe you should tell him. I hate to see how it gets to you and who knows? He might even … react positively, I dunno,“ Jimin interrupted his thoughts.

The forced smile fell off Jungkook's lips at this point and he could feel his eyes becoming wet. He had never cried because of Taehyung, hadn't allowed himself to do so. Most of them didn't even know about his feelings. J-Hope might know and Jimin did obviously know but the others had no clue and he liked to keep it that way.

„What's the point in telling him? We can't … there won't be … Big Hit would cut us off immediately, we would put shame on our families, Korea would go crazy with news like that … it would destroy everything we worked for,“ Jungkook said, voicing the things he had on his mind for the first time in years.

While some part of himself felt relieved, the urge to cry became stronger.

Trying to swallow it down, he got up from the couch, throwing Jimin a sad smile and muttering a quick „Bathroom.“

 

The cold tiles didn't seem to cool his forehead down and he felt his body sweating from the exhaustion of trying to hold back the tears. A few of them made their way down his cheeks but he refused to let the wall break and forced the tears back with all his might. A dry sob escaped his mouth and he put his hand in front of his mouth before taking several deep breaths and standing up again. His face was contorted into a painful expression when he looked into the mirror and he closed his eyes to concentrate on making it look like he was fine.

A knock on the bathroom door startled him and he checked his blank expression in the mirror, took a last breath and opened the door, not trusting his voice yet.

To make matters worse standing in front of him was none other than Taehyung.

„Hey, Jungkook-ah, you alright? Jimin told me to check on you.“

Cursing to himself, Jungkook only shrugged, still not trusting his voice and in no mood to converse with the other. Avoiding Taehyung's gaze he was about to walk past him, when Taehyung gripped his arm.

„Hey, what's going on?“

Jungkook had been sad but slowly his feelings conveyed to angry ones.

What did Taehyung think who he was? Going all touchy-touchy with everyone around him all the time, despite giving Jungkook the feeling of … of what exactly?
„Just exhausted,“ Jungkook snapped, freeing his arm but before he could walk off, he felt Taehyung grab his shirt.

„Hey!“ Anger made its way to the surface of his calm demeanor and when Taehyung gripped his arm again and pulled him into the bathroom, he was downright livid.

„What do you want??“ Jungkook said as quiet as possible to not spark the other member's attention but his gritted teeth and fury eyes gave him away easily.

„What's going on? Why are you angry?“ Taehyung sounded dumbfounded and a little irritated himself when he looked Jungkook up and down.

„Doesn't matter, just leave me alone,“ Jungkook hissed but Taehyung didn't let him get away easily.

„Just tell me! If someone said something wrong we can talk about it. Or are you just tired?“
„Tired?“ Jungkook repeated stunned, „I'm not a 3-year-old, Tae! I'm not simply 'grumpy' because I hadn't enough sleep!“

„Well, talk to me then. Your mood will effect everyone in the living room, let's try to enjoy this evening.“
„Oh, I'm sorry that MY MOOD will effect everyone!! But don't worry, I'll go back to my room right now! Wouldn't want to destroy your little party, would I?“

His voice was far away from calm right now but Taehyung wasn't any better when he shouted: „I just wanted to talk! You behave like an right now! What's your problem?“

Jungkook didn't answer, he really didn't want to have this conversation.

„Let me leave, Tae! You can go back to Minho's lap and squeeze him to death with your admiration for him,“ Jungkook snapped and made another try to reach the door but Taehyung didn't move from his place in front of said door.

„Minho's lap?? Seriously, you're an idiot, Jungkook! If you don't like him you can simply leave.“

Jungkook's anger vanished in an instant, only to be replaced by the well known feeling of tears making their way up to his eyes again.

„Great, ask Minho if he wants to join Bangtan instead of me then,“ he heard his voice reply flatly and with a rough shove he made Taehyung stumble aside before he almost ran to his shared bedroom with Namjoon.

None of their bedrooms had locks on the door – for several reasons, but he didn't mind when he put his earphones in after changing into his sleeping clothes and laid down on his bed, back facing the door.

It was no use holding back the tears anymore and so he cried after being sure that Taehyung hadn't followed him.

Who would've thought that crying was this exhausting? Jungkook had fallen asleep after crying his eyes out as quietly as he could and now the curtains were closed and Namjoon's snoring filled his ears.

A quick look at his phone told him that it was 3am. The movie night was obviously over since the dorm was silent.

Grabbing around for the watter bottle on the floor next to his bed he managed to throw his phone down before finding the bottle and realising that it was empty.

The thirst made him get out of bed and stumble into the kitchen to get a glass of water. He'd downed half his glass when the door to Hoseok, Taehyung and Jimin's room opened.

Taehyung emerged from said room, hair tousled and eyes blinking towards the kitchen, dazzled by the light.

Jungkook wanted to say sorry because Taehyung hadn't done anything wrong. They were only friends and Taehyung had the right to do whatever he wanted.

It wasn't Jungkook's right to act jealous because of something he wished to have but hadn't.

And still, the sorry didn't want to leave his lips.

When Taehyung came over to him, staring into his eyes, he simply stared back.

Taehyung's arms sneaked around Jungkook and he pulled him into a hug, his head on Jungkooks shoulder, nose nuzzled into Jungkook's neck.

Jungkook felt his body tense but he soon relaxed into the hug and hugged his friend back half heartedly.

„Jungkook, do you not like Minho?“ Taehyung whispered, breaking the hug and Jungkook breathed out slowly before answering. „I like him, don't worry, he wasn't the problem.“
„...am I the problem?“ Taehyung raised his head to look into Jungkook's eyes, mouth slightly agape while doing so.

Jungkook tried to force the word 'no' out but to no avail. When he kept silent, Taehyung started talking again.

„I like Minho, but he is not you.“

Jungkook swallowed, avoiding Taehyung's gaze and didn't know what to do with this statement.

„I know, I'm a BTS member and we are family, Minho is a friend, right?“ he finally replied, voice steady.

„Right. But that's not what I meant,“ Taehyung breathed, his face serious and eyes piercing into Jungkook's.

„What did you mean then?“ Jungkook's voice was barely a whisper but Taehyung took his hand. „Let me show you, okay?“ the older whispered back and pulled Jungkook to the room the latter shared with Namjoon. Taehyung layed down in Jungkook's bed, motioning for Jungkook to join him.

Facing each other they were on their sides, only being able to make out each others silhouettes in the dark.

It was quiet for a few minutes, the silence covering them like a comfortable blanket they had shared many times before.

Taehyung's hand found its way to Jungkook's hip and when Taehyung gave it a little tug, Jungkook shuffled closer.

„What did you want to show me?“ Junkook murmured, voice steady despite his heart feeling like it wanted to escape his out of excitement and a strange nervosity he had felt way too often with the other one around within the last months.

Taehyung moved his face closer to Jungkook's until their lips were almost touching, Jungkook felt the others breath against his face and they were so close it was unbearable.

„This,“ Taehyung mumbled, his lips meeting Jungkooks and the world stopped existing for a while.

At least it felt like that for Jungkook. The soft and warm feeling of Taehyung's lips, the feelings rushing through him.

It felt like pure bliss and something new and exciting at the same time.

It took a few minutes until they had developed a rhythm with both of them being unexperienced but it didn't derogate the experience at all.

When Taehyung pulled back, he held Jungkook's face in his hand for a second before whispering, „this is something only you and I share.“

Jungkook smiled and when he was about to dive in for another kiss, they heard Namjoon groan from the other side of the room, „Please, don't make out while I try to sleep here. I just felt the urge to puke.“

Taehyung only chuckled, while Jungkook turned a deep shade of red but they shared a last kiss nonetheless.