It’s Friday night.

Usually I would’ve changed to my pajamas, put on some Netflix and disconnect from the world after a day of tiring work, but now I’m all dressed up and ready to own the night. Well, not really. I’m not really in the mood to socialize nor get laid, but letting my red dress and lipstick go to vain would be such a sin, wouldn’t it? I take another look at the mirror and damn gurl, I would’ve banged myself if I met me.

She used to hate me wearing provocative outfit.

I get to the bar a little bit later than everyone, and I have to admit, I do it on purpose. Everyone’s attention is on me once I step inside the venue, since I’ve changed and improved a lot from high school. With one friendly smile, it becomes easier to get along with everyone, especially the men.

She used to glare at everyone checking me out, and I made sure she didn’t know that I liked her cute protectiveness.

The men swarm around me and I can sense some of the females are starting to send me dirty, hateful glare. But that’s okay. I’m used to it. I never like them anyway—heck, they were the reasons I wanted to graduate fast so bad.

“Can I get you another drink?” I hear a manly voice from my left side, and I turn to him. He’s got nice spiky hair, perfect teeth, and he smells nice. But I forget his name. A lot of the boys have changed from high school too. It’s been, what, 8 years since then?

She always stopped me from drinking much. “Enough,” she would say as she held my wrist. “Let’s go home.”

“Sure.” I smile at him, and I can sense most of the men are backing away. He’s, indeed, above the average and I think they all know whom they’re competing with.

The man is back with an orange vodka mix and now sitting beside me. His suit is neat and his silver watch is shiny. His handsome eyes are all over me and dark with lust, but I can care less. This is what I probably need.

Nice vodka and a good looking man with well-built body for the night? I don’t see why not.

He’s smart. The conversation goes smoother than I thought and I can feel he’s getting more and more drawn to me.

“Do you mind if I smoke?” he asks, considerably.

I’d always hated the cigarette, but I loved every inch of hers. I weirdly liked the sweet taste of cigarette lingering on her lips. And the smell of it on her hair. On her neck, on the back of her ear, and all over her body. It was so wrong that it felt so right, and I couldn’t get enough.

“Ah, honestly.. I do.” I smile apologetically, and fortunately he understands. I appreciate that.

The clock hits 11.30 PM and some of the friends are already leaving, while some getting even more wasted. The alcohol is kicking in. My sight is slowly getting blurry and my head lighter, I laugh at the smallest things although it’s not even funny.

I can tell he’s feeling light too since he starts acting bolder. His arm is over my shoulder and he speaks closer, seductively murmuring something along the line ‘your place or mine?’.

I laugh again, and I don’t know why.

I can’t respond much and I even doubt if I can walk, so if he wants to take me, I think he’s gonna have to lift me up. But for a split second, a thought appears.

Do I want this?

I was heavily drunk. Everything seemed funnier and every movement felt as if it was on slow motion. I didn’t even know how the hell I managed to get to my place from the club. I bet she had gone through hell while dragging me to my bedroom.

There she was, sitting beside me, staring at me with her concerned, yet never-ending gentle eyes that I loved so, so much. She sighed and I could feel she moved some strands of hair off my ed up face.

“I’m sorry,” was all I could utter weakly. My voice was hoarse and I hated it.

She shook her head meekly and bent down. There was this funny feeling on my tummy as I felt her soft lips on my forehead and eyes. She had always been so caring, so sensible and gentle. She was a woman everyone would wish to be with.

What good deeds had I done in my past life to deserve someone like her?

“I was just worried,” she whispered, her lips still lingered on my skin. Her soft hands were caressing my arms, her warm breath burnt my insides, and at that very moment, at that hazy and messed up state, I wanted nothing but her.

I pulled her for a deep kiss and her skilled tongue quickly won over the dominance. I ran my hand over her short gray hair, another one sliding across her defined jawline. Every time I felt her jawline clenched and moved as she did her wonders with , I got really . She hovered above me, her palms sliding across my inner thighs, and her dark stare ignited the flame under my belly.

I wanted her.

I wanted this.

“Wait—“

We’re already outside. He’s leading me to his car, but somehow I’m just feeling like going home right now. So I tell him. He is not pleased, of course. He tries sweet talking at first. Saying he’ll do it right, he’ll do me so good I’ll forget my name.

Strangely, I am not tempted.

I assume he’s already ually frustrated, but he still has the common sense not to commit any crime nor violence. So he lets go of me, a bit rudely, and walks back into the bar after wishing me a safe trip home.

Going home? I can’t even stand up properly. I don’t know what I’m leaning on, and my feet eventually lose the strength. I squat down. Somewhere. It’s poorly lit, and I just can hope I won’t run into some drunk, bastards.

It gets even colder since my dress is kind of revealing much skin. Holy . I’m so ed up.

I need to get myself together and go home, or get myself somewhere safe. My consciousness is thin and struggling with other unnecessary thoughts. A lone tear escapes my left eye, and I wonder since when I get this carelessly reckless.

Hwang Miyoung, what have you done to yourself?

I am about to pass out and losing my consciousness completely. All I want to do is sleeping and getting rid of this pain in my head.

Until I hear a very familiar voice, with a pair of hands on my shoulders that are a little bit too familiar.

“.. Why are you like this?”

I look up, my eyes are unfocused, but even without seeing, I know.

I know it’s her concerned eyes boring to mine.

“You’re late.” I giggle. “The party is over, loser.”

I hear her sighing, just a moment before a warm cloth—probably her jacket, is wrapped around my shoulders. She pulls me closer, and oh God.

God knows how much I miss her calming scent. I guess she still smokes.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers close to my ear.

“Aren’t you going to even say sorry?”

I clicked my tongue as I turned back to her. She folded her arms, still leaning on the door way. I knew I wasn’t going to get away easily that time.

“Listen, babe—“

“Two days in a row, Miyoung,” she said, her eyes were cold and her voice was stern. “You didn’t even send me a text.”

I realized I was wrong, but I had my reasons as well. After pulling these all-nighters, all I wanted to do right now was nothing but some warm shower and nice sleep.

“I was busy, okay? The assignments deadlines are on due. what do you expect?” I threw my bag to the bed, breaking eye contact with her. I massaged my throbbing temples.

”You’re unbelievable,” she groaned, irritation was evident in her tone. “This is not the first time you disappeared on me. Do you know how—”

“How you what? Worried about me? For God’s sake, I’m not 5, Kim Taeyeon. I can take care of myself! Just because you’re a year older than me, doesn’t mean you ing know everything better than me,” I eventually snapped. “You can’t even trust me for the simplest things, and do I really need to tell you every single thing I’m doing? I don’t think so. It’s suffocating.”

“I—“ She stepped closer to me but stopped midway. “I just want to know how you are doing. If you don’t feel like seeing me or me coming over, that’s perfectly fine, Miyoung. I can give you some space, if that’s what you want. But at least let me know that you are fine.”

My headache was getting worse and Taeyeon’s words made no sense to me. Telling her that I was fine? What, were we on the war zone or something that I could die anytime? Did she think I would cheat or betray her? Of course I would be fine.

The atmosphere was so tensed and quiet that I could even hear Taeyeon’s heavy breathing. Her voice was shaky, her eyes watery, and none of these lessened my raging emotion. Why wouldn’t she just understand? I had things to do, I got my own life to take care of and sometimes, I didn’t know.. Sometimes I—

“You’re tired of me, aren’t you?”

She’s holding my hair back as I throw up. I let out so much that I feel my soul is even leaving me. At that moment, like in every hangover I’ve ever had, I swear I will never drink my off again.

I feel so weak and my consciousness keep appearing then disappearing, again and again. The last thing I know is she offers me a bottle of water and wipes my mouth with the sleeve of her shirt. I remember I mutter the words ‘thank you’.

After that? Everything goes dark, and I guess I fall asleep on her arms.

I wake up somewhere unfamiliar, yet I feel so safe. Maybe since the sun light protruding in gives me signal that the cold night has passed, or since the pillow is so fluffy and the wall décor looks cute, or maybe since..

Since she’s right next to me, sitting on the corner of the bed and caressing my hair gently. Her eyes are tired, but still, the calming aura radiates through my heart.

She clears and pulls her hand awkwardly once she realizes I am awake. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m.. fine.” I sit up and she helps settling the pillow behind my back. My head still feels hurt.

However more than that, more than everything, my heart aches. I can’t describe how I am feeling at the moment. I feel ashamed, dirty, disgusting even. But deep down inside, I feel relieved that she found me.

I’m delighted to see her again.

My eyes meet hers, and once again I’m lost in it. Her onyx orbs are still deep, tranquil, and as warm as ever. She stares right to me, and I can’t help checking her out. It’s been over two years and she’s become even prettier with her long black hair, but her youthful remains unchanging.

I miss her beyond words.

“I’ll get you some water,” she says abruptly as she gets up, but I am fast enough to hold her hand.

“Taeyeon..” As guilt starts creeping in, I feel a big lump on my throat and my eyes are getting teary.

Her fists were clenching hard they even turned white, and her petite shoulders were trembling.

But hey, it wasn’t easy for me either. Maybe this was it. It was a beautiful journey, but perhaps we had hit the end of the road.

“Listen, Taeyeon, I know you’re tired of me as well,” I begin, yet she still avoids my stare. “Maybe you need someone who can always be there for you, the one who will not worry you with all uncertainty and carelessness.”

I said that, but little did I know it was only my crazy, ed up tired mouth speaking. Because I did know that I still loved her so much.

I was thinking of offering a little break between us, to get our minds settled or to calm ourselves down. So it caught me off guard when, after she wiped her flowing tears, she said shakily,

“Let’s break up.”

“.. Can we start over?”

After how ty I treated her, it is undoubtedly shameless of me to ask so. But it’s the honest thought that has been haunting me since our break up. I still love her, oh I always do. And her side is where I want to belong.

Her eyes are widened for a split second but she freezes, remaining her composure. She’s always been the type of person who demands honesty, explanation, and certainty. I know when she’s silent like this, she’s giving me a chance to clear myself up and admit every single mistake I’ve made.

“I am sorry for everything. I know I’ve been such a selfish and I took you for granted, but you have to know that not a single day went without me missing you after that day.” Tears are flowing freely from my eyes, but I don’t give a damn. “I miss everything about you, I still love you so much, and you’ve got no idea how everyday I’d pray to God that one day He’d let me meet you again and you’d still be single and I’d apologize to you and we could get back together—“

I am ready to apologize for hours, to cry until my eyes are swollen, or even go down on my knees if she orders me to. But instead I feel a pair of warm, soft lips on mine.

She pulls away too fast before I can even respond, and I can see that she is also crying a river. She coughs then laughs as she pats my cheek.

“Alright. Let’s break up,” I said, before storming out of her room without looking back.

I felt relieved that night, since I thought I would be free without anyone telling me to do this or that again. But little did I know it would be the stupidest decision I made, the one that would haunt me every night.

She smiles, and at that very moment, I feel like my long voyage through the bitter memories is finally over.

 “Alright. Let’s start over.”

A happy ending Taeny for y'all ;)

I hope you guys enjoy this one! Let me know what you think.

-melts-

:]