I panted as I slammed the car’s door behind me. Catching my breath, I quickly ran inside the hospital. The whole time, fear is the only thing that I could feel. This could not be true. Dongmin couldn’t have. He was always healthy and cheerful. I stopped my tracks when I saw Jimin’s figure. Dongmin’s parents were also around, they were crying. “Kang Hee,” Jimin called out to me. Her eyes were swollen and her voice cracked, she took my hand and bring me closer. I freeze when I saw the familiar figure lying motionless on the bed. “Dongmin…” I cupped his face. His eyes were closed, his lips were pale and his face is cold. “Dongmin-ah, wake up,” I shook his body.  “Please, I am Kang Hee, open your eyes, look at me!” his body was shaking lifelessly in my hands. ”Yah, wake up!“ I refused to believe that he is gone, this is a joke. “Kang Hee-ah, Dongmin is gone,” Dongmin’s mother patted my back. I turned my gaze to meet hers.

“Why? He was always so healthy,” my voice was weak, I was choking in tears. “He was sick for quite some time, the operation failed, I am sorry,” Jimin then came and hugged me. I started bawling like a kid. I still could not believe it, but the truth lay before my eyes. It feels like someone is wringing my heart out, it hurts a lot. After a while, the doctor came and speak something to Dongmin’s father. He came over and said, “The doctor said its almost time,” and Jimin let go of me.

“Can I talk to Dongmin for a while?” with tears still rolling down my cheeks, I mustered up the last energy I had and held on Dongmin’s hand. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?  Don’t you love me? You promised me we will visit Venice together, I thought we promised forever? Why did you bear to leave me here? How am I supposed to go on without you?” I his hair. “Kang Hee, let’s go,” Jimin came and help me up, but my hands were still pulling onto Dongmin “Let him rest,” was the last word I heard.

***

Where am I? I found myself standing in a very bright room. A man stand in front of me, but I couldn’t see clearly who he was.  “Who are you?” little by little I begin to make out who this person was. “Dongmin!” I ran as fast as I could and hugged him. “You’re real, you’re still alive,” I bury my face on his chest. “Kang Hee-ah, I am no longer alive, I just wanted to say, I am sorry,” he my hair gently. “No, I still can hold you like this, your hand is still so warm,” I can’t believe it. “I am sorry, you will meet a better man. I am sorry for being such a coward, listen to your parents, I am sure that person will love you and he will be able to take care of you. Kang Hee, please be happy, no matter what happens, please keep on smiling. I will watch over you from here. I love you, I really do,” after saying all that, he disappeared.

***

I woke up to be greeted by my parents. “Mom… dad? Where am I? Why are you here?” I rubbed my eyes. “I am sorry for your loss dear,” my mom hugged me. Ah, I remembered, I fainted after Jimin was trying to help me up, I guess I am still at the hospital. Upon realizing, I started to cry again, now even my mom was tearing up and my dad was looking pained. “Hush, hush, its okay dear,” my mom’s voice managed to calm me down a little. “Mom, I don’t understand, Dongmin is always bubbly, last week he even brought me to his special place, I just don’t get it,” I was shifting uneasily. “Dear, Jimin told me to hand this to you,” my dad passed me an envelope. I quickly opened and see what’s inside. A letter and a key. I bring out the letter.

Dear Kang Hee,

If you are reading this letter, then I am sure that the operation has failed. I am sure you have a lot of questions. Actually, I was diagnosed with brain tumor this year, that is why since this year I have been spending lesser time with you. I was never in the States, I was receiving treatment here. You must’ve been very angry because I didn’t tell you. I couldn’t bear to break the news to you because I know, you will be devastated.

You know I am bad at words, I have a lot to say to you but I don't know what to write. I just want to tell you that the times spent with you was the happiest time I’ve ever had. Thank you Kang Hee, for always being at my side despite my flaws.  I am sorry that I could not fulfill our promises. I am sorry I could not hold your hand and walk through the aisle. I am sorry I have to leave like this. But I believe that another person would love you as much as I do. Beside this letter, I am sure that there is a key as well. That is the key to the house we went on your birthday. Nobody except my grandparents, I and you knew about it.

Kang Hee, please be happy. I am sure that your fiancé will treat you well. I love you, before, now and will always love you.

Love,

Park Dongmin

My heart was now throbbing, my vision blurred. I was crying even harder. What kind of girlfriend I am? Why didn’t I realize that something is wrong with him? I should’ve realized it when we’ve been seeing each other less. Why am I such a fool? “Kang Hee-ah,” my mom continues to pat me while my dad read the letter. I can’t seem to make out what was going on anymore. I kept on crying and crying. This feeling, the feeling of losing someone I love for good hurts so much. I can’t even describe it, I felt like dying, I felt numb, I felt lost, like everything has crumbled, I don’t know what to do.

After that, I was discharged and went home, my parents forbid me to go to Dongmin’s burial. I went crazy, these times were the worst in my life. I felt extremely tired but I couldn’t eat nor sleep. My body is alive but my heart was dead, its been a week since then. A week feels like forever without you, Dongmin. I look at our photos which are spread around in front of me. My fingers twirl to his face. I miss you, so so much. My days were spent with me staring at those pictures, curling my body and crying, and then laughing when I remembered our memories and then crying again when I remembered that he was no longer here. It went on and on. My parents were extremely worried, I’ve never saw my parents looked as pained as this. But I can’t control myself, I just don’t want to do anything, I can’t do anything to be precise.

My friends came and told me to let it go. What do you know? I said to them. Talking is easy; they never experienced being left like this. He was the love of my life, my soul mate.

.

Author's Note: Hi! 2nd chapter is here! I hope you enjoy this!