♦ 01 ♦ “we can never be together” kiss | Yoongi x Reader [vampire!AU]

The first scent he detects is the one of Douglas fir – the ginger wood of which her house is made of and that smells so much like home by now – and he automatically speeds up, his whole being pushing him beyond his limits so he can hold her in his arms and chase all his demons away.
It’s their last night together, he knows that, and he really shouldn’t be this eager to see her but, the only thought of touching her, even one last time, is enough to make his feet hit the concrete floor at a speed not deemed possible for any human being.
He inhales deeply, his whole body stirring when he catches the whiff of cinnamon tea, a scent that constantly accompanies her and that he can always taste in .
He stops altogether because there she is, in all her mundane beauty, her long hair tucked safely behind her ear, eyes focused on the book in her hands and bottom lip trapped under her teeth into an almost painful vise. She is, by far, the utmost beautiful creature he has ever laid eyes on and, undoubtedly, the only one that was capable of conquering his un-beating heart.
His steps are soundless as he approaches her, a small smile tugging on his lips as he curtails their distance, every detail of her face now imprinted in his memory so he can remember her just the way she is now: healthy, beautiful, alive.
“You look lovely tonight”, his voice is soft as he says so, careful not to scare her and make her heart beat as fast as a hummingbird’s would, but that chariness it’s not enough because she jumps in her seat nonetheless, the little screech that escapes eliciting a grin to appear on his features.
“You scared the living out of me!”, she hoots in utter outrage, her small hand clasping her heart into a melodramatic gesture.
“I missed you”, he purposely ignores her words and lifts her from the chair – her weight close to one of a feather in his hands – just so he can wrap his arms around her, keep her so close to his own body he can’t discern their boundaries anymore, and breathe in the perfume in her neck and hair.
A satisfied sigh escapes his lips once the scent of her surrounds him completely, numbing anything else around them and finally putting to a rest is overworked mind and overstimulated senses.
“I missed you too, Yoongi”, her voice is delicate, almost like butter, and it’s so mild he can almost feel his skin warming up like it used to when he was still a living creature.
He doesn’t know for how long he holds her like this, time only an ephemeral constant for him since he holds the whole eternity in his hands.
It is only when he’s fully content that he lets go of her, his insides twitching as he does so because he has to say those dreaded words he avoided for far too long.
“We have to talk”, if they would have been even one foot further away she wouldn’t have been able to hear him but, unfortunately, she does.
“About?”, her voice is strangled, her body already shaking like a leaf in the winter wind, and he can’t help himself but to cup her face, bringing back some comfort when she’s so obviously afraid of what he’s about to say.
“We have to end this”, the pain he feels spreads like poison from the center of his chest to the rest of his entire body numbing his limbs, constricting his throat, almost making him gag on the foul taste in his mouth.
The tears are quick to trace her features, the warmness of her pain getting caught between his fingers.
He wants more than anything in the world to erase that pain, to take it all away, all to himself, and leave her with nothing but happiness and content but, sadly, he cannot because he’s the main reason behind all of it and he couldn’t hate himself more than he does in this very moment.
“No”, her voice trembles as a sob menaces to choke her, her hands gripping his shirt so tight her knuckles turn white.
“We can’t be together”, he chokes on his words, the pain burning him to his very core, “You know we can’t.”
They talked about this before and yet she always managed to persuade him into ignoring the unwritten laws of his own kind but he can’t do that any longer, he just can’t turn his head the other way around anymore.
Her bottom lips quivers, the pain twisting her features turning her into a portrayal of pure grief.
He keeps caressing her face in a vain attempt to soothe her because the sight of all the ache he’s causing is pure torture; his eyes closing as he does so because he doesn’t want to remember her like this, broken, shattered, because of him.
Her lips suddenly touch his own and against his better judgment he opens his mouth for her, allowing her tongue to slip in, his heighten senses immediately catching up on that cinnamon flavor she seems to be embodied with.
When they kiss, it feels like pure electricity running in his veins, filling up his entire being with sparks and fluttering butterflies. His skin gets covered in goosebumps as she desperately kisses him with all the love she’s capable of and it almost brings Yoongi to his knees because how is he supposed to turn his back on this? How is he supposed to believe that a love like this is not supposed to be possible, conceivable?
“Turn me”, she whispers against his swollen lips, her voice firm as she asks for the hundredth time what she has been denied for so long.
“No.”, his answer is always the same and she will never understand why he’s not willing to make her into a monster. Because that’s what he is: a soulless monster that feeds on other people lives. A parasite. And she’s just too good and too pure to be turned into something so evil and cursed. He doesn’t want to tarnish her soul and make her rot for the whole eternity. He loves her too much to trap her into an everlasting inferno.
“Why not?!”, she screams now, pushes him, punches him right in the chest and even if it hurts, there’s a part of him that rejoices in the fact that she may be able to hate him soon, after all, and leave the memory of him behind her for good.
“Don’t you love me?”, she cries and yells and begs until she has not an ounce of strength left in her body to keep fighting.
“I love you more than it should be possible”, he whispers, catching her before she falls to the hard ground, “Especially for a monster like me”.
Isn’t it a paradox for an evil creature to be able to love and care for someone? Shouldn’t he be excluded from all feelings mundane?
“Then why?”, her broken whisper makes his insides twitch painfully, the sound of her frantic heartbeat reaching his enhanced hearing.
“You deserve better than an eternity tinted with blood.”
If only the rules were different, if only they could be together just like this, for as long as her life would allow them to be, he would stay, oh if he would.
But they are doomed to be just like the moon and the sun: he’s stuck in the realm of night while she lives and strives under the sun, their interactions brief because mother nature doesn’t allow otherwise.
“Be happy, Y/N”, his lips touch her forehead one last time before he runs away, like the coward he is, not allowing her to even say her goodbye because he knows, if he stays a bit longer he may actually cave in and indulge in the hope of being able to be together with her a bit longer.
He hides in the darkness of the forest to see her crumble before his eyes, the tears flooding now that there’s nothing to stop them, her sobs so wrenching they push him on the verge of running to her multiple times.
He doesn’t know for how long she cries, whispering his name, clutching her heart in pure pain, but he’s forced to leave when the first rays of sunshine start to hit the ground.
It’s not an easy task to get away from her, to finalize his decision, but he does it because, for once, he’s not being selfish. Yes, he did the right thing. For her. He did the right thing.