never believed in first love. the idea of two falling in love and that love actually working out? something that is beyond me. every love at first sight turned into a tragedy for me.

first year in high school: lee changsub. a witty guy. he was the first person i opened up to, being outgoing and bright. he was funny. i loved it. we talked. then one fine day (the day before valentine's day, to be specific), he comes up to me while i was alone doing self study. "what do girls like?" he asks. "how am i supposed to know that?" i reply. next day i see him, hands linked with a girl, a bouquet of flowers in her arm. that valentine's day, i spent it lonely.

senior year in high school: im hyunsik. crazy talented. musically inclined. he carries his guitar around everywhere, strapped over his right shoulder. he's charming. i loved him. then one fine day (valentine's day, to be specific), he holds a box of chocolates, he smiles at some other dude. i later find out the name is jung ilhoon. whatever, i don't care. all i know is that valentine's day, i spent it lonely. again.

freshman year of college, i was determined to not stray away with my weakness. to have no expectations is to bring no disappointment. this valentine's day i want to spend alone, but not lonely.  relationships.

that's until i meet him.

freshman year of college: lee minhyuk.

a seemingly usual morning, i step into school with tons of files in my arms. i don't watch where i'm going. i'm clumsy. i bump into some huge dude and the files are knocked off my arms. what a way to start my day. i kneel down to pick the files up, when i realize another pair of hands helping me out. i look up and there it goes. love at first sight.

i stand up and he greets me. "you okay?" his voice is deep, comforting. "uh yeah, i'm okay, thanks." i stutter and he passes the files. he smiles. a part of me wanted so badly to hide away, i knew i was blushing. another part of me couldn't believe it happened, that he smiled. he walks off to his class and i'm stunned there.

here it goes again.

it's a saturday afternoon and i'm behind the counter. every weekend i come over to the florist to help my family out. earning the extra cash for college tuition too. i'm sorting out the cash register and the bell on the door rings. "welcome," instinctively, i say before i look up. when i do look up, there he stood. he smiles just like he did when we first met. i blink and return to reality, giving him my most awkward wave possible. he walks up to me and i tense up.

"i didn't know you work here." he says while he scans the surrounding. "every weekend." i say and let out a chuckle that i soon regret.

"well i'm off for soccer practice now, just came by to say hello. i guess i'll see you around again then." with that, he waves goodbye. i'm mesmerized, so it took me 3 whole seconds to wave back. i watch his back as he leaves the florist. once he was out of sight, i hold a hand to my chest. my heart palpitates and i question if it's even normal to feel this way. 

i don't even know his name. but for some reason, i assumed it's okay to fall in love, if it was with someone like him.

class ends and i pass by the field. soccer practice. i watch from the upper levels as they did their training. and i spot him. there he was, sports jersey with the name "LEE MINHYUK" on it, running across the field. my eyes are focused on him and i stare as he made his passes, scored his goals, everything. i get so engrossed that i barely noticed when he was staring back. he waves. i look around, it's just me. so i wave back, smiling sheepishly. he laughs. i can't believe it.

the coach blows the whistle, i make a smart guess that they are dismissed as i see him grab his bag and run up. towards me.

"did you watch the game?" he's smiling again, that beautiful smile. "oh, i didn't, i just came by since my classes ended." i manage to not stutter this time round.

"you're done with your classes, then i suppose you're free for dinner now?" my eyes widen in bewilderment. it took me a while to process it. he notices that i'm acting odd. "you mean, right now? like, this instance?"

"it's okay if you can't make it-"

"no! i mean, yes, i'd love to!" i half shout. i'm too happy.

"i'd love to, have dinner with you." he smiles again, and i can't help but smile back.

that night we talked over dinner. he tells me his name is lee minhyuk, i tell him mine is seo eunkwang. he says it's a nice name and i get the butterflies in my stomach again. it's all small talk and lots of staring. i keep looking into his eyes and he looks into mine. i start to ease myself. he's stunning, but it's now easier to not show outwardly that i'm in love with him. i really love him.

before i knew it, it's valentines day. the florist is packed the whole day. i repetitively make suggestions for every customer, and it happens so that every customer is here for a lover. it's exhausting and by evening, i'm tired out. there are lesser people as it gets later. i'm sorting out some of the flowers when i spot him. he's watching me through the glass panel from the outside. a surge of happiness runs through me and i smile the widest i had that whole day. he steps in.

"so, what brings you here today, don't you have practice later?" i ask, even though i presume he's here to see me, like always.

"well, i'm actually here to get flowers this time round," my smile fades. i realize where the conversation is going.

"it's valentine's day after all." he looks at me. i no longer give my sheepish smile.

"flowers for, a lover?" i try my best not to choke up tears. it's hard.

he nods. my heart breaks.

"uhm, what's he or she like? makes it easier for me to make a bouquet." i try my best not to sound dejected. not working.

"well, he's beautiful. he has one of those glorious smiles. he makes me laugh, he's adorable. he seems to love everything i do. i love it too. he's cute, full of sense and sometimes shy. what do you think?"

i'm lost in my own thoughts and i barely pay attention. but i smile anyway, picking up the flowers as i speak.

i put together the flowers and tie them into a bouquet. if it's the last thing i can do for him while i regard him as someone i love, it would be to ensure the person he loves would be happy too.

he thanks me and i say it's no big deal. he pays for it and he's about to leave. "i'm off for practice now, see you around again!" it hurts to think i no longer look forward to seeing him. but i still wave goodbye, and i smile while i do so. he about to step out of the store when i pick up enough courage.

"minhyuk!"

he turns and waits for what i'll say next.

"your lover... he's lucky to have you."

with that he steps out of the door. he must be happy. or even excited. holding that bouquet, he must be off to meet a special someone after soccer practice. that someone isn't me.

it's late into the night and i'm preparing to leave the florist. i throw out the wilted flowers and store the remaining flowers. i'm tossing the flowers into a basket, tears well up in my eyes. the bell on the door rings, one of those customers that can't read signs.

"sorry but our florist is closed for today, come again next time," i say without looking up, expecting whoever that was to leave on their own accord. the bell doesn't ring again, this person isn't leaving.

the footsteps creep towards me and i can't be bothered. that's until i catch something in the corner of my eye. i freeze.

i turn and i see it.

all the flowers i picked out. yellow carnations  for cheerfulness, daisies for innocence, lilacs for a first love and orchids for delicate beauty. the bouquet of flowers greet me, and so does minhyuk.

"for a lover who's beautiful, with a glorious smile; you make me laugh, i adore you. i like everything you do, you're full of sense, you're shy too. i came to correct you, because as much as my lover is lucky to have me, i'm lucky to have you too."

that valentine's day, i didn't spend it alone, neither did i spend it lonely. i spent it with someone who finally loved me back, by the name of lee minhyuk.