I didn’t know for sure if I had made the right decision. It just felt wrong to keep it hidden away from my friends, family and more importantly myself. Countless times I had denied the emotions and feelings I felt just to keep everything ‘normal.’ Being the eldest I was looked up to, respected as a role model. Good grades, achievements and an attitude never letting my family down. But for the first time in a while today I thought about happiness, my own happiness. Was I truly a happy person? Burying it deep down within, would that change me?

Feeling the sharp stinging pain shoot through body, I glanced down at my hands and shin. They were the only places visibly showing trauma on my throbbing body. Broken skin, gashes, cuts and bruises; I never knew the truth could hurt so much. Bitterness swept over me along with the chilly breezes brushing against my skin, such a delicate gesture. It felt as if the wind was trying to comfort me and my own aching heart. A comfort no one had provided me so far. I was wrong to bring up such a sensitive topic during a meeting with the whole family but I was at a point of no return, bursting at my seams with my own thoughts and opinions.

I did not expect a trophy.

I did not expect them to praise me.

But I did not expect to be disowned, abandoned and mocked.

They were my parents. People who should have been there for me no matter what.

They will never understand the constant struggle and fear churning within in me as I spoke today.

They will never understand the confronting long debates I had with myself keeping me up all night.