golden retriever 

 

Yeji likes her walks home quick, so she can slow down when she reaches the pet shop and hover — both outside and inside — to stare at the abnormally lanky (but still rather adorable) boy playing with dogs. From the many times Yeji had walked into the store and stood by the corner pretending to browse through pet food, she knows his name is Park Chanyeol. Today afternoon is spent in the store, as usual, sneezing as she re-reads the ingredients on the same can of dog food she has been looking at for months, while glancing up every two seconds to watch Chanyeol, at the other side of the store, cuddle with a huge furry dog. Out of the two, Chanyeol is much cuter. 

 

Her medication is in her bag, so she has nothing to fear. After all, her allergy to dogs is relatively mild: at the very most, would just go up in flames and her nose get congested — it was no biggie. She could throw her medication away and she wouldn't even notice. (She thinks.) (Correction: she hopes.) 

 

But Yeji still screams when the dog (now more like some monster) Chanyeol was cuddling suddenly dashes straight towards her as if it is trying to prove her wrong about her medication. It stops abruptly in front of her, panting with its tongue out. Yeji holds back the urge to shout at the dog that she should be the one panting like that instead. (Okay, who was she kidding? She was so scared a scolding couldn't escape her lips even if she wanted to.) She finds herself on tiptoe, pressed against the wall. 

 

And when Yeji looks up, Park Chanyeol is there. Now she doesn't know whether it's because of her allergy or him that is making her heart run as fast as the dog did. Chanyeol squats down to ruffle the dog's fur behind its huge ears, and his eyes are on her. 

 

"You okay?" He asks, cocking his head, and Yeji can't help but relish in how throaty his voice is. 

 

Yeji feels her heels on the ground again, and she peels herself off the wall. Words still can't squeeze out of , and she suspects it's for a different reason now, so she just nods. And sniffs once. And sneezes thrice. It feels horrible all at once, and she is slightly lightheaded from sneezing so much, but she tells herself that she can endure it. She had been enduring it for the past months just to watch Chanyeol, anyway. The dog looks up at her, but she avoids eye contact. 

 

She is reminded of the time, maybe four months ago, where Chanyeol had made eye contact with her as she walked past the store. That day when she reached home, she couldn't stop thinking about his eyes, and how big and adorable and crinkly they were. The next day, she bravely went into the pet store armed with her medication just to see those eyes again. 

 

Chanyeol is still ruffling the dog's fur when Yeji snaps out of her reverie, and it turns to rub its head against his hand. "This guy's a golden retriever, and a really tame one," Chanyeol beams and stops, like he has been talking for quite some time. "So don't worry, he doesn't bite." Yeji sneezes in response. He stops ruffling its fur, blinks at her and pouts ever so slightly. "You really okay, though? You're sneezing a lot. Are you really that afraid?" 

 

She hears no mockery in his tone, just a whole lot of genuine concern, and she wonders if it was possible for a guy to be fluffier than a golden retriever. 

 

"I'm okay!" Yeji is certain her voice sounds overly excited (and nasal), but she knows it is a miracle enough that her voicebox still hasn't disintegrated. And she knew she wasn't being judged from the way Chanyeol's face lights up from her answer. 

 

"It's you, right? You've been standing there, right? At the pet food section. Every day," he says suddenly, eyes on the floor. He twirls one heel and rubs the back of his neck, almost as if he's shy from noticing this much. It doesn't really register with her mind because she's so surprised. All she does is grin and nod, because as much as Yeji wants to control her smile, she can't. 

 

She watches as the a small, almost unnoticeable dimple rests itself onto Chanyeol's mochi cheeks. 

 

"What's your name?" Chanyeol asks, almost shyly. 

 

"It's Yeji," she chirps. 

 

"Yeji," Chanyeol says her name like he's savouring powdered sugar caught in the corner of his mouth, and he grins. "It's a pretty name. As pretty as the girl whose name is so."  

 

beagle 

 

The dog Chanyeol is playing with the next day is a beagle. Yeji, instead of loitering at her usual spot, is squatting a safe distance away from the dog, but close to Chanyeol as possible. She inches slightly closer, feeling burn but finding it strangely bearable that day. That afternoon, Chanyeol had grinned as soon as Yeji entered the store and tugged her by the wrist to where he was. That's how Yeji ended up, once again, less than a metre away from a dog, and less than a metre away from Park Chanyeol. The first one, she kinda minds, the second one, not at all. 

 

"Beagles' sense of smell is one of the best out of all dogs, and they sniff a lot," Chanyeol states as the beagle runs across his crossed legs, leaps onto his arm and claws at his shoulder, burying its head in his hair, sniffing it continuously. Dogs seem to love Chanyeol — but then again, anyone would. 

 

"Your shampoo must smell good then, since it's sniffing you like that," Yeji says, and although she is a little surprised at how steady her voice sounds with burning, she feels a blush steadily warming her cheeks. 

 

"You think?" Chanyeol chuckles, sounding pleased. Yeji sniffs in deeply. Her nose is killing her — she can't smell anything, which is good because she doesn't particularly like the smell of pet shops anyway, but also bad because what if Chanyeol asks to smell his hair? She sniffs again, hoping to clear her nose albeit knowing it's not really possible. 

 

Thankfully, he doesn't Yeji to do so. Instead, the moment Yeji's nose completely chokes up, he scoops the dog into his arms and smiles at Yeji. His hair is as fluffy as a poodle's. "I like how beagles sniff. A lot." 

 

Yeji simply nods, and Chanyeol pulls out something from behind him. For a moment Yeji thinks it might be a ring, but she snaps out of it quickly when he drops a bottle into her hand. 

 

"... But it makes me sad when you do," Chanyeol continues, then nods at the bottle. "It's homemade ginger ale. Google says it's a good flu remedy." 

 

Yeji has no intention at all to tell him she doesn't have a flu. She feels the biggest grin creep onto her face as she accepts the drink and thanks him. The dog barks like it is jealous, and Yeji thinks that he has every right to be. 

 

"Do you want to play with him?" Chanyeol suddenly asks, holding the beagle in his arms outward. 

 

Her answer is no but she nods her head yes anyway. Yeji feels her heart palpitate as Chanyeol tenderly places the beagle in her arms. One, because it's her first time actually holding a dog in her arms, with her allergy and all. Two, because the tips of Chanyeol's fingers are touching hers. 

 

She isn't sure who pulls away from the skin contact first, but once it happens, Yeji forgets she is holding a beagle in her arms until it struggles out of her grip and Chanyeol helps to support the dog using his own hands. 

 

"You don't hold it like that," he laughs. "You hold it like this." He swoops over and engulfs Yeji with his big body, adjusting the position of her arms from in front of her, and they are so close she wonders if this is considered hugging (although there is a dog sandwiched in between them). She doesn't breathe. The hyper dog relaxes in her arms, and Yeji thinks she's going to be all fine, but it isn't until Chanyeol lets go that she is aware again of the itch in her nose and the pain eating up . 

 

Panicking suddenly at the thought of her really holding a dog, she loosens her arms quickly and the beagle leaps off her body, barking. It runs around her in a frenzied manner, and she gathers her legs up to her chest, afraid. Chanyeol scoops the beagle up and lulls it with a big hug. The dog is quiet but is still panting heavily, and Chanyeol scratches it under the stomach. Yeji watches from a seemingly long distance. 

 

"It's okay," he soothes, and Yeji isn't sure if he directed that to the dog, or her. Either way, his voice was especially deep, and it made her heart beat in a different way. 

 

"I like ginger ale," she says abruptly, because she can't handle how her heart is feeling. 

 

"And me, you," Chanyeol mumbles, his eyes glued onto the beagle. 

 

 

cookies, in dog form 

 

"His name is Cookies," Chanyeol says the next day. He is holding a dog in his arms again, and Yeji is cautious not to touch the dog like she did the day before, or she would end up with a severe sneezing bout when she goes home as she did because she had held the beagle. The ginger ale didn't exactly help much with her nose and throat, but she likes to think that it did. At least it made her heart feel all warm and snuggled. 

 

"What breed is it?" She asks, and Chanyeol grins at her. It's the first time Yeji notices how his cheeks look a lot like small cute peaches, especially when he smiles like that. 

 

"He's actually a mixed breed between a Shih Tzu and a Yorkie. It's fur colour is like cookie dough, right?" Chanyeol cooes at the dog as if it is a baby — his baby — and tickles it under its chin although he's actually talking to Yeji. "That's why his name is Cookies. And he's really quiet for a breed like his, he doesn't actually bark that much." 

 

It's only now that Chanyeol looks up at her and his head. His hands stop tickling the dog. Yeji sneezes, but her eyes never leave him. 

 

That's when Chanyeol smiles — not his usual smile now; this time his smile resembles the pictures of happy children they print on textbooks, it resembles fresh new flowers blooming vivaciously in spring, it resembles the sun, only so much brighter. 

 

"I like it," he chirps. His voice is unintentionally an octave higher than usual. "I like it so much that I have someone to play with now." 

 

And although what Chanyeol said was incredibly adorable, Yeji feels her heart drop just a bit. 

 

She wants to respond, but she doesn't know what to say. A dull ache in the pit of her stomach forms and she suspects it's fear. Yeji can't think of anything except the fact that once he knows the truth about her allergy, he'll probably be really disappointed with her. If that happens, it means no more hovering in the store. It means Chanyeol won't have anyone to play with again. It means heaps less interaction with him. And that makes her really, really afraid. 

 

So Yeji speaks without thinking, just so she can respond. "I like it too," she says abruptly, and when Chanyeol looks amused, she realises what she just said didn't make much sense in their context. 

 

"The name of the dog. I like cookies," she blurts an explanation — which isn't all false because she does like cookies, but only if they are handmade. Or from that little bakery down her street, but that's the only exception. 

 

"Me too! And I love cookies and cream ice cream," Chanyeol bubbles like a little child. Yeji wants to pinch his peachy cheeks, however his smile suddenly droops to a small pout. "But I'm lactose intolerant, so I can't eat it a lot." 

 

"Oh." 

 

"Because," Chanyeol says as he looks up at Yeji. He scans her unconsciously, but it makes her feel weirdly self-conscious. "This is what happens when I eat ice cream." It is then that Yeji is aware of how red her nose is. Chanyeol's referring to her allergic reaction — it's obvious. She sniffs, but not intentionally, and feels herself getting flustered. Yeji blinks at Chanyeol. 

 

"You've been sneezing a lot. Are you okay?" Chanyeol bends over, and Cookies escapes from his grasp, but he doesn't try to stop him. His eyes are glazed with an unspoken anxiety, and he almost looks like an animated price, except Yeji is too afraid to absorb in all his beauty. 

 

"Y-Yeah," she stutters. She knows immediately that Chanyeol can see through her lie.

 

But he doesn't say anything, and instead keeps her eyes glued onto her, observing her in silence. He slowly pulls away and Yeji gulps, soothing the pain in temporarily but not doing anything to calm her heart. 

 

"Do you have any allergies?" Chanyeol tries to sound casual, and his fingers pick on some random bump on the floor, but Yeji hears a little stiffness in his voice. She wants to lie but is preventing any sound from coming out. Opening awkwardly, she mouths something even she doesn't know, and Chanyeol doesn't question. Instead, he is silent as he makes a large scratch on the floor. 

 

"Do you like dogs?" He quietly asks, like he is afraid of the answer. Yeji feels nervous tears prick her eyes, but they don't flow, and she doesn't talk either. 

 

Chanyeol's fingers tremble slightly as they rest on the floor. "Your throat is burning, isn't it?" His voice is near a whisper now, and Cookies barks, although Chanyeol had said he was quiet and hardly ever did. 

 

"I've googled it," Chanyeol continues when she doesn't speak, and Yeji has to strain her ears to listen, but she still does although she doesn't want to. Chanyeol looks down at the floor. His voice cracks as he speaks. "You're allergic to dogs, aren't you?" 

 

And in that moment, she feels her entire world crumble onto her like a mountain of crushed cookies. 

 

 

no more dogs please 

 

Yeji walks home slowly the next day because there no longer is a reason for her to walk fast. But it is hardly a stroll, or a think-through type of walk, because her mind is blank and she can't concentrate on what is in her surroundings. She takes a left when she reaches a junction instead of her usual right because she doesn't want to go to the pet store. 

 

Yeji decides to avoid the park as well that day so she wouldn't have to look at more dogs. Every single one she sees reminds her of Chanyeol, and that isn't something she wants to happen, especially because it's so painful even for his name to pop up in her mind. Even as she looks at the ground and nowhere else, she can still picture his large feet in front of her, his figure crouching down on the ground, and him being tackled down, laughing, by lots and lots of puppies. It all seems so real Yeji has to stop for a moment and take a deep breath. She has taken lots of deep breaths, but none help. 

 

She looks down at her phone awkwardly and sniffs as a lady strolls past with her dog. It's a Pomeranian, and the fact that she knows at a glance what breed the dog is pricks her heart, because that information is useless now. Yeji can easily tell the difference between a Pomeranian and a Japanese Spitz. She knows which breed of dog is the fastest on earth. She recognises all Chanyeol's favourite dog breeds. 

 

The burning pain starts up in again, and this time it's because she just wants to cry. For once, she doesn't try to swallow the pain down, or force it out of like it is a villain she wants to avoid at all costs (although it is). Yeji lets the pain engulf her and set her upset feelings on fire, and she feels tears she never knew existed stream down her face. She feels her body root itself onto the ground, and she wonders if it's because she doesn't know how to continue walking — she avoided the pet store and now also the park, which leaves her with no known route back to her home. Yeji isn't even sure she wants to go there. 

 

And maybe fate is playing a trick on her today but there are especially many owners walking their dogs on the pavement. Each one she passes makes her heart ache in an unexplainable way. As she stumbles about, a dog stops at her foot and glances up at her, barking once. It's a Yorkshire Terrier, and its fur is so adorably long Yeji has to remind herself not to touch it. Its big eyes stare at her pleadingly, and it its head slightly. She stops in her tracks, and it paws at her shin. 

 

"Do you want to play with it?" The owner asks friendlily, loosening its leash slightly. Yeji feels a tear fall down her face, and she sneezes, sniffing to go along with it. She doesn't look up at the owner because her face is horribly tear-stained, but she nods, and squats down, just because it reminds her so much of when Chanyeol first asked if she wanted to play with him. 

 

Her hands hover awkwardly around the dog, not sure where to touch it first because it's so fidgety. Just as she is about to reach for the top of its head, a voice calls from behind, and her hand is left still in the air, because her ears are receptive to the voice. 

 

It's a puppy, the only one that she isn't allergic to, that calls out to her. 

 

"She can't play with him, sorry. She's allergic to dogs." 

 

Yeji's body freezes in place and she doesn't turn around but she can already imagine his big eyes, bigger than the Yorkie's, his adorable hair, fluffier than the dog's, and his small pout, all belonging to him. 

 

"Well, it's a pity, then. She seems as though she really loves dogs," the owner of the dog says, pulling the Yorkie away just as Yeji sneezes. It barks in protest and its owner laughs. Chanyeol does too, a little giggle, and all she can do is stay in her position because she isn't capable of moving, not then. 

 

"Yeah, it's a real pity," Chanyeol tinkles, and when the owner walks away and the pavement is empty, he doesn't say anything else. Yeji hasn't moved from her position. It seems as if her heart had stopped beating, and her hands and legs transfixed, and her whole body a stone, just her tears were steadily trickling down her face; that was the only part that moved. 

 

Chanyeol still doesn't move. Instead, he sighs. "Yeji, do you think I am angry or disappointed in you?" He asks eventually, and he sounds like he is talking to one of his dogs, from the way his voice bubbles out of his throat like candy. 

 

"Yes, I am," he says because she doesn't answer. 

 

"I'm disappointed that you thought I put playing with dogs as my number one priority and am blinded from everything else. I'm disappointed you don't trust me to understand and like you, allergies and all, just the same. And I'm angry you let yourself suffer like this for this entire while without telling me anything," Chanyeol says, and with so much conviction Yeji doesn't know if she should believe his fairytale. 

 

Chanyeol sighs. "Yeji, I —" 

 

"I was scared I would become nothing to you," she whispers, cutting him off. Saying it out loud makes everything a hundred times scarier, and she is so overcome by fear she brings her hands to her face to cry hard. 

 

She doesn't notice Chanyeol squatting beside her until he speaks again, gently and softly. "Why would you think that?" His voice is a wisp of dandelion, drifting in the air. It's the only thing Yeji can hear. 

 

"Yeji, can you look at me?" He asks, and she finds herself meekly obeying, like his words are the only ones that count. Chanyeol is now directly in front of her, and their faces are so close she can see every freckle on his face, even through her tear-blurred vision. 

 

"Guess why I came out of the pet store to find you," he challenges, his features now morphed into a playful expression. Yeji slightly shrugs and blinks the last of her tears out of her eyes. 

 

Chanyeol bites his lip, and she realises he's shy about something. She'd observed him long enough to know this much, and looking at his coy expression now set something off in her heart. The feeling is back, and now more intense than ever. Chanyeol has broken eye contact but she can't stop looking into his eyes. 

 

"Today," he starts, hesitant but confident at the same time. "I couldn't concentrate on the dogs. Because every time the door opened I looked there subconsciously and hoped that it's you who's come." 

 

His eyes flitter into a smile. Yeji's heart feels so fluttery it hurts. But she likes that pain — it's a different one from those that eats up . Chanyeol's head rises, and she finds herself making full-on eye contact with him again. 

 

"I hate my allergy," she says with a slight whine and small tears still rolling down her cheeks, thinking about how totally unfair it is that she is allergic to dogs, but at the same time likes — no, loves — a boy who spends his entire life dedicated to them. It just doesn't seem okay to Yeji. 

 

But Chanyeol merely smiles wider, and cups both her cheeks in his big hands. 

 

"I don't. I love every single thing about you." 

 

And then he reaches in for a kiss.

 

It's a light one, something that feels just a little more than a ripple against her lips, but it feels so right that everything else disappears in that moment.  

 

 

cookies, in the form of a baked good 

 

The next time Yeji sees Chanyeol is the very next day, right outside the pet shop. He has cookies in his hand — not the dog, but real, actual biscuits. He waves excitedly at Yeji and she bounces over. 

 

"I missed you," he chirps, splaying his arms out wide. Yeji giggles and goes straight into his arms. He wraps them around her waist, squeezing her in his hold tightly and snuggling his head into her nape. 

 

Last evening, Chanyeol had insisted on following her back home, and then staying for dinner, and then watching a movie, before he finally got chased away by a shy and bubbly Yeji, who decided she wouldn't be able to get any sleep if he stayed the entire night. "It's been half a day since you last saw me," she says, careful not to tickle his neck too much. 

 

"The dogs miss you too. They've been barking at me the entire morning." 

 

Yeji pictures Chanyeol, ten times bigger than the smallest puppy, trying to get them to calm down by ruffling their fur and tickling them at the spots where they like the most, and even cuddling them in his arms, and she feels a smile spread across her face. 

 

"I miss them too." It isn't a lie, she really does miss watching them from a distance. After many afternoons with them, it feels weird not seeing them anymore. 

 

Chanyeol pulls away and pouts. He holds Yeji by the shoulder. "I'm not going to let you play with them, though. Remember what I said about not liking to see you sniff?" 

 

"At least let me come in," she tries to persuade, but Chanyeol shakes his head no. 

 

"There's a reason why I'm meeting you outside and not inside the pet store today." 

 

"But I have medication! It won't be too serious, trust me," Yeji presses, and gives Chanyeol a big smile, but all he does is cover with his hand. 

 

"Bad girl. I'm not going to give you my cookies." He jiggles the jar in his other hand enticingly, and Yeji feels cheeky. She pulls his hand away from . 

 

"I don't like cookies unless they're —" 

 

"Homemade?" They are." Chanyeol grins and she is so stunned for a moment she doesn't react. He slides the jar of cookies into her hand and Yeji finds herself accepting it obediently. It's no problem for him to pat her head because he's so much taller than her anyway, so he does, and then takes two steps back. 

 

"Hang on. You eat the cookies. I'll let you see the puppies and the puppies see you," he chirps, then goes into the store without explanation. Yeji waits patiently, admiring the jar in all its shine and the cookies inside which look amazingly delicious. 

 

Chanyeol reemerges at the window after a while and brings the puppy in his arms to Yeji's eye level. They are separated by a glass but somehow it feels like back when they all started, except Yeji isn't sniffing or sneezing this time. The puppy's paw touches the window, and she reaches her hand out to touch it through the glass. She smiles as the puppy barks. 

 

The window is soundproof but Yeji can imagine all the sounds that are going on inside the pet store — she'd spent ages in there, and now the sounds to her are like the sounds of home. Chanyeol included. 

 

He makes a gesture for her to squat, so she does, and it is only now she is aware of the several puppies on the floor, Cookies included, pawing at Chanyeol's feet to vie for his attention. In her mind she hears the chime of his laugh. His large body is suddenly buried by the tiny dogs, and outside Yeji laughs along, her own cookies latched tightly in her hand. 

 

And through the chaos, a finger heart pops out, and Yeji can hear Chanyeol's deep, throaty voice mouth an "I love you".  

 

 

puppy, in the form of park chanyeol 

 

Yeji likes her walks home slow, so she can spend more time savouring the feeling of her hand entwined with Chanyeol's. He has walked home with her for two years now, and their hands have never left each other then, but every time it's a new day and he slides his hand into hers and fills it with ultimate warmth it feels like the day he first did it. 

 

Chanyeol doesn't let her sneeze, or sniff, or burn. Chanyeol takes so much care for her she wonders if he was her mother in his past life. But Yeji's favourite part of Chanyeol is his big, warm hugs, because it makes her feel like nothing can hurt her if Chanyeol is here. And he has affirmed it several times to be true. 

 

"Yeji, it has been one thousand six hundred ninety nine and ninety days since I first asked you what your favourite dog breeds are and you still haven't answered me." Chanyeol has her favourite pout on his face, the one that he makes when he isn't that upset, really, but just wants Yeji to accommodate him by giving her his cutest look. His hand is in hers again and it is light in the breeze, swaying back and forth, and their fingers are wound tightly around each other. 

 

"Ninety nine and ninety," Yeji repeats incredulously and laughs. Chanyeol narrows his eyes at her and loosens his hand from hers, but she giggles and clings onto his arm instead when he lets go. He doesn't attempt to shoo her away. 

 

After ages of him whining and asking and pestering, Yeji has actually found her favourite breeds of dogs. But this is the only thing she doesn't tell him, although they share everything in their minds with each other without restraint. 

 

She likes poodles because they remind her of Chanyeol's fluffy hair. She likes Samoyeds because their perpetual smile reminds her of Chanyeol's big grin. She likes Bichon Frises because they are soft and marshmallowy, just like Chanyeol. 

 

But her ultimate favourite out of all puppies is Park Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol, who stands outside her house every morning fiddling with his shirt before shyly landing a kiss on her lips when she approaches. Park Chanyeol, who comes to her house to cuddle with her whenever he gets scared in the night. Park Chanyeol, who treats and loves her like she's the most precious puppy in the world.  

 

And Yeji loves Chanyeol just as much as he loves her.