The fresh air and the sun-dappled path made Taehyun feel as if he could trick time and decided to close his eyes for a while. If the universe is kind enough, he would open his eyes to a better situation, to an easier solution.

“Taehyun-ah?” Minho called out, aware of Taehyun’s trance. “Can you pass me some water?”

Taehyun finally wakes from his daze then, embarrassed, and then shakes his head momentarily, “Here.” He handed over the cold bottle, cautiously avoiding Minho’s fingers. His eyes darted to the bleachers when Minho started to lift his shirt, using it to pat off his sweat after.

“You seem to not feel well today, are you okay?” Minho asked this as the back of his hand falls on Taehyun’s forehead and Taehyun backed away without thinking.

He looked up to see Minho raising his eyebrow in curiosity but Taehyun still answered: “I’m okay, just the heat maybe.”

Minho didn’t seem to buy it but he took the space next to Taehyun nonetheless, “You want some ice cream? I can ask Jinna to buy some on her way here.”

Taehyun bit back an exasperated sigh. “I’m okay.”

But he wasn’t.

SPRING

2.

time of rebirth and renewal

Minho had been with Jinna for almost five months now and everything still feels too surreal. Taehyun still gets up every morning wondering if he can wake up from a nightmare he now knew so well.

Because it was his reality.

Taehyun tried to make himself used to the fact that Minho will spend less and less time with him. And he was okay with it. At least he made himself believe he was okay. He was beginning to make himself believe it was supposed to happen. And he was betraying himself well. But then Minho came back to him, hanging around his dorm and in the library even if Jinna wasn’t around, making him realize he was never really okay with this new reality. Making him realize he couldn’t really betray himself.

So Taehyun went back to sticking around Minho. Back to the hallways and the lunches and even back to drawing mandalas on his apartment walls.

Until he came there one day and saw Jinna cooking.

Taehyun greeted her with his usual casual smile. By this point he had already faked thousands of it that plastering one on his face doesn’t take an effort anymore.

“Where’s Minho-hyung?”

Jinna returned his smile with her genuine one and Taehyujn felt guilty. “He’s in his room. Sleeping. He pulled an all-nighter to finish his project.”

“Oh.” Was Taehyun’s only answer as he walked and peeked at the older guy, snoring lightly on his bed.

Taehyun said his goodbye not long after, refusing Jinna’s offer of eating dinner there. He made up an excuse about a group meeting as he hurries away.

He felt dizzy, his breaths uneven as his nightmare slapped him hard again.

The little world Minho promised him – that flat splattered with his doodles and Minho’s sketches – was now decorated with Jinna’s tasteful and bright paints. That little world of Minho – was no longer his alone.

Taehyun started to avoid Minho all together from then on, more determined this time. He tried to be away from him as long as he can, as far away as possible, so it’ll be easier to detach himself from the fantasy of being with him forever.

Because forever was just impossible now.

 Taehyun planned to leave Minho, was not willing to keep on desiring to wake up from the nightmare because he was getting tired.

He had been supportive of Minho and Jinna. Picking gifts for their anniversaries, helping Minho choose the right words when he messed up. He could live with the little thorns burying themselves little by little.

But that world Minho reserved for him shattering in just one night – all of it had been too much. He can’t keep on hurting himself day after day, contented with the thought of just being close to Minho.

Especially that he was still in love with him.

Nothing was more painful than wanting to have something you can’t have.

Especially if it’s within arm’s length.

*

Now they are in the basketball court, Minho thinking about ice creams and Taehyun thinking about the future.

Taehyun already applied for an exchange student program. If he’s l