they, the blurry figures of people in the mirror asked, “how do you keep yourself happy?” it dangles over mingyu’s ears for a full 10 minutes. he stand there, seeing himself in the mirror. trying to find something worthy to answer the ghosts of his mirror.

he answered, “who ever said i’m happy?”

then his other self answered, “i do.”

“but you’re not me.” 

“you tend not to realise that you are.”

“no.”

he closed his mirror with a black curtain to limit his contact with his other self. his real self.

closing the mirror with a fretful heart inside, only to count how many seconds has passed. he only finds himself opening the same curtain over and over again. like a paradox.

his reflection reflects who he are inside. but he’s denying it. he wouldn’t want to be him if he ever going to be reincarnated. crossing against the inanimate object against him, making him realise who’s the biggest fool. him or his reflection.

“kim? are you opening your mirror again?” a deep baritone voice called him from outside. A tall figure, not taller than him though, slid himself through the door into the room. he grabbed the dark curtain and closed the mirror once again.

“you promised me, one time a week, kim.” the deep tone spoke again.

“i know, jeon. it’s just hard not to look at it,” the tall figure sighed and rested his figure by leaning to his arranged pillows over his soft mattress.

the man called jeon sit next by the tall figure, trying to catch the taller’s attention from the black curtain. he goes by the name of jeon wonwoo. jeon wonwoo grabbed the other’s hand, trying to make him focus on his contact of intertwined hands.

“kim? look at me. kim,” jeon wonwoo tried to call his name. kim mingyu abruptly get his attention on the figure who holds his hand warmly.

“it’s the cold, jeon. i can’t stand the cold,” kim mingyu blurted out a complete nonsense on his recent daydream. mingyu holds wonwoo’s hands back and blooms a charming smile with his canines showing.

jeon wonwoo’s smile also blooms the second kim mingyu holds back his hand. he swear he won’t ever find someone who’d bother to take an excellent care of mingyu with his state of mind right now. wonwoo lays softly into kim mingyu’s chest, trying to find his peace right there. mingyu’s heart beats so steadily. the older put his hand on top of it and starts to match his breathing with mingyu’s.

“i love it when you start doing that, jeon. please don’t ever stop it,” mingyu softly whispered. “it’s like i’m really alive with someone.”

“you’ve told me that every day, kim,” wonwoo chuckled.

“and i won’t ever stop until i take my life away,” mingyu said. his simple words are making wonwoo slightly uncomfortable. it’s not the first or second time he has heard mingyu’s desire to end his own life. he won’t ever be used to that words.

“kim. how are you today?” jeon wonwoo carefully asked. he hasn’t know how his tall figure doing in the last 9 hours of loneliness in kim’s residence.

“oh, i painted 2 times and i’ve finished it. and jeon i found something interesting. it turns out that there’s people who worked behind the camera to record every sound detail! isn’t that fascinating?” kim mingyu excitedly told jeon wonwoo of his day. the brightest moment kim mingyu ever has is when he’s telling jeon wonwoo how his days go or either when he paints on the backyard of his house.

“i’ll see your paintings soon, i suppose. that’s cool, kim. where did you find it?” wonwoo is genuinely surprised. he doesn’t even know there’s people who works for creating sound details.

“uh, it started when i was killing my pigeon for this month…”

wonwoo suddenly rise. “you killed it?”

“yes, jeon. did i do something wrong?” kim mingyu frowned. the tone of jeon wonwoo’s question is absolutely anger, sprinkled with some disappointments.

“we’ve talked about this! dr. min would add your drug doses! you know i won’t ever want to let that happen! wh-why did you ev-even kill it? what did the pigeon ever do wrong with you?!” wonwoo snapped out. he’s not telling the whole truth to kim mingyu. actually the doctors and therapist and whoever do the treatments to kim mingyu would take him to stay at the mental hospital for a week in a month. that means he couldn’t see and visit kim mingyu anytime he wanted. kim mingyu isn’t always good with strangers too, jeon wonwoo also worried about that.

“i-i’m s-so sorry jeon… it’s better than slicing my arms…. i’m really sorry…,” kim mingyu looks down. he unconsciously hold his arms together. weirded out by mingyu’s sudden words of slicing his arms, wonwoo pushed mingyu’s long sleeved sweater up.

opening the sleeves up, showing the reddish skin of kim mingyu who wonwoo believes has been recently sliced with cutter or whatsoever.

“oh, kim. have you wash this with alcohol?” wonwoo tried to stay calm. however, it took wonwoo a short 5 second to lose his composed self. waters dropping slowly from his eyes’ corners.

kim mingyu nods. he said he also make sure that the cutter was clean too.

“won? are you crying?” kim mingyu noticed tiny drops of water coming to his arms. he subconsciously pulled wonwoo’s figure to his loving arm and let him cry on his shoulder.

“kim. why did you do it again? i-i… i’m afraid i’ll lose you,” jeon wonwoo said between his sobbing. kim mingyu can only hold jeon wonwoo tighter, and it only made his tears worse.

“this… this is ju-just who i am for now, jeon…,” mingyu softly blows the word into jeon wonwoo’s ears while caressing his back.

jeon wonwoo said inaudible words that mingyu can’t even fully comprehend. but he can only feel the realness of wonwoo’s sadness.

“i’m af-afraid one day, i’ll fin-find you laying on the floor, bleeding out a-and i can’t even save y-you,” wonwoo cries again. he know he shouldn’t be the one crying. he should be the one to comfort and take care of kim mingyu. but now he’s the one under the comfort of kim mingyu.

“no. i won’t, okay? i will only die if you’re around, okay? i promise,” kim mingyu told jeon wonwoo. kim mingyu put sweet kisses onto jeon wonwoo’s top to return his calmness.

jeon wonwoo wants to reply with why shouldn’t kim mingyu die. but the more wonwoo spend his days with kim mingyu, the more he understands kim mingyu’s words. mingyu will never be alone. he’ll have his angels and monsters by his side. wonwoo thinks it may be tiring. especially when there’s no angels by his side.

there’s no good trying to banish kim mingyu’s angels and monsters. he already tried it for a full 4 years  at the mental hospital before he met jeon wonwoo. but it only made his illness worsen.

jeon and kim met inside the hospital. jeon wonwoo was waiting for his doctor since he didn’t feel well that time. while kim mingyu was a mental patient at the same hospital. kim mingyu suffered from depression and a slight schizophrenia. they sit next to each other and by fate, they looked at each other’s eyes. that day, they never speak to each other. but the next day, while jeon wonwoo was picking his medicines, kim mingyu asked him for an introduction. they were interested with each other in a short amount of time.

3 months after their first introduction, jeon wonwoo get kim mingyu out of the hospital. he made a deal with the doctors and therapists that if anything happened to kim mingyu will be his responsibility. kim mingyu also doesn’t have any progress at recovering. that’s why it’s better for kim mingyu to be home, surrounded by his own things and world.

jeon wonwoo practically move into kim mingyu’s residence. mingyu is a wealthy person. his family has much, unfortunately, his family lacked the concern of taking care of their ill son. they provides him with materials, not loves.

the way kim mingyu talks, sparks something inside jeon wonwoo. the way jeon wonwoo laughs, also sparks something inside kim mingyu. that way they’re compatible like a match and fire.

kim mingyu also knows, jeon wonwoo will want to answer with reasons of why shouldn’t he die. he also knows that jeon wonwoo will not ever say it. wonwoo has promised himself that he won’t ever say that words again. wonwoo declared that those words were just comfort words to polish wonwoo’s feelings.

wonwoo has stayed with mingyu for a full 3 years. wonwoo always stay home with mingyu whenever he had the time. wonwoo is a high school teacher. he’s teaching art. that’s why wonwoo also has no problem of mingyu painting. they sometimes painted each other when they had the time.

wonwoo stayed long enough with kim mingyu to make him know that mingyu hates cold. mingyu can run wildly inside his own house to warm himself up if he ever feel cold. running wildly means tossing everything upside down. wonwoo would be the one cleaning every day if it’s winter in the town.

wonwoo also knows that kim mingyu loves, loves dogs. but for his own safety and also the dog’s safety, wonwoo bans mingyu to keep any pet dog.

after kim mingyu doesn’t hear any continuous sobbing from the latter, he pushed jeon wonwoo’s figure down to his mattress. wonwoo is quite startled with kim mingyu’s sudden actions.

“what can i do if i don’t have you, jeon wonwoo?” kim mingyu fell beside jeon wonwoo’s figure and sighed loudly. wonwoo is now frozen. his heart dropped the second he knew he’s under kim mingyu. it’s something he sometimes daydream and think about. for it to happen is absolutely impossible. but it happened.

it doesn’t matter. no matter how jeon wonwoo loves everything about kim mingyu unconditionally, he’s not even sure if it’s really love or it’s just pity. wonwoo doesn’t want to lead mingyu into romance if he’s not even sure of his feelings.

but now isn’t the right time and place to love kim mingyu romantically, jeon wonwoo thought.

kim mingyu needs you, more than anyone else on this earth.

“what can i do without you, kim?”

“you? you can do so much more without me, jeon! you can fly around the world and see the world! i always noticed your screen wallpaper, jeon. it always changed after a week or two into a famous place on earth or famous paintings. you can see them with your own two eyes jeon, if you’re not with me,” kim mingyu’s voice disappeared upon saying the last words. mingyu looked up straight into the bedroom’s sky and wonders.

jeon wonwoo never thought of that. in his mind, the perfect world is only filled with him and kim mingyu. doing painting all day in a perfect weather on kim mingyu’s backyard. occasionally they’d walk out and get a fresh air before the night came.

“no, kim. there’s no happiness without you,” jeon wonwoo replied.

wonwoo put his hand on top of kim mingyu’s chest again and tried to match their breathes again.

what jeon wonwoo doesn’t realise is the little smile etched on kim mingyu’s lips upon hearing the last sentence wonwoo said. mingyu knows jeon wonwoo loves him so much, as much as he did. but what mingyu doesn’t know is if jeon wonwoo loves taking care of people or loves him.

“jeon. let me try that,” kim mingyu asked. kim mingyu wants to feel jeon wonwoo’s heartbeat too. all this time, he never actually listened to it, except when they cuddled together and left no space in between.

jeon wonwoo’s heart actually beats a rhythm faster. the delicate touch of kim mingyu’s hand on his chest made it go faster. jeon wonwoo tries to stay normal and let kim mingyu match his breath with his.

“does my hand on your chest do this to your heart?” kim mingyu asked. he’s confused.

yes, you .

“uh, maybe? i’m not sure.”

after throwing the answer, jeon wonwoo hides his face into the sheets. kim mingyu chuckled lightly seeing it. he knows that jeon wonwoo is somehow a little bit sensitive about touches. the first day wonwoo started holding his hand, wonwoo sweated so much it tickled kim mingyu to laugh.

“if you’re acting oddly over my simple skinship, what would happen if i, um… let’s say kissed you?” mingyu teased. he loved to tease his wonwoo. wonwoo’s face would turn red and it’s his favourite thing on earth.

“i’m not going to let myself blush for you again, kim. i know you’re loving it,” wonwoo still hides his face over the pillows. he won’t ever admit the fact that now he’s blushing over kim mingyu’s teasing words.

“speaking of it, let’s order some mcdonalds. we haven’t eat some in a while. oh and in the meantime, let’s bury the pigeon earlier, shall we?” kim mingyu suggested. he’s already making his way to the phone. he beeped and asked what do jeon wonwoo wants.

“cheeseburger!” jeon wonwoo said in a pleasant way of aegyo. kim mingyu was half startled and half awed by jeon wonwoo’s sudden aegyo. he scoffed but he secretly hopes wonwoo would do that again.

after ordering their food, kim mingyu pulled jeon wonwoo’s hand tightly before walking him to the place he ended the pigeon’s life. it’s not the first time jeon wonwoo saw dead pigeon. he had seen worse. but it doesn’t make wonwoo feel better seeing the pigeon lifeless.

“kim. have you ever thought that… this pigeon isn’t like you? they wanted to live?” wonwoo whispered while collecting the pieces of the aves species together. he wrapped it all together in a white piece of fabric.

kim mingyu doesn’t answer anything. jeon wonwoo then continues.

“think it like you’re going to kill me. how does that make you feel?”

“no! i will never kill you! you’ve done so much to me and i haven’t do anything to get it back to you,” this time, kim mingyu answered without any hesitations.

“you don’t have to get anything back for me. but, if i can ask… can you stop hurting innocent living things? they wanted to live, kim… unlike you, they love their life,” wonwoo quietly asked. he already finished collecting the pieces. he walked away for a moment to put the fabric away and washed his hands. he walked back with a small towel on his hands. he walked over the taller figure and put the towel away for a moment to put his arms over kim mingyu’s neck.

kim mingyu’s hands reached jeon wonwoo’s hips almost immediately. it’s almost like his hands belonged there. kim mingyu pushed jeon wonwoo subtly into the walls without letting his eyes off jeon wonwoo’s beautiful face.

“what are you doing kim?” wonwoo tried to be composed.

“i wanted to give you a gift. consider this one of the things i’d do for you. just for you,” mingyu mysteriously smiled. “and for my apology about my wrongdoings.”

“you are not going to kiss me aren’t you?” wonwoo asked one more time.

“i am.”

kim mingyu moved down closer into jeon wonwoo’s face. he stopped when their noses touched. kim mingyu blooms a smile on his face, hoping wonwoo would look at it and be calm about it. the smile worked, wonwoo’s breathing are softer than before. wonwoo’s grip on the taller’s neck tightened. kim mingyu can’t resist to keep his hands in the same place for even a second. he’s rubbing everywhere around jeon wonwoo’s hips and abdomen.

jeon wonwoo let out a small whimper when kim mingyu rubbed his lower abdomen. wonwoo couldn’t help but to think, doesn’t kim mingyu wanted to kiss him? not to do unimaginable inappropriate things to him, right? 

wonwoo took a look at mingyu’s feature. his jaw is, of course, perfect. wonwoo has never see a living person having a more perfected jaw than kim mingyu. his eyes are now sparkling with its own way, perceiving the figure in front of him. jeon wonwoo moved his hand, slowly, to mess with kim mingyu’s hairs. his hairs are so soft, even girls would be dying to have hair like his. jeon wonwoo took his hand again somewhere. this time, it ended up in kim mingyu’s perfect feature. he slid his hand over his pinkish cheeks, until it reached down to his lips. jeon wonwoo set his eyes right on kim mingyu’s eyes while he’s touching kim mingyu’s lips with his delicate fingers. kim mingyu also focused on jeon wonwoo’s eyes, without stopping his touches all over wonwoo’s abdomen and back.

seeing the man he love looking at him like that, making the butterflies over wonwoo’s stomach fly all over the place. jeon wonwoo doesn’t know how to think rationally again. he’s just doing what his heart told him to.

“kim. i love you,” jeon wonwoo breathed.

it made all mingyu’s activities stopped. mingyu’s eyes widened and he unconsciously pulled himself out from their warm embrace.

jeon wonwoo is ready for the apologetic words he has to say, in case kim mingyu reacted differently than we all hoped. but luckily readers, kim mingyu reacted just the way you wanted.

“kim… i…”

“sssh… it’s the best words i’ve heard in my entire life,” kim mingyu whispered. he could feel his tears flowed down his cheeks. jeon wonwoo is surprised to see the sudden tears in kim mingyu’s eyes. his reply is also the best reply he could give. that’s why jeon wonwoo started letting out his tears too.

kim mingyu chuckled while he’s sobbing upon seeing jeon wonwoo’s tears. mingyu could see perfectly how wonwoo’s tears are tears of happiness. wonwoo is smiling even though water comes out of his eyes gradually.

“i’m sorry…,” jeon wonwoo still apologised anyway. he’s looking down into the floor, not daring to see kim mingyu again. his hands clenching hard on kim mingyu’s clothes.

mingyu pulled wonwoo’s head so he could face it clearly. jeon wonwoo is apparently still sobbing and he tried to hide it again from mingyu’s eyes.

mingyu pushed himself closer towards jeon wonwoo, eliminating all of the air particles existed between them. mingyu’s heart beats so fast in a short amount of time, making him wonder is that even possible.

“i shouldn’t say stupid things like that, kim,” jeon wonwoo blamed himself one more time. he stopped seeing down and starts lifting his head up to see the boy he love stared down at him. their height difference only making everything more than perfect right now.

they’re having the momentum of their life. mingyu is so close from leaning down to reach wonwoo’s soft-looking lips. mingyu holds wonwoo so close they even feel their heartbeats beating in the same frequency. mingyu starts leaning down to meet the sweet lips his heart has told him to kiss. mingyu doesn’t want to ruin the moment, so he leaned down really slow. the closer kim mingyu move, the clenching on mingyu’s clothes tightened.

“i love you too, jeon wonwoo,” mingyu whispered so slow in the lowest frequency a human could ever hear.

wonwoo could feel his body is close from falling down. his heart is beating so hard from mingyu’s recent words. his lips formed a cute smile with tears along his cheeks. he can’t help smiling upon hearing the taller’s words even though he’s still crying.

while wonwoo did all that, kim mingyu’s lips are already a centimetre away from the other. they both already closed their eyes, trying to make their first kiss perfect.

they both may haven’t realised it but, they’re both smiling while closing their eyes. jeon wonwoo feels that it’s the right thing to do. he won’t have any regrets with having kim mingyu as his first kiss. jeon wonwoo doesn’t know anything about a kiss, he had only imagined it in his head. with kim mingyu.

DING DONG

“excuse me, did anyone here ordered foods?” a man sounded clearly from the intercom.

hehehe i'm sorry ccccc: /sends unicorns to your house/