It’s been too long since I last fell in love.

A few months back, my one and only; my soulmate left.

Not for another person, not because she does not want to continue life with me.

She’s gone for good. She’ll never be back. As much as I want her to, she will never come back.

It’s a long story but I’ll make it short for your reference.

 

She was my childhood sweetheart. I never love anyone but her. She was my first and I guess the last girlfriend I will have. After losing her, burying her 6 feet below the ground two years ago, I felt my heart too was buried.

 

She was working as a staff of the national basketball team. I’m not threatened though. I know she loves me so much. We’re actually engaged to be married before they flew to Taiwan for a tune up game. It was just a week long engagement and supposedly, they’ll be back Monday evening.

 

She even called me that she’ll be back. Then, I waited. I patiently wait. Until Tuesday. I stayed unglued inside the airport waiting for arrival then my phone suddenly ringed. I expect no one to call me at this moment but her.

It was her mom. She was crying. She said my soulmate was gone. Gone for good.

Their plane crash and most of the people inside die. Few people was on critical condition.

I don’t know how I got home but I did. The next thing I knew is we’re having her funeral after three days. From that day onwards, I was nothing but mess. I lost the will to go on with life until my mom forced me to go out of my room and told me to take refresher course.

I finished fine arts. I was actually teaching in an art school before my world crash.

I stopped teaching after she died. I don’t know, I just stopped everything I am doing coz it makes no sense to me.

I was irritably walking on the noisy hall of my old school when someone bumped to me. His things dropped. I picked it up and gave it to him he started blabbering.

“Sorry. I was reading my notes and I didn’t not---”

“It’s fine. I am fine.”

I said walking away. But he trailed behind me and told me I don’t really looked fine. I rolled my eyes and looked at him, he was pouting his lips; his round specs was about to fall and he was bouncing his auburn hair while walking;

 

“I said I’m fine.”

“You’re new here, right? I haven’t seen you around the past months!”

I don’t know if this guy is too dumb to notice that I don’t want to talk to him coz he doesn’t stop talking beside me. I don’t even know his name! Damn!

He started touring me; I mean he was naming the rooms we passed by. I knew it by heart but it’s been a year. There are lots of changes. My old homeroom class was now served as admin office.

He sure had a lot to say then suddenly, he jolted making me look at him again and almost laugh when he messily adjusted his eyeglasses.

“Hey, I’m so rude! Lee Taemin here!”

“I’m Minho. Choi Minho.”

I said sounding flat. I really don’t wanna be too friendly at this moment. Coz after losing her, I hate attachments. I hated the fact that I’ll be so damn attached to someone and somewhere along the way, they’ll leave me all alone.

Taemin sweetly smiled and asked for my class. I show him my schedule and he beamed in happiness coz he was taking all the classes I have.

While getting to our room, he told me he was majoring dance and fine arts before. But he dropped majoring fine arts since he was enjoying dance more.

“Why take fine arts again?”

I asked as we sit side by side. I don’t know but I found his voice endearing though he was so talkative. He has a soothing voice.

He suddenly looked sad. He looked away and sadly said making me rub his hair;

“Got some injuries I need to get healed. It’ll take a year or two.”

“Injuries?”

“Yeah, injuries. I twisted my waist pretty bad that the doctor stopped me doing hard routines. I tear a ligament on my ankle. Both parts is so essential in dancing so I have to stop. And I got to have something to distract me. But hey! Fine arts is fun, don’t you think?”

I just nodded as he started story telling again. His voice reminds me of her at times. He giggles the same way as her.

“What about you? Why fine arts?”

He suddenly asked. I was busy writing that moment. I don’t wanna be rude so I stopped and answer him.

“It’s just a refresher. I already graduated fine arts. I was teaching arts before.”

“Oh. You stopped teaching?”

I nodded. Maybe I should open up, should I? Taemin put his hands on his chin; looked at me and said;

“May I know why?”

“It’s not interesting though.”

I reasoned. Taemin laughed. Gosh, I was picturing her on his every laugh.

“Every reason is interesting you know? You can try me! Maybe to some your reason is not interesting maybe I have different look at it.”

I scratch my neck. My doctor told me that I actually needed to tell someone about how I felt. I am secretive, I don’t want someone to know what I’ve been through what I’ve been going through. But Taemin’s innocent eyes and sincerity moved me.

“I just suddenly wanted to stop.”

“Why?”

“Just because I wanted.”

He crunched his face and told me;

“Everything has a reason. You can’t just stop doing your thing because you wanted to stop. There is always a deeper meaning.”

I sighed and mimic how he looks. I put my chin on my hands and started pouring words on why I stopped teaching arts.

It will be the first time talking about this to someone who is not a family member. He was a complete stranger but I know, my burden will lessen if I talk about it to someone right? So I’ll give it a try.

“Someone dear to me, the one who pushed me to pursue arts, the one who inspires me left me that’s why I stopped.”

“Why not chase her? Why not take her back?”

“How I wish that was easy. How I wish I can chase her. How I wish I can take her back but I can’t.”

I said looking away. I hear Taemin hummed and asked;

“Is she married?”

I shook my head and kept quiet.

“I know I am so nosy but what happened?”

“She died. She was my every thing. My soulmate, my better half, my every thing.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I shouldn’t asked about her.”

I looked at him and ruffled his hair and said it was okay.

My burdens lessened. Taemin was a good listener. He said everything happens for a reason. That maybe her mission was already done. That she was now my angel.

I cannot argue about that. She was my angel ever since.

----
 

Class started. Taemin and I became best of friends, I learned a lot about him. He was an outcast in their family. Their family was all in the medical scene. He was the only one who didn’t pursue medicine.

He was younger than me.

He had a sweet singing voice. God, he was so talented. He played the piano as well. And gosh! He draw so good too.

We became best of friends, and I slowly knew his secret. He was gay. That the reason why he was living alone is because his grandfather was against his preference. Being different is never wrong. I don’t get them though.

Everything was getting good between me and Taemin. I almost forget the pain I am in with his silly face expression during our classes when he can’t understand a thing. I always look forward hearing his endless stories and his laughs.

And somewhere between all what we’ve shared; the soundful laugh, long talks, cute and non-sense fights,  all the jokes, the sleep overs, working with painting and paper works, I felt like I was falling. Quite hard.

That I was feeling that I want something more than friendship from Taemin.

I am not seeing her on Taemin. I suddenly stopped thinking about her. I don’t know if Taemin had a hint about how I felt but I try not to make it too obvious. I don’t want to ruin what we have and I also need to see if I already moved on. I have a weeklong vacation somewhere in the countryside. Trying to clear my mind. To weigh what I am feeling. Maybe I was just too overwhelmed about Taemin’s existence since he made me feel so comfortable. He bring back color to my then slow paced life.

When I finally knew what I felt, the first thing I do is to visit her. I talked to her, explained what I felt. What I wanted to do. I asked her forgiveness too, for what, I don’t know. I just think I should.

After visiting her and spending long hours with her, I talked to my parents asking for their permission to love again. They agreed. They say it’s about time.

When I got back to our art class, I felt uneasy seeing Taemin. But I have to act like nothing is bothering me. We talk and share lunch like the usual.

I don’t know how it all happened but when we are approaching the end of the school year, Taemin and I shared a heated kiss on his apartment. Just a kiss that had changed everything. After that kiss, we date, we kiss again. And we just woke up one day that we’re officially together living inside Taemin’s apartment.

We graduated refresher. He got back to dancing as I worked as an interior designer and a freelance painter.

My family loved him, her family too. I let them meet Taemin out of respect as well. I also let Taemin meet her. It was fine. They were supportive especially when I asked Taemin for marriage after two years of being together.

Wedding set on             a winter day. Taemin’s request. He said he love winter.

He said our love will warm our wedding day.

The wedding ceremony went fine. Solemn and so warm. Especially when I told him my personal vow.

I just actually begged the priest to give me that time.

“I know, I’ve been telling you this month every month, thank you for giving color to my life again, for completing me. For giving me reason again to love. I am not the perfect partner but you never fail to make me feel like I am. Now I know the reason why we did not end up with our soulmate.  Sweetie, you’re my reason. Thank you for being the best partner I could ever have. I love you. From this day forward, you shall not walk alone. My heart will be your shelter, and my arms will be your home.”

“I love you too, Choi Minho.”

 

I smiled as the priest told me that I can now kiss my wedded partner. Which I happily do.

Now I finally realized why I did not end with her, my soulmate. She gave way for me to find the person that will show me what life is all about after losing a battle.

I was blessed that I was destined to meet him after my downfall.

Taemin may not be my soulmate, but he was my fate.

 

 

Maybe there’s a reason why you we did not end up with our soulmate is because we’ll meet someone who was our fate.

 

 

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kindly drop your thoughts!
thank you for reading!
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