Repercussions
takane no hana (高嶺の花)
It was the tender moments afterwards that I relished in. The moments where our bodies remained entwined nestled beneath the pile of blankets, where her scent still lingered in with mine, the taste of her still on my lips. Our breathing still haggard spiraling down from our high together. I lived for the beauty of basking in the afterglow that always emanated an incredible emotional synergy. If I could capture a single sensation and replay it, it would be this. I smoothed the length of her hair as I gazed into her eyes. She in turn gingerly tucked a fallen lock of mine behind my ear, as she inched closer. Her hooded eyes glued to mine, as she brushed against the hollow of my temple. She didn’t stop there though. Sana continued to trace the course of my jawline playing a dangerous game of tease building my anticipation.
“So do you prefer ice cream or me?” Her voice huskily tickled my ear.
“You,” I breathed back.
“Chocolate or me?” She continued to ask, nuzzling her nose into the nape of my neck, as her fingers danced their way to my hip.
“You,” I whimpered.
“Momo or me?” Her ridiculous question immediately broke me away from her spell. First it was confusion that was then replaced by anger, but promptly overridden by fretfulness. We didn’t buy Momo’s ice cream.
“Crap… Momo.” I panicked aloud.
“What?”
“No not as the answer to your question, I just remembered we didn’t get her ice cream.”
“That’s what you’re thinking about right now, as I’m lying next to you?” She huffed, as her touch recoiled from me.
“You brought her name up, but that’s besides the point.” I incoherently mumbled as I clambered from the bed to fumble with the sprawled articles of clothing.
“Where are you going?” Sana asked, but rather than a question, it sounded more of a threat.
“I need to explain the situation to Momo.”
Sana rolled her eyes bothered, as her anger simmered, “What situation, we forgot. She’s not even going to care, you’re being dramatic.”
“I care Sana,” I said adamantly, leaving her alone to mull in her thoughts. I hated how Sana always dismissed my feelings. She always belittled my thoughts when it came to everything but my love for her. Things had been so good between us, that I had almost forgotten how spiteful Sana could be, when she didn’t get her way. But then again the honeymoon phase had to come to an eventual end. It was time to face the reality, and with the reality came the fights that spurred my initial doubts. What if Sana and I weren't meant to be, what if Sana without her games, wasn't Sana at all. Was it really love if I couldn't accept that part of her, that part that killed me most. The part of her, that I had asked Sana to conceal. Had loving Sana, always been this difficult? Approaching the room, I quickly pushed aside my own reservations to face a new challenge I had to scale, confessing to Momo. And just as I had anticipated Momo was sprawled upon our bed, still in her dance practice clothes. However, she wasn't asleep, she was wide awake staring intensely at the ceiling.
"Hey." I carefully greeted upon entering the room. Momo didn't voice a reply, she just sort of mumbled an inaudible sound.
"I'm sorry that I forgot to buy you ice cream." I apologized warily.
“It’s fine Dahyun, its nothing to worry about. I’m sure you had other things on your mind,” Momo sighed, as she continued to absentmindedly stare at the white of the ceiling.
“Let me make it up to you, let’s go eat whatever you like tomorrow. Just the two of us.” I proposed eagerly with resolution in sight. However as opposed to her usual reaction at the mention of food, Momo didn’t at all express enthusiasm, instead she flatly answered, “No, it’s okay.”
“Why, what’s the matter?” I quickly asked taken back by her sudden refusal.
“Nothing”
“Its clearly not nothing, you’re never like this, at least never with me. What’s wrong?” I worriedly pressed, as I sat beside her.
After a long pause, Momo finally spoke, “I understand that you’re with Sana again, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t parade it in my face.”
“What do you mean?” I questioned. Her eyes spoke in her stead, she finally looked at me, or more so she looked at my shirt and scanned down. My top was inside out, my fly halfway down. The message was blatant.
“I didn’t mean for this…”
“I know, but it happens. Dahyun listen, I’m not telling you this because I want you to walk around on eggshells. Nor do I want you to feel inclined to cloak me in bubble wrap, or swaddle me like a child. I just want you to know, that I can be happy knowing that you’re happy, but its still difficult for me to see you and her.
“Tell me what to do Momo, you’re the last person I would want to hurt.”
Her façade had finally caved, for all the forced smiles in the world couldn’t hide her true anguish. This was the moment I was afraid of, the moment that I had dreaded. I knew my decision had hurt her, I knew she was in pain but she had tried so hard to protect my feelings. And in the process of shielding me, she had ended up injuring herself far worse. Momo finally confessed, “I thought I’d be okay, but I overestimated my self and underestimated my feelings for you…”
“I know Momo, trust me it's going to be okay. We can get through this together, we will find a way to get back to where things were."
“I don't want to go back. Things were different then, I hadn’t confessed to you.
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