The day Seokjin watched Jeongguk walk away was the Second Worst Day of his life.

(The day after was the Worst Day due to his pounding hangover and the discomfort of a stranger’s bed)

In the first few weeks after he did nothing much, weaving his way through the peculiarities of everyday life with an easy detachment.

It was a month and a half before he found himself crying again, head hung loosely over a bottle of soju similar to the ones he and Jeongguk had drunk the night he’d proposed -- it was doing nothing for the pain burning down . Friday night crowds tested the capacity of the small pojangmacha* , already drunk patrons filtering in from the closer bars in downtown Hongdae , but Seokjin had managed to get in early, snagging one of the best seats in the house.

Angry tears splashed into the shot glass he’d poured himself a good five minutes ago, grief weighing too heavy on his shoulders for his arm to bring the liquid to his lips. Soju heated him from the inside out and Seokjin let out a satisfied sound as he felt the heat pool in his stomach, working its memory erasing magic.

Forgetting about Jeongguk seemed so final, and as much as it hurt , Seokjin wasn’t sure if he wanted to. That would be years drunken away in the haze of a summer night.

Arms wrapped around him as he shaved his hair for his enlistment. Gone.

The birthday gift Jeongguk had sent him his first year away for national service. Gone.

An awkward homecoming after two years of broken meetings. Gone.

He’d only gotten back four months ago, three before Jeongguk left him. His fiancé had been his rock in the days and weeks after he’d come back to the regular rhythm of life outside the military, his smile reviving Seokjin’s lust for life.

No, he didn’t want to lose that. If he lost those memories he’d probably be here every night, drinking away a misery that lived beyond Jeongguk’s place in his mind.

Quickly he downed the last of the soju, breath warmly tinged with alcohol as he gathered up the bottles, surprisingly steady on his feet as he made his way over to the makeshift counter the ahjumma owner had set up. Seokjin made sure to dip his head extra low as she handed the money over with an added “ Make sure you get home safe .” Before she slipped him the notes. He bit back any retort that involved him wishing he didn’t and instead thanked her for the well-wishes and added his own for her.

The walk back home wasn’t too bad, a few cracks in the pavement was all there was to trip him up and even then he wasn’t drunk enough for that to pose too much of an issue. It was the stairs up to his apartment that hindered Seokjin the most, alcohol heavy limbs struggling with the steep incline that the stairwell demanded. Eventually, he did reach the top of the steps, relying on the handrail perhaps more than his pride would have liked.

Seokjin was almost bent double as he got his breath back when a barely there, “ Seokjin ,” pulled his consciousness from its drunken fog and back into reality. Jeongguk.

Not, hyung, Seokjin. He straightened. “What is it?” It was only one of the million questions he wanted to ask, because, hell, he didn’t even have an explanation for why Jeongguk left but, this question was more important.

“I ed up.”

“That’s an understatement.”

‘Cause , it was. Seokjin wasn’t entirely sure what Jeongguk had come back here for but if he stayed as truthful as this? He’d be willing to listen.

“I miss you Seokjin. God, I miss you so much.” He watched as Jeongguk’s brows drew together and he took a rattling breath. Any response he was going to give was cut off when the younger man took a step into the space between them. “I miss the way your cheeks swell when you eat. I miss the way you smile at me when you wake up. I miss the way that you laugh when I complain about you waking me up while you cook breakfast.” Tears were welling in Jeongguk’s eyes now, all too similar to the ones that Seokjin had shed into his soju only an hour earlier.

Against his better judgement, Seokjin took a step towards Jeongguk, the sound echoed around them, reminding him of the lateness of the hour. “And do you know why…” he broke off, a bitter scoff bubbling up in place of words, “...you know why you miss me?” His jaw tensed as he finished his question, a poor attempt at staving off the tears threatening to spill their way down his cheeks.

Hurt flashed its way across Jeongguk’s face, “Because I did something stupid, hyung .”

Jeongguk took another step towards him as Seokjin’s tears became too much for him to blink away. “Yeah, yeah you did. Jeongguk-ah, why are you here?” The answer was obvious enough, but he wanted to hear it from Jeongguk’s mouth.

One last step and they were close enough that Seokjin could feel the puff of air that rolled from Jeongguk’s mouth as he thought about what to say. “I-” Their eyes met and Jeongguk fell silent for a heartbeat before, “I miss you. I want you back. I don’t want to lose you Seokjin .” There it was, the final admission, the only words he’d wanted to hear for the last month and a half.

And he knew , he knew, that he shouldn’t have wanted to tell Jeongguk that it was okay because he was hurt , dammit, but he missed Jeongguk too and to miss out on this opportunity would hurt even more. “I miss you too.” The light above them flickered, illuminating Seokjin’s hand as he brought it up to cup Jeongguk’s face, thumb tracing his cheekbone.

“I’m sorry.”

I know, he said with a kiss.

AN//

*pojangmacha = those little street food stalls that you'll probably have seen if you watch dramas! they're basically just tents where they serve food and alcohol for late night diners and they're pretty cheap too!!

this is my first jinkook fic so i'm still workin out the kinks in my writing but I appreciate you readin to the end!! ::(( sorry my first fic for these two rays of sunshine is so bittersweet :( i promise something more upbeat next time!

i'm setting up commissions because i am a poor university student and i want to not be poor!

commision me here