The birthday celebrations didn’t feel the same this year, and you knew there were plenty of reasons why. You simply didn’t want to dwell on them. You didn’t want to think about how you had lost your father to the rebels who were trying to steal your kingdom. Or how two of your family members were a part of the rebellion. You didn’t want to try and sort out the idea that Hakyeon, your best friend and companion for so many years, was actually your brother. And most of all, you didn’t want to try and sort out everything that was going on with Jaehwan.

To keep up the best public appearances, you sat side by side at the main table of the feast. And yet, you felt like you had never been farther apart from anyone in your life. Most of the night you had tried to avoid even glancing in his direction. He had known everything all along about Hakyeon and had suspected about the rebellion, and yet he had never said anything to you about it. You weren’t even sure how you felt about him anymore. You had been trying to keep your heart detached from any feelings you might have for him, as it was all just a show. And yet, your heart didn’t seem to agree. You had slowly felt the stirrings of fondness and more for the prince you had married, and a part of you didn’t want to stop yourself any more. However, the betrayal of everything was too much of a wedge between you at the moment.

Even though the celebrations were supposed to be for you, you had never felt more alone. Normally during your birthday feasts you would be joking with Hakyeon while your father would be sitting on your other side chuckling at your antics and your mother’s exasperated reactions. This time you were sitting with Jaehwan on one side of you while the other seat remained empty out of the memory of your father. Your mother sat in her normal seat beside the empty chair as well, and you could tell she hadn’t been getting much rest. Her normally impeccable appearance seemed to have worn thin. The exhaustion and grief was still easily visible, and it made you wonder how badly it had changed you. With everything going on and all the stress, you had barely had a moment to yourself, and rarely in front of any mirrors.

You tried to keep up appearances by smiling and chatting with any of the other nobles and such who passed by the table to wish you a happy birthday, but you felt your energy starting to wane. Rather than being here in the center of attention, you would much rather be back in your chambers curled up with a book or trying to get a little more sleep. Of course, you had a role to play. You couldn’t let any of your subjects down. They would worry about you if you were absent from your own birthday feast or if they suspected that you weren’t enjoying yourself as much as you normally did. So instead of running to hide away in your chambers again, you simply sat there with the perfect imitation smile on your face while you played along that everything was fine.

“Princess?”

You blinked at the sound of someone’s voice, having gotten lost in your thoughts. Jaehwan’s face was right in front of you and you managed to swallow your squeak of surprise. Frowning slightly, you pulled back from him. “Yes, Jaehwan?”

You watched his face fall slightly at the coldness in your voice, but you refused to let yourself feel bad for it. He pulled back, shifting in his seat. “I had simply asked if you were enjoying yourself. I apologise.” He paused for a moment before shifting and turning to face out into the hall again.

You could tell that he was upset, although you reminded yourself that he had in part caused things to be the way they were. If he had be straightforward with you and not kept all the secrets from you, then you might have been able to handle everything a little easier. You might have been able to accept that the best friend you had known for years and had been by your side through everything was closer than that.

But then again, you knew there would really be no way that you could have prepared for any of this to happen. There is nothing that could have made it easier to get through everything that had been happening. You knew that. But it still upset you that the people you had trusted the most had been hiding things from you.

The feel of a hand reaching to take yours made you jump and startle before realizing that it was Jaehwan’s hand. You turned to him with a slight frown, ignoring the hurt in his eyes. Even if he was smiling and trying to keep up appearances, you could see the hurt in his eyes. It was strange to think that you had only known him for such a short period of time, and yet you could already tell his emotions just by his eyes. You didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that seeing the hurt in his eyes gave your own heart a small tug.

“Princess, the display is ready for you. Whenever you would like to watch.” One of the members of the special teams who worked with the celebrations came to stand in front of the table with a bow. “We hope the display with be an unforgettable one as a fitting honor for your birthday.”

You nodded and he walked back down to the entrance of the feast hall. While you normally couldn’t wait for the nighttime display every year, this year you didn’t feel quite up to it. You knew it wouldn’t be the same, even if they claimed it would be a great show. Forcing yourself to take another bite from one of the meat pies that Sanghyuk’s mother had prepared, you tried to push your spirits higher.

Unable to force yourself to keep up a smile for much longer, you stood and turned to Jaehwan. “Shall we go out?” At least in the nighttime darkness you wouldn’t have to worry as much about keeping up appearances. He nodded and stood, offering you his arm again, which you took without looking at him again.

The viewing area for the nighttime displays felt colder than it had in the past. While it had always been cold, simply from being outside and without any protection from the weather, this year it seemed even moreso. As everyone followed your lead and filtered out into the viewing area you tried to suppress a shiver, but before you knew it a cloak was draped around your shoulders. You turned to see that it had been Jaehwan’s, and you frowned up at him. “Don’t be stupid, now you will get sick instead.”

He shrugged, crossing his arms across his chest, his voice soft. “Better me than you, princess.”

You scoffed before you heard the sounds of the display preparing to start. You heard Sir Taekwoon shuffle slightly behind you and you turned to see the knight standing with a frown on his face. He grumbled softly. “I don’t like this. We’re out in the open in the dark.” He seemed to almost be fidgeting, and it started to make you a little nervous. You had never seen the knight like this.

Just then the night sky burst into color as the display started. Colors burst through the sky and you turned your head up, trying to let go and enjoy the display. The displays had always been your favorite part of the birthday celebrations, so it felt a shame to not at least try to enjoy it. You watched as the colors changed, bursting into life for a moment before the next appeared. It was just as beautiful as always, and you felt a smile slowly starting to spread across your face for the first time in a while.

The display seemed to have almost frozen time and you couldn’t stop staring up at the colors. Each burst more beautiful than the last. For the moment you let yourself forget about everything that had been happening. You let yourself be happy and carefree again.

You felt the attention from beside you and turned to see Jaehwan staring at you with a soft yet unreadable expression. “You’re supposed to watch the sky display. People will think you didn’t like it.”

“You are infinitely more beautiful than any cheap fireworks. So how could I ever look anywhere else but you?” His voice was soft and you almost couldn’t hear him over the sounds of the display still going on.

Shaking your head, you turned back to stare at the sky. “You must be blind as well as naive then. But your words won’t win much.” You curled your fingers into the fabric of the cloak, trying to pull it closer to stop the shivers from the cold.

The display continued on and you watched as it grew, heading towards the grand finale. Every year the finale seemed to be competing with the previous years to outdo each of the others, and you were excited to see what this year’s finale would bring.

Just as the display seemed to be reaching the peak, you noticed movement from your side and then Jaehwan was knocking into you, causing you to fall. There was a tiny moment of pause before sudden chaos broke out. Sir Taekwoon grabbed another man who had ran into Jaehwan and you watched as Jaehwan fell to the ground beside you.

You had started to stand and offered your hand to Jaehwan to help him up as well when you felt the wetness on his hand. Dropping down to the ground again beside him, your hands hovered over him. You weren’t sure what was going on, but your chest was tight and your eyes started to burn.

“Jaehwan?” You tried to keep your voice as steady as possible, but it cracked slightly on the end of his name. “What-”

He reached and took your hand in his and you tried to ignore the slick feeling between his fingers. “My princess. I’m sorry.”

That was when it truly hit you. Blood. You shook your head, tears starting to slide down your cheeks. “No. This isn’t really happening. Please.” You moved to pull him off the ground, placing your body around his, not even registering your dress getting ruined by both the ground and the blood. “No.”

Jaehwan smiled at you and squeezed your hand slightly. “It’s okay. Don’t cry.” He reached up, gently wiping your cheek. “Your smile is so much more beautiful. Don’t cry. Everything will be okay. You’re safe.”

Your chest felt even tighter, not sure how you could breathe. “Jaehwan, you-”

“Shh, it’s going to be okay. Don’t worry about me.” He smiled up at you again, and you saw a momentary flash of pain across his face and you choked back a sob. “I have always loved you, my princess. You know that, right?” His voice had grown softer and you tried not to panic even more. “Ever since you dropped the frog down the back of my jacket in the middle of the great hall. Seokjin laughed at me so much that night. He said that I stared at you like a man dying of thirst would stare at a glass of water.” You saw another twinge of pain pass across his face, and you weren’t sure if it was from his wound or the memory. “I was the one who asked your father for the engagement. I had hoped to gain your love. Or at least a small bit of fondness. Instead-”

“You haven’t granted me my favor!” You interrupted him, your heart aching in your chest. “You haven’t granted me my favor from the tournament. My knight beat yours. You owe me a favor!” Your voice shook as you felt yourself panicking.

Jaehwan smiled at you again with a slight nod. “I do. And I will give you whatever you want, my princess.”

You felt more tears rolling down your cheeks again and you had to clear your throat before your voice would work. “Kiss me and don’t leave me. Please.” You tried to take a deep breath to calm down even the slightest, but a sob broke free again and you pulled Jaehwan closer to you. “I tried to stop myself from it, but I do love you. I wanted to protect myself. This was an arranged marriage, I didn’t think-” Your voice broke and you shook your head. “Just kiss me and don’t leave me, Jaehwan. That is the only favor I want. Please.”

He smiled at you again, his eyes watering. “That’s two requests, my princess.” He cupped your cheek with one hand and leaned in, pressing his lips against yours softly. You reached to cling your arms around him, not wanting to let go.

Then Jaehwan’s hand slid from your face and you felt him grown slack in your arms. Pulling back slightly you saw his eyes closed and aside from your hand that had curled in his hair, his head would have lolled back. “No.” You shook your head, your chest tight. “No. Jaehwan. Wake up. Jaehwan!”

Sir Wonshik dropped to his knees on the other side of Jaehwan and you heard the knight’s gasp. “Prince!” His hands reached out to try and pull him from you and you panicked and clung tighter. “Princess, we need to get you both inside.” He dropped his voice and leaned closer so you could hear him over the chaos that you had been ignoring. “The rebellion is attacking. I need to get you to safety. It was-” His voice broke off before he shook his head. “Come on, I’ll carry him inside, just stay as close to me as you can.

You had never felt the need to sneak around the castle where you lived, even as a child when you were playing tricks, so the feeling was new, but you kept to the shadows and hurrying through the corridors until you reached Sanghyuk’s room. Hurrying inside behind Sir Wonshik, you turned to find the other knight standing with his sword in hand, his eyes wide.

Sanghyuk and Sir Wonshik quickly moved to lay Jaehwan on the bed before Sir Wonshik turned back to Sanghyuk. “The rebellion is here. Stay with her. I’ll be back when it’s safe again.”

When Sir Wonshik moved back towards the door, the light from the lamps in the room hit Jaehwan and you gasped. There was blood covering his chest and stomach, and his face had turned a frighteningly pale shade. This was because he was protecting you. Because he loved you.

You only managed to take a few steps towards him, a soft whisper of his name on your lips, before you collapsed into darkness as well.