There were days when Mina felt like she couldn’t go on. Days when the world stops still like the ballerina in the music box her grandmother gave her once the battery ran out of energy. Or days when the world went topsy turvy and decided to take her along for the ride. Days when she felt like breathing normally was a privilege. But those days has passed thankfully – well, mostly. They were happening so frequently during her trainee days, with pressures of expectations mounting on her shoulders, making it hard to walk or even breathe. The thing is, sometimes she felt as if she’s a bit ungrateful with the fact that she only went through all that for a year, not four or five years like most of her group mates. She couldn’t even imagine how Jihyo struggled without shivering and getting unpleasant goosebumps. But that was how she felt and there’s no changing that. Jihyo or the other might struggled more but that does not mean it has to take away all the weight of her burdens.

She’s allowed to feel sad. Allowed to feel down sometimes, right?

And she didn’t really know why she would feel so burdened by walking beside Sehun in the cold air, trying so hard to avoid being too close to him. Trying not to think of last night. Trying not to think, period.

She followed Sehun carefully, just a couple of steps behind him, not too close, not too far. When they got out of the ramen place she caught a whiff of his aftershave and it lingered in her nose and she hated, hated it. It must be what that girl smelled on him last night, having standing so close to him.

She wanted to forget so bad. She wanted this stupid crush to end, because it’s stupid.

After all, who would be stupid enough to harbor a feeling towards a boy who already has a girlfriend? A secret one at that?

Yes, it is not uncommon for idols, especially the super popular and relevant ones to have a secret relationship. It is done to protect said idols’ privacy and the privacy of their girlfriends or boyfriends. Everyone, no matter how famous, wants at least a bit of normalcy. Away from the prying eyes of bloodthirsty medias.

After a long solitary debacle, finally Mina concluded that the girl must be Sehun’s secret girlfriend. Which explained why he was so angry about Mina finding out. Because their relationship was supposed to be a secret. Mina even had a wild guess that the girl might be someone famous too and that would make Sehun double angry if Mina found out. Mina would be angry too if she were in Sehun’s shoes.

It was a shame that she had to walk around Tokyo with these thoughts in her head, because Tokyo is so lovely at the beginning of winter. Shame that all these beauties should go ignored because of these stupid feelings and curiosities. Shame that the only thing she was paying attention to was her shoes, not the tall buildings, the cloudy skies, people breathing out fumes, glasses reflecting their hurried paces – all blurring out like ripples on water.

Suddenly, Sehun stopped in front of her. She quickly stopped too, bumping her nose on Sehun’s broad back, regretting it immediately.

Mina looked up. “What?”

“We’re here,” Sehun said, not turning around. From the sound, he’s probably gritting his teeth right now.

Mina stared at his back for a moment, then carefully stepped to his right to take a look. They were one crossroad away from the hotel entrance. She was guessing that he would just drop her here and go. She was immensely relieved, but strangely a bit disappointed too.

She was about to bide him goodbye when he spoke, “Mina-ssi, about last night…”

Oh. Uh oh. No.

No way in hell that he was going to tell her who that girl was. Why would he even –

“Are you listening, Mina-ssi?”

She snapped her head up. “Yes?”

Sehun coughed a bit, maybe to hide the nerve bleeding into the tone of his voice.

“I’m asking you a favor.”

Mina stayed silent. Waiting. That was all she could do anyway.

“About last night, please keep it a secret.”

Ah. Of course. She knew it. There was no way he would tell her. He was just talking to her to make sure she doesn’t run , risking his secret relationship as a result. Mina inhaled, ignoring the bitter taste in and smiled just slightly.

“You might not know, sunbaenim, so I would very much like to take this chance to inform you that I am not someone who talk to people easily, let alone share a secret that is not mine to share. You don’t have to talk to me about that as I’m fully aware of the situation of people like us. But since you asked me to, then yes, sunbaenim. I will keep it a secret.”

Sehun looked surprised. That was the most she said in the last few days. But it could also be her tone, sharp and icy like the air around them. But if he was affected further by it, he didn’t show it.

“Thank you,” he said, calm and slow.

Mina nodded, then, without any more words, she crossed the street without looking back until she reached the hotel’s lobby. And when she finally did look back, the spot where Sehun was standing next to her was vacant, like he was never there.