'I hope you had a great night today sweetheart.'

'That steak was hella expensive but yes, I always do. Thank you Minhyuk.'

'I'll see you again tomorrow night! Go and catch some sleep little princess. Goodnight, love you, and happy birthday once again.'

'Haha okay i'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight and I love you too!' I smiled as I ended the call. 

It was my 23rd birthday and I spent my day celebrating with Minhyuk. It's been a year since we have been together and it's the first time he celebrated my birthday. We spent our brunch having a picnic at a really lovely park, then headed on to the beach to catch the sunset before having a really expensive dinner which I thought he didn't have to pay for it but he still insisted. It's honestly crazy though, I'll be seeing him tomorrow and each time we meet, I never fail to feel nervous. Is this what love is?

CLING! CLING! 

That's weird. 1 more hour to midnight and weird sounds were coming from my front gate. I decided to ignore the noise and head to the shower until the clinging sound kept repeating.

CLING CLING CLING!! 

It's even weirder because I'm staying alone in my house. I grabbed my broom at the side of my room and tiptoed quietly before peeking out of the living room's window. There was a man in black stumbling outside my gate, with a beer can in one of his hands and another was grabbing onto the gate.

I held the broom even tighter in my hands and opened the door slowly. 

'Excuse me? What are you- Ilhoon? Is that you?'

No wonder he looked so familiar.

'So......young............. oh my gosh I'm so sorry for disturbing your sleep. I swear I-'

'Why are you even here?' I sighed, looking at the amount of beer cans left outside the gate. I was sure that he wasn't here when I reached home just 30 minutes ago.........

'I....... was just passing by and....... I kind of fell and yeah........ i'm so so sorry for everything Young I'm really sor-'

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. Wow what a good timing, as the lightning flashed right across my eyes in the sky.

'Look, you're drunk so please, just head home now. And it's about to rain, just.......... go.' I placed the broom at the door and reluctantly picked an umbrella before heading towards the gate.

And who the hell thought it was a good idea to open the gate? Because once I did, that boy embraced me into a hug. 

'Young i'm so so so so sorry for everything. I regretted and I just miss-'

'What the hell do you even think you're doing Ilhoon, you're seriously drunk as hell and-'

'I'm not drunk Soyoung. I'm here to apologize to you. And wish you a-'

'Then you're tipsy. You stink so bad, just go home will you?' I pushed him away forcefully and had a good look at him.

Dark eye circles. Heavy eyebags. Messy dry hair. Haven't he been sleeping well? He looked tired, as heck.

'At least give me a chance to explain to you about what happened, please?' He rubbed his eyes and held my shoulders. Yeap, definitely tired.

'I don't think there's anymore reason for us to talk. Or any reason for you to explain. Gosh Jung Ilhoon, just. Stop. Please.' I swung his arms away and stepped back. I totally didn't expect my day to end off this way.

'Are you still mad at me? I'm so sorry.....................' And i heard tears. Ilhoon? Tears? That didn't match.

'I'm not mad. Neither am I upset if you are curious. I have a life. You have too. Get over it. Get over us. Now go home before the reporters come showing up at my house.' I stuffed the umbrella into his hand and began to walk back home.

'I'M SORRY OKAY! I really am. 1 year ago I was and 1 year later I am too. I know things won't change despite whatever I say but I just want to say that I still love you a lot and I miss you every single day. But fine, since like what you said it's pointless............. at least check your letterbox tonight.' Ilhoon shouted, with a really rough voice, thanks to those tears. 

'And one last thing.............. Happy birthday Young. You deserve to be happy.' 

That was the last thing I heard from him that night. As I was about to close the door, I recalled saying about the letterbox. What about it? I opened the gate and checked, there was a floral envelope placed really nicely inside. Is that where the noise came from? 

I held onto the envelope tightly and headed back to my room.

Happy 23rd. 

I took a deep breath before opening the envelope. There goes nothing.

Dear Soyoung, or......... Young because I'm more used to calling you that.

Before anything, happy 23rd to you. I don't know if I'll send you this letter but if you happen to see it, Ilhoon-0, Soyoung-1 because I never thought I'll do it. I'm never good with words, you know that. 

Whatever I'm about to say are things you probably never want to hear anymore but I still think that I have to explain it to you and this time, you'll listen because everything is written. Unless you are going to throw this letter away before even reading it but I'm 101% sure that you won't because you never throw letters away. Unless it's mine. But at least do me a favour by reading this. I promise it's the last time. 

Firstly, I'm sorry for everything. I never thought that incident will haunt me that badly but it did, and it haunted me worse than I ever thought it will. It to be living with that guilt everyday but I guess after writing it down I'll let this guilt go, just like how you have let me go.

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Meeting Ilhoon was kind of amusing. I had a part time job at the music store, basically just taking stocks and making sure that all the albums are placed in the right place. 

'I'm sorry, but do you mind showing me where are all the ballad albums are?' a boy in plain black tee and skinny ripped jeans came to the counter. I looked up as I was taking notes of the stocks and boy, he had such big eyes and really neat eyebrows (I was just kind of attracted to eyebrows.... somehow.) with a neat cut of black hair, he looked really neat. 

'Oh..... yeah sure. It's just 3 rows down by the right.' I walked out of the counter and led him to the aisle. 'Are you perhaps looking for any artist in particular?'

'I just want to look around actually. Thank you.' He gave me a really wide and cute smile and BOY, my heart literally skipped a beat. I smiled back and before I headed back.............

'Do you perhaps like ballad?'

'I'm sorry?'

'I'm sorry this comes off weird but I'm just curious since I have been seeing you work here for quite a number of times and the music played in the store is always ballad.' He scratched his head and looked down as he asked uncertainly.

My eyes widened for a second before I calmed myself down. He is sure attractive. 'Y.................es I do. It's my favourite genre actually.'

And that's how we became friends. It's crazy because yes, I really love music and finding someone who loves music as much as I do, or probably more, it gave me this really weird yet wonderful feeling. 

Ever since then, Ilhoon has been visiting me on my shifts and spending most of his time sitting infront of the counter, just chatting. And little did I knew.......

'The boss here is your uncle?!?!?!?!?!' I gasped so loud Ilhoon covered my mouth and chuckled.

'Gives me another reason why I am here...........' he said as he smirked and looked around.

Basically, music kind of got us together and well........... I never knew the main reason of him coming over to the store all the time, especially when I'm working until one day, curiosity got over me.

'Ilhoon, what's the main reason of you coming to the store all the time? Honestly?' as I was packing my bag since my shift was ending in 5 minutes.

'You.' 

I literally froze and.......... should I respond? Should I ignore it? But even before I could think of anything, a pair of hands grabbed my bag.

'Let's go home Young.' he smiled and opened the glass door for me. This boy is weird.

He had been walking back home with me ever since we met and well, he claimed that we only lived a few neighbourhoods away and hence it was convenient for him too. And yes, he had been calling me Young all the time because he felt that it was easier to call. And honestly, him saying that I was the main reason of him coming to the store just got me thinking a lot. Why, me? We reached home and shortly and we bade each other goodbye but before I entered my house....

'Young are you free tomorrow? You have no shift right?' 

'I don't..... and I'm free............. why?' My cheeks were flushing red, is he going to ask me out?

'Then let's go out! I know some really good places to eat. You have been eating takeaways for the past few days it's unhealthy. I'll call you in the morning?'

Goodness. Me. I was trying to hide the flush so bad that I had to take a few deep breaths while avoiding eye contact with him. 'Su.....re. Goodnight!'

We exchanged numbers during our third meetup and we...... kind of have been texting each other since then. I'll just admit, that I really really do feel attracted to him. Firstly, because of him coming to the store all the time I got used to him there? Secondly, he noticed every little small detail, yes, because I have been eating takeaways during my shifts, which I totally didn't think that he'll take note of that. And thirdly..... he was just being extremely nice to me, sometimes more than what a friend will do.

We hung out the next day at a very nice cafe and just chilled the entire day. And it's really amazing how our conversations could be about anything and everything, and talking to him just makes me feel so comfortable and so at ease. 

Each time we met, we learnt different things about each other. He has a passion for writing songs and he told me that he would let me listen to them someday. He hates physical contact, yet he's always putting his arm around my shoulder whenever we are out. He doesn't talk much but when he does, he never stops. He has a really bright smile and I love seeing him smile. And that was how I fell for him deeper each time.

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I just want you to know that my love for you never once stopped. And it started just the first time we met. Let's not say that it was love, but there was this attraction I felt since the day I met you. Aside from that, I guess the music that you played attracted me too because it was really hard to find someone who loves a certain type of genre. 

I never let you know this, but yes, the main reason of visiting the store each time is because I want to see you. Sounds cliche enough but your appearance alone is enough to make me feel better. And seeing how you are so concentrated with work makes me feel bad sometimes because I'm always there to annoy you, but you never shoo me away. 

My uncle told me that you were really a really hardworking worker and I can see that. I told my uncle to not give you any night shifts but he said there shouldn't be any special treatment to any of his workers so I thought of walking you back home, not because my house was just a few neighbourhoods away from you, heck, we were hours away. But I felt the need to protect you because your shifts always end late. 

And remember how we got together? I swear........... it was so embarrassing I'll never forget it. 

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As I was carrying the basket of roses, I took a deep breath and walked out of the store. After 4 months of being friends with Soyoung, I thought it was finally the time. I swear my heart was pacing so fast I could throw up anytime. I kind of knew that Young had the same feeling towards me, but I was still afraid of rejection and worse, I was afraid that my surprise would fail because I would be doing it at the backyard of her house. 

I sneaked into the backyard of the house, thanks to her telling me the location of the spare key that was below the flower pot at the backyard. I texted Young to meet me at the front gate at 1.30 (it was 1 so I had about 30 minutes to prepare) and I started preparing. Little did I realised.......... when I was close to the end of laying out the roses....

'Ilhoon? What are you doing here?' OH...................... SHOOT.

'SO............YOUNG!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!!' I gave an awkward laugh and held her shoulders, preventing her from catching a glimpse on what was going on in the backyard.

'Are you crazy? It's my house and you're asking me why I'm here? What are you doing?' She tilted her head to the side and tiptoed but me, being taller had an advantage and pressing her back down.

'I............ was helping to water your plants! I thought I wanted to give you a surprise bu-'

Too late. Young took the faster way by escaping under my arms and stood infront of the roses with her arms crossed.

'So............ what's this? Watering my plants? I didn't know I had roses?' She turned back and arched her eyebrows. Screwed.

I scratched my head and silently cursed as I walked up to her. This was hella embarrassing. I was supposed to lay a bed of roses saying 'I Like You' and asked her but........... it's all screwed. I was only halfway through 'like' and she decided to appear. At this time. Whatever. There goes nothing.

'Look........... I know this is really awkward especially since you decided to come out now.................... Young. I know you liked roses so.... I bought for you and....... I wanted............ Will....... you be.......... my girlfriend please?' And I swear at that moment I saw her cheeks flushed up real bad.

'You.............. are really funny Ilhoon who does it at their backyard?!?! And how much did those roses co-'

'Will you?' I held her shoulders and she looked up with sparkly eyes, sparklier than usual.

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Being with you makes me feel happy. I felt like I was in heaven all the time. Having to see your smile eveyday was enough to make me feel blessed. Those times we were together, I swore I wished time didn't stop. I wished time was slower at least. 

Crazy isn't it? Time flew and we were together for a year and so.

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Indeed. Time spent together flew real fast. I guess the thing I like about us is that our relationship still remained the same, we still acted like best friends, except we had that status there that, yes, we were together. Ilhoon treated me like a princess all the time, he showered me with love and care constantly, making me feel like I'm the most blessed person ever in the world. Our dates were simple; we hung out at cafes most of the time, just chilling and spending time with each other. On some days, he would bring me to his house and we would just watch movies or cuddle together. And having to spend some time at his house, I got to see his hardworking side of him - writing songs.

'Ilhoon, when are you ever going to let me hear those songs that you composed?' I whined as I lied on his bed. 

'Not today, Young. I will soon.' He said, without lifting his head up. 

He was someone that concentrates a lot while working, and I guess that is one thing that I really like about him. And regardless of how hardworking and focused he is, he always make sure that I do not get bored whenever he's working. Most of the time though I'll fall asleep on his sofa and will find myself on his bed covered with his sheets the next morning.

Because he really liked music, I encouraged and urged him to send up his compositions to any music industry. He wasn't really fond of that idea, but God helped me with this.

Cube Entertainment: Song Composing Competition

Ever have passion for song composing or writing? 

Send up your entries and the lucky winner will get to be part of the company as a composer!

Join us, and we ensure you, no regrets.

'Do you think I'll get through?' We were standing outside the agency and Ilhoon was holding so tightly onto his pieces. 

'You will my dear.' I smiled and he submitted his pieces hesitantly.

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I got to thank you for encouraging me constantly to join that competition because it was such a life-changing event. I honestly never thought that it will ever happen, but it did eventually. And I was so glad and relieved that you were a part of it because you changed me. You changed my life.

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And of course, he got chosen. He was so so so happy that I felt so happy for him. Having to pursue his dreams, isn't that happiness?

But as time passed, there was something that I realized. It was sure happiness. For him. But lesser for me. He started to focus a lot on work, and sure I respect him because he had to spend most of his nights working but............... he just started to care less about me, he started to spend lesser time with me.... it felt like I was not his priority anymore. 

'Wanna hang out today?' I was about to get ready as I started to choose the clothes to wear.

'Hmm Young, I'm still busy actually.............. these few days had been really rough. Maybe tomorrow? Let me check........ I'm free for dinner tomorrow. At the usual place shall we? I'm so sorry. Love you!' His voice was a little soft over the line and he hung up quickly.

I did. I waited for him at our usual hangout place but........... he didn't appear. I waited for 1 hour, for 2, for 3. And he never appeared. I called his phone multiple times but there was no answer. I wanted to do something rash but I thought it was a bad idea to intrude his work place. I walked to Cube Entertainment and indeed. A familiar boy walking out of the entertainment with a bunch of guy friends.

'Y..........oung? What are you.... doin- oh my god Young i'm so sorry my phone died so I couldn't inform you-'

'You busy now? I thought...... we were going for dinner together......'

'I'm so sorry but I kind of have a meeting with the other composers so I can't make it tonight............. I'll call you back later? Sorry Young....' He walked up to me and gave me a hug. Was it for assurance? 

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I just never thought that.............. I'll get so overwhelmed and consumed by my work life that I neglected you. And that was something that I always feel bad for because I never mean it. Time seemed to be clashing and I had to make a choice and my choice......... was definitely wrong. I thought that I could balance both work and relationship at the same time but I never thought that things would turn out this way. I never thought that I'll change into someone that I thought I'll never be. 

Another bad thing I found out was that he started to drink. Ever since he became a composer in Cube, he spent a lot of his time drinking and well, he did look for at my house with him being tipsy and all (and I ended up having to make him sleep on my bed because he refused to go home), but it was never like him. He never used to drink. 

This got on for quite some time and one day, I have decided to look for him and clear these up. I headed to his house but there wasn't anyone, I headed to his entertainment and there was no sight of him too. However, just when I was about to walk away, Minhyuk, another composer in the agency was just leaving the agency. I didn't mention this, but Ilhoon did introduced me to his colleagues before and Minhyuk was one of his closest buddies and we eventually got close too. He.... really took care of me like a brother, or probably that was what I felt. 

'Minhyuk, did you see Ilhoon? I couldn't get through his mobile...... I have some things to talk to him about.'

'Hey............. I........ i'm sorry but............'

'Tell me the truth. Did he ended up drinking again? And are you going to look for him?' Honestly, at that point of time, I was way beyond words. Ilhoon was starting to hide things from me, and he always claimed that his mobile died. 

'Sorry Soyoung........... gosh this kid.............. I'm about to head over to the club they are at now. I wouldn't want you to fo-'

'I'll go. Just........ let's go now.'

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I never had the chance to tell you this but drinking was a source of reliving my stress. I never wanted to let you worry about me and my work that's why I never told you about how I felt..... and I never knew that that was one of the reasons why we broke up. I thought not telling you about my worries would probably make you worry less.... but I didn't think about how it worried you more.... and i'm sorry. And i'm so sorry that alcohol got over me on that freaking night that..... cause things between us to change.

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I honestly hate clubs. The messy atmosphere, the loud blasting music, I can't even elaborate on how hot the places are, I never knew Ilhoon liked this place. Minhyuk didn't want me to enter the club with him in all honesty but I was being stubborn and I urged him that everything will be okay. He made sure I held tightly onto him before we reached the room where the composers were at. 

What a sight.

Ilhoon was hella drunk with his arms sluged around two girls beside him and he was constantly screaming that he wanted more alcohol.

'Ilhoon, your girlfriend is here.' Minhyuk said sternly and held onto my arm tightly.

'Soyounngggg? Whatttt are you doing here!!!!! Go home!!!!' Gosh he was high as nuts.

'Ilhoon, we need to talk. Now.'

'We can leaveeeeeeeeee it till tomorrow........ go home........ this place isn't for youuuuuuuu-'

'And it is for you? Jung Ilhoon get your off there and come out with me. We have a lot to ta-'

'Oh my god Soyoung please get out of here. Don't be annoying just go-'

'So I'm annoying now? Jung Ilhoon are you drunk or -'

'Lee Soyoung please. I'm not sober but i'm clearly still awake. Look you never like clubs so just go-'

'You are clearly drunk idiot. And you're coming out with me.' I was about to grab his arm  until something unexpected, really unexpected, happened.

'LEE SOYOUNG STOP IT WILL YOU?!?!' Ilhoon screamed as he yanked my hand away.

'God do you even know how annoying you are right now?' 

Speechless was an understatement. 

Minhyuk felt the tension and asked everyone in the room to leave before he closed the door, leaving both of us alone in the room.

'I dare you to repeat that again.'

'Do you know how annoying it is that you're hanging here and there when all I need is peace? Really Soyoung? All I need is a break...............'

I honestly don't know if what Ilhoon said was just drunk words or out of anger...... but all I knew that it sounded genuine. That he really needed a break. From me. I constantly feel insecure when both of us are together but I never showed it because Ilhoon was always there to ensure me that I was overthinking. Just that when he got busier with work, I texted him even more, called him more often to ask how he was and............. was that really annoying? 

'........ you should have told me earlier, and not make me look like a fool.' I was close to controlling my tears but no, I broke down. And at that moment I felt so weak, so so weak because I am crying infront of the person who broke me.

'Soyoung I-'

'Look, i'm not going to claim credits on who made you who you are today because I am 100% sure that I didn't made you into someone who became so disgusting and arrogant of himself. All I wanted to do today is to clear up on what's going on but it seems like I don't have to anymore. Good freaking luck to you, composer.' I turned away from him and slammed the door.

I couldn't do it anymore. I could hear more of his explanation but I thought that staying even longer would make me feel weaker and I didn't want to show it infront of him. I didn't want to make him feel like without him, I can't carry on with life. I sat outside the club and bawled my eyes out, telling myself that this would be the first and last time I would cry over a boy. 

And something warm hugged my shoulders. Thank you, Minhyuk.

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I had no idea what gotten over me that day but I just want to tell you that I never meant what I said. I know there's no point in explaining to you anymore but I wished I could take back whatever I have said that particular night and things would go back to how it was again. But I know it wouldn't. 

As much as I have many things to thank you, I feel like I have more things to apologize to you. I'm sorry for being a disappointment. And I'm sorry for breaking your heart when you gave it to me wholeheartedly. I'm sorry for pushing you away when all I needed at that time was you. I'm just really sorry for everything.

Ever since we broke up, I think about how I can make things up for you but each time I try to look for you, Minhyuk warned me not to. I remembered how few months later, Minhyuk told me that you both got together and trust me, my heart broke more than I thought it will. Because I never stopped loving you. 

But I know all these don't matter anymore. Because you're happy with Minhyuk. It's hard for me to move on but I just want to let you know that I'm genuinely happy for you, because your happiness is what matters the most. 

Last....... but not least, I never revealed my compositions to you because I thought one day when we get married, I'll play them on our wedding. Unfortunately it's never going to happen............. so I thought you can search it up and check out the lyrics. I wrote You're My Angel (넌 나의 천사) and So Pretty when we were together. 

And I recently just composed another song  which will be released officially by our agency's group. I recorded the track in the thumbdrive found in this letter. It's my last favour to you, I hope you listen to it. 

Again, happy birthday Young. I hope you had a great today and just know that I'll always be here for you, no matter what. I love you.

I took the thumbdrive in the letter and plucked it into the computer. 

My thoughts always stop at the same place
My head is filled with traces of you
But I can’t bring myself to pluck out
The root of one flower that has withered
I’ll leave it up to the time
Until you dry up and crumble down far away
I tell myself that waiting is the right thing to do
As I replay the moment of goodbye each day
How about ya

You are walking far away
So far that I can’t even catch up to you
I try so hard to catch you
But you get smaller and smaller
I’m scared that I’ll forget you

I keep getting drunk from you, drunk with folded emotions
It seems like I forgot you but I grow weaker
I try seeing someone else, I try everything
But without you, I can’t do anything

Tonight, now I don’t care
Tonight, I promise myself to walk to you

At first I was glad it was over partied
every night and woke up every morning
with a crazy hangover
But now I wish that I could go back in time
and apologize, girl you were right

I miss you, I miss you
When I walk on this street
I still look for you then I cry
I’m fading like a star that lost light
You were the reason for my existence
I’m getting drunk with the memories again today

I keep getting drunk from you, drunk with folded emotions
It seems like I forgot you but I grow weaker
I try seeing someone else, I try everything
But without you, I can’t do anything

It seems like yesterday, I could hold you in my hands
Memories take me to a deeper place
Swimming in my dream, I wanna erase you one by one
Swimming in my dream, but it’s not as easy as I thought
Swimming in my dream oh oh
I’m tryna change I’m tryna change
I can’t, I can’t

I keep getting drunk from you, drunk with folded emotions
It seems like I forgot you but I grow weaker
I try seeing someone else, I try everything
But without you, I can’t do anything

Tonight, now I don’t care
Tonight, I promise myself to walk to you

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And that's it!!!!! I thought this was the most perfect ending I could thought of, having them to get together again will sound funny and ............... I was trying my best to fit the song lyrics to the actual situation so I kind of just burn my way through :-( Sorry it took this long because I honestly had difficulties finding inspiration to continue the entire plot. Anyway, remember to check the song out and read my other story too - Always In My Heart (Mark x OC fanfic)!!!! :-) I'll probably write a story again after my exams which is in Feb, so do wait for it!! And thank YOU for reading ;-) PS/: Sorry for making Ilhoon such a jerk hahaahahaha 

Lyrics from pop! gasa