Always in my Heart

It started with a shy, “Hi,” and “Hello,”

Which then ended with a tearful, “Goodbye.”

Thank you so much

Met someone like you who always made me smile

We were in love

We were in love

Thank you thank you really

            December 30, 2016.

The moment Taehyung woke up from his slumber, a thought came to mind, ‘I want to eat carrot cake.’ The boy with blond hair slowly rose up from his bed and threw the duvet to the side. He blinked, still drowsy, before wincing when he looked to the side where the window was usually covered by pink curtains was opened and the sunlight came in strongly shining as it covered him with a whitish glow.

“How could I forget to close the windows?”

            Still, he stared blankly outside, his chest familiarly tightening. His hand touched his cheeks which felt dry because of tears. Had he been crying again?

            He sighed, while biting on his lower, chapped lip. “It’s been so long.”

            It was time to start another day. It was his day-off today and he decided to stay home. His eyes turned to see the digital clock on his nightstand. 8:43 a.m. But his attention was on a stuffed monkey besides the clock. His eyes lingered long enough for the 3 minutes to pass by.

            …

You went through so much
For holding onto me, who lacked
I really hope for your happiness
Now I know love
Now I know love
Thank you

            A woman in her 20s was having a movie marathon since last night, sitting on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn on her right, accompanying her. Her once brown hair was now dyed into ebony black, her original hair color. She smiles and laughs while watching a strange movie suggested by her friends.

Blue is the Warmest Color.

            Joohyun, the woman, was not really comfortable with watching a… women to women movie that was rated parental guidance (but she’s 26 so it’s fine) but the story touched her very much. Soon, her laughter died down in and the smile on her lips was replaced with a frown.

            Her eyes glistened as she continuously ate popcorn, filling in order to stop the sob that was about to come out. The lead characters met again after their break-up, and the younger one still loved the older. But fate was very cruel as the latter was married now. She angrily turned off the television before stomping out of the living room into her mini-garden of roses while she covered herself with a purple blanket as she was only wearing boxer shorts and a black, thin sweatshirt.

It was morning already.

            Irene’s eyes glanced over the round, glass table in the corner of the garden. On top of one of the chairs, a stuffed, purple bunny was sitting neatly, carrying a picture frame in its hands.

She shuffled towards it.

            …

            December 30, 2012.

            A boy wearing a long, thick black coat was sitting inside a convenience store, with a cup of ramyeon in front of him. He brought his gloved hands in front of him and rubbed them together as he breathed out an icy cloud. He shivered slightly before chuckling.

“Happy birthday to me.”

            Taehyung had been spending his birthdays like this since he left Daegu to study and work in Seoul. He had friends but he preferred spending the whole month of December alone. Why? He thought that he would always spend it until he grows old in the future.

            He picked up his chopsticks and gave thanks before picking up the cup but stopped when a scream and a sound of products crashing to the floor jolted him and he turned to see a woman, probably older than him looking worriedly at the food that toppled down around her.

            ‘Oh well.’ He ignored her and ate, until he heard an angry man’s voice.

            “What the hell did you do?!”

            “I-I’m so-sorry sir, I-I’ll pay-“

            “Damn it, lady! Do you know how much those cost?! Look! Some of them are broken!”

            “I-I-“

            Her voice was trembling and from the looks of it, was about to cry. The other customers pretended not to see as they continued with their conversations except this time they were hushed. It was maddening. Taehyung got up and approached the two who looked confused. One angry and confused while the other one was terrified.

            “Sir, she apologized.” The employee scoffed. “I understand that you are probably stressed from working all day long, but causing a ruckus in the shop you’re working on will only lead to you being fired.” Taehyung stared daggers at him although his tone was polite. The employee raised his hands in surrender. “Fine, Fine! Ugh!” He turned to the woman who flinched at his growl. “You, put everything back into place and pay what’s broken!”

            When the angry employee walked away, muttering things under his breath, the woman let out a sigh of relief. She turned to Taehyung and bowed continuously. “Thank you…” Her voice was soft, low and sultry, like how her face was very, very attractive. Her dark brown eyes looked at him gratefully as she smiled with her velvet lips, her pale complexion seemingly lighting up. Taehyung nodded before picking up the broken products, the plastic sticks filled with heavy candy (which was probably the reason why it easily broke) before he heard her speak again, “You don’t have to do this! Please-”

“Would you rather I pay for this instead?”

“No-”

“Then go pay for it while I fix these.”

“O…Okay…”

Taehyung chuckled as she hesitantly obeyed with pink flushing her cheeks, making her more adorable. Halfway to the counter, she looked back at him, “I-My name’s Joohyun.”

“Nice to meet you.”

…

I’m just looking at you
This is it for us
Seeing you, endlessly shedding tears
Without a word

The pot filled with water was boiling and Taehyung quickly turned down the heat and took the pot. The whole house was silent, save for the boy’s footsteps that trudged towards the hanging cabinet.

He opened it and grabbed a box of coffee before a voice interrupted his thoughts, “Don’t drink coffee too much!” Startled, his hand slipped which made the box fall to the floor loudly, the coffee powder scattering on the counter and covering the granite floors.

But he made no movement to pick the box and clean the mess up. Taehyung mindlessly stared at the coffee powder, his dark eyes blinking twice. A sigh came out of his chapped lips as he ruffled his hair. He let out a bitter chuckle as he closed his eyes.

“What’s wrong with me today?”

Hasn’t it been long enough?

…

Joohyun picked up the rectangular, wooden picture frame on the glass table carefully, her eyes staring at it angrily. “I thought I threw everything away…” She muttered, her whole body shivering from the cold that the morning brought.

But you could never throw away memories. She quickly glanced at the bunny before resting her forehead in her hands. The house was lonely. The garden filled with different roses and plants could not fill the emptiness she was feeling right now.

…

Taehyung was reading through his thesis paper when he heard a knock on his door. Confused, he stood up and opened the door only to be greeted by Joohyun who was smiling brightly, but shyly at him. “Hello,” She starts, with pink flushing her cheeks once again. Taehyung smiled at her before stepping aside to invite her in.

“Hi.” Taehyung said meekly. Joohyun took off her white coat when the warmth of Taehyung’s house welcomed her. It’s been a year since they’ve met and became close friends that soon became lovers. The scattered papers on Taehyung’s living room table caught her attention and she gasped. “Were you busy? Did I interrupt you?”

Instead of answering, Taehyung gathered the papers and put them aside as he sees Joohyun holding two plastic bags filled with Chinese food. He ushered the older to sit down before taking the plastic bags in her hands and put them in the kitchen. “Taehyung-ah, I was asking if you were busy, m-maybe I could come some other ti-”

Taehyung put a hand over before chuckling. “Don’t worry about it. I was just going over my thesis since it’s my turn to defend it tomorrow. I was finishing up.” That was a lie. Taehyung was just about to start reading but he doesn’t want Joohyun worrying about him. She raises an eyebrow. “Well, do you need help?” She had graduated from KAIST in Seoul, one of the top universities, so she thinks she could help the younger one.

“I…To be honest, yeah.  But let’s talk about that after we eat. The food will get cold.” Taehyung scratched the back of his neck before taking Joohyun’s hand in his. Physical contact and skin ship was something they both were not familiar with but as time goes by, they’re getting comfortable with each other.

It didn’t take long for Joohyun to fall asleep. Taehyung didn’t mind. She was adorable when she slept. He stopped reading when he realized it as she snored softly on his sofa. He put his thesis aside once more and gently carried Joohyun towards his bedroom and tucked her in. He kissed her on the forehead and whispered, “Goodnight, Hyun-ah. I love you.”

…

Now I know love
Now I learned heartbreak
Love you Love you
Always in my heart
Always in my heart

Taehyung ignored the extra cup that was sitting on the cupboard as he took the exact same one that was besides it. It was her favorite. He should throw it away. But he can’t. So he ignores it.

Joohyun hugged the stuffed bunny in her arms while she lay on her purple beddings in her room. The room was painted in different light colors but Joohyun could only see grey as her phone played out an irritating song called, “Always in My Heart.”

She would have to disagree with the singers. Joohyun did not want the memories. She wanted to feel and have everything back. Everything that reminded her of him, his scent, his clothes, his bed, just everything.

“No. No, you don’t. You don’t need him anymore.” She tried to convince herself.

If she continues to convince herself, even if it was a lie, it will become a truth.

Right?

…

Taehyung woke up with red lipstick drawings on his face. His eyes widened as he screamed when he saw himself in the mirror of his bathroom. “Joohyun, what the hell?!” He didn’t know that Joohyun hadn’t left yet because he slept on the sofa and suddenly she popped out from behind her. “Yo, what’s up?” She said sassily. “You…” Taehyung growled and quickly Joohyun was running away while he chases her.

“Gotcha!” Taehyung lifted her up with ease and triumph as Joohyun squealed continuously like a child. He spun her around as Joohyun continued to squeal and laugh. “Stop, I’m sorry! Taehyung, really!” When he did let her down, he didn’t stop at all. He tickled her which made her scream more.

How he loved it when the child inside Joohyun comes out since she mostly acts maturely as she’s older than him.

It’s been a long time since he felt like he’s home.

After a lot of time passes
And we get over it a little
Let’s think about meeting up once
I really loved you
I was happy because of you

Taehyung was eating ramyeon once again. Although he knew that it wasn’t healthy, he has been eating more recently because he didn’t know how to cook nor did he want to order. Especially on his birthday, he would probably eat only one bowl for the whole day. It wasn’t always like this.

Helplessly, he turned to look around his kitchen. Two aprons were hanging on the wall besides the stove and then his eyes wandered towards the veranda, where two outdoor lounges where placed together in front, perfect for viewing. Besides the cup, there were too many extra things inside his house.

And he remembers those heartless words he told her back then-

“Maybe after a few years have passed, I would tell you how much I loved you, and we’ll look back and laugh at our broken hearts.”

Taehyung did not realize that he squeezed the now empty cup in his hands until he looked down and felt his sight starting to turn to a blur, tears threatening to fall from his sad eyes.

“It’s been a few years….but why? Why can’t I forget you?”

All the time they spent together, all the fluttering kisses, the butterflies in his stomach, the way she made him feel, the way the slept together in each other’s arms, where they’d whisper each other that everything would be okay-

But none of it did.

Joohyun went back to the living room to continue watching the movie. She continued eating a mouthful of popcorn, with eyebrows scrunched up as she glared at the movie menacingly. The couple was inside one’s bedroom, doing activities when her heart clenched at the next lines she heard.

“I love you.”

“I just really love you.” She said, while taking the pair of lips beneath her lovingly. Joohyun grabbed a handful of popcorn and threw it on the television as if she was going to hit the real life characters. She wordlessly continued throwing popcorn even when she knew it was useless until she had no more to throw. How could you give yourself away to the person you love? How could you give everything you have only to have it thrown back at you in the end?

She hates the characters so much as they continued to make love-no! It wasn’t even love! How could they throw away every feeling they’ve built up over the years? How could one move on so easily while the other one just stayed hurting?

 Out of anger, she threw the bowl to the floor and sobbed loudly as she curled up on the sofa.

We know it’ll be hard
Suddenly, it feels so scary
So as we say our last goodbyes
Let’s close our eyes and smile

…

The couple was gazing at each other lovingly as they cuddled on Taehyung’s bed. She smiled at him and pecked him on the lips before burying her face in his black shirt that smelled of the fabric softener she loved so much. Joohyun was practically living in his house now. Half of her clothes were there and they even bought new utensils they would use together. “Joohyun, look at me.”

And so she did. She was met with a pair of lips molding into hers as Taehyung caressed her face with his left hand while the right one was drawing circles on Joohyun’s petite back. He continued to let their lips touch, nose brushing against each other, and both not getting enough of one another. Sadly, the need of oxygen broke them apart, and Taehyung was proud of himself for leaving his lover flushed and breathless.

Amongst the silence, were Joohyun’s giggles and Taehyung’s whispers of love in her red ear. “I love you. I love you so much.” He meant it. He had never been one for a loving and close relationship. In the past, all it takes was for a girl to confess to him and he’d date her because he would feel bad for her. Now, in front of him was the woman he was willing to spend the rest of his life with, the woman who he loves very much.

People say that love can’t be taught. Taehyung thinks that’s true. But it’s possible that love can also be taught to a person who had never felt it before, who doesn’t know the feeling and is unfamiliar with it.

He intertwines his hand with Joohyun’s and kissed her one last time, before she smiles and closes her eyes, “Good night, love.”

Maybe the ruining of their relationship was inevitable.  Two years ago, they could imagine their future together. Now, it was just dark up ahead. They were foolish to think that not a lot could change in just two to three years.

5 years ago, you must have thought that the person you were with then would be the person you would be with now. 5 years later, you were wrong.

Heartbreak has come to me
This is it for us
I just stood there for a moment
Because it seemed like you’d come back
Now I know love
Now I learned heartbreak
Love you Love you

“Taehyung what the hell?!”

            Taehyung angrily punched the wall, creating a loud echoing sound that wasn’t pleasant to the ears. “What do you mean, what the hell?! I have the right to be angry!” He spat out. Joohyun bit her lower lip and tried to stay calm even when her hands were now balling into fists. “He just gave me a ride! What’s so wrong with that?!”

“What’s wrong with that?! Are you serious, Joohyun? Did you see the way he looks at you?” Taehyung scoffed before shaking his head in annoyance.

“Bogum is just a friend! He was kind enough to offer me a ride since you were busy and I didn’t want to bother you!”

“That’s not the point, Joohyun! I would never be busy for you! What if he did something to you while I’m not around?”

“Oh my God, Taehyung! He’s just my co-worker, there’s nothing going on between us!” Joohyun was also starting to raise her voice involuntarily. “What is wrong with you, and your jealousy? It’s getting out of hand and I’m getting tired of this.” Joohyun was already exhausted from working in her office the whole day and now she comes home to an angry boyfriend.

            The moment she said that, she covered as Taehyung froze and stared at her in shock. She recovered quickly, and opened but Taehyung shook his head. “I’m…I’m just worried about you.” He said quietly. “Sure, you’re friends, b-but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t feeling anything for you. Did you at least tell him that we’re together?” His eyes were filled with hope, because he did trust Joohyun but he did not trust that Bogum.

            Joohyun stayed silent, guilt creeping inside her, making go dry. His heart clenched Taehyung frowned before sighing and turning away. “I thought so. Just…wash up and go to sleep.”

No words were exchanged between them the following days after. Until the fourth day when she went up to Taehyung’s study room and hesitantly knocked on it. Taehyung opened it, staring at her with an unreadable expression. “What is it?” There were visible bags under his eyes which were a puffy red and Joohyun concluded that he must have cried a lot since his voice was also hoarse and airy. She hadn’t seen him leave the room since they fought.

Joohyun’s lips trembled as she let out the tears she had been saving up. “I-I’m sorry…I’m sorry Taehyung, I really am-” Taehyung just nodded before pulling her in an awkward hug. The woman was so used to having physical contact with him since they’ve been together for over 2 years and even just four days of no contact made her feel horrible. She held him tightly and whimpered in his chest, which muffled her voice out.

“It’s okay…I understand. Maybe you should tell them about me if I pass my exams so that you’d be proud of me.” Taehyung whispered.

‘You liar.’ Joohyun thought. He had misunderstood and turned deaf ears when Joohyun tried to protest.

“You idiot.” Joohyun mumbles as she relentlessly moved from one place to another inside her house. “I was already proud of you.” A tear dripped down the side of her cheek and she wiped it away and sniffled.

This was a horrible day. A horrible reminder. Why did her boss let her have her day-offs at the end of the months?

Taehyung did pass his exams after a month of waiting the results out. He’s finally a licensed teacher, but for some reason, his heart was only filled with dread. Was this enough? Was this enough for Joohyun to be proud of him?

Was it enough for that jerk Bogum to stop bothering him?

He shook off those thoughts and drove in his corvette that he inherited from his father towards the law firm that Joohyun was working at. He had bought salvias and a purple stuffed bunny on his way, since he hasn’t given Joohyun any gifts for a long time now. Besides the two salvias, red and blue, he saw a way to create the same flowers with paper on the internet and he made another 5. Two real flowers represented their two years together and five paper flowers that won’t wither for their five months. As he kept getting nearer, the heaviness in his heart doubled. What can his income compare to what Joohyun earns? His 1.9 million won would compare to Joohyun’s 560 million won? You’ve got to be kidding him.

But he trusts Joohyun. He trusts that it would be alright for the both of them. For their future. He parked in the back of the Korean Law firm and was about to walk to the front, when he saw his girlfriend walking in the other aisle of the parking lot. He was about to approach but stopped in his tracks when he sees her holding a large bouquet of purple roses and a paper bag with chocolates peeking out in her hands. He frowns and blinks when a man, not just any man, but a handsome one with jet black hair pulled back and he radiantly smiled at Joohyun while taking her things for him.

Oh. It was Park Bo gum.

Those must be his gifts for her then.

He observes as Joohyun smiles and laughs happily when Bo gum told her something, a joke probably. He hid behind a black minivan as the two passed by him and he blankly stared at the seven flowers in his hand and the stuffed bunny. Taehyung looked back with his brown eyes and sees Bo gum opening his black Lamborghini and Joohyun sitting in front. He must have bought all of those with his own money. Taehyung’s heart sank.

As soon as they went off, he came out of his hiding place, with his shoulders slumped and expression lifeless. Taehyung’s steps were slow as he went back to his car, his grip on the flowers loose as one fell out. But he didn’t mind and kept walking.

Until he hears a voice. “Hey!” He turned back gloomily and saw a woman probably not older than he with blond curly locks and a sharp nose. She picked up the flower that fell and approached him, out of breath. “Why didn’t you pick this up? Aw…This looks well-made.” Her eyes twinkled. Taehyung just smiled, but it did not reach his eyes, “Thanks.” He said curtly.

Without thinking, he shoved the flowers and the bunny rabbit in the stranger’s arms which made her yelp. “What the heck? Why are you giving them to me?” Taehyung shrugged. “You appreciate them, that’s why.” The stranger looked at him, bewildered but then it dawned on her. “Oh…Oh! Were you giving this to your girlfriend? Then I can’t take them, you have to give it to her-”

“She left with someone else.”

That made the blonde shut up. She looked at him sympathetically as Taehyung looked at anywhere else but her. It was evident from his voice that he was heartbroken and the blonde pitied him. “Is…that so…I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” His voice was gentle but sad. “It’s not her fault too…” He continued.

Whoever he was referring to, the stranger felt empathetic. Whoever had his heart was very lucky and very stupid to make him feel this way. “Goodbye. Take care of those.” Taehyung said as his eyes lingered on the two gifts he had worked on. The blonde realized that the things in her hands were actually hand-made when she sees Taehyung’s hands covered in bandages.

Without another word, the two bid their goodbyes and Taehyung drove off. What he forgot was that he had also sewn the name of his lover on the stomach of the stuff toy.

“So he was….?”

Joohyun hadn’t realized that the day had gone by so fast. It was already 8:05 p.m. when she looked at the clock in her kitchen. She had spent the day balling her eyes out, remembering everything that took place a year and a half ago.

She was indeed foolish. The ebony-haired girl thought she was mature enough to handle the situations back then, when in reality, she was also still but a child.

Taehyung grimaced as he remembers those events. It always comes back every once in a while. How hypocritical of him to say those words back then, confident and so sure that he would be able to forget her.

Now here he was, holding onto a picture that was hidden behind the monkey stuff toy in his room. It was their picture where they wore a suit and a white silky gown to let them imagine more about their future and how they were going to spend every day with each other for the rest of their lives.

He wonders if he was holding on by just a single thread when he was so heartbroken at the sight of Joohyun rarely coming home back then.

It’s been a week since Joohyun came home back to Taehyung. She had informed him in advance that she was working on a serious and mysterious case about a hit-and-run. He had become scared that Joohyun might be lying to him.

He became angry at himself for doubting her when he should trust her. It was overwhelming him. It’s been three weeks since that incident happen when he accidentally saw Joohyun and Bo gum together and Taehyung didn’t question her at all when she came home with those flowers and bag of chocolates.

Joohyun knew there was something wrong when Taehyung greeted her shortly before excusing himself to go sleep because of exhaustion. Usually they would stay up late and talk about different things but now, only a deafening wall of silence surrounded them and it was suffocating her.

It wasn’t a lie when he told Taehyung that she was working on a case, but besides that, she was also preparing a special dinner for the both of them. But when the day of their supposed third anniversary came, she went home to Taehyung sprawled on the floor, drunk.

Her eyes opened widely as she ran up to him. “Taehyung, Taehyung! What happened? I thought you don’t drink!” She cried out. Taehyung’s tanned face was red as he opened his glazed eyes and looked at her. They were filled with mixed emotions that Joohyun could not decipher.

“Oh…You’re home, Hyun-ah…” He hiccupped while Joohyun’s lips formed a line. It’s been so long since Taehyung called her affectionately by her nickname. “What’s wrong? Why did you drink?” Taehyung tried to sit up but struggled so Joohyun helped him sit on the couch. Taehyung let out a drunken laugh and Joohyun wrinkled her nose, disgusted by the smell of liquor.

“It was my colleague’s birthday….They put…juic…Why…do you care?” Joohyun raised an eyebrow. “Of course I’d care, I love you.” Although his sentences were incomplete, she understood. Taehyung’s eyes shut tightly as he scoffed. “Didn’t think you still do. Haven’t heart that in a long time.”

“I…” Joohyun’s voice faded as she realizes that he was right. They’ve stopped spending time with each other and Joohyun was partly at fault. “Hey, Hyunnie did ya know?” Taehyung’s slurred voice snapped her back to reality and Joohyun only stayed silent but Taehyung knew she was listening.

“I went to pick you up last week…” His once loud voice was now tuned down. Joohyun’s ears perked up. “Really?” Taehyung nodded, his eyes struggling to keep awake. “I…saw you and Bo..gum…left together…gave the gifts away.” His lips were trembling and Joohyun mouth went agape. “You…you were there?”

“I…supposed to pick you up but…it hurts.” Taehyung sniffled as he threw his head back and groaned, his once well-kept hair was now disheveled and a mess. Joohyun took his hand in hers and she drew comforting circles on his hand with her thumb. Her heart was almost going to shatter like thin glass.

“It hurts you know…Thinking that I have to be better…so you’d be proud…Seeing you with someone else…I-I mean-” He choked and Joohyun feels the tears coming. “You were happy…I didn’t want to ruin it. I bet you haven’t told your co-workers about us, have you?” Taehyung opened one eye to look at Joohyun’s guilty expression.

He snorts. “U…I understand…not enough…you’re embarrassed. But shtill…” His voice started getting small and harder to hear. “I wanted to understand…tried to…But please understand that I shouldn’t be the only one trying to understand. I love you but I think I’m going to explode soon.”

Slowly he closed his eyes and went into dreamland, leaving Joohyun pondering on his words and she couldn’t keep herself from crying. “I’m sorry….”

“I’m sorry…”

            She repeatedly told him that, while she snuggled next to him, unending tears dripping on the floor.

But she wasn’t the only one at fault, right?

First, it was because they stopped spending time with each other. Second, they turned deaf ears to each other’s explanation. The third event that took place was the reason why their already-falling-apart relationship finally crashed to the ground.

It was when Joohyun and Taehyung met each other’s parents when their relationship was finally over. Taehyung was pressured by Joohyun’s  parents who had high standards and looked at him lowly. He overheard their conversation.

“Joohyun are you sure? You have so many suitors but why did you chose someone with such low income?”

“Eomma, how could you say that! Who cares about income, he takes care of me more than you could ever know!”

“But Joohyun, do you really want to be with someone and provides for him?” Her father argued.

“It’s not like that!” Joohyun’s frustrated voice filled the quiet kitchen and Taehyung had turned pale. Even if she said that, he knew that it was true.

“Joohyun, he’s a nice boy and all…but we’re worried about your future here.”

Future. The word rang in Taehyung’s ears. What about their future? Will they still be together if almost everything is pulling them apart and away from each other? Taehyung looked down at his already cold coffee that he hasn’t touched for a while now. Suddenly he didn’t feel welcome in Joohyun’s humble house. The three’s voices were now turned into hushed whispers and Taehyung stopped listening when he became lost in thought.

It didn’t go well too for his parents.

“Taehyung, are you sure you’re going to end up together?”

Joohyun silently stirred the hot chocolate her boyfriend’s mother made for her. She sat quietly in the living room, not opening her lips at all.

Taehyung looked at his mother in confusion. He thought she would be happy for him. “What do you mean by that, eomma?”

“I-I mean…it’s just that…I know Joohyun is a nice woman, rich even, but what if she hates you for having a lower income than her?”

There it is with the income which did not fail to make Taehyung remaining self-esteem wither away. “Eomma, she doesn’t care about that.” He answered firmly, but his mind doubts it.

“I know, I know! But what about if you two were to get married? Will both of you still understand the hardships? If the both of you would have a child and she retires, are you ready to provide for her?”

Taehyung didn’t answer, which only proved his mother’s point.

He knew that Joohyun was listening in, just like how he listened at the last words that united both of their parents.

“I think you two should break up.”

…

CRASH!

Joohyun picked up the coffee cup that slipped out of her hands. She let out a groan when a shard cut her finger. A drop of blood fell to the white tiles. Joohyun’s lips trembled from the temporary pain that stung.

She made her decision to eat outside tonight.

Taehyung put on his blue scarf, along with his black coat and gloves. He ran out of ramyeon and planned to drive towards the convenience store to buy some more.

When the two arrived in front of the Han River and looked at each other. They could both feel that the end was drawing near for the both of them. It was almost midnight when they came back from meeting each other’s parents and Taehyung broke the thick, tense air inside his car.

“Let’s go to Han River.” He said gently. Joohyun mindlessly stared at their intertwined hands. It was cold. The emitting warmth was nowhere to be found and she only felt cold. Taehyung must have felt it too.

They held hands in front of the river, the peaceful crashing of the waves accompanying and comforting them. Taehyung stared at Joohyun who was watching the waves until she feels his stare and looks back at him with glistening brown eyes.

Taehyung pulled her closer to him, letting their foreheads touch as he caressed her face. Joohyun’s eyes slowly closed and the boy closed the remaining gap between them. Joohyun placed her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, desperate to taste him, not wanting to let him go or else he would disappear. He let her while pulling her by the waist and continued to lovingly kiss each other, the spark still very much there but their feelings dropping lower and lower like the salty tears that fell from their eyes.

“I don’t want to hate you…” Taehyung choked out.

“You’d…you’d hate me?” Joohyun’s voice shook.

“I don’t want to keep on getting jealous and angry at every small thing. I don’t want you to get tired of me. I don’t want you to hate me as well because I hate myself.” Taehyung leaned his head on Joohyun’s neck.

Joohyun’s grip on his back loosened.

Although they didn’t want to let go, they couldn’t keep on holding on either. What’s left of their relationship is about to crash. Their love was strong, but both of them doubted it, believing the words that people around them said.

“Maybe….Maybe after a few years, I would tell you how much I loved you, and we’ll look back and laugh at our once broken hearts.”

Suddenly, it feels so scary
So as we say our last goodbyes
Let’s close our eyes and smile
Heartbreak has come to me
This is it for us
I just stood there for a moment
Because it seemed like you’d come back
Now I know love
Now I learned heartbreak

            Bae Joohyun stared up at the ramyeon that was sitting four rows above her small frame. Curse this height of hers. She breathed in the icy air before tiptoeing and raising her hand to reach the pack but to no avail. She looked around but the store clerk was nowhere to be found so she let out a huff, shivering from the cold. Her stomach rumbled in hunger which did not help her either.

            Taehyung looked around the almost deserted store but shrugged it off. Instead of a convenience store, this looked more like a grocery shop with the high stalls and wide space. He put his hands in his pocket and looked around before stopping on aisle seven when he sees a small woman jumping to reach something. He snaps his fingers and sees that she was reaching for what he was also looking for. Taehyung chuckles as he sees her pathetically jumping and stomping the ground in frustration.

“Miss, do you need help?”

…

“Miss, do you need help?”

            Joohyun stopped for a moment, sitting down as she panted tirelessly. “Wa…Give me a moment.” She replied to the voice without turning around. She felt a shadow over her and sees the stranger reaching up with ease and took two packs of ramyeon, she concludes that the other pack was probably for him. “I’m guessing you’ve been jumping long enough.” He chuckled which made Joohyun pout.

            She stood up and fixed her hair before smiling and stretching out her hand to receive the food but instead, the smile faded and was replaced with utter shock and disbelief.

            Taehyung was also surprised and his heart probably stopped beating momentarily.

            Both of them stood there, frozen and stuck to their place. Observing each other. Hearts pounding in their chests, familiar feelings welling up inside. Joohyun swallowed a lump in as she looked at the younger, which had grown taller and had a leaner frame. She assumes he has been working out. His once brown hair was now dyed into a light blond, cropped-cut, his tan skin was still the same as ever, he still had the same chocolate brown eyes that melted her whenever he stared.

Unknowing to her, Taehyung was also watching her. It’s been about a year and a half, but Joohyun had grown more beautiful. Her once brown hair was now dyed back into her ebony black; which showed off her pretty face that probably attracted a lot of people. She still had that pale complexion, with her thin pink lips and her high cheekbones. Her eyes that looked at him calculatingly, cold and fierce but underneath it was a child. She was thinner than before, skinnier too.

Suddenly, questions filled his mind. Had she been eating well?

Had she moved on?

Was she finally promoted to a higher position?

Was she hurting like him?

“Taehyung-ah.”

Taehyung’s eyes fluttered open and sees Joohyun on top of him, looking at him innocently. “What is it, Joohyun-ah?” He laughs before putting his arms around her waist and pecking her nose. Joohyun  puffed her cheeks, “Stop eating too much ramyeon and drinking coffee. It’s bad for you!”

“But I need it to keep me awake.”

“Your argument is invalid.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes before turning with Joohyun still on top of him so now she landed besides him on the bed. “Yah, promise me something.” She started, her gaze capturing him. “Hm?”
“If we end up fighting in the future…promise me that we’d fix it no matter what?”

“I promise.” Taehyung said. “Also, you should promise me one thing too.”

“What’s that?”

“If ever we should break-up, win my heart back through food, okay?” Taehyung joked.

“Ugh. Men and their stomachs.” But Joohyun was smiling heartily.

            Joohyun was the first to look away.

She took the pack and muttered a ‘Thank You’ before bypassing the stunned man. Taehyung still stood there, dazed, but then quickly followed Joohyun who seemed adamant to see him. “Jo-Joohyun!” He called out weakly.

But it worked. Joohyun turned back around with an unreadable expression. “Taehyung-ssi. I’m sorry but I’m in a hurry.” She said, biting her lower lip which made it obvious that she was lying.

Taehyung frowned at the formality. He didn’t want to imagine how badly Joohyun must have felt after their break-up. “I…I wanted to talk…” “There’s nothing to talk about.” Joohyun persisted.

“Geez…why are you so cold?” Taehyung muttered but it seems like Joohyun had super hearing abilities because she scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Did you expect me to warm up to you after what happened?” Her voice was suddenly hoarse and Taehyung’s heart sank at Joohyun’s angry expression. When he didn’t answer, she took it as the time to leave, so when she turned around, she expected him not to chase after her like what he did almost two years ago. But then she feels a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist and she spun around to slap him.

Smack!

The sound echoed around the almost empty store. Joohyun’s hand was raised, trembling, like her whole body which shook like an earthquake. She sees the red mark she had created on Taehyung’s face and winced, knowing that it stung but Taehyung only blinked before slowly turning back to her. His grip only grew stronger to Joohyun’s distaste. She struggled to get out, mumbling incoherent words but Taehyung caught the, “Stop!” and “Let go of me!”

“I don’t want to.” He said and flinched from the slight pain. Joohyun glared at him through tears. “What do you want from me?” She said. Taehyung only stared at her. “What do you want from me?” Joohyun repeated. “Surely, after 2 years you would have let go, right? So what do you want from me?” Her lips were starting to tremble as tears were now evident in her dark eyes.

“I…”

I want our love back.

I want you back.

Was that appropriate? Did he have the right? “I’m sorry.” That, instead came out of his lips. Joohyun only stared at him before wiping the tears away, staying silent. “I miss you…” Joohyun was not impressed. “You were the one who suggested we break-up.” She spats out.

“And I was foolish enough to distrust you. I was foolish enough to think I could get over you. I was idiotic enough to doubt you. I was stupid to think lowly of me and let other’s opinions get the best of me. I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry for hurting you.” He blurted it all at once which silenced Joohyun who looked at him blankly.

Taehyung chuckles bitterly, his grip now gone and his arms are hanging by his sides lifelessly. “I just wanted you to know…I woke up today craving for carrot cake, your favorite food. I dropped the box of coffee powder because I imagined hearing you scold me for drinking too much. I spent the last few weeks eating unhealthy food because I felt miserable. Absolutely miserable.” He looked down.

“I…I just want to tell you those…I just wanted you to know…” I want you to know how miserable I am without you. He wanted to have his closure. He wanted to let out all these feelings onto Joohyun who probably felt the same but instead of telling him, she chooses to keep shut. “I…I won’t ask for a second chance…” He said carefully before looking up, but only until Joohyun’s neck, afraid to see her face.

“I…But if you’d let me…I would work for it…I’d work to win your heart again.”

As soon as he said that, Joohyun raised her hand as if to say, ‘Stop.’ And then she speaks with a cold voice.

“I hate you, do you know that?”

Ouch.

“I do…”

“Did you know how frustrated I am that I took a two month leave from the law firm because I couldn’t even work?”

No, he didn’t.

“Bo gum continuously visited me.”

Taehyung’s eyes widened slightly, suddenly afraid.

“He repeatedly told me that he was always going to be there for me.” Joohyun’s voice turned mellow which was like a sword that stabbed Taehyung in his chest.

“He was there when I needed someone the most.”

Taehyung’s shoulders slumped and he clenched his teeth, punching himself mentally.

 “And yet…I rejected him.” She chuckled.

“Did you know that day you saw us, I told him that I had you? I turned him down and he was actually resigning back then. Those flowers you saw were from my female boss who congratulated me for solving a case I was working on for a long time.”

Taehyung’s ears perked up. She did all of that for him?

“Why did I do that?” The question was directed to herself. “Why did I try to find you even after knowing that we were already over? Why did I disobey my parents and insisted that they would approve of you even afterwards? Why did I love you but hate you so much? Do you know how hard it was? Do you know how hard it was turning down a lot of people for you? How my parents were sad for me? How I thought I was fighting a useless battle because there was no more us?” Joohyun’s eyes watered again.

“And yet…here you are again, in front of me just when I decided to forget about you.”

            In their own world, they completely forgot that they were still inside the silent convenience store but the employee wasn’t bothering them either way. Joohyun sobbed pathetically in front of him, covering her face while her shoulders jolted once in a while, repeatedly saying, “I hate you” like a mantra. Taehyung didn’t know what to feel.

            He didn’t hug her nor did he touch her. But he found himself drawing nearer until their foreheads touched and Joohyun didn’t seem to mind. “Let’s…” He started, looking at Joohyun’s shut lids.

“Let’s start over again. This time I’m going to be the one fighting for us.” He hesitantly tried to reach and wipe Joohyun’s tears but instead, she stopped him and held his hands in hers tightly. “We’ll make it work…” He didn’t know how long they were holding each other, as he sees a familiar face(the one who shouted at Joohyun years ago) staring at them. The employee shook his head before saying, “I swear you two always cause trouble for me.” before walking away and letting them be. He must have heard everything.

Joohyun’s sobs died down as she pushed herself away from the younger, wiping her tears furiously. She shyly looked back at him who did not look away from her since she talked. “I…Happy birthday…” Taehyung blinked before remembering that it was indeed his birthday and he was already 22.

“You better be a man this time.” Joohyun muttered under her breath which made Taehyung nervously laugh. “This time…you don’t have to worry about income, or should your parents look down on me. The school I worked with recommended me to this company and I became the President’s adviser…” Joohyun placed her finger on his lips to stop him from talking.

She shook her head. “I never cared about your income, Taehyung. What you earned as a teacher was already enough for the both of us, if we combined our income, then everything would be fine. I didn’t earn as much as you think I did. My parents were impressed with you working with KAIST already, where they offered a large salary for the teachers.” Joohyun revealed to him.

“But let’s take it step by step this time, okay?” She continued and Taehyung nods.

            “A-As long as we end up together?” He said hopefully.

For the first time that day, Joohyun smiled truthfully.

“If we work and pray for it, of course.”

The two knew how each other felt anyway. Their hearts were reconnected to each other, and this time, Taehyung and Joohyun will keep their relationship stronger.

They were wrong to think that it fell apart.

It was barely standing, but they’re mending it back together.

They’re trying.