To Dongwan, Minwoo is everything to him.

It was that fateful night, that moment he laid his eyes on Minwoo, he realises it right away. He was in that particular cafe he always frequent daily at 3pm, downing cups of coffee and pondering about life as always. Then it was just in that second, when he put down his mug, that this particular man entered his eyes.

He was sitting together with his friends, his right arm was casually draped across the armrest. His eyebrows scrunched in concentration as he listened intently to what one of his friends say something. Something funny must have been said, for the next minute Dongwan saw him laughing. And he was entranced by his laugh, his smile, and the way his eyes shone with humor.

As much as he told himself not to, he felt himself reach over to his camera, and took a picture of this man who had captured his attention. With one swift finger motion he pressed the button, and the man was captured forever. Dongwan looked at the picture in concentration, proud of having taken a picture of the man. Yet in the next minute, something clawed his heart.

Proud? Who was he to be proud? He had no right, he was nothing. What gave him the courage to take a picture of someone as godly as the man seemed? He must have been lost in thought for quite some time, since he didn’t even notice that someone had walked right up to him, looked at his camera and said, “Nice picture taken.” He could swear that the minute he looked up, that man was radiating so much warmth and light it felt like heaven.

Minwoo, that man’s name was Minwoo. And so from then on they had been friends. Dongwan loves being friends with Minwoo, and loves that they always had a conversation going on. He loves to be able to laugh, something that he could not have done, should he have been alone. He loves how Minwoo was the first one to give him warmth, to smile at him, which no one ever does. He loves his soothing voice and comforting words, a luxury in which he felt he was priviledged to have.

Minwoo saved Dongwan’s life with his kind words, and Dongwan practically lives for Minwoo. Wherever Minwoo goes, Dongwan follows. He can’t imagine a life without Minwoo. They go to different eateries together, and do their hobbies together. Minwoo helped piece his love for photography back together again, showering kind words and comments whenever needed. Minwoo was sweet and Dongwan would just melt at his every actions and praises showered upon him, even if deep inside his heart, he knows he doesn’t deserve it.

With Minwoo, life is blue skies and green pastures. Dongwan lets himself out and enjoys the scenery, the songs that the birds sing, and the breeze that carresses his face. And when Minwoo is not around him, the colours of his life changes. He goes back hiding from the world, and from any contact, willing himself to be drowned in a world of despair. He thinks about how worthless his life is, wonders why he was still on earth, and why such a kind person like Minwoo will tolerate his presence.

Minwoo treats him like any other, and is a trustable friend. Dongwan knows, and he knows everything. So why is it that something always pierce through his heart when he looks at Minwoo laughing together with his other friends. Is it because he was jealous? Is it because he realises that that beautiful smile of his was not his to treasure alone? But he had no reason to be, since he was not worthy of his smile. He had nothing on him, and nothing to offer, in what way was he worthy?

Dongwan sees Minwoo as god, as his saviour, and he would gladly kneel down at his feet if Minwoo wanted him to. Eric was the first to notice it, and one day confronted him.

“Get a life.” He said, “Lead your own life. Why are you always living behind Minwoo’s shadows?” Dongwan hears, and he remains silent.

He wanted to. Oh, how much he wanted to lead his own life. But no one knows, no one knows that his life was wrecked long ago. When he was at the age of 8, his father walked out and his mother left a few weeks later, he had to learn to fend for himself. His life was already in shambles then.

And when there was a time when he was still so passionate about photography, then people mocked his photos, and told him to do something mainstream instead. Years of mocking killed his only dream of being a photographer, and he was left with nothing in his life. His life and heart was broken into so many shards of glasses there was no way to mend it back again.

He walks on the streets, and he sees people rushing by. Someone knocks over a child, and the child cries, yet no one stopped to comfort him. He turns and see couples quarelling. What does life means then? “It means nothing, and it means nothing when nothing you see will ever make you happy.” He thought. And he gives some of his money to the beggar who came up to him, because survival didn’t matter to him anymore. Even the beggar was worthy of that money he gave, much more than he ever did. Or so he felt. He was ready, ready to wipe his measly existence off this world.

It was Minwoo, who saved him, at his last moment of despair. Those kind and beautiful words that kept ringing in his head from the first day he saw him, it kept Dongwan going daily.

Minwoo is like the sun, who radiates warmth and heat in every way Dongwan could have imagined with his cold heart. His smile being so bright, so bright it lit up the darkness of his life. And his eyes. Oh his eyes; that glint will always be etched in his memory and in his heart.

Dongwan is like Icarus, mustering up his courage to go near to the sun. Everytime the sun shone he could feel his fingers twitching to reach out and touch it, yet each time he willed himself to pull back. Not everyone could touch the sun, and he was definitely not worthy. He looks from afar, trying to go closer and closer, but the moment the sun disappears, Dongwan feels his wings melting and he falls back again into the whirlpool of despair and regret.

He loved this quote by Ernest Hemingway : We are all a little broken, but that’s how the light gets in. Dongwan loved it so much, and he then understood. He understands that he must have been so broken, so many broken pieces, such that Minwoo is able to shine his entire being, bringing him so much joy and light.

To Dongwan, Minwoo is his life. He breathes through Minwoo, and sees colours through Minwoo. With Minwoo, he finally feels alive. And its all because Minwoo sees the worth in him, in which he doesn’t see himself.

To Dongwan, Minwoo is everything.