Seokjin loves taking care of the other members. It's always come naturally to him to care for people. He notices other's empty plates before his own, he always plays nurse when someone's sick, and on more than one occasion he's had to bring Yoongi food at the studio because the younger man always forgets his meal times. He does these things happily. Bangtan has become his family and he wants them to be happy and well taken care of.

He does, however, get tired sometimes. He's been an adult for so long that he almost forgets what it's like to not have constant responsibilities. Even when their schedule is clear he rests little, too busy making food for the boys and making sure the dorm stays clean. He really is like their mother, except he doubts they sass their own mothers as much. Maybe Kookie, but he sasses everyone so it's hardly a leap. Either way, as much as he loves the boys and as much as he enjoys taking care of them, sometimes he feels like he gives so much he has little for himself at the end of the day.

 

---

 

"Dinner's ready!" The words barely leave his lips before Taehyung is already bounding around the corner, sandy hair flopping into his eyes as he skids on the hardwood floor. His tongue is stuck out and at times like this he reminds Seokjin of the dog he'd had growing up, a little beagle who might just have been Taehyung's spirit animal.

"Slow down! You're gonna hur-" He's cut off by the sound of Taehyung howling in pain and clutching his foot. "I told you!" He sighs and makes his way around the table to inspect the younger's toe as the other members start to file in.

"Did he stub his toe again?"

"Every time Taehyung. We need to get you padded socks or something."

Taehyung in a breath as Seokjin prods at his pinky toe. "I was going a perfectly reasonable speed until that table came out of nowhere and attacked me."

It's not broken so Seokjin lets go of his foot and shoos him to a seat. "Just sit down before you do something worse. Our comeback is just around the corner and we can't take a week off just because you roll your ankle while wrestling with a sweater again."

"It was suffocating me!"

Dinner continues with the same amount of chaos as usual. Seokjin has to stop Jungkook from flinging a spoonful of rice at Yoongi and Hoseok keeps tickling Jimin so that the younger boy spills his water everywhere.

By the time he can finally sit down and eat the food he made the rest are nearly done. Jungkook and Hoseok go straight to the living room for a Super Smash Bros tournament, Taehyung complaining after them that they're ignoring him while the boys in question pretend they don't hear him. Jimin mutters something about not feeling well and slips quietly to his room. Yoongi leaves a minute after, saying he's tired, but it's obvious he's lying. Everyone knows something is going on with him and Jimin except for him and Jimin.

Only he and Namjoon are left now. Seokjin sighs again because no one cleaned up their dishes and he'll have to do it. Namjoon gives him a sympathetic smile from across the table. "Food's good though."

"Of course it is. I made it."

Namjoon offers to help clean up after they finish but Seokjin declines. "You have things to finish for the album and you have to go to the studio early tomorrow. Go get your work done and rest. I've got this."

After he's sure Namjoon goes to his bedroom, hopefully using the time Seokjin gave him to actually work and not to watch (Again. Seokjin never goes into his room without knocking anymore) he begins washing the dishes.

He hums their new title song while he cleans. He's been trying to memorize the timing since they got the songs but he's been so stressed it's been hard to concentrate. Their new choreography is much more complicated than their old stuff and that, combined with everything else, has left him more than a little on edge.

Once the dishes are dried and put away he does a load of laundry. He folds what he takes from the dryer and arranges it in piles for the members. He'll bring them to everyone's rooms tomorrow morning. Then he tidies up the kitchen and the living room amongst shouts of laughter as the boys start another tournament. He reminds the boys to be quiet and it lasts all of ten seconds before Hoseok gets killed or beat or however it is it works in that game (he still doesn't understand the percentages and lives) and the noise starts up again. Everything that needs to be done for the night is, though, so he retreats to his room for some silence.

He falls back onto his bed and closes his eyes. He's exhausted. The time before a comeback, especially the last week, is always stressful for everyone but it feels like he's the only one it's affecting this time. Maybe it's because he's the oldest or maybe it's because he hasn't had a day off in weeks. Whatever the reason he knows he's pushing himself too hard. He should slow down and give himself a break but he knows he won't. He can't help it, not when there's so much to do. If it helps the other members then he'll do it, whatever it is. It's his responsibility as the oldest to look after them. He's not going ignore that just because he's tired.

At times like this he needs to talk to his mother. It's not too late to call her and he really wants to hear the sound of her voice. The line rings three times before it's picked up. He can hear his dad in the background talking to his younger brother before his mother speaks.

"Hello? Jinnie, is that you?"

"Yes, mother, it is. How are you?"

"We're just fine dear. What about you? Are you eating enough? Have you been getting lots of rest?"

No and no. "Yes mother, I'm well. Did you guys get the money I sent you?"

His mother laughs into the receiver and the sound reminds Seokjin of the broken wind chimes hanging in front of their house. "Yes but please stop sending us that. We don't need it and you work hard for your money dear. You should spend it on things for you."

She was lying. He'd spoken to his brother a few months ago and he'd told Seokjin that their parents were behind on some bills. Nothing too serious but his mother had started picking up extra shifts at the hospital to cover it. "No mother, please have it. I get too much money anyway. I never spend it all."

"Oh, I'm so proud of you dear. I always knew that voice was a blessing. I turn the radio up every time one of your songs come on."

He could just imagine her pointing out to everyone that passed that 'That's my son. Isn't he amazing?' "Mother, people will get tired of it."

"Then they can deal with it. I'm just so happy you made something of yourself dear. I always knew you were too good for us."

His heart shatters at his mothers words and the sincerity in her tone. "Don't say that mother. I'm not too good for you."

A sigh and the sound of water running. Even at this late hour his mother was working around the house. "I know. I just mean you deserve more than what we were able to give you. But then you got it anyway."

"All because you helped me," he says. He could have never done it without his mother and father, even his brother who would sit with him and listen when he sang and clap so loudly his palms would sting while he squealed for more.

"Of course." Her tone is light with a hint of disbelief and she changes the subject. "How are the boys?"

"Good," he says because they are. "We should be ready for next week."

"Of course you will be. You're the Bangtan Boys!" His mother laughs again and this time there are no holllow sounds lurking inside. "I'll never get tired of saying that. I've got to go. I have an early shift tomorrow. It was nice to talk to you dear."

He frowns at the idea of his mother being up so late and getting up so early. He'd remark on it but he knows that will just make her feel like she's worrying him. Instead he'll send them more money next week. "Yes mother. I love you."

"I love you too dear," she says and then a click before the dial tone rings into his ears.

He locks his phone and stares at the ceiling as he mentally rearranges his finances. He'll have to cut back on his spending, not that he spends much regardless, if he wants to send more. He wasn't lying about making a fair bit of money but most of it goes to his family or into a savings account he'd set up for his brother to go to college. If he wants to up the amount he sends without dipping into the account he'll be left with very little extra.

"That's okay," he says to himself, mostly to make himself believe it. He doesn't need much anyway. They're provided with enough food and everything else they either have or don't need. As long as he's got clothes and food he can manage.

The harder he works the more things seem to pile up and he's not sure how much more he can take. He doesn't regret becoming an idol, not one bit, but he doesn't like being so far away from his family. He wishes he could go home and take care of them too but he can't and that hurts worse than anything else. They need him and he can't do anything more than he is now.

It just never stops. There's always something he needs to do and always someone he's letting down. He tries to be everywhere but he's only one man and he's doing the work of far more.

He doesn't cry often. And never in front of the members; that's rule number one. He needs to take care of them and how can he do that when they're worried for him? So he keeps it in and pushes it down further and further until it springs back up and he breaks down.

Today is one of those days. He draws his knees to his chest and buries his sobs into them. He wraps his arms around himself as tight as he can and pretends it was someone else holding him, someone taking care of him for a change.

The door opens and he lets out a startled gasp as Namjoon walks into the room.

"Hey Seokjin I wa- Seokjin?" Namjoon is frozen just past the doorway, shocked to see him and probably unsure of what to do. Seokjin's tears don't stop and another sob pulls itself free from his chest. He feels ashamed to be seen like this but mostly he feels lonely.

"What's wrong?" Namjoon closes the door and comes to sit next to him on the bed.

Seokjin shakes his head and buries his face into his knees again. He's too embarrassed to say anything. Maybe if he stays like this Namjoon will leave and they can pretend this never happened.

He jumps when Namjoon touches him and the leader pulls his hand back like he'd hurt Seokjin. He hadn't but Seokjin is hurt anyways.

"Will you- Can you look at me?"

Seokjin shakes his head and grips his knees tighter. He's sad and scared and embarrassed and he has no idea what to do.

"Okay," Namjoon says slowly like he's trying to figure out how to talk to him. "Maybe you can talk to me like that, then?" He debates it. It's not as scary if he doesn't have to look at Namjoon. "Does that mean yes?" Seokjin swallows and slowly nods his head into his knees. "Good. So what's wrong?"

Except Seokjin doesn't know how to answer because that's the wrong question. What isn't wrong is more accurate. "Everything," he finally manages to say. His voice cracks.

"How come?"

"Because," Seokjin says after another sob because he can't answer that question properly either. Everything is wrong and he doesn't know why and he doesn't know how to fix it.

"I'm sorry," he says and Seokjin knows he really is. Namjoon always feels sorry when people are hurt. It's because he's such a nice person. He puts his hand on Seokjin's shoulder and this time Seokjin doesn't flinch away.

He keeps crying into his knees and he's confused because he's crying harder now. His head hurts and his throat is starting to feel scratchy. He keeps sniffling and his face is wet with tears and snot. He's too scared to blow his nose because then Namjoon will see and he'll think Seokjin is gross.

They sit together like that for a while. At one point Namjoon moves like he's going to get up and it scares Seokjin because he doesn't wanna be alone. He grabs onto Namjoon's sleeve and peeks up just enough so that he can see the other boy. "Do-Don't l-leave please," he hiccups.

Namjoon smiles at him and holds Seokjin's hand on top of his sleeve. "I'm not leaving. I m just grabbing some tissues for you. Don't you wanna blow your nose?"

"Oh," he says. He hadn't thought of that. He nods and Namjoon reaches over to grab the tissues on Seokjin's bedside table. He hands them to Seokjin and looks away so he can blow his nose. "Thank you," Seokjin says quietly because he's still embarrassed but Namjoon is being nice so he should thank him.

Namjoon hums and continues looking at the wall as Seokjin blows his nose probably a thousand times. His nose hurts after and is probably very red. He keeps his knees to his chest but doesn't hide again. He rests his chin on top of them and looks at his feet. "You can look now," he whispers.

Namjoon turns back to him and smiles. "That's better. Do you feel better?"

Seokjin chews on his lip as he thinks. He still feels bad but not as bad now that he blew his nose and stopped crying so he decides it's definitely better. He nods and winces when it hurts his head. "Oww," he whines and scrunches his eyes shut to make it go away.

"You probably have a really bad headache. I'll go get you something for that."

Namjoon moves to get up but Seokjin grabs his sleeve again. "I don't wanna be alone though..." He chances a look up at Namjoon and gets a small smile in return.

"Why don't we go together then?"

He looks at the door and then back at Namjoon. The others are probably outside and he doesn't want them to see him like this. He shakes his head and regrets it when his brain rattles in his head. "I don't want to see them."

"Everyone had gone to bed when I came in here. You won't see them."

Seokjin bites his lip again and pulls his knees closer. "All of them?" He asks slowly. Namjoon nods in confirmation. "O-Okay," he agrees. "But you have to make sure first."

He watches as Namjoon gets up and opens the door, peeking out into the living room and down the hallway. "The coast is clear," he says and Seokjin grins.

Namjoon motions him over. He lets go of his legs and hesitantly gets up and follows him. "You're sure?"

"Yupp. We're safe." He slips his hand into Seokjin's and brings him out into the hallway. Seokjin looks just in case Namjoon was wrong but he doesn't see anyone.

They tiptoe down the hallway and into the kitchen. It reminds Seokjin of when him and his brother would pretend to be spies in their old house and sneak through the hallways, avoiding the evil geniuses (played by his parents). He giggles into Namjoon's shoulder but blushes when the other boy looks back at him. He stays hiding in Namjoon's shoulder until they reach the medicine cabinet next to the fridge.

"Okay," Namjoon says as he pulls Seokjin next to him. He grabs some pills from a white bottle and a water bottle from the fridge and hands them to Seokjin. "Time to get rid of that headache."

"But these pills taste funny," Seokjin mutters as he stares down at them. They leave white powder on his fingers as he rolls them around.

"But you need to take something to make you feel better."

He shakes his head and holds his hand out for Namjoon to take them back. "No, I don't want to. You take them."

Namjoon laughs and shakes his head down at him. "I don't need them."

"But-"

"No 'buts'," Namjoon interrupts him. "Take the medicine." He's looking at Seokjin sternly and suddenly he's afraid of upsetting Namjoon or making him mad. He swallows the pills, making a face as he drinks the water back. They stick to his mouth and he has to swallow more water to make them go down.

"Yuck," he says through clenched teeth. He moves his tongue back and forth in his mouth and tries to get rid of the taste.

"Good job. You'll feel better soon," Namjoon promises with a blinding smile. He surprises Seokjin by wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tight. Seokjin hesitates for a second but then he wraps his arms around Namjoon and squeezes him back.

"I'm sorry you're so upset," Namjoon says into his hair. "Just know I'm here for you. Okay?"

Seokjin nods and squeezes him tighter in response. He doesn't feel so sad anymore. He feels almost happy now.

"Thank you," he says into Namjoon's shirt but it sounds muffled.

The younger boy pulls away and holds him an arms length away as he looks down at Seokjin. "Now, what should we do to make you feel better?"

That's a hard question. Seokjin doesn't really feel like doing anything but being with Namjoon right now. "You pick," he says because he wants it to be something Namjoon likes so he'll stay.

"How about we just watch some TV together?" Namjoon holds his hand out and Seokjin takes it because Namjoon makes him feel safe and anywhere he took him would be okay.

They sit together on the couch and Namjoon pulls a blanket over them before he turns on the television. He holds Seokjin into his side and the elder holds him back tightly. His earlier anxiety is long gone and instead he feels peaceful and happy in the leader's arms.

Namjoon is flicking through TV stations when Seokjin speaks up. "Wait," he almost demands. Namjoon stops his browsing to look down at him curiously. "Th-That show... I used to watch it."

"Oh," Namjoon says as he turns back to the last station. It's an old cartoon about robots. It reminds Seokjin of his childhood. He recognizes the episode immediately.

"That's the bad guy. His name is DarkBot. He's trying to stop the Xyber Squad from learning how to warp travel."

Namjoon tightens his grip around Seokjin and hums. "Really? Why?"

Seokjin explains the Xyber Squad and DarkBot to Namjoon while the latter listens intently. He asks a lot of questions and Seokjin answers them all. He explains almost the whole show before his eyelids start to feel heavy.

"Do you wanna go to sleep?" Namjoon asks him quietly when Seokjin lets out a deep breath. The elder shakes his head adamantly and Namjoon laughs. "Okay. They're playing another episode. Lets watch together."

Seokjin tries to pay attention but his eyes feel heavy and it's so comfy huddled up to Namjoon under the blanket. His blinks become longer and longer and his arms fall to Namjoon's waist. The leader wraps his arms tighter around Seokjin's torso and the elder can't help but begin to drift to sleep.

He's almost out when he hears whispered words and shooing but he's too tired to acknowledge it. It's much nicer to snuggle further into Namjoon's side and let himself sleep.

Seokjin sleeps the best he has in months that night.