The next 2 weeks we were promoting 'lucky one' and 'Monster' but also preparing for our comeback 'Lotto'. We'd also filmed for the MV yesterday and today was another day when we could chill, practise whatever. 

Me being me I was in the practise room dancing. Not even doing any choreography but my own thing. It's like my escape and I really needed it since I've not been in my best mood recently. But Kyungsoo has been with me the most when I need it which I'm grateful for. 
Before i started dancing  I searched Sehun's contact and was debating whether or not to apologise or something since we still haven't talked but I just stared at it and locked the screen. 
As I was in my own world, I tried to one of my turns which I haven't done for a while but then I heard and click and felt pain. 

"Arghhhh," I shouted at the top of my lungs. I was in agony and no one heard me so I crawled and grabbed my phone since Sehun was the first contact their I called him not even thinking about what happened with us. 

I began making whimpering sounds as I tried to get in a more better position. 
"What do you want?" Sehun said disinterested until he heard my cries and he softened. 
"Oh my god (ohmaya) what's wrong? Where are you?" He asked actually sounding concerned. 

"It's my a-ankle and I'm in the practise room." I said trying not to cry. 
"I'll be right there" he said quickly before hanging up. 
I put my phone down and held onto my leg and in less than 5 minutes Sehun came sprinting in but stopped just when he got past the door. He first looked down to my leg and then to my eyes. It was the first eye contact or any contact we've had in a while which we held for about 10 seconds until he walked up to me and sat next to me. 
"What did you do?" He said and poked my leg which made me gasp. 
"I was just dancing," I replied which made him give me a look. 

"Ok I got a little carried away"

"You know you're not supposed to dance to hard on your leg. It was only a few months ago since you injured it last time, now it'll probably be a longer time you'll have to sit out," Sehun replied whilst shaking his head. 
"I know but I just needed to clear my head, you've been ignoring me since that time..." I said wanting him to talk about it even though I was in pain. 
"I'm going to go and call for some help," he said changing the subject and once again sprinting out the room. I guess our situation will never get sorted. 

The doctor didn't tell me any surprising news. I had injured my ligament in my ankle and couldn't move about on it for at least a month. Even though the news was expected, it put me in a bad mood because of the Lotto promotions coming up as well as the EXOrDIUM tour coming up. 

Everyone else's routines continued as normal and they were now mostly practising the Lotto choreography while I just sat at the side. Even though it was upsetting, I liked watching the members dance and I noticed that a lot of them have improved since debut which made me smile a little. 
They had just stopped the music for a 10 minute break. 

"How ya doing?" Chen said walking over with Minseok and patted my back. 

"Good even though it's only been like a week, I can already feel my ankle getting stronger." 

"That's great," he a Minseok smiled and walked away. 
Next Kyungsoo came over and sat next to me without saying anything. By now I was looking over at Sehun who was with Baekhyun as usual and Suho. I guess Kyungsoo had followed my eyes to where I was looking. 

"You and Sehun feel more distant. Did something happen?" He spoke with his deep but soft voice. 

So I guess people have noticed something's up with us two. I was debating whether or not if I should tell him the truth because I know I can trust him but if Sehun found out I told him I don't know how he'd react. My eyes flickered to him for a second a back. 

"We just had a little disagreement," I said quietly still looking at them. Then I heard Kyungsoo sigh. 

"So you can't trust me then? I knew something was up that day you came to cafeteria looking sad. I thought you just needed time but you obviously just don't want to tell me." He then bowed his head so I turned too him. 

"Kyungsoo I don't even know that well myself what is going on but I think it is something personal to Sehun and even I am getting impatient waiting for him to tell me properly. But he probably won't tell me if he finds out I've told you something about it. "

"Well I wouldn't go telling him everything you tell me." He said a bit hurt looking back up to me. 

"I said IF he found out. And I'll think about telling you, just give me more time. Ok?" 

He nodded his head and by then they had to get back to dancing. I don't know why he is so interested in this to be honest but probably because he can see it's affecting my mood. 
At the end of the day I got in my wheelchair, which I had to be in for the first week which means in 2 days I have to use crutches, an waiter for someone to push me. I could see Kyungsoo making his way over. 

" I've got him," Sehun quickly said coming out of nowhere and Kyungsoo stepped aside. Sehun waited for everyone to leave and started to push me slowly. 

"I've decided to tell you my feelings since I've had time to think about it."

Then he hesitated but I kept quiet and waited for him to continue. 
"I like you Jongin...I started getting feeling for you last year and I didn't know what they were that's why I started to get distant from you and became even more distant when I found out what these feelings were. I'm only telling you because I really want to get this off my chest and I know you don't feel the same way because how you reacted when I ...kissed you."

I looked down to my knees at his last sentence but was shocked with all this information he was telling me. Wow he actually likes me and is he biual? Because I've heard him talk about girls before. He then continued speaking and by this time we was nearly at the exit of the building so he began speaking faster. 

"And you are probably wondering am I gay or something and I'm not sure what I am because only the guy I have been attracted to is just you. In fact only the person I've been attracted to is you meaning ually and romantically," he trailed off. "That's why I don't even know if I am like girls because I find them pretty and that's it nothing more but with you I get feelings I've never felt before. But I know I'm going to have to get over you, I don't even know why I kissed you. Maybe I was so desperate for you to like me. I'm sorry. And please promise you won't tell any one about this." 

"...I promise," I whispered. I was still shocked by all of this I could hardly speak. 

"Also I know you probably are weirded out by me liking you so we can just continue like how we did before though I miss you."

I didn't reply. I wish I did but I think he's right that we should spend time apart again, I don't want it to be forever but for me it's going to awkward for me to know that one of my closest friends likes me. I just need some time to process the information but it's good to know that he misses me so I feel more confident to ask if we could hang out again. 

We had now reached the car so my wheelchair was put in the boot of the car and we was driven to our dorm.

The next two days were the same in schedules. The members having a day full of practise with me coming along even though I didn't really have to. Me and Sehun has made improvements with contact. He texts me sometimes and sometimes makes eye contact during their practise which isn't a lot but enough for now. 

Today was Monday and was the first day of promoting and like our last promotions it wasn't going to be long since our tour was starting soon. I still wanted to come along which some members were concerned about and thought I should be getting rest at the dorm. 

"Jongin, I really think you should have stayed in out dorm," Suho said staring at me whilst I was watching the members get their get their hair and makeup done. 

"Is my presence that bad?" I said in a jokingly way. 

"No it's just that you make a lot of effort to get here just to watch us which you could do at home."
"Well I feel more supportive coming with you and plus it's boring sitting at home all day."

"That's nice of you," he said before walking away to get ready. 

Baekhyun finished first and kept me company then Sehun got up since he was finished. He started making his way over to us since he normally hangs out with Baek and I had to do a double take because wow. 

Sehun looked...good and that's the least I could say. His eye makeup looked amazing and even the fake bruise thing made him look kind of hot. And I his veins in his arms were popping out. Wow. 
My heart starting pounding quicker and this is what I mean. Why does my heart beat quicker when I see an attractive man as well as I see and attractive women. I don't know if that is normal for a straight man but whatever, I couldn't stop staring.

As he approached us he looked at me strangely probably because i was staring at him and he took a seat next to Baekhyun. 
"You look good Sehunnie," Baekhyun said while rubbing his Sehun's thighs which he has been doing a lot recently. 

"Thanks." He replied with but I could tell he looked uncomfortable but I know for sure Baekhyun liked him. Why couldn't he like Baekhyun then I rather him be with him and be happy than trying to get over his feelings because I don't feel the same way. 

Time passed and it was my members turn to go on, we quickly did our 'saranghaja' hand thing and they left to go to the stage. Their was a tv in the dressing room so I watched them on there. It was funny how they changed into different people on stage which made me giggle a bit. But I stopped when Sehun came on stage. His dance moves were so sharp but smooth and his facial expressions were cold which made him look good. 

I don't know if just feeling these things because of what he told me and my mind is telling me to like him so he's not upset but this is just not right.

So I'm going to tell him to be with Baekhyun.