Good byes,

Are not forever,

Are not the end;

It simply means i will miss you

Until we meet again.

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Me and my daughter had the saying that, if one of us left first, that the one that died will become the brightest star there will ever be, so they can guide the other home. It’s comforting words then but now it’s a cloud of despair, a lie, nothing is a happy star when the truth of death becomes real, I still remember everything that me and her did to gather, the memoires, the, the hardships.

(like the time when she was 15 and she needed help with a word that describes an equation, and I at the time was tired from work, needing to get reports done, so I told her to go ask her father as he is scientist. I felt terrible yes, because she and her father did not get along well, after he left but I was not thinking at the time.)

things like this get stuck in your head when people leave, the bad memoires take over, leaving you wanting to fix the past. Though through my life seeing my little girl smile again at me the one last time before she closed her eyes for good, that smile she gave me was not only bright like a star but light itself. It’s hard sitting on this chair and writing in this diary, as it brings me all the emotions when I read through past text I have written, and that it also reminds me of what a me and her lived