hich one is worse? You are on board a sinking ship or you fall for your best friend and there is nothing you can do to make him yours?

Seeing him with his loved one can only make you smile bitterly. You want him to be content but deep down you want it to be you who is walking beside him, hugging him, and kissing him. But as his best friend, you have to put on your best fake smile, saying that you are really happy for him.

That is what Kang Seulgi felt for her best friend, Kim Jong In. Friends since their childhood, they knew each other for too long to hide anything. Yet, it’s best to say that Seulgi is really good at hiding her emotions because not even Jong In, her best friend for many years knew about her feelings towards him.

Even Seulgi didn’t know that the feeling she has for him is called ‘love’. She has known him since they were little. Their parents are friends with each other and they went to the same school until they graduated high school. At first, Seulgi thought the comforting feeling, the joy and the happiness were all because she had him as her best friend. Jong In is really a nice man and she feels lucky to know him and have him by her side.

However when she saw lots of girls starting to pay attention to Jong In, she felt jealous. She didn’t know why but she did. Looking back, she still doesn’t understand her feelings fully at that time. She was just 13 years old. Jong In was pretty popular in their school while they were growing up, mostly because they were all in the same dance group that Seulgi was also a member of.

And when Jong In started to get close with other girls, Seulgi finally realized her ‘real’ feelings towards her best friend. She was indeed in love with him. People might think it was too early for her to be sure it was love but Seulgi did not need an adult to explain to her what love is. She just knew it.

Afraid that it might ruin their friendship, Seulgi decided to keep it a secret. She always said that she is content with just being his friend. She considered herself luckier than the other girls who obviously wanted to switch places with her. Jong In got himself a handful of secret admirers but he never dated one of them. In fact, he never dated anyone during his school days. Seulgi always thought that maybe Heaven had pity on her and did not let Jong In see any girls that interested him.

When they graduated high school, Seulgi went to a different college than Jong In. They finally separated from each other after spending almost all of their lives together. But somehow, he started to change when he got into college. Particularly on the second year of their college life. Seulgi had thought Heaven was on her side, but not anymore… not this time.

When Jong In introduced his girlfriend, Krystal to Seulgi, she could only smile. She held out her hand to Krystal and said she had been longing to meet her (to meet the girl that successfully stole Jong In’s heart). She congratulated her best friend saying she is happy for both of them. Seulgi didn’t lie though. She was indeed happy for him (while having her heart broken).

“How did you guys meet? Jong In didn’t tell me much in details,” Seulgi looked at Krystal and Jong In. The latter shrugged his shoulders, asking for his girlfriend to tell the story instead.

“You know we are in the same college right?” Krystal asked and Seulgi nodded. “We knew each other on the Orientation Week. And then we both joined in the photography club. I guess that’s when we started to get close,” Krystal smiled and looked at Jong In’s eyes. They both chuckled, their faces reddened.

“Ahhh… I see,” Seulgi nodded again. Those were the only words Seulgi could mutter out of . The three of them continued chatting but all that Seulgi could do was nod and smile during the conversation. She was only able to see them both joking with each other. Seulgi’s brown eyes could only look at Jong In playfully caressing Krystal’s hair and see how happy they both looked together.

Seulgi bit her inner lips just to conceal her emotion. No. No. She must not be selfish. If Jong In is happy, she should be too.

The traffic was busy outside the café they occupied. There were also more people coming in to the café, bustling in for a cup of coffee after a long day at work. There were too many noises outside and inside the shop but Seulgi’s ear still caught Jong In’s whisper to Krystal. Seulgi saw his lips getting close to Krystal’s ear and then he opened his mouth,

“Come back with me this night,” he said. So faintly that only two of them could hear it (and somehow Seulgi heard it too).

Krystal smacked Jong In’s lap, her face started to blush. The couple chuckled and Jong In tucked Krystal’s hair back behind her right ear. There was a buzzing sound ringing in Seulgi’s head after that. She could not hear any sound afterwards. His smile, his lips, his whisper and his words. Those were the only things she could hear at that moment. Even with such a noisy surrounding, all she could hear was only his voice.

Thud.

If a broken heart can produce a sound, that's probably how it would be.

There goes Seulgi’s poor poor heart. Broken. Piece by piece, and there is nothing that could mend it back…

Jong In loves Krystal so much that he literally will do anything for that girl. She is not the same as the others. She gets him like nobody ever did. Even Jong In himself did not realize it at first. For him, Krystal is like an adventure that he’s been longing to be in.

His heart races, blood pumping and the butterflies flying in his stomach every time he sees her. Her smile, her touch, her skin, her kiss just opened up his cold heart in a way he could never have imagined.

Jong In is not a person who believes in soulmates. For him, there was no one created to share the same spectrum with one another. But with Krystal, he started to believe that soulmates existed. He started to believe that this girl could be the one.

Every moment with her made Jong In feel like he is the happiest man on Earth. He wanted the world to know there is great nice girl named Krystal but also he was greedy, not wanting to share her with anybody else.

If someone asks him what he likes about Krystal, Jong In will answer ‘everything’. He likes the way Krystal called his name with her honey-butter voice, the way Krystal kissed him first every time they woke up in the morning, the way she looked at him; with the corner of her eyes and she will smile afterwards. Also they way she cringed her nose whenever Jong In said something absurd, her over-sweetened coffee though Jong In didn’t like to eat much sugar, the way she played with his hair, the way her body moves with him in bed, her smells, her touches, her eyes… everything. Everything about her drove Jong In crazy.

He knew that he is deeply in love with her. He promised to himself that he will cherish her forever and will never do anything to hurt her and what they have...

and so he thought….

Present

Seulgi is on her way to meet Jong In at the bar near her workplace. He called her three hours ago, asking her to meet tonight at their usual place. She is running a bit late, her manager held her up at the last minute before she was off from work. When she arrives at the promised place, Seulgi quickly opens the door. Some jazz music is blasting inside. There are about five people inside the bar. It is pretty much empty. Probably because it is still quite early for it to be full with people, drinking; trying to wash away their problems. Seulgi’s eyes caught Jong In sitting on a barstool at the bar. His right hand is holding up a lit cigarette. He then brings his hand close to his lips, putting the cigarette between his mouth and inhales it.

Seulgi looks at Jong In’s behavior full with curiosity. She walks towards him and taps on his shoulder.

“Hey,” Seulgi sits down on the stool next to her best friend.

Jong In turns his head facing Seulgi and smiles, but faintly. He turns his head the other way to let out the smoke that already has passed through his lungs. He then said thanks to Seulgi for coming here to meet him.

Seulgi furrows her eyebrows. She picks up Jong In’s cigarette pack and starts playing with it. “It’s pretty rare to see you smoking again. I thought you quit?”

Jong In snickered. “Yeah, I did. But somehow, I ended up at the convenience store, asking for a pack of cigarettes,” His hand reaches for his glass of beer and he drinks it.

“You look miserable,” Seulgi voiced out her concern.

Jong In laughs. He puts out his cigarette on the ashtray placed near him and takes another sip of his beer.

“Still fighting?” Seulgi raised her eyebrows.

Jong In shakes his head. “Not anymore,”

Seulgi scoffs.“Then why the hell do you look so despaired?”

“Because we broke up,” he finally said it.

Seulgi eyes widened, shocked by the news.

“But… you guys are always on and off. I’m sure it will get better,”

Jong In shakes his head. “Not this time. Not this time, Seulgi,” Jong In’s hand runs through his hair. His face looks so solemn, his eyes looks empty.

“It’s that bad?” Seulgi asked, intrigued.

Jong In nodded.

Seulgi lets out a sigh and stares long at the man sitting in front of her. She feels sorry for her best friend. He really looks devastated with the situation going on with his now ex-girlfriend. They already been going out for 5 years. Seulgi knew that Jong In loved her very much and probably still does. But somehow things change after 5 long years, even for a perfect couple like Jong In and Krystal.

A sudden thought hits Seulgi’s mind right away and she starts to feel guilty. Because just now, she feels a spark of hope finally bloom in the middle of this messiness. Is she a bad friend if she feels slightly happy by this news?

Jong In’s voice interrupted Seulgi’s mind from going any further. She apologized for not answering him and asked him to repeat his question. He was just asking if things are good at her work place.

It’s already been almost 3 years since they both graduated from college. Seulgi is working in an advertising company as the assistant creative director while Jong In is working for a fashion magazine as a photographer.

Seulgi shrugged, “Nothing happened much at work. Same old routine every day,”

They both continued chatting about anything and everything until the bar closed up before they went back to each other apartments. In Seulgi’s head, she could not think of anything other than the fact that Jong In is no longer bound to any other person right now... She starts to think that she is the worst friend one could have…

The two sisters are sitting on their brown couch while watching some movie playing on the channel. The elder is munching while her hand is busy grabbing more chips from the bowl.

“He broke up with her,” Seulgi suddenly started a conversation.

“Who did?” The elder turned her head towards her sister.

“Jong In… with Krystal,”

“For real?”

Seulgi nods. The other woman, Joohyun just stared at Seulgi without saying a word. Then she finally opened .

“How long had they been together?”

“5 years.. I think,”

“Wow,”

The older woman continues grabbing the snacks from the bowl. “When did he tell you that?”

“Last Friday,” Seulgi answers nonchalantly.

Joohyun nods again. She is in deep thought about the news she just heard and suddenly her eyes widen. She quickly turns to her little sister,

“Wait… are you planning to—?”

Seulgi pans her head and stares back at her older sister without saying anything.

“No! You shouldn’t!” Joohyun stands up from the couch where they were sitting, in protest of what her little sister might do in the future.

Seulgi looks up at her sister, surprised. Why did her sister get so mad?

“What’s up with the over-reaction, sis?”

“Because I know that look! I’m your sister,”

Seulgi pouts when she hears Joohyun’s accusation towards her (though it was really more a fact rather than accusation).

“I haven’t decided anything yet,”

“But the idea still lingers in your head,”

“Do you even know what I’m thinking about?”

“Of course I do! You were thinking of confessing to him!!!”

Blood is thicker than water and Joohyun really knows her younger sister. Well, she could not have helped it since Seulgi has been in love with Kim Jongin since.. forever!

“Why the sudden rage? Why is it so wrong for me to confess to him??”

Joohyun sighs before finding herself sitting down back on their brown couch.

“Look, I know Jong In is a nice man. I knew him since he was a kid too but if you two really got together right now, you are nothing but that woman's replacement. You will be just the rebound girl! I don’t want that happened to you,”

Seulgi looks at her sister and then stares back on the TV that was playing some movie. Her eyes fixed on the TV but her mind is elsewhere. Deep in thought, her brain rushed with hundreds of ‘what ifs’.

Joohyun continued, “Knowing Jong In, he will probably just accept your love because he doesn’t want to hurt you. Then, you both will hurt each other and I will have to hate him too for hurting you. It will be your fault if I will never speak to him or his family again after that,”

Seulgi chuckled upon hearing her sister’s words. She feels lucky to have Joohyun as her older sister but sometimes that woman is too protective, probably more than her parents are. Her sister always thinks that Seulgi is still a baby who can’t decide anything important in her life.

“What if I want to be hurt?”

Joohyun gasped when she heard her little sister’s question—no, not a question. It is more like a statement.

“Are you out of your mind, Seulgi?”

“I’m tired of sitting around doing nothing! Now, he is not with anyone anymore! I feel like I have to do something!”

“No! You don’t have to. Him breaking up doesn’t have anything to do with you!”

“Yes, it does, Sis! It’s a sign! I love him so much but I didn’t want be such an friend who secretly wanted them to break up. He was so happy when he was with her! So I prayed to God to help me find someone that can make me forget about him. But, turns out, they broke up without me asking for it! Don’t you think this might be a sign from above?”

“No! You wanna know what I think? I think you finally have gone crazy!”

“You don’t understand! You have someone you love, who loves you back!”

“Why are you so obsessed with him? Move on Seulgi!”

“It’s easier said than done!”

“It’s because you never try!”

“Well.. maybe I don’t wanna try because I’m too deep in love with him. Maybe also because I don’t want anybody else but him!!!”

Seulgi gets up from the couch and barges in into her room before slamming her door shut. Joohyun could only shake her head. She wants nothing but the best for her little sister. She knew this kind of love will just ruin her more…

Jong In is sitting in front of his TV, his hand holding the remote control, trying to find a good channel to watch. It is a lazy Saturday evening and he’s got no plans with his friends to go outside. Usually he would be at Krystal’s house, spending their weekend together, but not anymore. It’s already been 6 months since they broke up but he still thought of her every single day. But the damage is done and there is nothing that could fix what happened between them. Now, his weekends either filled with him spending his time with his friends, drunk or just sitting around his house watching movies.

While he was flipping through the channel, suddenly the house bell rang. Jong In immediately got up from his couch; he wondered who it could be at this late hour. He pushed the microphone button asking who it is.

“It’s me,” the voice echoed through the speaker.

Jong In recognized the tone. It belongs to his best friend. He quickly opens the door and sees Seulgi is standing in front of his apartment, looking troubled.

“Hey, what’s up?” He is surprised to see Seulgi suddenly came to his house. He invited her to get inside the house. Seulgi went inside without saying anything. Her face looks solemn.

“What’s the matter?” Jong In asked again after seeing Seulgi did not say a single word.

Seulgi looks at Jong In’s eyes. Her eyes looks melancholic but they do not falter. With much effort, she finally opened . “There’s something I want to talk about,” she said.

“Okay. But do you wanna a cup of coffee first?”

“Hurm, yeah. Sure,” She nodded while looking elsewhere.

Jong In walks inside his kitchen while Seulgi is just standing in the middle of the living room. She takes a quick glance on top of the shelf placed above his television set. There used to be a framed picture of Jong In with Krystal in it. But it is absent now. The only 2 frames left are his picture with his family and old picture of Jong In’s with his childhood friends including her in it. Seulgi smiles weakly. She walks toward the shelf and tries to reach the frame but fails. She tries again by standing on her toes and her right hand reaches for the frame. Suddenly she feels warmth behind her. A hand longer than hers reaches the frame and picks it up from the shelf. Seulgi turns her body around just to see Kai standing so close to her while holding the frame. She could even feel his heart beating against her body.

“You want this?” he raised his eyebrows and Seulgi just nodded without saying anything. He passed the frame to Seulgi and she said thanks. Her heart is pounding crazily inside her chest but she told herself to remain calm. Jong In already put down two mugs of coffee on the table. He invited Seulgi to drink while it still warm. Seulgi takes the mug while her left hand is still gripping the frame. She did not sit on the couch even after Jong In insisted. It seems like Seulgi is in such deep thought that she could not even hear Jong In’s order for her to sit.

He then grabbed the mug of coffee she was holding and put it back on the table. Then he pushed her shoulders down, asking her to sit. Seulgi just followed his order without much resistance. He sits next to her, playfully shoving the mug in front of her face once again. Seulgi smiles and takes the mug from his hand and starts to sip the coffee.

Seulgi stared at the picture she was holding. There were 4 people inside it. Jong In was crouching on the ground, showing the ‘peace’ sign while Seulgi was kneeling next to him, smiling broadly displaying her white teeth. The other two boys standing behind them, hugging each other shoulders. Seulgi looks away from the picture and faces Jong In. “How old were we?”

“Hurm… 12? Probably 13. Not so sure though,” He takes the picture frame from Seulgi’s hand and looks at it.

“This was taken at the school festival, right? Right before we started performing on stage,” Seulgi asked again.

Jong In nodded. “Do you remember what happened during that day?”

Seulgi laughed. She nodded her head many times while grinning to her ears. “Sehun fell down on the stage while dancing and we three had to follow him pretending it was a part of the routine,”

Jong In chuckled upon hearing the story. “Thank God Taemin was sharp. I probably would have panicked if I were the one who was leading our team,”

“I think you’d have done as well as him too,” she replied. Jong In muttered, “Really?” and Seulgi nodded in confidence. They are both smiling but Seulgi’s smile is fading gradually. “Good times, huh,” Jong In stared in the picture.

“So what’s the thing that you want to say to me?”

“Huh?”

Jong In caught Seulgi off guard, causing her heart to jump a little bit inside. “Oh, yeah…”

“Is something wrong?” Jong In tilted his head. It is pretty rare to see Seulgi in this kind of state. She was always calm and composed. He already knew her for 20 years but he never saw her this unrested.

Seulgi bit her lip. She could not meet Jong In’s curious eyes that had been staring at her so intently. Seulgi takes her time before she finally opens .

“I… I know this might sound crazy and absurd. Believe me, I’m keep thinking whether I really should do this. In fact, maybe I’ve spent too many years thinking of whether or not I should say the truth…”

Seulgi finally looks up at Jong In’s eyes. The man raised his eyebrows, not understanding what Seulgi said and is about to say.

“Say the truth about what?”

Seulgi fell into silence for couple of seconds before she continued speaking, “That I’m in love with you,”

Jong In chuckles upon hearing the sudden confession. He thought Seulgi is messing around with him. But when he saw Seulgi’s solemn face, his smiles disappeared quickly. This is for real.

“Wait, do you really mean it?”

Seulgi could only nod her head and stared back at Jong In’s eyes. She blinks her eyes for God knows how many times just to fight back the tears that might come out any second. There was a silence that fell between both of them. Seulgi doesn’t know what to do, so she keeps herself busy by scratching her own nails, waiting for Jong In to say something.

“For how long?” Jong In finally opened his mouth.

Seulgi tightens her smile and then bites her inner lip. “Long enough for me to be this miserable,”

Jong In diverted his eyes to the TV show that was on, pretending to look at it though his mind is obviously thinking about something else.

Seulgi scoots her body to the edge of the couch and leans forward while her hands are clasped together on her thighs. Seulgi tries to brave her heart for what she is about to tell him next.

“Jong In… I’m sorry if I was being insensitive. I know that you still love her even though already half a year has passed by. I know you’re still thinking about her. But…”

Seulgi’s words were stopped when her voice started to croak. She cannot fight the tears anymore and it just comes out naturally like it should be. Jong In could see Seulgi was in tears from the corner of his eyes. He immediately closes his eyes, with his both hands clenched together tucked under his chin. He did not want to see his best friend crying in front of him, more over knowing that she is crying because of him.

“But… I guess… I had enough. I don’t want to keep it a secret anymore. This is the only chance I got before… before you might have found someone else. So, this is me, asking for your love… to be not just a friend but as your partner, as your … lover,”

“Seulgi.. I…” Jong In's voice suddenly stopped. His right hand runs through his hair. He really doesn’t know what to say to her. He could not think of any words to project out of his mouth, afraid that even one word will hurt her.

“I love you, Jong In. More than you could think of. Just so you know that I tried… I tried very hard to shake off this feeling. I know you treasure this friendship because I do too. But, this is the problem with the heart, huh? It won’t do what we tell it to do. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot ‘unlove you’, Kim Jong In,” Seulgi burst into tears again. She choked up, could not mutter anymore words. Her both cold and reddened hands cover her face, while she sobs through her emotions.

Jong In could not utter any words. He just fell silent. He was shocked with his best friend’s confession. He never knew… he never suspected that Seulgi likes him, more than just a friend. He was always wondering why a pretty girl like Seulgi still stayed single up until now. Today he learned the answer.

“I… I don’t know what to say, Seulgi. This is too shocking for me,” Jong In finally braved himself to face Seulgi.

Seulgi quickly wipes her tears and look at Jong In directly. “I know. I understand. I’m not hoping you give your answer now…”

Jong In finally got up from his seat on the couch. He walks to balcony nearby the living room. His eyes stared blankly into the view of Seoul city at night. His heart is heavy. Answer? She is waiting for an answer? He could not think of any. Yes, he loves Seulgi but he always loved her as friend. Could he love her beyond that?

“Give me a chance, Jong In. Don’t say no yet,”

Seulgi’s voice interrupted Jong In’s deep thoughts. Jong In turns his body and faces Seulgi who is still sitting on the couch. Seulgi could feel like Jong In was contemplating with his heart. If he really did have the same feelings, he wouldn’t look that miserable too. They both fell quiet again.

“Give me some time to think about it,” Jong In finally came out with a conclusion.

Seulgi nods. She then got up from the couch and bid farewell to Jong In. She sees herself to the door and walks out from the apartment. There was a long silence before Jong In realized he is finally alone in his house.

Love… why does it have to be so complicated?

“Are you really crazy?” Joohyun raised her voice toward her younger sister. Seulgi just told her older sister that she confessed her feelings to Jong In. Seulgi was not surprised with Joohyun's reaction and that is why she had been keeping it a secret up until now.

“It’s already been few months since we last talked about it and I thought you already forgot about the idea!”

Seulgi sighed. “Well, you are the one who said that was not a good time to confess to him. So I waited months after they broke up to finally share my feelings.”

“I said there would never be a good time because of this... this thing was really a bad idea to start with!”

“Why are you getting mad?” Seulgi furrowed her eyebrows.

Joohyun glares at her younger sister. “Of course I’m mad. You chose to confess to him even though I already asked you to move on!”

“How the hell I’m supposed to move on when I’m so in love with him?? Tell me sis, do I not deserve to be happy?”

“Darling, of course you deserve it but…. Jong In is not the one!”

“Then who should it be? Tell me because in my heart there is no other one except him,” Seulgi’s voice started to sound shaky. Her tears are on the verge to pour out from her moistened eyes.

Joohyun stays silent after seeing her sister’s condition. One more word, she knew she will only hurt Seulgi. Joohyun sighed. She didn’t know Seulgi’s love for Jong In is this deep.

“Then what did he say to you?”

“Nothing… He just said to give him some time to think about it,” Seulgi wiped her tears that finally streamed down across her cheeks.

Joohyun bit her lower lip. “How long is it already?”

“A month,”

Joohyun looked her sister’s face. She cupped Seulgi’s cheeks with both of her hands. “That’s why you look so messed up, huh?” She then brings Seulgi’s head close to her chest and hugs her little sister.

“It’s okay. I’m prepared for any answer. I’ll be fine even he rejects me,”

She lied.

Seulgi lied and Joohyun knows it too.

Seulgi looks out the house window. Thunder growling and lightning striking through the night. It seems that the city of Seoul will be blessed with rain tonight...

It is raining heavily in Seoul, the metropolitan city. Jong In is inside his apartment, cleaning up his camera tools to prepare for a photoshoot tomorrow for his magazine. His mind still races back on the event that occurred a month ago. Not one of them contacted each other ever since that night.

He knows Seulgi is waiting for an answer. He knows he is a bad man because he still leaves her hanging. He just didn’t know what to do. Thousands of thoughts and feelings all rushed at the same time and he could not think of what the best answer is to give to her.

As if the heavens know, his doorbell suddenly rings. Jong In’s gut could already guess who it could be. Jong In pushed the microphone button, asking who his guest is though he already knew. His instinct is right, it is really her standing in front of his apartment.

Jong In opens his door and is shocked to see Seulgi is drenched from head to toe. Her body shivers from the cold but her eyes look so determined.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t barge in again. Think whatever you want about me because yes, I am desperate. I am desperate to know your answer, Jong In.”

The man did not say anything. He just stared at her drenched body standing in front of his door. His eyes are full with mixed emotions that have been scattered chaosly inside his heart.

Upon seeing how miserable the man looks, Seulgi opened again.

“I don’t care whatever your answer is, Jong In. I just… I just wanna know the truth. If is there a chance that you might have the same feelings for me,”

Jong In finally looked at Seulgi’s eyes, clearly showing that he did not want to hurt her. All it takes is just one glance for Seulgi to understand what’s going on in Jong In’s head right now.

“Is that your answer?”

Jong In shook his head gently. “No…no,” his voice weakened. “I.. I don’t know Seulgi,”

“What are you so afraid of?”

“Because I don’t want to ruin our friendship!”

“I don’t care right now!”

Jong In stared at Seulgi. She is shivering from standing still in wet clothes. Jong In asked Seulgi to come inside and but the woman didn’t budge from her place.

“Let’s talk inside,” Jong In insisted again but Seulgi still did not move. He had no other choice, he grabbed her arms and pulled her inside the room, quickly closing the door.

“Let me grab you a towel first,” but his move was stopped by Seulgi.

“You don’t have to pity me, Jong In,” Seulgi stared at Jong In’s brown eyes.

“Seulgi,”

“Jong In,”

The man sighed. He knew it will be just useless to argue with her. After all he knew her for 20 years already. Her eyes still intensely looking at him without wavering a bit. She obviously is waiting for an answer to come out from the man.

“Just one word from you. That’s all I need,” her dewy eyes literally begging for a resolution, a closure to her heart.

“I don’t know Seulgi. This is all too sudden! It’s already been 7 months but I still think about her all the time. What we had was special. I really thought that she’s the one! But when everything started to crumble, I myself started to fall as well.... fall into this deep black hole that keeps every ounce of happiness that I had,”

Jong In’s fingers run through his hair. He never looks this tormented.

“I like you.. I do like you.. maybe more than just friend. In a way I could never think of before your confession. But.. Me and her… we…”

Seulgi’s just standing still, waiting for Jong In to pour out all of his feelings that had been stuffed inside his chest for who knows how long.

“I don’t know if I’m capable to love again. 5 years… is not short. It did leave a big hole in my heart. I am afraid. I admit. I am scared. What if we’ll end up hurting each other? Just like me and Krystal did? I don’t think I can live with that. I will not only lose a lover, but I will lose my best friend as well!”

Jong In leans toward Seulgi. His right hand reaches for Seulgi's face. He caress the woman's cheek gently.

"You are very special to me; even there is no romance involved. I can't live without you that I'm sure. So that's why we can't do this. These past years with her taught me everything. Because when you are so deeply in love, were bound to hurt each other in the end. I don't want you to feel that way. I don’t want to hurt you…"

Seulgi closes her eyes, her tears waters down her cheeks. When she opened her eyes again, she gazed into Jong In’s eyes earnestly. She touches Jong In's hand that's still on her face.

“Hurt me all you want, I don’t care.” Seulgi bit her lip. “You don’t know how much I want to be with you that I don’t mind being hurt by you. I waited too long.. too long for my sanity to be normal..."

“Seulgi, you are not in your right mind now,”

“And whose fault is that?”

Jong In fell silent.

Seulgi opened again, “I know I sound like a mad woman right now. Being in love with you, my best friend is almost being like a drug addict. I know it’s bad for me. I tried very hard to avoid it. But then again, I’m just a human being. The more I tried to push away my feelings, the deeper I fell for you. Whenever I tried to find your flaws, it always became some kind of perfection to me. I’m going crazy, you know! I know I shouldn’t have this feeling. I never intended to love you in the first place. Falling for your best friend is the worst torture one could have!”

Jong In closed his eyes when he heard Seulgi’s heartfelt words. He somehow felt guilty. If only he realized it sooner… then maybe Seulgi wouldn’t be this dejected. But then again, if he did find out sooner, what was he going to do with it? Would he have tried to look at Seulgi in a different way than before? Would he start learning how to love her too just like she did?

And what was worse for Jong In right now is that he doesn’t even understand his feelings anymore. Ever since the confession, he tried to look back all the way during their childhood days. Seulgi was always with him. She is really the nicest friend one could get. He admits that he could not live without her. He really does love her. Maybe more than just a friend. But will it be enough? What if he will hurt her in the future if they really got together? What if his feelings for her cannot go farther than what he’s feeling now? Because obviously Seulgi loves him more and Jong In is afraid that Seulgi has to strive hard to make him fall for her. He doesn’t want to see his best friend begging for love. More over from him.

Seulgi held Jong In's hand tightly. "Give me a chance Jong In. Don't give up on us. Not when it never even started yet,"

Jong In lets out deep sighs. He stares intently at the woman standing in front of him.

“It won’t be that easy,” Jong In finally muttered something.

“I am willing to give it a try. I’ll promise that I will give my all. So for once, please be with me,”

Seulgi shortens the gap between their bodies. She leans torward the tall guy. Her eyes fixed on Jong In's sorrowful eyes.

“Use me, Jong In. In whatever way you want. Use me as her replacement, I don't care. I just wanted to know what it feels like to be loved by you, to be kissed by you, to be remembered in every second of your heartbeat, to be in your dreams whether in reality or in your sleep. I wanted to have the right love you, not as a friend but as a lover. As a reward, you can hurt my heart, break me into pieces. Just do whatever you want with me. Yes, yes, I'm going insane because rather than not having to do anything with you; I’m content being your miserable lover. Do as you please with me,”

Seulgi closes her body towards him. Her face moves closer to Jong In's. Her lips are reaching for his lips but she stopped to say something.

“I will make you be happy with me.”

and both of their lips finally found each other...

 Author's note:    Hi, thanks for reading this oh-so-lame fanfic with cliche theme, 'falling for your best friend'. I had this bunny plot since forever, wrote a bit and hide it. Today ( Jan 6 '18) that I finally sorted out everything. I know you will be wondering that this story could not be stopped like this. Truthfully I don't have any plan on the next plot beyond the last scene. So, I don't think I will be writing a sequel for this story. However maybe in the future, I somehow got inspiration to continue. Still, don't get your hope too high XD

With that being said, I really hope that you enjoy reading this fic as much I feel enjoy (read:sorrow) while writing this fic. I was too much involved writing this fic and seems like half of what Seulgi's feelings conveyed my real feelings, haha. Anyway,  please keep reading and comment! XD Thank you so much!

Also, I just want to clarify that I know Seulgi's character is borderline obsessed with Jong In and it's not healthy. I purposedly made it that way because some of us might had been through this phase when we liked someone too much, we've become obsessed with them. Again, I'm not saying it's right, I just want to potrayed the desperate feeling of a person that love someone so deeply.

THANKS FOR READING!

THANKS FOR THE UPVOTES!