This time last year, Kihyun was happy. This time last year Kihyun was snuggled up in front of the fireplace with who he thought was the love of his life, drinking hot chocolate, counting down the days until Christmas. They would sit in silence, side by side, and occasionally giggle at nothing. They would go to holiday parties together and drink cheap wine with coworkers and friends. Minhyuk would slyly give Kihyun a peck on the cheek in front of everyone during these parties and whisper to him how much he loved him.

  This time this year, Kihyun’s alone. He decorates his cheap little Christmas tree alone, goes shopping for others on his own and watches holiday movies by himself. He bakes cookies and eats the slightly burned ones from the batch and makes a note to himself to bring leftover good cookies to his coworkers at the holiday get together.  

  The breakup was inevitable, Kihyun’s nagging and constant complaining became too much to handle over time and even though he had hoped Minhyuk would be able to still see the best in him despite his faults, he knew deep down they would push him away. Small bickering would soon evolve into shouting matches and days of ignoring each other or someone sleeping on the couch.

  Kihyun’s been sulking in his apartment dreading the office holiday party this year. He dreads it because he knows Minhyuk will be there cuddled up to his coworker Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo’s a good guy but it’s always been awkward between the two of them, they rarely greet each other when they pass each other in the halls and idle conversation always seem forced. Things have been even more awkward since the last office get together when Hyunwoo decided to introduce his boyfriend Minhyuk to everyone.

  Kihyun puts the cookies in some tupperware his mother gave him a while back and gets ready to go to the party. He dresses semi-casually, throwing on one of his nicer winter coats and heads out the door. He starts his janky little car, turns on the radio and starts driving to Hoseok’s apartment where the party is being held.  He could have carpooled with his a few of his office friends but the drive only takes about 15 minutes and he’d rather not risk running into Hyunwoo or Minhyuk.

  Once Kihyun pulls up in front of the apartment complex, he gets out of the car and feels the cold air on his face. He shivers a bit while wandering around the dark apartment complex holding the cookies close to his body as an attempt to keep himself warm even though they’ve been cool for a few hours now. He would have brought his scarf but he once lent it to his friend Hyungwon and ended up never getting it back. He finally finds the right apartment and he rings the doorbell twice nervously.

The door creaks open and Hoseok’s at the door. He’s grinning brightly in an ugly christmas sweater and a santa hat.

“Kihyun! I’m glad you could make it! Come in, come in!” Hoseok beams.

Kihyun shyly smiles back and answers with a quiet “Thank you for having me.”

    Kihyun walks in and sees quite a few people from the office are already there crammed in this tiny apartment but the mood is relatively good and everybody seems to be in the holiday spirit.

There are a few bottles of wine in the center of the table in the dining room and a few various dishes that other people brought. Kihyun decides to place the tupperware containing the cookies and puts them near the food. Kihyun’s only been there for 10 minutes when he notices Minhyuk and Hyunwoo sitting next to each other on the floor cuddled up and off in their own little world. Minhyuk rests his head gently onto Hyunwoo’s shoulder while Hyunwoo reaches up to gently the boy’s chestnut brown hair. Not wanting to get caught staring at the two, Kihyun decides to go mingle with everyone.

    Even after 40 minutes into the conversation with Jooheon about Jooheon wanting to quit his receptionist job and pursue rapping instead, Kihyun still finds his eyes wandering back to the couple wrapped up together and noticing them every now and then. Minhyuk and Kihyun eventually lock eyes across the room and Kihyun finds himself shooting an awkward smile at Minhyuk. Minhyuk smiles back and makes his way across the room over to Kihyun and Jooheon.

“Hey! How have you been Kihyun? I didn’t say hi to you yet.” Minhyuk says while wiping a few crumbs from what seems to be a cookie on his cheek.

Kihyun debates spitting out the truth right then and there about spitting out the truth but ultimately decides against it.

“I’ve been good. I’ve just been listening to this dork Jooheon talk about his rap dreams.” Kihyun half heartedly laughs.

A forced brittle laughter occurs amongst between the three of them. Once the awkward laughter ceases Jooheon decides to go bother his work buddy Gunhee. With just the two of them chatting it somehow feels like they’re completely alone together even though they’re in a room full of people.

“Are you seeing anyone?” Minhyuk asks.

“No. I see you are though.”

Even though holiday music is in the background and others are laughing and having a great time it feels oddly silent.

“Are you happy?” Kihyun genuinely asks.

“Yeah but sometimes I miss you.” Minhyuk admits.

“I’m happy for you. Don’t let Hyunwoo turn you into a gym rat, I doubt that would happen though since you’ve always hated working out.” Kihyun chuckles.

  Minhyuk chuckles back in response. Hyunwoo comes from behind and gives Minhyuk a bear hug and let’s him know he wants to go home. Minhyuk mumbles back 2 more minutes and Hyunwoo lingers for a little bit, making the air feel a bit stuffy and uncomfortable before finally wandering off.

“I really miss you sometimes.” Kihyun says.

“I miss you too.”

   Hyunwoo yells for Minhyuk and Minhyuk speedwalks over there. Kihyun notices the way Minhyuk’s eyes form into half moons and the way his entire face lights up when he’s next to Hyunwoo. The way he gets all handsy with him and giggles like a schoolgirl around him. Kihyun thought he was the only one who could make him feel like that but things have changed and Minhyuk has found someone else that can make him feel that way. They slip their coats back on and say their goodbyes before they leave..

  Kihyun decides stays around and socialises for an hour longer with Hoseok and Changkyun before he also decides to leave. He gets back into his little beat up car and turns on the radio and heads back to his little apartment.

  He enters his dark apartment and slips off his shoes. He turns on his small cheap Christmas tree and then heads back to his bedroom. He slips off his clothing and changes into a pair of sweats and an oversized hoodie that might not even be his. He climbs into bed and slips underneath the covers. He thinks about Minhyuk for a little bit before he dozes off into a deep sleep.

 Maybe this time next year, Kihyun won’t be so lonely.

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thanks so much for reading! i really love reading comments and id like to know how this fic made u felt etc so those would be greatly appreciated. also if u want u can read it from ao3 as well! http://archiveofourown.org/works/8987149