Would you let me lead you even when you're blind?

 

It all happened so fast.

Joonmyun and Yixing go to join the crowd gathering around the theater club’s stage. Joonmyun holds tight to the younger boy's hand just to make sure he doesn't lose him. Yixing looks so excited. He told Joonmyun that he'd never seen a real play before. He's happy to be part of one of Yixing's firsts and he knows the theater club will put on a good show.

Yixing starts to sway a little. Not much, but just enough for Joonmyun to take notice. He wants to take Yixing out of the crowd to get some air, but doubts they'll ever be able to get back in. He gently taps Yixing whose breathing heavier than usual “Maybe we should go sit.”

Yixing looks at him with disappointed eyes “But I wanna watch the rest of the play.”

Joonmyun bites his lip. Something tells him he should take Yixing out of this crowd. Then he looks at the other boy's face. He feels guilty. He doesn't want to force Yixing to do something he doesn't want to do, but he’s worried. “Xing, I--”

“Please Suho?” Yixing pokes out his lower lip “Just a few more minutes?”

Joonmyun sighs and smiles “Alright a few more minutes.”

Yixing doesn't last a few more minutes. His vision is getting spotty, he’s swaying back and forth, then everything goes black. Joonmyun feels a tugging at his hand and before he knows it, Yixing has hit the ground. He drops to his knees and cradles Yixing's head in his arms “Xing! Yixing, wake up!” Joonmyun knew he should've taken him out of that crowd. “Help!” He yells and the world around him seems to stop. All eyes are on them as Joonmyun is holding tight to Yixing. “Please someone help!” He looks back down at the boy in his arms “Xing, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.” There's a slight quiver in his voice, but he has to believe it.

There's a hand on his shoulder. It's tugging and yanking at him but Joonmyun refuses to let go of Yixing. Then there's a forceful shove and Joonmyun is knocked back. Yifan and Tao appear, the blonde’s face a mix of worry and anger. Joonmyun has no time time to process any of this because the nurse comes up and starts asking questions. He knows he should answer, but his mind is too busy wondering if Yixing is going to be okay.

 

It's quiet in the living room. The doctor came and looked in on Yixing. He said that it was just a bout of dizziness and fatigue. He said Yixing would be fine; they could see him in a few hours. That doesn't alleviate the tension in the room. All the boys are sitting together in the Zhang’s living room, patiently waiting for Yixing to wake up. Tao, Yifan, and Joonmyun have been here since his parents picked him up from the nurse. Jongdae and Sehun arrived as soon as they heard. The three younger boys look at the two oldest than at each other. They know someone should say something, but none them are eager to volunteer. Sehun and Jongdae stare intently at Tao who they think as the least chance of dying from Yifan's wrath. The raven-haired boy can tell what they're thinking, but doesn't know if even he will survive if he speaks up. Tao shakes his head; he can't do it. Jongdae looks at Sehun. They both know if Jongdae speaks, Yifan will tear him to shreds. Sehun takes a breath and resigns himself to his unfortunate fate. “Well at least we know Yixing-hyung will be okay,” he tries to say as cheerfully as possible.

“Yeah,” Tao chimes in “Maybe we could do something fun when he wakes up.”

Jongdae agrees “Yeah, uh, Yifan-hyung, what's Yixing-hyung’s favorite game?”

Silence.

“I trusted you,” Yifan growls lowly. None of them have to guess who that comment is directed to. The blonde giant is staring directly at Joonmyun with vengeance in his eyes.

“Yifan, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Yifan laughs wryly. Tao is alert. He's afraid that Yifan's going to attack and he needs to be ready to protect Joonmyun if necessary. “My brother passed out because of you and you’re sorry?!”

“It was an accident!” Joonmyun’s voice is shaky.

“An accident?! You really don't get it, do you?” Yifan stands and Tao jumps up next to him. Sehun and Jongdae are up as well and moving closer to Joonmyun. “Yixing can't afford accidents. You are not allowed to make mistakes with him! If you're going to be a source of accidents then go date someone else!”

Joonmyun stands “You think I wanted this to happen? I just wanted to keep Yixing happy!”

“Happy?! You're supposed to keep him safe! I never should have thought you could do what was best for him!” Yifan lunges forward “You are the worst! At least his other boyfriends knew better!”

Tao moves in front of Yifan and presses his hands against the blonde’s chest “Gege, stop!”

Jongdae and Sehun step in front of Joonmyun in hopes that Yifan wouldn't come any closer.

“I hope the guilt eats you alive,” Yifan pulls away from Tao and goes out the front door, slamming it behind him.

“I’m going to follow him,” the younger boy says as heads out the door.

Joonmyun falls back onto the sofa and buries his face in his hands. He didn't mean for this to happen. He doesn't want to control Yixing like everybody else, but he knows what he should've done. He could've prevented this from happening. He looks up when he feels the added weight on the couch, Jongdae and Sehun are sitting on either side of him. Jongdae rubs his shoulder “Yifan-hyung, is wrong. You're great for Yixing-hyung.”

“Like you said, it was just an accident,” Sehun adds.

Joonmyun stares down at the floor. Some part of him can't help but think that Yifan is right. If he is going to be a guardian to Yixing, then he can't make mistakes. “I should've known better than to have him in that crowd in the first place,” Joonmyun drops his face into his hands.

“But Xing wanted to see the play, right?” Jongdae sits down next to him “You were only trying to make him happy.”

“Yeah,” Sehun sits on his other side and adds “Yifan-hyung is wrong. Xing-hyung doesn't need another overprotective person to watch his every move.”

“But how am I supposed to be Suho, if I don't protect him?” Joonmyun mumbles.

“Suho?!” the two younger boys say in sync. They look at each other then back at their friend. Sehun speaks first “Is that what Yixing-hyung calls you?”

Joonmyun sighs and lifts his head. He tells them about the night Yixing had a fever and everything leading up to him getting the new nickname.

“Ah,” Jongdae nods “That's why this is bothering you so much.”

The elder looks at the cat-faced boy “I think it would bother anyone that is his friend.”

Jongdae shakes his head “But you're supposed to be the protective boyfriend, that's the problem. You're trying so hard to be a shield for Yixing-hyung instead of letting him live. You're being just like Yifan-hyung.”

“I am not like Yifan!”

“You’re the one who insists that he be protected at all costs. Maybe we should just put Xing-hyung in a plastic bubble so you can feel better about yourself.”

“I just don't want to see him hurt,” Joonmyun looks away from them.

“That's impossible,” Sehun puts a hand on the brunet's shoulder. “You can't protect him from everything. I know you think he’s fragile, but Yixing-hyung deserves to be treated just the same as anyone else.”

“Yeah, you gotta let him live,” Jongdae agrees “Sure you can suggest what you think is best, but ultimately it's up to him to decide what he wants to do. You can be protective without smothering him.”

Joonmyun looks at the two younger boys and decides that they have a point. He needs to stand by his first notion: treat him like a normal person, or as close as possible. That's what he had promised on Yixing's first day of school and he intended to keep that promise. He gave a small smile “Thank you. I’ll do my best for Yixing.”

---

“Yifan! Yifan-ge!” Tao calls as he looks around the street. He can't find the tall blond, despite the lack of people on the street. He continues down the block and stops when he reaches a small cafe. He presses his hands against the window and looks inside. He just barely spots a tall blond sitting in a booth toward the back corner. He’s not sure if it's Yifan, but given the circumstances, he decides to go check. Tao goes inside and heads directly for the booth. Yifan is sitting there staring down into a mug of apple cider. The younger boy sits across from him, quietly looking at him. He's not sure what to say, so he decides it’s best to wait until the blond is ready to talk.

After about ten minutes of complete silence, Yifan finally opens his mouth, “Are you mad at me?”

Tao is a little taken aback by the question. Why would he be mad? It’s Joonmyun-hyung that would've been upset with him. Although, maybe Tao did have a right to be upset. Yifan almost fought one of their closest friends over something he really couldn't control. The younger boy did think that Joonmyun was pretty blameless in the whole situation. However, Tao can also see why Yifan was so upset, but he refuses to take sides. That just isn't right. He shakes his head “No Yifan-ge, I’m not mad at you. And neither is Joonmyun.”

Yifan nods as he runs his thumb around the rim of the mug. “I didn’t mean to yell at him, but I trusted him. He was supposed to protect Yixing and make sure things like this didn't happen.”

“That's impossible.”

“What?” The blonde looks up from his mug in surprise “Tao, I thought you were on my side!”

“I’m not on anyone’s side. Yeah I get that Joonmyun was supposed to watch out for Yixing-ge, but he can't control what happens because of Yixing-ge’s health.”

“But he had to notice something was wrong! He should’ve pulled Yixing out of that crowd!”

“What if he had?” Tao asks bluntly.

Yifan blinks “What?”

Tao repeats his question, adding force “What if Joon-hyung had pulled Yixing-ge out of the crowd? What if he had done that while Xing-ge was finally feeling like a normal student for once? Even if it guaranteed that Xing-ge wouldn't have fainted, what if he would have done that?”

“Yixing would have been safe!”

“Yixing-ge would have been heartbroken! As his brother, I get that you’re worried about his well-being, but as a healthy person, you don't understand how desperately Yixing-ge wants to be treated normally. He was in a moment where he could ignore being sick and Joonmyun-hyung wanted him to enjoy it. I take back what I said about not taking sides: I’m on Yixing-ge’s side. I think he has a right to have a normal student life. Yes, Joonmyun-hyung should try to keep Xing-ge safe, but he has to attend to Xing-ge’s happiness too.” Tao looks at Yifan wearily “Joon-hyung is just as upset as you are. He probably blames himself for what happened, but honestly, he's torn between trying to keep his promise to you and his promise to Yixing. He wants to make you both happy.”

Yifan stares quietly at the table. As much as he doesn't want to admit it, Tao is right. He knows that Joonmyun is doing his best to fulfill his role as best friend and boyfriend. It wasn't right of him to just assume that Joonmyun was just being irresponsible. He sighs, “I just want Yixing to be safe.”

Tao reaches out and grabs the blond's hand “I know and he's safest in the arms of your best friend. Like you said, you wouldn't trust Xing-ge with anyone else.”

Yifan chuckles ‘How is it you remember things I say, but you can't even remember to do homework assignments?”

Tao blushes and looks away. He likes Yifan. He can't help but to remember the words that come out of those beautiful lips. He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck with his free hand “Some things are more important than others.”

“Well I’m flattered that you think I'm more important than homework.”

“Uh...yeah.”

“Well, I guess we should be heading back. I should apologize to Joonmyun,” Yifan pulls his hand back from Tao and slides out of the booth.

Tao’s hand suddenly feels very empty, but he doesn't say anything about it. He just smiles as he gets out of the booth and looks up at Yifan “I hope we can move past this.”

Yifan stretches “For Yixing's sake, I’m willing to let it go. Besides, like you said, it wasn't really Joonmyun’s fault.” He pinches Tao’s cheek “Thanks for talking some sense into me.”

Tao’s face turns a bright pomegranate red and he forces himself to look away “Yeah, no problem. Um, let's get going.” He grabs Yifan’s hand and they head back to the older boy's house.

---

Jongdae and Sehun look up when they hear the front door open. Tao is back with Yifan, who looks a lot less murderous than before. Joonmyun stares at the floor, he doesn't want to see Yifan’s face, nor does he want to show his own. He doesn't want to give Yifan the satisfaction of being right. He feels guilty about what happened to Yixing, but he was only trying to make the Chinese male happy. He never expected anything like this to happen.

Yifan walks over to the sofa and Jongdae scoots over to allow him to sit next to Joonmyun. The redhead feels the new weight next to him, but doesn't say anything. Silence envelopes the room and all the younger boys can do is wait.

“I’m sorry--” Joonmyun and Yifan say at the same time. They look at each other then awkwardly chuckle. Yifan takes his turn first “I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I know you didn't mean for Yixing to get hurt; it was an accident.”

Joonmyun looks away “But you were right, I should've taken better care of him.”

“There was nothing you could have done. For all we know, he would've fainted even if he wasn't in that crowd.”

Joonmyun looks back up at Yifan in mild surprise. He had never known his best friend to be so understanding. Tao must have said something to him, he thought and reminds himself to thank the younger boy later. “I promise I will do my best to look out for Yixing,” he says, determined. “Please let me take care of him.”

“I know you’ll make him happy, Joonmyun,” Yifan smiles and pats his friend’s back. “Besides, I wouldn't trust Yixing to anyone else.”

Joonmyun smiles and hugs Yifan tight “Thank you!”

The blonde awkwardly hugs him back before pushing Joonmyun back to arm’s length “Let’s stop before this gets weird.”

All the boys laugh and Sehun cheers “Yay! We’re all friends again!”

“All thanks to Tao,” Jongdae commends the Chinese boy for his work “Because we know Yifan didn't see the light on his own.”

“Oh shut up,” Yifan rolls his eyes.

Tao playfully bows “Thank you, I do my best.”

As they are all talking once again, they hear footsteps coming down the stairs. They all turn to see Seohyun with a smile on her face “Yixing is awake. You can come up and see him now.”

All the boys look around before their eyes settle on Joonmyun. “You should go first,” Jongdae speaks first. Joonmyun looks at Yifan and the older boy nods. The redhead takes a breath then stands to go see Yixing.

 

Yixing is sitting up against his pillows when Joonmyun walks in. The redhead steps into the room but doesn't go past the door. He closes the door behind him and presses his back against it. He doesn't say anything; he just looks at Yixing. What can he say? He is supposed to protect the younger boy and he didn't. He is supposed to keep bad things from happening and he couldn't even do that. What is he supposed to say now? There is nothing he can say to make things right.

“It’s so nice to see someone's face that isn't a doctor,” Yixing chuckles. “You know, I was awake a while ago. The doctor said they wanted to make sure I had some rest time before anyone could come in. My parents came in first before Seohyun was sent to tell you guys.” He tilts his head upon realizing that Joonmyun was standing far away. He patted the space next to him “Come sit with me.”

Joonmyun shakes his head and remains in his spot “It's best if I stay over here.”

“Why? I want you next to me.”

“Xing, I don't want to hurt you again.”

“Again? When did you--” The brunet stops and just looks at Joonmyun. He recognizes this kind of guilt because he's seen it before. He saw it each time the cancer would cause something to happen and there was nothing his boyfriend could do about it. That's the look Joonmyun has on his face and why the older boy won't come near him. Yixing sighs “Please don't blame yourself for this. I was feeling weak well before we entered that crowd.”

“But I should have taken you out of the crowd when I noticed you swaying,” Joonmyun argues.

“No you shouldn't have,” Yixing says firmly. “You promised to treat me like a normal person. I was happy in that moment; I felt like I was just a student like everyone else. If you would've taken that away from me, I would never forgive you. Despite fainting, I am very happy about our date at the festival.”

“Why?” Why is Yixing able to sit there with a smile on his face? Why is he smiling like nothing happened to him? How can he want me by his side even though I can't protect him?

Yixing answers easily “Well we got to play games together, you won a prize for me, I got to see a play and a fashion show, and I got to be with my friends.” The brunet hugs the unicorn plush Joonmyun won for him and blushes “My favorite part of the day was when you kissed my forehead.”

“But--”

“What was your happiest part of the day?”

Joonmyun blinks. He was so worried about Yixing fainting, that he hadn't really thought about that. He was so blinded by that one incident; he can't even pinpoint his happiest moment. All he had wanted was to enjoy the festival with Yixing and have a happy first date.

Yixing is happy.

They had fun moments.

Yixing still likes him.

We had a good date, Joonmyun realizes. It was fun and enjoyable for both of them, despite Yixing fainting. This calms his mind and he starts to move away from the door. He goes to sit in the empty space next to the brunet “My happiest part of today was when you put your head on my shoulder.”

“Suho,” Yixing takes Joonmyun’s hand “Will you go on a second date with me?”

The redhead smiles and kisses the younger boy's hand “Of course I will.”

“Aww that is so cute!” the sound of an emotional voice enters the room, causing Yixing and Joonmyun to look up.

“Tao, shut up!”

“Jongdae, don't be so insensitive.”

“For once I agree with Jongdae, Tao, you’re too emotional.”

Joonmyun and Yixing look at each other in surprise before breaking into a fit of laughter. They aren't too shocked that their friends are spying on them. It's to be expected. “You guys can come in now,” Joonmyun calls and the four other boys come bumbling into the room.

“You all are terrible at spying,” Yixing says bluntly.

Jongdae rolls his eyes “We would've been better if Captain Emotional over here hadn't been making so much noise.”

Tao pouted “They were saying such cute things. Anyone with a heart would have felt something.”

“Yeah, well, you feel too much.”

Sehun put a hand on Jongdae’s shoulder “You can't expect everyone to be as heartless as you.”

“I’m not heartless!”

Yifan hits the younger boy in the back of his head “Stop shouting. I’ll blame you if Yixing gets a headache.” He looks over to his brother and friend “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes,” both boys answer in unison.

“See?!” Tao points “They're just super cute, you can't ignore that!”

“Yah!” Yifan tugs on Tao’s ear “I said not to shout!”

Sehun shakes his head at Yifan contradicting himself before looking at Yixing “Did you enjoy the festival?”

Yixing nods “It was great! Suho even won this unicorn for me.”

“But Joon-hyung at carnival games,” Jongdae points out.

“No, I don't,” Joonmyun retorts.

Tao, finally free from Yifan’s grasp, looks at Joonmyun “I hate to agree with him, but he's right.”

“Rude!”

“Wait, pause,” Yifan gestures to the couple on the bed “Can we just discuss how Yixing just called Joonmyun ‘guardian’?!”

“What's there to discuss?” Sehun raises an eyebrow.

“Sounded normal to me,” Tao shrugs his shoulders.

Jongdae nodded then looked at Yifan “What's wrong with that, hyung?”

Yifan looks around at his friends in disbelief before shaking his head, “Nothing, it's fine...I guess.”

“I think you're just jealous that no one calls you that.”

“He’s too scary to be a guardian!” Sehun adds.

“Yah!” Yifan shoves the young blonde “I’d make a great guardian!”

“Shhh,” Tao puts a finger to his lips “You said no shouting, gege.”

Sehun and Jongdae break into laughter while Yifan blushes in embarrassment. Yixing laughs and Joonmyun shakes his head exasperatedly. However, the redhead is happy that things are back to normal. He was worried about what might happen to them, but things seemed to work out in his favor. Joonmyun leans over and kisses Yixing on the forehead again. He promises himself that he'll do whatever it takes to make Yixing happy.

---

A/N: I'm so sorry for the wait. I am finishing up at school and I have a lot of work to turn in so I don't have as much time to write and I haven't really been inspired lately. Luckily, this came to me after my plot drought. I hope you enjoyed reading. Until next time, subscribe, comment, etc. 

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