Byun Baekhyun is the love of my life.He’s the one who stole my heart. He was my first everything; my first friend,my first love, my first time. I treasured every glance his soft brown eyes gave me, every touch that feathered across my skin as he grazed his fingertips over my body. All the unspoken words that died on our lips as they met. The adoration that was evident in his voice as he’d whisper ‘I love you,’ and as if it was programmed into my mind and engraved into my soul, I’d almost always immediately respond with, ‘I love you too’.

He was everything I’ve ever wanted and more. He cared when nobody else did. He saw my anxiety, my depression, my pain, and instead of using ,my fragile state for his own cause, he helped me. He nurtured me. For the first time in years, I was happy. I felt like an actual person, I felt like finally someone accepted me for who I was.

I remember the first day I met him, he said one of his favorite hobbies was to take photographs of everything and anything. When I asked why he said it was because there is beauty in every moment of life, and if we can’t catch those moments and remember them, we might take what we have for granted. I thought that was absolutely beautiful. So from that day forward,we took photos of every moment, anything that we could call a memory. And we’d die a little. With each passing day, our time spent together would soon to coming to an end, the life we once provided for each other fading slowly but surely.

But even though I knew deep inside that nothing lasts forever, I still held onto that tiny glimmer of hope. That maybe, just maybe, we could have that perfect fairytale ending. We’d grow old together, and when our time came, we’d be buried under the vibrant willow tree. But as always, all good things come to an end. We held on, and we fought with all we had, for just one more day. One more moment. One more memory. Just one more.

And we got our wish, as I bent on one knee and deemed him my fiance minutes before the love of my life trickled away, his soul seeping into the air around us. His spirit leaving me for a better place, as his body laid limp before my wretched being. I wasn’t broken, but on the verge and honestly, I feel that’s much worse. I’d rather have been taken out of my misery than to have prolonged the pain and force myself to piece my spirit back together one by one. But one thing kept me from falling apart, and it was the photos. I protected them with my life, for if I could not protect the one I loved the most, I could protect the memories I had with him. I cherished each photo like they was worth a fortune, and to me they were. Every time I looked through them a sob would escape my lips and hot tears would spill down my cheeks but as I’d cry a smile would find its way onto my face because Jesus Christ each photo was apart me. Each moment helped build me into who I am today.

I love you. I love you. Goddammit Baekhyun I love you. Every time I remember the times we spent together, I die a little. But at least I know that once the will to live drains from my body, and I ascend from my physical form, I get to be with you again. We can become one again. Forever and always.