It’s just so ing unfair Taemin thinks. It’s ing unfair that dozens of people get to see Minho, get to talk to Minho effortlessly while he can’t. When people get to wave hello to Minho and he can't even see Minho's shadow.

Sure this long-distance thing has been working out so far for the last few months but there are days when Taemin feels especially sad that even all the phonecalls and texts from Minho can’t seem to fix it. And honestly, Taemin doesn’t even want Minho know that he is sad, incredibly so.  He’ll know exactly what Minho will say, that he shouldn’t be thinking about missing him. That he shouldn’t be thinking about all the things they can’t have yet. That they’ll have their time in the future. But goddamit-Taemin doesn’t think about missing Minho, he feels it. Feels it deep rooted in his heart. Feels it clenching him with it claws. How can Taemin ever turn off his feelings? He can ignore it, he always does. But sometimes it rings so damn loud in his heart that it’s not possible to turn it off. When the day just seems so gray and pale. When his room smells like tears and spilled orange juice. 

Like today, when the last time they saw each other was during a short weekend a month ago and Taemin discovers it would probably be at least another month or two before they can see each other again. It was suppose to be in a week. Taemin was really trying to keep it together because it was suppose to be just another ing week before they can see each other again. Taemin has been working so hard on his exams so it’ll be goddamn worth it when it’s over and he’ll get Minho as a reward. It probably sounds childish, to be so sad when a month could probably pass by in a jiffy. Or two or three. That if their love is so ing strong, it can be hit lightning and not be damaged the slightest bit.

But it’s hard. It’s hard being in an adult relationship where all Taemin wants is to be irresponsible or at least wants Minho to be.

But that ing boy is just too damn-well all Minho is , is not spontaneous or reckless. He is cautious and safe. Which is partly the reason why Taemin likes being with him. Everything just gets so grounded. Keeps Taemin from not flying off like a balloon and doing something stupid.

It’s just that-on days like today he wishes Minho would be less responsible. Less concerned about money or time and all that .

He just wishes that while he’s crying into his pillow because he misses the boy so much that he’ll hear a doorbell. When he can go down the stairs and open the door and see Minho out there.

On days like these, he wishes all these things. That he can hug Minho and kiss him and just have him there.

Because having a few of his shirts and all his gifts in the room is just not enough for Taemin. It just ing isn’t.

He just wants that doorbell to ring. If it would happen right about now, it’d be great. But Taemin knows that will never ever happen. Minho isn't the kind of person to just hop onto the next bus and meet him. He isn't as impulsive.

He doesn’t get the doorbell to ring.

His phone vibrates instead. Minho was calling him but he ignores it. And he ignores the other three calls after that too. He doesn't want Minho to know he's sad. He doesn't want Minho to know he's been crying. He just wants this moment to pass and he'll probably just make up some excuse later like being asleep for not answering the boy's calls. 

His phones vibrates again. And a message comes in. 

From: Minho

i’m outside baby ;) are you home?

And Taemin doesn’t walk to the door, he ing flies.