When You Wake Up (full story)
When You Wake UpChanyeol bats an eyelash at Baekhyun's loud burping. They have been married for 3 years but today, it just doesn't seem quite adorable as expected.
"Baekhyun, manners..." he hisses over the dinner table as he pours himself more wine.
"I'm sorry?"
"Manners... Your burping is too loud."
"Back then you told me it was cute." He shares in a sad tone.
"Okay then, let's go back. Yeah, I thought it was cute. You were, really." He pauses to drink then returns to their not-so-friendly banter, "It's different now. We're all grown and tired and maybe it just isn't what I want to hear when I'm enjoying my wine."
Baekhyun smirks, "I can't even remember when that wine started, the last time I checked, the Chanyeol I know loves soju, enjoys tteokboki on the streets, and respects Baekhyun's quirks." He looks far out the window behind Chanyeol as if he was looking for something. They were staying at the 61st floor of a building and from his seat, he could see the beauty of the nightsky as it blends itself with the city lights. Yet, it wasn't enough to distract him from his thoughts. He asks, "Where is that Chanyeol now?"
"We lost him." Chanyeol silently replies as he looks into Baekhyun's eyes trying not to tear up.
"We did? Maybe, we did..." He couldn't agree more.
"Do you want me to look for him?"
"Not so much."
"Then why are you looking for him now?"
Baekhyun cries this time, his tears becomes a river to his chin and down his neck, "I just wanted to ask him... I-I just want to know if," He breathes heavily, "The Chanyeol now still loves me."
Chanyeol rushes over to Baekhyun and hugs him from behind, his chin rests on the smaller boy's head and his arms draped around the boy's shoulders. Baekhyun, as much as he looked small, felt so small as well. It's as if the world was caving in on him. The bright city lights soon became orbs as he held onto him and cried. They stayed that way until he gave out little hiccups to ease his breathing and to stop himself from crying.
Chanyeol remained silent and maybe that was the best way to answer Baekhyun's question. This was the closest to comfort he could give.
Silence doesn't always means yes. Sometimes, it's the easier way to get things through and probably the easiest way to break someone's spirit.
"So you don't?" Baekhyun asks, his back is still facing Chanyeol but this time he was not holding onto him.
"Would you want me to say no?"
"Can I make you?"
"No."
"So you don't? You don't?! Chanyeol, just please tell me now so I could get this over with!" He's starting to tear up again.
"Yes, Baekhyun! Chanyeol raises his voice as he lets go of Baekhyun's shoulders to return to his seat. He is now in front of him.
"Tell me more!" Baekhyun shouts - he rarely does.
"No, I don't love you anymore. No, the old me is not coming back. No, I can't stay in this house with you because-"
Baekhyun inhales to steady his breathing.
"I"
Baekhyun exhales.
"Don't"
Baekhyun inhales.
"Love"
Baekhyun exhales. He jerks his feet and falls off from the bed, his face turned sideways facing the entrance of the bedroom. He feels the heat of the morning sun on his feet, with one of his socks missing. He sees him coming, the pair of feet comes closer and closer but he doesn't look up to see who that is because he already knows.
"Jagiya? What are you doing there lying on the floor?" Chanyeol asks.
Baekhyun smiles and the next thing he knows, Chanyeol is lying next to him on the floor - directly facing him.
"I love you." Chanyeol says.
"Please don't leave me ever."
"I wouldn't. Never in a million years."
"You promise?"
"Ahhh, Baekhyunie! Stop acting cute like this. I promise of course because-"
It's happening again.
Baekhyun inhales to steady his breathing.
"I"
Baekhyun exhales.
"Love"
Baekhyun inhales
"You"
Baekhyun exhales.
He wakes up on his bed, this time for real. He reaches out to the other half of the bed hoping to feel the warmth of Chanyeol's arms or that maybe, his fingers would get entagled in Chanyeol's hair. Maybe he could feel the smoothness of Chanyeol's bare chest but there was no arms, no hair, no chest - no Chanyeol. All that he felt was smoothened out sheets, tidied up pillows, and a tiny piece of paper.
He yawns - he wishes he was still in a dream. But, the thing is that, he isn't. This is the world he lives in now. He sits up and rests his back on the headboaord as he looks over the window of their room - it was quite a peaceful morning. The sky was blue and the sun seemed to know what enough is - it wasn't hot, it was just right. He lets out a sigh, "Oh, if only Chanyeol was here." he tells himself.
Then, he looks at the emptiness that Chanyeol left and he sees it - the tiny blue paper folded into what looks like a boat. Baekhyun reaches out to get it and as he unfolds it - he knew exactly who wrote it.
When you wake up and find that I am not beside you
know that it took a lot of courage for me to tidy up those sheets.
Think of me as that empty space, B. Think of me as though I need a little tidying up.
I need every edge of me to come together so that I would know that I am still whole.
I know you'd gladly take part in this one but I want to do it alone - this time.
You've done enough for me but I've done so little for myself that it translates to doing so little for you.
I'm going to need this time and I know that you need this too as much I do.
When you wake up and find that I am no longer there,
know that I am where you think I am. I just need a little fixing but trust me -
I will come back to you, always.
P.S. I left some pancakes in the kitchen. Go eat your breakfast and drink your vitamins!
- Yeol.
Baekhyun stands up and goes towards the window and as he looks down, he could see the entrance of the building and there he see Chanyeol putting his last suitcase in the trunk.
Chanyeol looks up and smiles, he does not know if Baekhyun is watching, or sleeping, or eating, but he waves goodbye and whispers into thin air, "I love you, B."
Baekhyun, from the 61st floor, waves goodbye in return. He does not know if Chanyeol could see it but, he's probably sure that he can't. He smiles and lets him go.
"He's going to come back" he tells himself, "He will."
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