They say that your entire life flashes before your eyes when you die and that somehow it gives you a sense of happiness and joy in your last moments breathing in the last bit of air you ever would, a bit like the first breath you take when you come screaming out of your mothers womb and into the world. Except this breath is not full of life, it is painful and saddening, not the joyous occasion that the other brings.

As he lies on the cold hard ground, body beaten and struggling to breathe, Zitao calls bull. He knows he’s going to die and yet he sees nothing, absolutely nothing and he hates that he had been ever told that lie. A lie that he wishes was true. A lie that would have made all of this easier. Instead of memories the thing that is burned into his retinas is the white of the ceiling, a colour that once matched his clothing now stained in his own blood, a colour that he had learned to hate over the weeks, months –years? – that he had been in this dreadful place. White is all he had seen for so long that the red on his clothing in almost a welcomed sight if it didn’t hurt so much.

He thinks back, thinks hard, trying to remember when he had hurt this much. Ah, he thinks, heart suddenly pained, his physical injuries meaning nothing, for nothing could ever amount to the pain of losing ones bonded, ones soulmate. He coughs as tears start to well up in his eyes, how could he forget? The man that had loved so much had been taken away from him, dead. They had killed him, killed him. They had said that he was no longer useful, that they had no need for someone who only had the power of flight. The said that they had ‘disposed’ of him yet none of them had been told how they had done that, didn’t know how but they had all known when. They had all felt it but none felt the same pain as what he had, except maybe Sehun when Luhan had come to the same fate after. It felt like his heart had been ripped in two, never to be whole again.

He suddenly smiles. Maybe death won’t be so bad he thinks. Yifan will be there, his bonded will be there. His heart yearns to see him again, yearns to be nestled in his arms, yearns to feel safe, protected.

It’s getting harder to breathe now, his chest aches and his throat burns. He tries to moves but his body won’t cooperate, too tired, to close to death. His dulled hearing picks up the sounds of hurried footsteps and the unmistakable opening of his prisons door. He whimpers, fearing another beating. He’s already dying, why can’t they just leave him alone? But why would he fear it? Isn’t he ready to die?

He feels trembling hands reach for his face. They’re warm and familiar and he sighs, turning his face into the warmth that they provide his cold body. Yixing…

“Oh my god.” he hears him choke out, feels the healers hands ghost over his body. “Oh my god…” he says again, voice heavy.

“Ge…” he says, those two letters taking up most of the energy he has left in his failing body.

“I-I can’t, I can’t, it won’t work it won’t work why doesn’t it work? Why won’t it work?” he chants, voice turning hysterical in desperation.

He looks up at Yixing who now has the youngers head in his lap, tears dripping onto his face below. It doesn’t bother him, if anything he barely even takes a notice of it.

“It’s-It’s okay.” He struggles out, a small line of blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth and down his chin. Yixing wails, tears coming out faster and his whole body shaking with sobs.

He tries to smile up at his Ge, tell him that everything’s going to be okay and that he should stop crying but he never gets the chance. Instead his body lurches as if he’s been electrocuted. He’s getting closer. His lungs have started to fill up with fluid. He coughs when it makes its way up his throat and out of his mouth. He sees a brief flash of red. Ah, blood. He’s drowning in his own blood. The coppery taste makes him want to hurl but all of his energy has already been spent trying to keeps his failing body alive.

His sight is starting to become blurred, so much so that he only just makes out Yixing’s face coming closer, pressing his forehead against his own as a mantra of I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry leave his lips. He knows Yixing wants to tell him that everything’s okay, that he’s going to be fine but he can’t. It’s a lie and Yixing’s never been able to lie, always to honest with his thoughts and feelings.

His face feels wet but it’s not from his own doing. Yixing tears have over flowed and dropped from his eyes, landing on Zitao’s face. He wants to tell his Ge not to cry, that he shouldn’t be sorry but his blood coated lips can’t even begin to form the words his mind so wishes him to say.

Drowning. He’s drowning. His lungs feel heavy, like they’ve been filled with cement. Every strangled breath he releases is filled with more blood then air and he feels as his body starts to shut down on him. Red’s always been his favourite colour but now he wonders why he had even liked it in the first place.

He’s always found making decisions extremely difficult, never knowing what he wants when given an option. He’s greedy, always wanting both as he cannot decide. Even in his last moments he can’t decide whether or not he wants to stay or go. But this time it seems he doesn’t have a choice, the decision has already been made for him and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

It’s tragic really.

The last thing he sees before everything goes dark is Yixing’s expression of absolute sorrow and his own heart breaks for the last time as he knows that the pain reflected on Yixing’s face will also mar the ones of his friends, his brothers, his family.

He sees no light as he passes.

The only thing that brings him solace is the fact that where his is going, he won’t be alone.

Yifan, Lu-ge…I’m sorry. But it looks like I’ll be joining you on the other side sooner than expected

I'm sorry. Forgive me? Please...

For those of you who were emotionally affected by the original fic, I'm sorry. But this just came into my mind and my fingers acted on their own accord. Poor Taozi. Why am I so cruel to him?! To be completely honest I wasn't sure if I was going to even post this. Not because I didn't like it but because I didn't know if I wanted to add to 'Bonds' but as you can see in the end I decided to just post it anyway. So I hope you enjoy it :) On a side note, EXO's MAMA performance was lit. Didn't expect them to perform transformer but I'm not complaining :D Kudos to Jongdae though, being all classy and using his coat to hide the fact that his pants ripped. The man deserves an award.

*P.S.- To the regular readers of my fics, I just started my new job so I've been pretty busy but I'm trying my hardest to finish the ones that I've been writing so I can post them for you. I should have one of them done by the end of the month (hopefully).